Note: The videos in this post are from other shows, because my friend who was filming decided to get really drunk and sing very loudly while recording
Just got home a little bit ago from watching JoCo perform a very entertaining set. The show was at The Brickhouse, a decent little joint in downtown Phoenix that I've seen a couple of acts at.
Travelling with him on a brief, three show trip out west, are a surprisingly good band called Paul and Storm. They perform comedy songs and have appeared many times on the Bob & Tom show, a nationally syndicated morning radio show. They played a very loose and entertaining set with a fair bit of chaos between songs as they tossed jokes back and forth as if they were playing at Wimbledon.
The main attraction, however, was amazing. After seeing Coulton perform at PAX, it was really cool to watch him in a more intimate atmosphere. He did, of course, play those songs that are expected of him. Still Alive, RE: Your Brains and Code Monkeys are practically requirements for his shows.
He also performed songs that would have been pushed to the side at a show like PAX in lieu of geekier tunes. Stuff like First of May and Mr. Fancypants (in a brilliant extended version that really needs to be seen live). Paul and Storm were brought to the stage for about half the set to provide some backing vocals and instrumentation and they did a really spontaneous-seeming medley at the end of Soft Rocked By Me that was highly entertaining.
This mini-tour continues into California Friday night in San Diego and hits Los Angeles on Saturday night. The LA Dtoiders are having a NARP on Saturday, but they should really all truck the party over to West Hollywood and check out Coulton.
Death By Cartoon follows my exploits as I attempt to watch and provide analysis on every episode of Captain N. It's a dangerous road, with thoughts of the sweet escape of suicide around every corner. Check back every Thursday for a new episode or check out the archive to see previous editions.
Uber-Short Synopsis: With Mother Brain in control of Videoland, the N Team must acquire power items from Mt. Icarus to defeat her. But they also must contend with Dr. Wily and his Robot Masters, who are about to conquer Megaland.
Last week, we were left with a cliff-hanger. Mother Brain had stolen the Three Sacred Treasures from Mt. Icarus. Using her newly acquired power, she opened up a "warp zone to oblivion" and sent the N Team tumbling to an uncertain fate.
As we begin the episode (after a brief recap from the narrator) Mother Brain is cackling about her success to her cronies, claiming that our heroes will never escape from the warp zone she dropped them in. Everybody's having a good laugh over all of this, except for me. Not because I give a damn about the N Team, but because I know that the next twenty minutes aren't going to any more entertaining than this one.
Inside the "warp to oblivion", the heroes fall onto what looks like a trilobite with a pair of ass cheeks that would put J-Lo to shame and a bunch of exposed arteries on the underside. In fact, the whole area they're traveling through appears to be some system of blood vessels. It kinda gives me visions of Martin Short flailing around with a microscopic N Team inside him.
Megaman explains that this is the part of Videoland where all warp zones intersect. Lana points out that going into the wrong warp to try and return home could wind them up dead in an infinite variety of ways. My imagination is such a fertile playground in this regard that I've thought of them all.
Kevin is unfazed and reassures the team that he has a plan. Requisitioning some fishing line from Belmont's backpack (he doesn't have any rope... what self-respecting fantasy character fails to have at least fifty feet of rope on hand at all times?), he ties it all together in such a way that all six of them can each extend their own, personal length from the spool at the same time. I was a Boy Scout, but you wouldn't have to be one to know that this shit simply isn't possible.
The plan is simple. They'll each hop into warp after warp until they find the right one. Once someone has found it, they'll tug on the rope to signal the rest to come through. Now, if everyone has all this slack to work with, how will anyone be able to feel the tug? Again, my rational mind dies a little. Everyone does their part, with the exception of Belmont who expects to be able to just wait around until the signal comes. It's a sound plan, right up until three seconds later when he's threatened by a disembodied mouth.
Leaping into the closest warp, Simon emerges in a forest. Pleased that things appear to be pretty safe, the scene zooms out to reveal that he's in a cookpot, surrounded by what might be Moblins (though it probably isn't wise of me to make assumptions in this regard).
Lana warps out of the third base bag in a baseball diamond, steals home and runs back to third and warps out. Kid Icarus, however, finds the correct warp right away and pulls the cord. Everybody assembles and observes that things sure are awfully quite for them only having been gone a few minutes. Megaman checks his watch and finds that, in fact, an entire week has passed. Mother Brain has been able to run amok for all this time and Lana is worried. Worried for no good reason, if you ask me. Mother Brain couldn't capture the Palace of Power in seven years, so how much could she possibly accomplish with only seven days?
