Ode? What's an ode? Anyways, today someone else besides Christian Bale was born. Our very own Rockvillian! The old fart is now 26 and still loving video games strong as he plows through his new title No More Heroes and various games off his new R4.
In celebration, a few of us have contributed to this cause. Enjoy!


Courtesy of Blindside


A Haikus from Knives,

Damm you to hell Nook >.>
Wait! What?!?! That's just your avy? =O
Happy birthday then =D.

MAGFest was awesome,
I kicked your ass in smash bros
***throws some marshmallows***

As well as a RARE species of Rockvillian captured on tape at MAGFest 6




Courtesy of Hitogoroshi.


The following exerpt is taken from Cowzilla3.

The Life and Times of Rockvillian P. Esquire

Today on Destructoid Biography we look back on the life of one of the greats on the day of his birth. A true unifier and bringer of Christmas Spirit (really that is still the most epic thing ever) to all, Rockvillian P. Esquire.

Truly Rockvillian was fated to become a legend and a myth amongst Robots for his mother was no common gaming whore but a true masterpiece in the eyes of gamer everywhere and his father was a lul cat. With this kind of heritage it was clear that Rockvillian not only had to rock but also had to be a villain. Luckily, those two words put together were also a really clever pun on the place he lived. So he took to a life of awesome and crime, oftenstealing others posts and desperately trying to disguise his true identity in stranger and stranger ways.

Once it was time for Rockvillian to head of to school his parents were worried. Or his dad just said “meow” and his mom was to busy being covered by gaming paraphernalia to say anything, but he knew inside they were worried, because they didn’t want him spreading his plan for world domination to other children since so far it had only produced bad white rappers. Undeterred by his plans failures Rockvillian charged forward, determined to become the smartest child ever. All through school he studied hard and did well, but alas it was all for naught for there was always someone smarter and his plans to raise the dead repeatedly were made of fail.

So upon graduation from high school Rockvillian decided that villainy might not be his bag…baby. Instead he took to the arts creating works that I can’t find links to but you can look at the side of his profile for that cool Mario in his underwear one and of course the naked Peach in his banner and the fucking advent calendar which needs to be linked like every second. Look at that thing! Awesome.

Where was I?

Oh yes, he took to the arts. Becoming prolific amongst men. And not just normal men, but the manliest of men and they bowed down before his works, honoring him as king. Soon he had raised an army of loyal followers who would do his bidding and face any danger, no matter how shiny, in his bidding. And that is when Rockvillian the man, became Rockvillian the Supreme Lord Ruler of All That is Good and Awesome, Rock!!! And soon the world was his.

But as it turns out Rockvillian no longer wanted the world. Instead he wanted to create and own a little white house in Rockville with a picket fence and garden garden gnome. So he told his army to leave, returned to being Rockvillian the man and settled down in Rockville. One day, while wondering what he should do next with his life now that he had taken over the world he stumbled upon Destructoid. On that day Rockvillian found true happiness and soon brought that happiness to us all.

(As a side note, I’d have more links to his blog if you could actually access people’s previous entries. Just in case someone in charge of that is reading.)

Happy Birthday Chris!


So everyone, wish him a Happy Birthday. He did make the Dtoid Calendartoid for you!