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What have I done?
Hello Destructoid. I've been away for awhile...4 years.
Too long, indeed...
For the past seven years I have remained in this hell hole of a city doing my best to provide top notch customer service. I gave up on my dreams early and I've been trying to "be an adult".
But, it hasn't really been working.
I've had about twelve jobs, and I have been fired from each and every one of them. And, while it's cool that I can do anything in the world; I've yet to find an employer that gives a shit. Even though I have a resume and get hired for my, admittedly fudged, past experience- I keep having to start over.
I know what your thinking. "Chris, you must be some kind of an asshole."
Now I will tell you,(just as I keep telling myself)..I'm not an asshole.
Am I perfect? No. But, I really do care about my work. I come in on time...I don't complain about taking the trash out, or removing gum from tables, or licking toilets clean. 20 hour work weeks at $7.50 USD an hour. Life is awesome!
Contradictory sarcasm aside, I'm really not a problem at work. I'd work with me. Both from a co-worker's perspective and from my, yet, unachievable supervisory perspective. You could do a lot worse.
While I am to blame for my failures, It would have been great if just one of my past jobs would appreciate a guy having a bad day. Oh well...
What follows is a terrible example from my past circa 2008 and the only time I was reasonably and justly fired. Seriously. This shit hasn't happened since...
You see, my first job was at a water park as a lifeguard. It was a great job.
In fact, with it's 13 hour days, 6 days a week I was making the most I have ever made at any of my jobs. I used some of this money to buy a brand new $479.99 Xbox Elite.
Alright, so I was 17, and I was trusted with people's lives. Now, that didn't keep me from sleeping vertically whilst "watching the kiddie pool". But, that isn't why I was fired. No, that happened a year later.
See, somebody had "Snicker Bar'd" the lazy river. Whenever this would happen we would call a code brown (lol) and had to shut the river down and ask people to exit the water from any of the, let's say 9 exits.
It would be two hours before any of the pool boffins let anybody back in...
Once the water was clear of people, I was tasked with jumping back in the water to gather life-vests. Cool. So, on about my business I went; standing my ground in the rushing water gathering red vest, yellow ones, blue vest and green-and chucking them up onto the deck.
Now once the vest were out of the water, they had to be put on racks. The problem is, now people had formed a long line to the closed lazy river...(sigh).
This was the stupidest thing I had seen the guest do since it rained any everybody opened an umbrella.(water park)
Better yet, this line was directly between my giant collection of vest and their respective racks. So back and forth I went.
"Excuse me"..."I just need to get by here"
"Pardon me"...(why won't they move? I look like "life-vest Voltron")
"Sorry about that" I said as I gently bump past a young lady.
Now, she must not have heard me because the next vest hauling trip- not only will she NOT move but, she squares up with me, crosses her arms and makes the most sickeningly rude face I had ever seen in my life. After two summer's of being a tight-Iipped, thought withholding customer service goon, I imagined cussing her out. But, I held back.
I painted a mental picture of what it would be like...
"Fuck you! You little bitch. Can't you see that I have a goddamned job to do. I'm holding 25 vest and they're heavy as shit! What is wrong with you!"
I pictured a crowd gathering as I just spew raw emotion at this girl. I imagined some random dude would white knight the situation and challenge me to a duel in the parking lot. I imagined that security would actually show up for once. I imagined that I would be fired on the spot. I even imagined that I would be billed $100 USD for a pair of red swim shorts about a year later.
But, I was better than that.
I decided to apologize once more and try to get by with some humility. Now, I don't remember what she said. But, I remember her NOT moving again.
Sooo...I said it.
All of it.
I roared it.
And as the angry mob formed I started yelling at them. I began screaming at all of them.
"There are kids here!" One lady exclaimed as she brought her toddlers over to watch the scene unfold.
"Fuck your kids!"(jesus)
It was at this point that the largest dude in the crowd threatened to end my life in the parking lot. I gave him a hearty middle finger as I backed down and left the situation, consciously deciding not to run. Now, I wasn't afraid of that dude. I was afraid of fighting a whole mob of Speedo-dudes.
At the "debriefing", I learned that the cops had been called. I also learned that the bitch was only 15.
Then, I learned that the 15 year old little bitch was also pregnant.
Then, I learned that the 15 year old little pregnant bitch apparently claimed that I hit her in the stomach.(nah, man)
Looking back on it, the police never talked to me- at all. I think my boss was just being a dick.
It goes without saying that I got super-fired that day.
...billed $100 USD a year later.
I'd like to say that I've calmed down since then. I'd like to say that I don't hold any resentment towards that 22 year old little bitch with the 7 year old. Fuck, I'd like to say that I don't hate that 7 year old.
But, I don't work in customer service anymore...
Also, I think I might be an asshole.
...I sold that Xbox 360 a week ago. What have I done?