Trust me, this is gonna be a long ride, and you may facepalm a couple times. Anything you break during this due to anger is your responsibility. So let's begin.



A Look into Castes
"A game is a structured or semi-structured activity, usually undertaken for enjoyment and sometimes also used as an educational tool. Games are generally distinct from work, which is usually carried out for remuneration, and from art, which is more concerned with the expression of ideas."-Definition of a game from Wikipedia.
Games for a long time have been in a war of definitions. The two main arguments consist of:
a). Games are meant to be entertaining and fun and competing destroys the purpose of that. (Fun)
b). Games are onyl fun if they are challenging and there is healty competition and human based conflict.(Competitive)

Most gamers usually are in a happy middle in between these two and save A for single player games and B for Multiplayer games. Dominant A types would usually play multi player games with no regard for rivalries and rank however and show a dislike in regulated battles (one on one duels). Dominant B types will play single player games in an attempt to get high scores, gamerpoints, and speedrun records. (Like Guitar Hero perfect run videos you see on Youtube)

All of this is fine and it just illustrates a difference in level of seriousness for games, I personally am a bit towards B type in the fact that I whore Gamerscore, but I am like an A type because I never usually get angry when playing games and I laugh off bad loses and disapointing mistakes.

However, there is one group I cannot personally stand or understand sometimes, these people are:

TOURNEYFAGS!

Biology

A tournament faggot is the slang term given to people that seriously play competitive mulitplayer games. These games would include for example: Halo,

Counterstrike, Starcraft, Tekken, and the topic of today's argument: Super Smash Brothers!

They believe the game is a measurement of their skill level, talent, and e-penis. They believe with enough skill, they can compete in the MLG and get sponsored for one million dollars for their skill. Some tourneyfaggots even quit school so they can get serious into the MLG. (Like a professional athlete, except without the millions of dollars, women, fame, and drugs.)We are now going to concentrate on Super Smash Brothers Tourneyfaggots since they are the only group that really gets me raging.

Ecology
"What I don't understand about tourneyfags is, wouldn't being best at the game mean you just dominate all aspects of it? Wouldn't being the best mean that no matter what items or settings there were, you could adapt and overcome?"-Anonymous

SSB Tourneyfags believe in several commandments, sometimes they contridict each other, but they also believe any that doesn't believe in these commandments shouldn't be playing the game at all:

i). There is a tier list in all fighting games, no matter what, some characters are always going to beat other characters. If an anonmly happens in this

rule, the user of the lower tier character is either cheating, or MUCH more skilled than the user of the higher tier character.

ii). To have perfect, even matches, items must be turned off. The randomness of them can give someone an unfair advantage. The fact that it was the player's fault for not grabbing the Baseball bat is not a factor in his/her skill. (It's rumored most tourneyfags don't even known what most of the items do due to not ever using them).

iii). Matches will be played with Stock because everyone should get credit for their own kills. (Fair enough)

iv). This is important to them: Wavedashing is not an exploit, it is a strategy that the developers implemented in order to show who has the most skill.

vi). Final Destination is the only stage for an even fight because there is one platform.

v). The game is the most balanced game ever. (Contridicts I)

These commandments are unwritten, but always spoken at their habitats like:

Community
http://smashboards.com/

This website is where you should dwelll if you're into competitive play, which is all fine and good. But be weary, for you have metamorphosize into one of THEM at any moment.


Endangerment:
Now that I gave you a brief history into how they work, here's why we should hate them into extinction:

The Raisins

Banning
Here's where it gets good. Now when Super Smash Brothers: Melee came out, the internet communities decided professional tournaments are the way to go, and so they started banning stages they found too random or too fast:

Green Means: Acceptable/ Yellow: Banned someplaces/ Red: Totally Banned

So here's SmashBoard's official stand on what stages are NOT allowed:

Which means these are the playable stages:

So we got five playable stage in Melee.

And this is where it got interesting. BEFORE Brawl was released, some tourneyfags decided to start banning stages based on jpeg previews, even if they are fun like Warioware.

Here's some examples:






So now we got five playable stages for Brawl. And guess what? With stage maker, you can make the perfect stage, a blank slate perfectly aligned for Marth's Forward 'A' without music or a distracting pretty background.
P.S. Final Destination is actually banned by some people for being too "distracting."

Enforcement
"People who complain about tourneyfags to me are like the idiots who want to play sports with their friends, but suck at it, so they bitch and complain until everyone takes it easy on them, so they can win without even putting in any practice or dedication. What a bunch of babies." -Tourneyfag

What's terrible is that some tourneyfags enforce their rules upon others in casual play. Coining their own term, casualfags, they believe these weakling must have everything open to them to be at a competitive level. The bad thing is that tourneyfags ARE the ones who change the game rules to fit their level of "fairness", and they stay steadfast to the idea that Wavedashing is the onyl way you can win.