Not a whole lot, it seems. The gang observes some guards forcing the poor citizens of Mt. Icarus (now renamed Mt. Mother Brain) to perform manual labor. One of these poor wretches spots the N Team and tells them that King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard are now in control of Mt. Icarus, while Mother Brain has given the Three Sacred Treasures to Dr. Wily so he can use them to take over Megaland. For a slave, he's surprisingly well informed.
Megaman is obviously concerned and wants to warp back home immediately to stop Wily, but Lana fears it may be hopeless to fight against the power of the Three Sacred Treasures. Not so, suggests Kid Icarus, who claims that he can defeat them by obtaining a fire arrow, the sacred bow and the protective crystal. Of course, those are guarded by Medusa but the team is left with little option.
Lana suggests that they split up. Kid Icarus and Simon will venture to the peak of Mt. Icarus and recover the magic items from Medusa while the rest of the group heads to Megaland to try and delay Wily's conquest.
Once in Megaland, we get to see Megaman's creator for the first time. Called by his original name, Dr. Wright, he does answer my question about why Megaman is so goddamn short. The dude's a midget with pointy elf ears who informs Kevin that to reach Dr. Wily, they'll have to face all six Robot Masters. Then, he shows off his latest invention, a fucking SENTINEL called "Garbageman" whose purpose is to "trash" the other robots.
As if to further prove that this is the man who created Megaman, the machine goes haywire the second it's switched on and casually begins to devour all of Dr. Wrights laboratory equipment. I can't help but think that the writers of the show realized how badly they screwed up where the Blue Bomber is concerned and decided to cover their tracks by making Wright an incompetent boob. Deciding that they'd be better off without Garbageman's help, Kevin and the gang head off towards Dr. Wily's stronghold.
As they approach the warp to Cutsman's domain (who Megaman encourages that they deal with first), Kevin suggests perhaps Lana might want to hang back on this one. The Princess, however, has been reading Gloria Steinem books and snatches the zapper from Captain N's holster to demonstrate that she doesn't need a man to protect her. After this raw display of feminist power, Kevin suddenly needs to go play a few rounds of Isolated Warrior with his NES Pantsvantage controller, but time is short and they head into the warp.
They begin climbing the ladders that make up this level of Megaland, Duke included. Yes, the dog climbs ladders on his own with merely a command from his master. As they climb, Kevin takes a hit from one of the beaks (the semi-circular turrets that shoot you in Megaman) and falls to the ground. While relatively unharmed, the munchkin luchadore informs us that with each hit they'll lose power.
Upon reaching the top of all these ladders, everyone is pretty exhausted. Kevin says that all that remains before reaching Cutsman is to get past "Big-Eye". Lana doesn't think that sounds too bad until we see the towering monstrosity bounce in from the distance. Try as they might to defeat the robot, the heroes' shots are bouncing off because, as Megaman says, they don't have the necessary power remaining to hurt it. Eventually, they are crushed beneath Big-Eye's awesome foot and are warped back to the beginning of the level.
Lana's fucking pissed about having to make the long trek back up the building, but Kevin reassures her by saying that it took him fifty tries before making it to Cutsman on his game console back home (Fifty tries? Really? Some fucking Game Master he is). This isn't a game, though. This is life and if they die two more times, it's game over.
Back on Mt. Icarus, Simon and Icarus find King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard chilling in a hot tub. The villains are directly between our protagonists and the warp zone to Medusa's lair, but Simon has a plan. Dressing in togas, King Hippo mistakes them for steam bath repairmen and asks them to crank the heat up. Pulling a wrench out of his backpack, Simon opens the bath's valve completely and they use the distraction of burning eggplant and steam to make their escape through the warp.
In Megaland, Kevin and the others have made it back to the top of the building, where Big-Eye awaits them once more. This time, however, Kevin goads the robot into very slowly chasing him to the edge of the building, where it breaks the ledge and tumbles off. Lana leaps on to Kevin, wrapping her arms around his neck but Megaman totally cock-blocks by reminding them that time is short. What a mega-dick.
