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About
Hello there! My name is Chris. It's nice to meet you.

I am 21 years old and I have been playing games for my entire life. When I was one or two years old my parents would sit with me in front of the TV and help me play Atari. Actually, I might be making that up. I'm not sure, but it's definitely not far from the truth. I remember playing pac-man, and dig dug, and pong. Growing up, I've played through the NES, the Sega Genesis, PS 1,2,3, Gamecube, the XboX and the 360. I've played on more systems than that, but those are the most memorable. Games are something that have grown with me over the years and I'm always amazed by the progress of both.

I ride a motorcycle, I love to play ping pong, I'm not a virgin, I love high fives, I bounce between atheism and being agnostic. I celebrate holidays. I'm usually not a dick. I am also bi-sexual. I am mixed between black, puerto rican and some other stuff. I get laid rarely. That's on purpose. It's also not on purpose. I tend to break a lot of stereotypes, but not consciously. I am very open minded. And, I ponder things very often and I tend to get wrapped up in my own head. However, I love hearing anybody else's opinion unless it is purposely hurtful. Basically, I'm a good dude.

I like you.

Atari-
-choplifter
-dig dug
-pole position(also, cocks)
-pac-man
-pong
NES-
-super mario bros 3
-duckhunt(fuck that dog!)
-startropics
-mc kids
Sega Genisis
-mortal kombat 2(when i was like four years old)
-sonic 2
-combat cars
-power rangers the movie
-cesars palace
-lemmings 2 tribes(shit gave me a god complex)
-toys
-super hang on
-streets of rage
-the ren and stimpy show
-nba jam(jams it in!)
-road rash
PS1
-crash bandicoot(i want to try on that mask)
-ape escape
-tomb raider(ass, titties, ass and titties, ass, ass, titties, titties, ass and titties. and personality, of course)
-metal gear solid
-those jampacks were the shit
Gamecube
-spiderman 1 and 2
Xbox
-splinter cell
-gta: san andreas(the best)
Xbox 360
-saints row 1 and 2
-gears 1 and 2
-gta4 episodes(should've just been a gay biker gang. am I right?)
-skate 2
-mirror's edge
-halo 3
-deadly premonition(thanks Jim)
-smackdown vs raw(sounds like a porno)
-guitar hero 3
-those demos are the shit aren't they?

I have been reading this site for a couple years and I've been leaving comments and posting things sporadically for a little less than a year. I just want to thank everybody for being so interesting, insightful, open minded, respectful and informative. I do my best to be the same. I truly respect what this site is, and all the people, and all of the hard work behind it. I am honored to be a part of it and I really do feel at home here.



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Hey gang!

It's everybody's favorite "dude I see on this site ocassionally", CrazEboy7!!!

Why so many exclamation marks you ask? Well after two months of waiting and wondering, I have finally gotten my Destructoid "Chill Bros" Shirt. And, It is super rad!



Since this excitement alone isn't really worthy of a blog. I figure I'll try my best to elaborate on why I love this shirt so much. It is a lovely shade of grey. This particular tone of gray really reminds me of sweatpants, which I'm a big fan of. But, more than that this grey makes me think of athletics, which I'm not particularly good at, but I enjoy the notion.

It also has the bastard lovechild of Mr. Destructoid and Mario Mario on the front of it, just daring somebody to say something snarky. While at the same time it's warmly inviting somebody to ask "what is that?" And, it also begs the question, "what is it from". But, I'll never have to answer that because the shirt proudly states "DESTRUCTOID" right there,under the cartoon, both legible and fun. Yet also, unobtrusive and...sexy.



Blog fluffing aside, I just want to thank Tara Long and ???????? for signing my shirt. I'm kinda bummed that I can't read ????????'s signature, but I appreciate the guesture anyway. And, Ms. Tara Long, you made my day. Without getting too sappy, this is the kind of thing that make this site fucking awesome!

...too sappy.
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Usually when I am really excited for a movie, I'm willing to give the video game a shot. I'll see the movie and I'll still be lost in that world for a few days. I want more. And, that where usually where video game tie-ins come in.



Now, I'm not totally clueless, I know that tie-in games are pretty much always "garbage", but I just can't help myself.

