I really wanted to try Concerto Gate. I even sat yesterday and claimed (and registered!) a beta key, sat through the 400-odd MB download, installed it, and... well, now I just get this when I try to run it.



That's a reasonable requirement, I suppose. Except you'd think if I didn't have DirectX 9c, then any of the other games I regularly play (World of Warcraft, Team Fortress 2, Civilization IV, Portal, Half-Life 2, Painkiller) would bitch about my lack of DX9c as well. So I think to myself, "hey self, maybe those games just don't care. Let's go see what version of DX we're running!"

Start > Run > dxdiag > Enter --



Bwuh?!

So I guess I won't be trying Concerto Gate after all.

I remember my first meeting with my pixelated archnemesis. Oh, do I - I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 6, stuck in the middle of frigging nowhere during the summer, hanging out with my cousins at my grandparents' sweltering house in the country. The doors were open wide, and many kids would've been evicted to the outside to do something productive, but not us. Perhaps foreshadowing our future as a family of semi-addicted World of Warcraft players, we were inside on this beautiful July day.

And as the cicadas made that infernal racket outside that signals summer, my cousin showed us his brand new toy: his NES. Of course, I was eager to try it out, but as the youngest one there, I had to wait my turn. And so, I watched countless games of Super Mario Bros. before he switched over to Duck Hunt... and handed me the Zapper.

"Just shoot the ducks," he said.
"It's easy for a while," he said. So I took aim at the screen.

Bang! Bang! I'm 6, what kind of aim do I have? The ducks get away. And then... he appeared.

You know who I mean.



From that day on, and for several years, I played Duck Hunt, honing my skills for a confrontation with the canine that never came. I shot many a digital duck, but anytime they got away... he was back, seemingly impervious to bullets.

What would it take, dog? What must I do to slay you?!

Turns out all I had to do was wait: eventually, Mario Bros./Duck Hunt ceased to work, and I was free of the spectre of the taunting dog... but what a hollow victory. Still, today, anytime someone breaks out the NES at a party (our parties are awesome shut up), I still gladly jump in line to play Duck Hunt. Zapper in hand, I wait for my chance.

One day, I will kill that dog.

The newest Smash Bros. Dojo entry pretty much confirms it: Sakurai has run out of anything interesting to confirm. I mean, c'mon, who gives a damn about seeing...

dun dun DUNNNNN

THE DEFLICKER OPTION



or

ERASE DATA



I mean, I guess it could be worse; they could be reposting the Diddy Kong page, but c'mon. At this point I'll take a half-retarded peanut-shooting monkey over learning that yes, Virginia, there is a sound test available from the start of the game!