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My Happy Place: A Hope for Humanity.
It all started in Canada. At first only one person was Happy. Then, two. Three's a Happy crowd. It makes me sick just thinking about it. They had no idea. Nobody did... How could they know that Happy would spread like a plague?
Plauge Inc. is an odd little game. Honestly I can't tell if I'm supposed to be God, a madfuck scientist hellbent on watching people suffer, or simply the deadliest plauge known to man. It's complicated. I feel like a bit like all three after my time.
But, the world is rid of me now. Happy is dead.
The few that remain are undoubtedly unHappy to say the least. What was three years in the making and a year of sheer madness was only an hour and a half for me.
All I wanted was to make the world Happy. I infected the whole world without them even knowing it. Then one day, I was discovered. They underestimated me. Both, in severity and the sheer number of people. As they began work on a cure for a new disease, afraid of a little cough, I had to evolve.
Before they knew what in the fuck was happening, people were dying. Total organ failure. People were now as Happy as they could be. They dropped like flies. Chaos ensued. Anarchy in the streets. I wanted to wipe them all out...They defied me.
After my disease had obliterated the insides of the infected; there remained a few thousand healthy people left on the planet. I had failed.
But, now it was I who was Happy.
Because, humanity had looked a terrible death in the face and said "no". They fought each other. They hid in bunkers like crazy people and they lived. It caught me right in the feels.
There may not be any actual point to this blog other than to share this gaming experience with you guys. But, it did happen on a tablet while watching Friends on Netflix.
And, this world was very real to me for an hour and a half. I guess my point is that is feels good to lose and win at the same time. I named the disease Happy purely for hipster "ironic" reasons only to find out that this game, this endeavor and this experience made me happy.
And, if I was stoned right now, my head would have exploded. Take care.
What's up, every body!
Guys, I've come to a realization...
I'm a complete sadsack. That has to be the reason that nobody loves me. See? That last sentence. That's exactly what I'm talking about.
See, I'm unemployed(sad), I have no friends(also, sad). And, February has to be one of the hardest months that there is for me.(vaugely sad).
February is when Valentines day happens. And, although I'm in my mid-twenty's(sad, again), I've never actually had a Valentine. Which sucks because...it just does.
Also, every time I get physical with a lady, I'm reminded of three things, lost loves, the penis softening prospect of knocking them up, and my mother. Which, besides being fucking disturbing is also super gay, because I still live with my mother.
Did I mention I'm in my mid-twenty's?
And, before somebody mentions the Oedipus complex(which is NOT happening). Let's distract you with the daddy issues.
See, I used to look up to my dad as a kid. I was so proud of having a cop for a father. That, is until he started cheating on my mother and beating her and stuff...
So by the time the divorce came, it was a pretty happy time for me. Until the custody battle, where I felt like a football being thrown between my mom,(the blatant favorite) my forced child therapist that would insist that is wasn't my fault(even though, I never once thought that it was) and my dad, who would say things to 12 year old me such as,
"Who's your mother fucking?"(hooray, childhood.)
What was, I talking about?
Oh yeah. February blows.
And, by the time Valentines day rolls around, and I once again watch my mother be as sad and lonely as I am...All I can think is "Man, my mom needs to get laid more than I do."(that's probably the most upsetting bit of February, now that I think about it.)
Then, I remember it's black history month. And, that in turn reminds me of three things that I hate... History, Racism and the fact that even though, I am black, I'm too mixed and light skinned to be accepted by, well anybody, really.
I don't know if I'm more upset that I don't fit in, or that I even care at all...
I mean I don't think anybody should care. Black history month and BET(for that matter) are both counter-productive. It just reminds everybody why we "hate" each-other.
Plus we know all the stories, by now. This lady sat on a bus. This person marched there. PENUTBUTTER! Fuck it man.
As far as I'm concerned we are all like a bag of Skittles: We all taste the same on the inside.
What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. I'm a sad sack of shit.(fuck that)
I love video games. I always have, I always will.
