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Conrad Zimmerman's blog
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Conrad Zimmerman avatar 4:26 PM on 04.16.2008  (server time)
New cBlog Series Starts Tomorrow

I mentioned yesterday in the recap that I might have an announcement today. I've been working on this for the last few weeks and I'm hoping it'll entertain everyone. Check tomorrow for the first installment

Back in the dark days before Super Smash Brothers, gamers longed for an opportunity to see their favorite video game characters clash beyond the boundaries of their respective cartridges. Little did we know that Nintendo and DiC were hearing our plaintive cries. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

In 1989, Captain N: The Game Master was unleashed upon television audiences around the world, caught in the grip of Ninfluenza (like Pac-Man Fever except it's a lot harder to recover from and there's no cure). The show put together many of the easily identifiable characters from Nintendo games into a universe that blurred the lines between game worlds and placed them all in a desperate conflict for the fate of that universe. At least, that was the intent.

What ended up happening was a horrible distortion of these beloved figures and places. Apart from the physical representations of most characters, very little actually resembled them. Mega Man was less a domestic robot turned unstoppable mech-killing machine than a croaking luchadore. Pit is called by the more recognizable name of his game, Kid Icarus, and somehow manages to be more annoying than said game's level design. And, in what's possibly the most egregious disservice payed to any animated character ever, Simon Belmont was turned into a vain, self-obsessed pretty-boy instead of the ass-kicking vampire hunter we'd come to know and love.

You cannot convince me that Captain N: The Game Master was a good show. I have far too much evidence to the contrary, evidence that I will be giving to you as I undertake the most perilous journey of my blogging career. Each week, in a new series starting tomorrow, I will provide detailed analysis for each episode of Captain N. This will go on until I have completed the entire run or the experience so utterly saps my will to live that I commit suicide. Either way, you win.

Welcome to Death by Cartoon.

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