I've been hyped for the new TRON movie for at least a year. So, what chance did I have when TRON: Evolution came out about a week before the movie did? I got my hands on it. That's what I did.

Keep in mind that I had a very low expectation of the game. Based on trailers and gameplay footage, It appeared to be mediocre, at best. And, that it was. Yet, I thouroughly enjoyed it.

While playing the game, though, I was worried that the game may have marred my overall interpretation of the new TRON world that they are trying to convey.

I was way off in assuming that. In fact, not only was the movie better than the game in every possible way. It also seemed like a completely different "world". Similar, sure, but entirely different. It felt more real, i guess.



The movie sparked my imagination better that the game ever did, and I guess that's what made it better.

...or maybe it was the depth perception.
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I play games to get away from judgment. People are always judging. People are always hating. But, I'm not a rapper and such things aren't very useful to me. I play games whenever I feel the need to shake of such criticisms or at least toss them back and forth with a friend instead.

But there are a few games that seem to feel that it's absolutely necessary to mock me at every turn. It's usually extreme sports games that perpetrate the dickitude. It would be a bit more palatable if the insults were fresh and interesting. But, they are always so platitudinous. Lame.

For example, I was playing Stoked, which is a fairly boring snowboarding game. But, I enjoy simply gliding down a mountain and taking in the snowy vistas. I'm fine until I land wrong and roll down the hill a bit. But, why does the game feel the need to kick me while I'm down.



Some disembodied bro always pops up and chimes in with something like, "Woah, nice landing!" or, "Nice boner, Dork!". I'm paraphrasing, of course. And, when I decided to mute the speech volume in the game, I quickly became aware that there are text insults that pop up during failures as well. "That's gotta hurt!". Nice.

I've got a thick skin. In real life friendly banter and mockery actually can make a game better. But, nondescript in-game characters always comes off as bullying and/or irksome, when they attempt it. It's irritating and I see no use for it in video games where I don't at least get to shoot back, words or otherwise.



It's like when I open a box of cereal and lose a contest. I know that I'm "not a winner.". But, there is no need to rub it in my face every morning for a week. Of course, the best part of waking up is the coffee! It's not that hard for a cup of joe to be the favorite, when the cereal is being such a negative d-bag all of the time. Way to ruin my day cereal.

I guess I could just not play those games. But, they are usually otherwise pretty fun. Plus, what if I already bought it?

...Well, there goes my lunch money.
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I don't like Super Meat Boy. There I said it.

Well, that actually might be an exaggeration. See, my opinion of that game is fully dependent on how well I am doing in the game. There are sometimes that I play it very well and love it. But, that is usually a fleeting feeling. Because eventually (and, by eventually, I mean to say "very quickly"), I lose my mojo and start to suck. Then, I get frustrated and stop having fun.

And, when I stop having fun, I gotta rage quit on that piece....yo.('nah mean, son?)

Anyway, it's not that I don't like hard games. I do. I just have to have a justifiable amount of fun while playing them. Or, at least no feeling of emotion at all.(which is actually fine with me, at times). But for me, Super Meat Boy is a great game that doesn't quite fit my ideal hardness to fun ratio.



That in mind, I did something rare the other day. I played side by side with somebody else. I'm usually a lonely wolf, but I had gone to visit one of my friends at his house to play Super Meat Boy before St. Nick lured him into a van with promises of candy and "good times".

My buddy, let's call him Jon, is a PC gamer. I've always been a console guy because it seems easier than upgrading grandmother boards and chocolate chips and boner drives. But, he tends to get by on two year old games and great deals on Steam. So I have always admired Jon for that. I, with my tiny dinosaur brain, bought TRON brand new. It had potential, what can I say?

His latest software addition to his rig was Super Meat Boy. I, being the grateful guest that I am, jumped on the opportunity to play a game with my bro, even though I secretly loath it. But, I had fun. Instead of me getting frustrated and hearing evil voices in my head, Jon and I exchanged witty banter and silently judged each other's skills. He was far superior to my skill set, at least on this particular game. But, Super Meat Boy is even more impressive, for me, when watching somebody with greater skill play it.

So, I guess the various morals would be that, the PC platform is pretty cool even though I am perfectly terrified by it's "evil upgrading" nature. Super Meat Boy along with other games are more fun to play with a friend by my side. And, finally, I need more friends in my wolfpack.