"WE'RE PLAYING FOOTBALL, YOU FAGORT, TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF AND HOP ON YOUR BIG TOE DOWN THE FIELD WHILE I BEAT YOU WITH THIS BASEBALL BAT, IT'S THE WAY THE GAME WAS MEANT TO BE PLAYED!!1" -Casualfag imitating Tourneyfag

Understanding
"When people think of playing Smash Bros. online, they think about battling opponents to see what happens based on their record of wins or losses, or about holding tournaments online. But I felt that this would make it a service from which only a select group of players could derive enjoyment. For Smash Bros., there are small communities here and there where there’s fun in winning and losing, even when there are more skilled players than others. But if you make an environment where everyone is trying to climb their way to the top of a single tall mountain, it’s clear that the people having fun would be limited to a small number of individuals." -Masahiro Sakurai Interview

Tourneyfags seem to forget that Smash Brothers is a game. Should I say it, a party game. A game where everyone should have fun. Instead, they play SSB to get money and compensate. Is that the true meaning of a game? Only if the game was called Starcraft, and only if it's in Korea where the richest people are tourneyfags.

Wavedashing
Wavedashing IS an exploit. The developers didn't put down in the strategy guide or the instruction manual that it was an advanced technique. The same applies to Snaking in Mario Kart DS, and jumping backwards through doors in Mario 64.

Edgehogging IS a strategy that the developer saw gamers using and so they countered it with the ability to attack edgehoggers.

The fact is that Wave Dashing WAS taked out in Brawl is proof enough that developers didn't plan on it being done in Melee.

Exploits like wavedashing takes so much effort too. Many that don't wavedash can stand their ground against the average tourneyfag without having to constantly press (R) over and over. In the long run, the casualfag will not suffer from Carpal Tunnel (at least, not as soon).

Items
"A few items like motion-sensor bombs, super scopes, and bombs can dramatically unbalance gameplay." -Tourneyfag main argument.

Let me lay down a few facts:
1. Items are meant to be there. They are in the game!
2. Items make the battle more exciting to the end instead of seeing a person five points behind try desperately to catch up.
3. If a skilled player had any skill, they would be able to grab the item first, dodge the oncoming attack, or catch the item as it was being thrown.
4. Items ARE random, but you're chances are at least equal with your opponent's on how they should appear.
4. Sakurai officially said so on the official website:


Elitists
Egotist. Smug. Use whatever words you want. This is the truth of tourneyfag. You know that 14 year old kid that beats you on Halo that thinks he's the best?

That would be a elitist tourneyfag. They know how the game should be played and they know that anyone who doesn't follow their rules is a loser.


They even believe Brawl is bad before it comes out:



Tourneyfaggology: A Religion? More likely than you think!



Dylan Tgna
"Alright, listen up you fucking scrubs. Little shitstains like you are the reason Sakurai is dumbing down the Smash Brothers series from a competitive fighter to fucking child's play. This dumbing down (or as i like to call it, "scrubing" down) of a once beautiful franchise is making me pissed beyond belief. You can see evidence of this bullshit from the 15 second video, where we see a massive nurfing of the OU character Fox McCloud by his decrease in falling speed. Not only that, but the promising new character Zamus is now only obtainable by using items. (Fat chance, Sakurai) I swear if they remove wavedashing just so you scrubs don't have to deal with superior skill, me and hundreds of others will fucking boycott this game. You fucking scrubs have successfully destroyed my favorite hobby. Thanks for ruining my fucking week, assholes." -Dylan several months before launch.



Nope, he ain't a troll, he's the real deal. Here's some facts:
He's says a pro at Smash Brothers.
He's gotten banned from the site for offending casualfags.
He is a firm believer in the tourneyfag way.
You know how Ocelot's arm is Liquid Snake? Well, his hand is possessed by Two Face.


The sad truth is there are many out there like him. And you don't want to be like that right? More info on him is below.

Tourneyfag Mating Ritual

CLACK! CLACK! CL-CLACK! CLACK! CL-CLACK! CL-CLACK! CLACK! CL-CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK! CLACK!

The Ending
So with that, I leave you enraged.
If you are angered by this because you now hate the Tourneyfag, now you know my pain.
If you are angered because you are a tourneyfag, I hope you can change your ways.
If you aren't angered by this. Good show, I wish there we more people like you around.
Often, it's okay to be engrossed in a game and take it competitively. But if you're offending others, ruining their fun, and drastically changing things in a

non-tournament setting... You're a tourneyfag. While it may fit your definition of fun, it certainly doesn't fit mine.

If tl;dr:

Source: Lego Robot Comics

Extended Source:
Many images sources and further reading at:
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Tourneyfag
http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Dylan_Tnga