And it's montage time. Now, I could be mistaken about who all these enemies are that they're fighting but I'm pretty sure that they're the Robot Masters. Of course, it's hard to say for certain because of how bad the art direction has historically been in the series thus far. Nevertheless, the good guys seem to have very little difficulty dispatching these robotic menaces.
After all this high-octane action, the heroes are finally confronted by Cutsman, who looks like The Noid with purple skin, a pair of golden shears on his head instead of floppy ear-things and a most disproportionately huge body for such a tiny head. Weapons are powerless to stop his awesome might, but Kevin has a plan. Telling Duke that Cutsman is their new gardener, the dog starts running circles around the Robot Master, distracting him long enough to be destroyed by his own boomeranged scissors. If this was in any way the inspiration for Metal Man's greatest weakness in Megaman 2, I'm just gonna shoot myself right now. One robot master down, five to go, according to Kevin who claims that this would be the easiest fight.
Back to the other part of the team, we find Belmont and Icarus creeping into Medusa's lair. The wrecked hall is filled with hideous statues, victims of the mythological beast's power. Knowing that to see her visage would turn them to stone, Kid Icarus rummages through Belmots bag. Producing some black paint and a bucket, he paints over Simon's goggles and tosses the bucket on his head. The plan is simple: The vampire hunter will distract Medusa while Icarus steals the power items they need.
I think we can all predict how this is going to go down. As Kid Icarus stumbles his way towards the power-ups, Medusa approaches Simon with a sultry voice and encourages him to take the goggles off. With the claim that the runt wants to deprive Simon of some good lovin', the moron once again demonstrates that he can't be trusted to handle even the simplest of tasks and is turned to stone.
On his way back with the power items, seemingly deaf as well as blind while within the bucket, Kid Icarus bumps into the newly-made statue of Simon and starts making a break for it. He manages to get about five steps before tripping, turning the bucket upright while he's still inside, legs flailing in the air. Medusa moves in for the kill and picks up the mini-mythical figure, only to find that he's clutching a mirror (which I assume is supposed to be the "protective crystal"). Gazing into her own reflection, she turns to stone and breaks the curse on Simon and the other stone warriors in the hall.
Their mission complete, Belmont rallies the now free soldiers and commands them to reclaim Mt. Icarus from Mother Brain. A warp zone to Megaland opens above them (what's the point of having all the stationary warp zones if ones to the place you want to go just crop up whenever it's convenient?) and they jump upward to join the rest of the N Team.
In Dr. Wily's command center, Kevin and his half of the group arrive. Wily congratulates them for nearly destroying his Robot Masters. Lana is confused, because she's pretty sure they were successful, but Wily reveals that the Three Sacred Treasures (conveniently located in a nearby alcove, connected to some machinery) have given Wily the juice he needs to have the robots revived. Opening a door, we're greeted with all six of the Robot Masters.
And, yes, they're the enemies that were defeated in the action montage, completely destroying any sense of continuity that this episode contains. Let's take a look at them, shall we?
Sweet Jesus. Where to begin? I've already talked about Cutsman, so we'll skip him and just move left to right. Fire Man and Ice Man are about as close as they get to the originals, except the former's face looks like the drummer from Kiss and the latter has dark circles around his eyes that would impress even the most studious individual who's taking amphetamines to cram for finals. Elec Man appears to have down syndrome and wears glasses that are so hideous, that the 80's called and said they didn't want them back. Bomb Man isn't too far off, but the overbite and coloring he's been given makes him look like a lizard with a mohawk. And Guts Man has a duckbill. I don't know how to make that funny.
Wily commands his robots to destroy the N Team. Ice Man traps the gang in a cage of ice, while Elec Man gives Megaman a good zapping. Fire Man's attack misses and melts the cage, raining water down upon their heads which seems to frighten them more than any of the rest of this.
Just then, Simon and Kid Icarus warp into the room. Simon blocks another volley from Fire Man with the mirror while Icky lines up his shot. Never able to hit the target when it really counts, however, teh arrow bounces off of Wily's equipment and ricochets around the room for a bit until Lana deflects directly into the Three Sacred Treasures with her tiara. With their power depleted, the Robot Masters disintegrate.
Wily isn't quite done yet, however. Pressing a button, his chair converts into a rocketship and he moves to ram into the N Team. Kevin has his own buttons to push and hits Pause (actually, and I'm nitpicking here, he's been hitting the Select button the whole series; it's really driving me nuts). Opening the capsule Wily's sitting in, he fiddles with the control and, when the pause runs out, Wily goes careening out of the room, his ship completely out of control.