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For this blog, I think I'm gonna start hard negative and then bring back the funk with some smooth positivity.


I hate upgrading stuff in video games! I was this close to writing that in all caps. I almost busted a nerve trying to control myself. My face is red and I feel a bit faint. Now is the perfect time to woo you with my totally logical points.


less of this


Why do developers feel the need to make me pause the game, scroll through some menus, and then make me spend some asinine form of points on upgrades. On one hand I don't even feel that weapons should need upgrades. A bullet is a bullet. Enemies shouldn't randomly become immune to my lead and then force me to acquire level 3 lead. It almost never makes sense.

But, on the other hand, sometimes it does make sense, when I come across a new enemy or something. Fine. But, can we have the weapons upgrade automatically? Please? It is so very tedious and boring to scroll through a menu and choose the next tier of weapons. At least let me choose the weapons I want or something. Not just the "next upgrade" weapon. That sucks. And, bringing a game to a standstill while I try to navigate unreadable HD text on my standard television is beyond frustrating.

It's a small gripe, sure. But, it is frustrating for me. I don't necessarily need a game to hand upgrades to me. If they can find a way to make upgrading fun and interesting then, I'm all for it. But, until then, I'd rather just nix the system all together.


On a somewhat different note,

I absolutely love shopping in video games. Except for a few series where it is pretty much necessary(The Sims), I'd prefer it be optional. I can see why some people would hate it, but for me it is always a nice change of pace for a shooter, or a racer, or whatever, to get a chance to relax and go shopping.

In Saint's Row 2, I spent hours just shopping around. Sometimes, I would pop the game in just to shop. It's fun to do that with video game money. It's way cheaper than using real money to shop and is often just as satisfying. It also goes back to my love for immersive game worlds and create a characters. Shopping for things, especially helpful things, can really do a game justice when pulling me in.



I do hope that more games put a bit more focus on the shopping experience. As it stands, load times and limited use of items prevents shopping from being all it can be. Shopping often creates a welcomed new layer of interactivity. And, when it works, this game withing a game formula is something I can get behind, and I hope to see more of it.


Of course, there are games that have gotten both the upgrades and the shopping right, I'm sure. I bet, I have missed some gems in both instances. But, it's something that I don't often read about when new games are advertised. It's a bummer, but at the same time developers are always going on about something fun. So, there's that.
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I was recently reading through the Weekend Destructainment. There are, as usual, a bunch of interesting videos to browse through. Now, there was one video in particular video about a running game. I watched and laughed as a possibly drunk person played what he call "the hardest game he had ever played".

The name of the game is QWOP.
I wasn't going to write a blog today, but then I played QWOP. And, I have to share my thoughts on it. It is a game where the goal is to make a dude run 100 meters. But, after watching the guy play it for a while I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

It started off giving me the impression that there is nothing more than awful controls and watching a runner land, hilariously, on his face a few million times. That would be fine for a free flash game. But, just as that novelty started to ware off for me, I realized that I started making actual progress before slamming again.

See, this "running" game took the seemingly simple task of walking and made it "new" again.

Q contracts the left thigh,
W contracts the right thigh.
O contracts the left calf and
P contracts the right thigh.

The game isn't so much in the running itself, so much as it is learning how to walk. I felt, very much, like a toddler trying to figure his shit out. I was also reminded of how hard I sometimes, have to think about walking when I'm drunk. This game didn't hand me "out right intuitive" controls and then make me figure out the how rest of the game mechanics work. QWOP made it a game for me to just figure out the controls and that's it. It makes for an interesting experience.

It took me around a half hour before I hit my stride, but then I enjoyed the "simple" act of just running. It was short lived ,of course, as I soon lost my rhythm and slammed yet again. But, before that happened, I reveled in a feeling of immense progress and accomplishment.

The best part of the game is that, when I hit the sweet spot and started running, I was reminded of being a kid again on the brink of falling. See, I would run so fast that I would start to get scared. Then I would, in my state of mild panic, lose my rhythm. Then I would fall, bust my ass , roll on the ground and be in pain. Then, my classmate would laugh. Good times.

QWOP...I dig it.
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