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DapperMouse avatar 12:22 PM on 10.03.2013  (server time)
The Bitter Truth

As I've blogged before, I've recently started replaying my older games and consoles. Most of these games I've owned for close, or even over, twenty years but some I've picked up from local gaming shops with a decent retro library. I remember as a kid I never really finished games. I wasn't even aware that some of them had endings. It wasn't until the N64 to PS2 era that I really put a lot of stock into finishing video games. I think the first game I actually completed may have been Metal Gear Solid (my parents were pretty liberal in what I could or couldn't play) or maybe Ocarina of Time

In the coming years I've dismissed my uncompleted library as simply being a child. Motor skills aren't exactly fully developed in those years so hairpin platforming was always a hassle. Even putting the time and effort into finishing a game can be difficult for a child. The next shiny thing comes along and the old game is forgotten and the new played until it too is forgotten. It hasn't been until my replaying that I've been forced to face the bitter truth.

They're really fucking hard and I kind of suck at them.

I mean... really, really fucking hard.

Not only that, but they're weird. 

As shit.

Before huge gigantic open worlds and countless mini-games (I'm looking at you GTA) were a conceivable possibility games had to rely on making sure you simply never stopped playing the game. The best way to do that? Either sell all of your programmers soul's to Phot, ancient god of Brutality, Lust, and Bitchin' Level Design, as the Super Mario Team seemed to do, or simply make your game fucking impossible to beat. Or you could go with a compelling story and well written characters I guess but what kind of earthbound mortal would do that? Seems like kind of a final solution. It was probably safer to go with Phot honestly.

Does anybody really believe this could be thought up by anything other than an Ancient deity obsessed with death and clean coding?

There's sort of a sort of strange personal dignity that gets hurt when forced to admit that instead of simply being a kid you were really just bad at your hobby. Its like that all those singers on American Idol who so firmly believe they are destined for the big leagues and just can't accept the fact that nobody knows how to tell them they suck. 


I realized that it's actually kind of funny as well. A friend and I desperately tried to get through Donkey Kong Country for a good hour before having to give up on the third world. Imagine, two grown men collapsing in a giggle fit because they were just so bad at something. Then imagine our delight when some of the more surreal aspects of these games kept popping up. Things that you easily dismissed as a child but now seem wildly out of place or outright bizarre. 

So, in keeping good with the promise nobody really wanted me to keep, I've launched a YouTube channel where I'm uploading a new video featuring my struggles to play these monstrosities every other Friday.  If you so wish you can check that out here or if you don't wish... don't click it I guess? I mean... Nothings making you. If you like that noise you can also check out the GameTalkGuys who I've linked to my profile. They make fairly entertaining videos, some of which I've helped with.

Most importantly this will be the only blog that I mention the channel in so if you like it please subscribe. Not only that but feel free to request games. If in my ability I'd love to stumble through whatever you wish to throw at me.

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