And, all I want to do is write you guys great blogs about video games. In spite of all my, admittedly not that bad (to most people) problems, I still want to bring a smile to the world.
And yet, I sold all of my video games...
On one hand, it was a terrible decision that, I regret daily.(and, I hate regrets)
While on the other hand, I feel like it was a masterful decision...
Now, along with the dropping of every last one of my vices(all due to financial fallacies), I'm being forced to deal with everything;
Confront my past and let it the fuck go, all at the same time.
Eyes to the future.
What is a status update? Is it a misspelled joke? Perhaps it is some song lyrics, lovingly copied and pasted on to your "wall", with no context or even a corresponding video? Or, is it just somebody taking a selfie while making out with their girlfriend?
"I love this girl so much."
Well guess what Chad...
I don't care-
But, it's not because I hate you. I just feel that there is more to the story. Now, I'm not on some old-guy soap box here. I know the next generation will be fine. I'm not stuck in some time capsule, clinging on to the memories of "back in the day".
Back in the day sucked. And, honestly I'm still fairly young myself. 25.
And, you see...my life has been nothing but change. 7 years out of school and I feel as if my whole education is outdated. I'm getting off track...
Why do you love your girlfriend? Was this selfie taken during a date? Where you stuck in some magical moment of love-all day? Does she ever piss you off. Or, is it really so sickeningly perfect?
Maybe I'm asking too many questions. But, guess what. They leave out too many answers.
Destructoid, I love you. (gasp)
I love that when I scroll down the community blogs, I'm not just wasting my life with a myriad of nonsensical musings of 140 characters or less.
You guys take the time to have a complete thought and give us a solid glimpse of your thought process. You guys have fascinating perspectives. You tell stories. You MAKE me care.
I know I'm guilty of incoherent thoughts and random lyrics sometimes. And, guess what...nobody cares.
My facebook post average 2 likes. And, those 2 or 3 likes are from people that know me in real life. They know the context. They know who I am.
But, this isn't about likes. It's about expression. Everyone seems so repressed. It's maddening. I just want to understand how people feel.
Everybody complains about their lack of privacy, but very few people actually share anything. They clasp onto their hopes and dreams,
afraid of what people might say.
Everyone fears being judged. But, life is mostly comprised of being judged in some way or another.
I get it. Who doesn't feel vulnerable sometimes.
It's my new goal in life to put myself out there. I want to let people in. See me as a real person. I don't want to be another trading card in the social media game.
I want to be funny. I want to be sad. Real. I want you to care. And if you don't, unlike me. It's okay. I'm getting off track again. (fuck)
I'm sick of mindlessly staring at walls and being cut out of the juicy details. I promise not to use it as ammunition. I'll use it for self reflection. I want to feel a connection and, I'm not on some hippy shit. (not that I judge) I just don't want to go through life not giving a shit and trying to read everybody's minds.
I care. I really do.
I just wish people wouldn't treat their life like the front flap of a book. Tell me the story.
I'll read it if I have time.
Give me a status update.
What have I done?
Hello Destructoid. I've been away for awhile...4 years.
Too long, indeed...
For the past seven years I have remained in this hell hole of a city doing my best to provide top notch customer service. I gave up on my dreams early and I've been trying to "be an adult".
But, it hasn't really been working.
I've had about twelve jobs, and I have been fired from each and every one of them. And, while it's cool that I can do anything in the world; I've yet to find an employer that gives a shit. Even though I have a resume and get hired for my, admittedly fudged, past experience- I keep having to start over.
I know what your thinking. "Chris, you must be some kind of an asshole."
Now I will tell you,(just as I keep telling myself)..I'm not an asshole.
Am I perfect? No. But, I really do care about my work. I come in on time...I don't complain about taking the trash out, or removing gum from tables, or licking toilets clean. 20 hour work weeks at $7.50 USD an hour. Life is awesome!