On Mt. Icarus, the freed warriors toss a defeated King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard into a nearby warp. In her control center on Metroid, Mother Brain is primping in a mirror as all her cronies come tumbling down from the ceiling on to her jar. On the wall, Lana and Kevin mock the defeated villain. All is, apparently, safe once more in Videoland.
Apart from the inherent flaw of this being the show that it is, there's a few problems with this episode. First, the writers tried to cram too much story (hah!) in and everything feels a bit rushed. I'm not advocating the ruination of more video game settings than is absolutely necessary, but there's so much more that could have been done with the nexus of warp zones to only see Belmont and Lana visit new locales.
Really, though, my largest complaint is with the ruination of my beloved Robot Masters. It's not as though art didn't exist to base them on. Their design isn't anything overly complicated either. It's as though Capcom said, "Sure, you can use them as characters, but the only art resources we're going to give you are the drawings made by this programmer's mentally retarded nephew. Good luck!"
SLIT-O-METER: 7
-ICUS RATING: 66%
warp-icus, moe-icus, go-icus, home-icus, highn-icus, can-icus, art-icus, Simon-ius (which is good enough for government work), eyes-icus, distract-icus, stop-icus, darn-icus
MEGA RATING: 50%
mega-center, mega-sensors, mega-fast, mega-warp, mega-power, mega-move, mega-retreat
Goddamn. ceark really is awesome, isn't he? And he's doing a painting of me next, which has me so goddamn excited that I have a permanent erection. It's really making life difficult for me. But, at least my junk isn't shaped like a thumb.
At any rate, here's your recap. ceark takes over again tomorrow, so I'll see you on Monday.
This recap be bumpin'. After we see all the wonderful (and not so wonderful) things which have come down the pipe today, I have a question that I'd appreciate it if I could get some answers to. On to the recap!
I've been doing recaps for a little over a month now, and a few people have mentioned to me that I tend to post them rather early. It was not without some thought that I started putting the post up around this time. I sorta figured midnight on the east coast was appropriate, since it originated in Florida. But there's a number of people who post late into the night who might then have to wait considerably longer to show up in a recap.
I'll put the question to you guys. Am I posting these too early? Would you prefer if I had them up at a different time? When do you read your recap? It doesn't really make a bit of difference to me, as I usually work on it throughout the day. It can go up at any time. And, after all, I live to serve. Comments appreciated.
On a related note, since I've realized now that it has been over a month, I'd just like to say that it's still fun for me. I really enjoy reading the things you have to write about with relatively few exceptions. So, thank you, Destructoid. You continue to provide me with hours of entertainment and, in all probability, brain damage.
Rose Tinted is a regular feature of my Cblog, in which I re-examine games that we have fond memories of and see if they still hold up. If you have suggestions for titles to be featured in the future or ideas on how I can improve the column, please let me know.
I remember a time when Nintendo Power was running some interesting advertisements. This might just be faulty memory, as people I know who have every issue of the publication usually don't have a clue what the hell I'm talking about when I mention them. They ran a couple of pages each and appeared in the form of a serial comic that took place for several months. The ads themselves were for a game called Flying Warriors and all revolved around Kung-Fu tournaments with wicked awesome bad guys and some sort of chi-powers.
I'm not going to talk about that game today or its sibling, Flying Dragon. Long story short, they're incredibly limited 2D fighters that move slowly and are so rooted in tournament rules that it eliminates any sense of fun you could have with them. They suck. The end.
I mention the ads because I was always drawn to the company that was responsible for the product behind them, Culture Brain. It's the sort of name that sticks in your brain and, long before I had a subscription to Nintendo Power, I had played an odd little game from them called Kung-Fu Heroes.
Originally released as an arcade title in Japan (called Super Chinese), Kung-Fu Heroes is a fascinating action game. Taking a 3/4 perspective, you control these cartoony guys with huge heads as they fight against other cartoony guys with huge heads. All the action takes place in enclosed rooms, as if you were slowly progressing your way through a massive dojo.
At the start of the game, your character can punch and jump. Jumping and landing on most enemies is just as effective as punching them. The character also has a special move called a "miracle kick" that you can perform if you've found a power-up hidden within a stage and there's a sword hidden in two of the levels as well.
