I am not a doctor.
I am not a mexican.
I am British.
I am gay for Kirby.
I am not disabled.
I am a bad person.
I am trying to get a job in radio.
I am a twice college drop out.
I am not readily available.
I am counting on you.
I am not a fan of jazz.
I am not radical.
I am not fully fleshed out.
I am all up in that shit.
I am clenching too hard.
I am not tested on animals.
I am ready to stop taking medication.
I am not allergic to fire.
I am the one and only.
I am regular.
I am the voice of Mississippi Wallace. P.I.
As one of the few survivors left after the terrible happenings of 2008, I feel it is my duty to share my feelings of the past year.
2008 wasn't a very good year for video games or the games community after George Bush blamed the nuking of the entire southern hemisphere on "playing too much mario kart". This resulted in the banning of video games worldwide.
Luckily when, due to a loophole, Mario (the fictional character) was instated as Emperor of Earth video games became mandatory. Unluckily, this resulted in Nintendo cornering the market with their new console; the Pü.
In early August Sony and Microsoft joined forces deep beneath the earth where they developed their own games console to rival Nintendo's full-body fitness machine.
Due to Nintendo's lack of on-line capability's, Monosoft managed to recruit people via the internet to help Beta test their games. It's no doubt that anybody reading this was enlisted to play FPS games in one of Monosoft's many underground bunkers so I shan't go into any details.
Christmas 08 was when Monosoft decided to launch the attack on Nintendo, and it was a huge success. Mario was slain and, thanks to the help of Chad Concelmo and his army of dolphin ninjas people could play what they wanted once again.
All in all, 2008 was better than 2007 and hopefully 2009 will be better with the expected release of 'Lara Croft: Portal Raider', 'Bioshock Bandicoot' and maybe the rebuilding of society.