The E-74 virus.

That's right kdis, you cure Polio, and AIDS comes and fucks your disco up with the quickness.

The first time it occurred, I had ye olde Best Buy 2-Year Service Plan. I went up to the counter all Scot Hall-like with the "Hey yo", then I gave them my 360 and the proof of insurance. Question for anyone who went through this particular phase: did it make you as angry as it did me that they knew exactly what it was and had a whole pyramid of 360s and apologies in 7 languages waiting for us? With that said, I took home my trust new 360, and ran that mother like no other. I hooked up a fan to it, a regular floor fan was in the vicinity, I was determined to record and witness the first ever set of blue rings.

A year and a half later, and the same 3-ring circus returns to my home theater. This time, it had vicious intent. It was Black Friday, and I had just blown $700 on a brand new 42" Panasonic HDTV. You know that feeling when you get home with a new tv, you just want hook up anything you can find to it, and of course the crown jewel of your setup. After placing everything together, and playing an episode of Justice League Unlimited through the 360 HD Disc Drive, it happened. The 'scust in my heart was like no other. Someone from Ohio State could have been banging my mom to a Genesis song (Phil Collins, you uncultured fucks) and I would not have been as angry as the timing of my 360's demise.

The problem this time, was that I didn't have my handy dandy Best Buy warranty. Now, my options were to send it in to Xbox and wait for god knows how long during the biggest holiday shipping weekend, and I had a brand new HDTV waiting for me like a hot chick sitting on your couch while you argue with your ex-girlfriend on the phone in the kitchen. I reached into my inner Vivica A. Fox and said "OH HELL NAW'L!!!" and made some calls. A friend of mine opened up his own gaming shop and repaired consoles for like 30 bucks. Opting for a mercenary rather than the actual Microsoft Core of Engineers, I put my faith in an unproven method. Three days later, good as new! :D

I knew it was on its last legs. Anyone with a 360 knows that the consoles are like your favorite dog: You enjoy it while it's around, but after every surgery, you know you're closer to having to get a new dog.

For another year, I played, patted and paid as much attention to my 360 as possible, knowing soon it was just going to have to be put down. Oh, how it fired up like a champ even though it was in its twilight. It played the games, ran the illegal torrents I downloaded, pumped music through my sound system so proudly. It's like if Michael Jackson actually did a leg of his final tour before he got the gotcha. My mistake during all of this, was that I eventually allowed myself to become comfortable with my 360 again, believing we can live happily ever after, or together forever as Andy and Chucky once promised themselves. Alas, the fateful day came, and it happened once again on Black Friday.

The thought of new electronic hardware must have put it into its comas. Like if we planned on bringing a cat home and your dog just flips the fuck out from somehow knowing his territory was about to be invaded. Nevertheless, the new death called E-74 took my baby from me, and I wept. Unfortunately, I had no money for a new dog, and I hade way too many collars and leashes for one NOT to have one. So, I opted to go with one last emergency surgery, in hopes that my HDMI-less console can live at least one more year, until I am ready to update to the great show dog Elite, that so many of us are now upgrading to.

To my surprise, my friend has now partnered with a repair service to his game shop as a year has passed. No longer was he repairing consoles while dried Recees Peanut Butter Cup chocolate crumbles form his fat cheek onto the circuitry below. Now, a group of professionals who do this shit for a living were about to give my baby a REAL second chance at life. I took it in, paid my $50 bucks, and waited too long, agonizing weeks before my baby came home.

She has never run so silently.

So smoothly.

So powerfully.

I imagine the technical overhaul done to this upgraded many a thing that I can't even begin to understand. What is good to know is that this method exists for those who couldn't even afford a console to begin with and somehow no longer have warranties via Microsoft or through another store.

Jesus Christ, this damn machine has played with my emotions for three years now. I only hope I can get another year out of it, maybe more with the complete overhaul of its innards. Maybe by then, something new and blu will be available then, who knows. All I know is that I got mah dog back. :D