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Cowzilla3 avatar 9:29 AM on 07.25.2007  (server time)
Recognizing Your Gaming Journalist, Part 3 (Edit)

Ok fixed up some things that weren't working.

Since I thought part one turned out well and part two got all up in the top five I figured I'd flesh out a few more gaming journos that pop up then, in another post, actually flesh this out into a brilliantly worded thesis on the problems I see with gaming journalism. This latter part is more commonly known as a rant and won't be as nearly brilliantly worded or thesis like as I'd want it to be.
But first:

The Newbie/Acceptius Neidum

Sure there were plenty of funny newb/n00b/newbie images on the web but this is Jeremy Newberry, and if anyone truly lived up to his name it is Mr. Newberry.

The Newbie is best known as a subset of The Blogger but scientists have discovered it breeding into the world of gaming journalism. The Newbie is a new writer at a publication and, because it is totally awe struck, either desperately wants to be accepted by its peers or thinks that it can do everything better than them. Because of this it feels the need to constantly validate himself either by somehow hinting that it is a Newbie in its writing thus excusing any poor performance, using other people's good writing ideas thus attempting to seem original and clever or over compensating by trying to be the funniest guy in the room thus masking his Newbiness behind off again, on again humor. The Newbie is also easily impressed and will jump at the chance to meet even the most inane gaming celebrities. Most of the time The Newbie will gain confidence in himself, realize he was hired for a reason, gain his own writing style and evolve but sometimes a Newbie becomes stuck, leaving them to constantly need the acceptance of everyone. It is at this point that The Newbie is no longer a journalist.
Found: At any gaming sight, especially one that is up and coming as they are both hiring and there is more pressure to impress.
Clothes: Stereotypically a pocket protector and high water pants but in reality whatever clothes will fit in.
Writing Style:Simple, pedantic and pandering.
Dream Story:"E3" (The old one)
Favorite Quote: Old E3: I'm going to E3 bitches! New E3: Where the fuck are the booth babes. I didn't drink a lot at a liberal arts school just to show up at an E3 with no fucking booth babes.
[b}Little Known Fact:[/b]Almost everyone is a Newbie at some point in their life. Why just 9 posts ago even I was. I know it's hard to believe. (Comments of N00B! to put me back in my place will be greatly appreciated.)

The Polarizer/Fanboi Enragerus

What? This is simply an old religious picture I liked. What!?

The Polarizer is not an idiot, he is not a tool, and he is not clueless. In fact, much like Enron, The Polarizer might be the smartest guy in the room. The Polarizer knows what sells and what sells is controversy. Systems getting a backhanded compliment, taking the exact opposite stance as everyone else, lording miniscule accomplishments over foes, all these things make people angry and make The Polarizer all the more powerful as word of his "stupidity" spreads. The Polarizer appears to be reporting on a story but in reality they are simply promoting their own name and their publications name. For them, it seems, the real purpose of gaming journalism is not to inform the reader but to incite them into anger and thus cause more page hits, more viewers and more posts. While this breed of gaming journalist may sound like pure evil many times The Polarizer will create discussions that would otherwise be missing or even, though rarely, have an actual point.
Found: Fox News or EG
Clothes: Does it piss you off? Then that is what shall be worn.
Writing Style: Highly inflammatory and always at least subtly insulting.
Dream Story: "PS3 Rules, Wii Drools" or visa versa depending on what is the opposite of popular opinion at the time.
Favorite Quote: Told you so.
Little Known Fact: Although the fanboy would seem like the constant arch nemesis of The Polarizer he is not always, after all the Polarizer has to be on someone's side.

The Ideal/Impossiblius Gamerus

Unbeknownst to Krishna, Christ wasn't leading him to a kegger.

The Ideal is a theoretical species that no one has ever confirmed. Though a few gaming journalist claim to be in this species it is incredibly hard to prove and almost impossible to truly identify. This confusion is caused by the simple fact that everyone has different ideas about what The Ideal is, especially gaming journalist themselves. Arguments have been made that The Ideal is a species of pure journalistic integrity who works above the fray simply to report the news to the gamers. But others would argue against this, claiming that being in the fray is the best way for a journalist to report what is going on. Even with the multitude of conflicting reports on the exact description of The Ideal and the near impossibility of nailing down a true definition, or possibly because of these facts, this species is still one of the most popular and most discussed of all the gaming journalist. In fact without the very theory of The Ideal there would be no reason for The Cool Guy to come out in front of the camera or The Girl to strive for her own voice; the Wannabee wouldn't be so gung-ho about jumping in and The Newbie would have no reason to impress; even The Polarizer would cease to exist since half the anger towards him comes from theory of The Ideal. In fact without The Ideal the only species left to survive would be The TV Reporter.
Clothes: Unknown
Writing Style: Unknown
Dream Story: Unknown
Favorite Quote: Unknown
Little (un)Known Fact: Unknown (looks a bit like the stats of a dungeon boss in an RPG doesn't it?)

Well that pretty much wraps up my outsiders impressions of the different types of gaming journalist. I'm glad I added this third part cause it got a bit more serious. Also I'd like to point out that while Destructiod is by far one of the best sights on the web for gaming journalism everyone here has at some point fallen into at least one of these categories. I like to think that is a good thing since many of them have a lot to offer, yes, even the Newbie.

Ok enough of that somebody post some horse penis in the comments or something before I drag this whole site down.

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