I remember my first meeting with my pixelated archnemesis. Oh, do I - I remember it like it was yesterday. I was 6, stuck in the middle of frigging nowhere during the summer, hanging out with my cousins at my grandparents' sweltering house in the country. The doors were open wide, and many kids would've been evicted to the outside to do something productive, but not us. Perhaps foreshadowing our future as a family of semi-addicted World of Warcraft players, we were inside on this beautiful July day.

And as the cicadas made that infernal racket outside that signals summer, my cousin showed us his brand new toy: his NES. Of course, I was eager to try it out, but as the youngest one there, I had to wait my turn. And so, I watched countless games of Super Mario Bros. before he switched over to Duck Hunt... and handed me the Zapper.

"Just shoot the ducks," he said.
"It's easy for a while," he said. So I took aim at the screen.

Bang! Bang! I'm 6, what kind of aim do I have? The ducks get away. And then... he appeared.

You know who I mean.



From that day on, and for several years, I played Duck Hunt, honing my skills for a confrontation with the canine that never came. I shot many a digital duck, but anytime they got away... he was back, seemingly impervious to bullets.

What would it take, dog? What must I do to slay you?!

Turns out all I had to do was wait: eventually, Mario Bros./Duck Hunt ceased to work, and I was free of the spectre of the taunting dog... but what a hollow victory. Still, today, anytime someone breaks out the NES at a party (our parties are awesome shut up), I still gladly jump in line to play Duck Hunt. Zapper in hand, I wait for my chance.

One day, I will kill that dog.