So as you all better know I had a contest to take someone to PAX. If you want to join that you are much too late. It is now my solemn duty to present the winners. I want you all to imagine I'm doing this like Leia at the end of Star Wars.

Queue music


The winners are:

MANIC MAVERICK

From the first time I saw this lovely guy across the room I knew I needed him in my hotel room at PAX. Look at this badass picture.


I'm going to be stealth mode when I pick this bad boy up. Do you see that? It gives +5 to both stealth and poison resistance. Additionally, I can use that gas mask to help me wade through the inevitable clouds of nasty stank surrounding people after the concerts.

There is also the matter of that badass suit. I have to fly my way up to Seattle (and boy are my arms tired)
this means that in order for me to be able to celebrate Suiterday I would have to wrinkle up my fancy suit. This makes the lazy part of me really angry. Fortunately for lazy-Crime I don't have to dress up any more, Manic Maverick will do all of that for me!

Let him tell you in his own words:
"Hey. You should take me to PAX. Wanna know why you should take me to PAX? Wanna know? Because I'm a man. I bench-pressed 70 cartons of eggs and then used those same 70 cartons of eggs to build a boat. I used that eggboat to sail across pretty much every sea on the planet, including the seas of many a woman's heart. I once made jello pudding for orphans by flexing the muscles on my muscles. These orphans became Spider-Man after eating said jello pudding, and thus had parents because superheroes. Every Autumn I participate in the Annual Man Festival, which involves me standing out in the middle of the street pelvic thrusting in a thong. It helps the crops grow. Like...500 times an hour. And, on the first Monday of last September, somewhere between 5:00pm and 10:00pm, I ate dinner."

USEDTABE



I was very tempted to just leave that there and not write anything. Unfortunately the lawyers get pissed if I don't give everyone an explanation.

He turns me on.

Wait, that explanation isn't good enough? Alright let me try again:

Not only does Guile's theme go with everything, but this is essentially the most American avatar ever. I wouldn't want to offend Uncle Sam, George Washington, and the HUAC by not choosing this lovely fellow.

And here are some words from the man himself:
"First off, my avatar as me as Guile. I'm the ultimate wingman. My avatar will get you laid more times than I can throw sonic booms in a match. Guaranteed.
More importantly, nobody fucks with Guile for fear of a flash kick to the dick. So you have automatic security while at PAX. Hell, even on the flight, if someone tries to hijack that plane, I'll use my comb to slice some throats. Combs > Box cutters all day.
Last and least, I will be eternally grateful to you for taking my avatar. Not "blow you in the alley" grateful, but maybe "handjob in the theater" grateful.
Choose UsedtaGuile.
Choose America."


Looks like I'm getting lucky this PAX.