Welcome, to a review of a game that captures this generation in a stunning, movie-like presentation that can only be done on the PlayStation. This game, unlike any other game before it, has controls that feel as natural as your own penis, and visuals that make you think you're really there, in the action. You will laugh. You will cry. You will question the meaning of life.

Behold, the epitome of all that is "game", our simple little pastime, has been flawlessly conquered. Not by Mario, mind you. No, not by Master Chief either. Think higher. Olympic Gold Medal higher. Academy Award higher. Two esteemed men join forces, two of the most recognizable faces in all of human history, and stand together in the most epic game of all time.

Do I even have to utter the name? No, I do not, but I will just so you feel it's power.

This game, gentlemen, is called Space Jam.



I didn't even do anything to the word, it came out large and italicized from it's own glorious power. Saying it yourself will instantly bring other words out of your mouth, such as "Come", "On", and "Slam". It has that much gravitas.

Oh, you want me to review it? Well, I'm not quite sure I'm the man for this position. If my words alone are supposed to represent such a fine piece of art then, by all means, I'll seize this opportunity, this once in a lifetime opportunity, and review it for you. Welcome to the Jam.



You play as Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Jordan and his Academy Award-winning colleague Bugs Bunny. These two superheroes are in command of an elite team of basketball players, including Charles Barkley, Larry Byrd, and Sylvester the Cat. The characters are deeper than the Mariana Trench, and as story more epic than the Iliad. Think along the lines of one of Electronic Arts' pathetic NBA games, if it was made of solid gold. Basketball has never been this good.

The graphics are stunning. They are in crisp 2048p, and look like genuine photographs. Below, you can see an enemy, rendered in mind-blowing DirectX 15.5.



The soundtrack is the best ever made. You may as well microwave every tape, compact disc, hard drive, musical instrument, and musician you can get your hands on. Featuring the innovative musicians such as the Quad City D.J.s and R. Kelly, Space Jam's soundtrack will stir emotions you never knew you had. There are no speakers on the market that can efficiently blast R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly", which has been awarded 3 Grammy Awards, without melting after the introduction.


Must I even rate this game? No real number could measure the style of this game. I dare say no Euclidean geometry could render one polygon of Michael Jordan's epic face. Well, I guess I must place a number to represent my review, but there is simply no way a mere number could represent the game.

Overall: ∞/10