In addition to the constant barrage of enemies in every level, there are also blocks that contain power-ups. Hitting these repeatedly will release various balls onto the play field, cause them to fly off and kill anything in their path or just disintegrate. Power-ups include money (used to buy temporary invincibility power-ups), miracle kicks and fireballs among many other strange and bizarre things that may or may not be of any use at all.
Occasionally, hitting all these blocks will reveal a key. Grab it, and a hidden staircase will appear. These staircases can either warp you further ahead in the game or take you to a rather barren bonus level. Floating in this bonus round are apples (which you hit for points) and little balloons that grant an extra life if you can manage to hit enough of them in the allotted time.
The game isn't that pretty for a NES title nor does it have any semblance of depth, short of the difficult to differentiate power-ups. The hit detection can be downright awful at times and the music gets so annoying that you'll want to mute your television set after about twenty minutes. It does, however, have one of the most compelling features found in an NES game: Two-player co-op. As stupid as the game can be, it's really fun to run around with a second player and beat things up, and this was the cause of many hours of play that never resulted in getting bast the fourth or fifth stage.
Years later, when I found myself working in a used game shop, I encountered another of these Culture Brain games. Remembering Kung-Fu Heroes and what fun I'd had, I always wound up trying out anything I found from the developer despite being horribly disappointed most of the time (though Mendel Palace is one of the coolest puzzle games ever). The game I found there was Little Ninja Brothers.
Released in 1989, Little Ninja Brothers (or Super Chinese 2) is an RPG, a vast departure from its arcade-ported predecessor. The story revolves around Jack and Ryu, a pair of young ninja who take on a quest to stop the sinister Blu Boltar from conquering Chinaland. The whole thing is rather goofy, with anime-styled characters, absurd villains and strange situations.
The game has all the trappings of an RPG released for the NES. There's your typical overhead view with tiny characters for travelling both on a world map and in towns. There are items and equipment you can buy to improve your character over time and an experience system that rewards combat with increased health. Some of the towns feature training dojos where you can learn new combat maneuvers, taught by completing a (rather annoying) minigame. And, of course, a barrage of random monster encounters.
And this is where things get really different. When combat occurs, you're given the option to fight or run. If you choose combat, or have it forced upon you by failing to escape, you're placed into a 3/4 perspective where you beat down your opponents. That's right. The combat system in Little Ninja BrothersisKung-Fu Heroes.
It's been given more depth, however. Now that you have equipment and items at your disposal, the whole exercise is less about trying desperately to survive long enough to finish the combat and ventures more into the territory of a beat-em-up. The most common power-ups make a return, and you'll still need certain ones to execute specific moves.
Little Ninja Brothers also features three difficulty settings for the combat, making it relatively easy for anyone to play, regardless of skill level. Besides, you can always have a friend help you out. In a relatively unheard of feature for the time, you can play this RPG with two players, using a drop in/drop out system where you can toggle the second player in any town's convenience store. And, if you're into that sort of thing, the annoying minigames (which play out much the same as Track & Field) used to earn new abilities are playable from the main menu. It's a lot of game for a little grey cartridge.
While the graphics are improved, as is the control and combat, the music is still pretty insufferable and I'd probably never have made it as far as I had if the rest of the game wasn't so damn fun.
While the series would end on the NES, Culture Brain continued further in 1993 with Super Ninja Boy for the Super Nintendo (released as Super Chinese World in Japan two years earlier). Carrying on with the RPG/Beat-em-up formula, it's more of the same. The story is still silly, this time revolving around the sinister machinations of an alien who gains popularity in Chinaland under the pretense of global peace.
It's another graphical update and the audio is considerably better than either of the previous offerings. The largest change comes in the combat. Now, instead of the 3/4 view, combat takes you into a side-scrolling environment, such as Tales of Destiny would do years later. The control is identical, though, so you're just doing the same thing you always did in a smaller environment. On the plus side, there's less wandering around to attack enemies. By the same token, however, if there's water or other hazards in the area, you'll have to be that much more careful to avoid it. It's playable, but I think I preferred things the way they were.
The only other two games from the series to make it to American shores were for the Gameboy (Japanese fans got Super Chinese 4 on the Super Famicom), and took their name from the latter SNES release. Ninja Boy is basically Kung-Fu Heroes but it doesn't translate well to the portable. It looks better from a graphical standpoint than the game it's based on, but the action is zoomed in to compensate for the Gameboy's small screen. Not being able to see the whole area you're fighting in is a serious detriment, particularly once you get a few levels in and enemies start using projectiles.