Contradictory sarcasm aside, I'm really not a problem at work. I'd work with me. Both from a co-worker's perspective and from my, yet, unachievable supervisory perspective. You could do a lot worse.
While I am to blame for my failures, It would have been great if just one of my past jobs would appreciate a guy having a bad day. Oh well...
What follows is a terrible example from my past circa 2008 and the only time I was reasonably and justly fired. Seriously. This shit hasn't happened since...
You see, my first job was at a water park as a lifeguard. It was a great job.
In fact, with it's 13 hour days, 6 days a week I was making the most I have ever made at any of my jobs. I used some of this money to buy a brand new $479.99 Xbox Elite.
Alright, so I was 17, and I was trusted with people's lives. Now, that didn't keep me from sleeping vertically whilst "watching the kiddie pool". But, that isn't why I was fired. No, that happened a year later.
See, somebody had "Snicker Bar'd" the lazy river. Whenever this would happen we would call a code brown (lol) and had to shut the river down and ask people to exit the water from any of the, let's say 9 exits.
It would be two hours before any of the pool boffins let anybody back in...
Once the water was clear of people, I was tasked with jumping back in the water to gather life-vests. Cool. So, on about my business I went; standing my ground in the rushing water gathering red vest, yellow ones, blue vest and green-and chucking them up onto the deck.
Now once the vest were out of the water, they had to be put on racks. The problem is, now people had formed a long line to the closed lazy river...(sigh).
This was the stupidest thing I had seen the guest do since it rained any everybody opened an umbrella.(water park)
Better yet, this line was directly between my giant collection of vest and their respective racks. So back and forth I went.
"Excuse me"..."I just need to get by here"
"Pardon me"...(why won't they move? I look like "life-vest Voltron")
"Sorry about that" I said as I gently bump past a young lady.
Now, she must not have heard me because the next vest hauling trip- not only will she NOT move but, she squares up with me, crosses her arms and makes the most sickeningly rude face I had ever seen in my life. After two summer's of being a tight-Iipped, thought withholding customer service goon, I imagined cussing her out. But, I held back.
I painted a mental picture of what it would be like...
"Fuck you! You little bitch. Can't you see that I have a goddamned job to do. I'm holding 25 vest and they're heavy as shit! What is wrong with you!"
I pictured a crowd gathering as I just spew raw emotion at this girl. I imagined some random dude would white knight the situation and challenge me to a duel in the parking lot. I imagined that security would actually show up for once. I imagined that I would be fired on the spot. I even imagined that I would be billed $100 USD for a pair of red swim shorts about a year later.
But, I was better than that.
I decided to apologize once more and try to get by with some humility. Now, I don't remember what she said. But, I remember her NOT moving again.
Sooo...I said it.
All of it.
I roared it.
And as the angry mob formed I started yelling at them. I began screaming at all of them.
"There are kids here!" One lady exclaimed as she brought her toddlers over to watch the scene unfold.
"Fuck your kids!"(jesus)
It was at this point that the largest dude in the crowd threatened to end my life in the parking lot. I gave him a hearty middle finger as I backed down and left the situation, consciously deciding not to run. Now, I wasn't afraid of that dude. I was afraid of fighting a whole mob of Speedo-dudes.
At the "debriefing", I learned that the cops had been called. I also learned that the bitch was only 15.
Then, I learned that the 15 year old little bitch was also pregnant.
Then, I learned that the 15 year old little pregnant bitch apparently claimed that I hit her in the stomach.(nah, man)
Looking back on it, the police never talked to me- at all. I think my boss was just being a dick.
It goes without saying that I got super-fired that day.
...billed $100 USD a year later.
I'd like to say that I've calmed down since then. I'd like to say that I don't hold any resentment towards that 22 year old little bitch with the 7 year old. Fuck, I'd like to say that I don't hate that 7 year old.
But, I don't work in customer service anymore...
Also, I think I might be an asshole.
...I sold that Xbox 360 a week ago. What have I done?