I don't know if you guys have heard but there is a little thing coming up called Prom... or PAX. Every year at this event dtoiders advertise themselves and get other more fortunate dtoiders take a representation of them to the show. I am lucky enough to be able to go to the show, but yet my heart still aches. I have not been in the fortunate group to get to go with someone to Prom PAX, all of the cute girls seem to be taken already by those jerks on the football team. So this is my call out to the rest of the community. I want to take 2 of your avatars to PAX with me. The following is a list of reasons why you should come with me.
I'm a Gentleman.
Well Destructoid, it's a sad truth that not everyone is chivalrous as I am. Some people would go so far as to claim to be nice and honest but really all they want from taking you to PAX is just an easy way to get into your pants. I can guarantee you more than that. Because I am such a gentleman your trip will be much easier. I will take you out to dinner, I will treat you right, and I probably won't slip anything into your drink when you aren't looking.
I've Already Matched My Tie to Your Dress.
One of the hardest parts of going to Prom PAX is picking out what to wear. I've gone ahead and made this easy on all of you and snuck into your rooms and checked out your dress. Think about all of the hassle this will eliminate for the both of us! We can both go in color-coordinated outfits and neither of us will have to go to the store to pick out a tie while I carry your dress around!
You Can Ride in Style.
Sometimes people think it's cool to go to Prom PAX in a limo. Well screw them, I can give you a much sweeter ride than that. I've already prepped my bike to pick your avatar up from your mom's house. Think of how cool we will look when we roll up to Prom PAX with you on my handlebars. Yeah, that cool.
I Already Asked Your Dad.
I have already thought of everything. Originally I went to your father's house to ask for your hand in marriage, but he was less forthcoming with that. Eventually I managed to get him to give me his blessing to take you to Prom PAX. You don't want to disappoint Mr. Whatever-the-hell-your-name-is.
I'm Almost Onto Destructoid's D-list.
I host the Destructoid Communicast, which means that approximately 11 people who view this site know who I am. This means that you can go to the show with someone who is only marginally cooler than someone who just registered on the site! Holy Smokes!
Now you know you want to roam the show in style with me, but unfortunately I can't hang out with a gaggle of avatars. So if you want to be one of the two lucky ladies/pictures to travel with me tell me why in a comment below! And who knows, I might even send some stuff to the lucky winners!
I'm fucking Wobbuffet. I'm freaking unstoppable.
You wanna know how they spell my name in the Big Leagues?
B-A-N-N-E-D! Because I'm so fucking cash, you can't stop the flow.
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Seriously though, take me. Represent the Pokefans, and bring the best that was ever banned from tournament play.
And because this will help me in my case I present for going to PAX next year to my parents.
... We can compare baby pictures of our kids... We'll have to draw the pics and imagine them as babies.. but that should be ... Ummmmm... interesting! :)
First off, my avatar as me as Guile. I'm the ultimate wingman. My avatar will get you laid more times than I can throw sonic booms in a match. Guaranteed.
More importantly, nobody fucks with Guile for fear of a flash kick to the dick. So you have automatic security while at PAX. Hell, even on the flight, if someone tries to hijack that plane, I'll use my comb to slice some throats. Combs > Box cutters all day.
Last and least, I will be eternally grateful to you for taking my avatar. Not "blow you in the alley" grateful, but maybe "handjob in the theater" grateful.
Choose UsedtaGuile.
Choose America.
Also,
Business suits.