Ninja Boy 2 is yet another RPG and follows all the same rules as Super Ninja Boy does. The story takes the sci-fi direction yet further, with the heroes now space travelers who have crashed on to a distant planet. It's just as strange as all the rest, from what little playtime I've been able to invest in the game. There also appears to be the same two-player option present in other games, which I would assume utilized a Gameboy link cable but I haven't been able to confirm this.
I thought Kung-Fu Heroes was a great game for two players. And it is, provided you don't mind the somewhat glitchy play, difficult to differentiate power-ups and high difficulty. The remainder of the Super Chinese series, however, introduced concepts that seem completely out of character for the period in which they were released. I can't help but think that the games (of which Americans saw less than 30% of) have had considerable influence on the Action/RPG genre and they are certainly worthy of your consideration.
Final Verdict: As a series it's really different and fun, though not without flaws. The progenitor, however, is an annoying, buggy mess that's only entertaining if you have someone else to play with.
"I am not interested in recap for recap's sake, but I'm interested in recap that is moral, that is right and that is good." - Martin Luther Robot Jr.
Tonights recap is dedicated to GynecologistCobra, who stood up today and declared that he doesn't need the oppression of Grand Theft Auto IV and has shown solidarity for his brothers who refuse to give in when society turns a blind eye to pain. Right on, my brother.
Other than that, good day in the blogs. I'm not going to try to be too witty right now, as I have a lot of other writing I want to get done tonight and, well, it's recap time. See you tomorrow.
In an effort to help my fellow gamers garner the most game for their buck, I'm going to start scouring all of the weekly advertisements from major American retailers on Sundays. If there's a store that I've overlooked, let me know and I'll get it into subsequent weeks.
Some decent deals in the stores this week, with the offerings from Circuit City by far some of the better options. Target's prices on a grip of quality PS3 titles are nothing to sneeze at either.
Wii Price Breaks High School Musical: Sing It! - 39.99
PSP Price Breaks Star Wars Battlefront: Renegade Squadron - $29.99
Madden NFL 08 - $19.99
Socom Tactical Strike - $19.99
Iron Man - 19.99
PS2 Price Breaks Guitar Hero III Wireless bundle - 79.99
If you own a Wii and haven't picked up No More Heroes yet, $19.99 is a price I'd highly recommend grabbing it at. And the Buy One Get One ain't too bad either if there's still a couple of these that you haven't bought yet. Can't recommend the Halo 3 Map Pack deal, however, as the code isn't e-mailed until Ninja Gaiden II ships on 6/3.
Buy One Get One 50% Off on Select Wii games Lego Star Wars Complete Saga Super Mario Galaxy Super Smash Bros. Brawl Mario Kart Wii Tiger Woods PGA Tour 08
PSP Games for $9.99 Lego Star Wars II Ultimate Ghosts and Goblins MTX vs. ATV: On the Edge
Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters free with purchase of PSP
Halo 3 Legendary Map Pack free with pre-order of Ninja Gaiden II (Online only)
$19.99 Each on Select Games Wii: Rayman Raving Rabbids Wii: No More Heroes Wii: Winter Sports: The Ultimate Challenge 360: Rainbow Six: Vegas 360: Blue Dragon 360: Call of Duty 2 PS3: Fight Night: Round 3
$10 off Select PS3/360 Games (either platform) Major League Baseball 2K8 Devil May Cry 4 Burnout Paradise
20% Bonus Trade Credit Toward Reservation of Guitar Hero: Aerosmith
Used Deal of the Week PS3: Heavenly Sword - $39.99
Price Breaks 360: Bioshock - $39.99
PC: The Orange Box - $29.99
Wii: High School Musical: Sing It! - $39.99
PS2: High School Musical: Sing It! - $29.99
Select PS3 Games for $49.99 Warhawk Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 Uncharted: Drake's Fortune Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Devil May Cry 4 Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction
And there it is. Anything you guys are thinking of taking advantage of?
While I adore video games, I'm equally fond of board and card games. On the Table is a weekly feature of my cBlog that examines some of these analog entertainments. If you have a suggestion for a game to appear in this column or suggestions on how to improve it, please let me know.
This week's review has been requested a few times from community members and ranks among my favorite games from the last few years. I'm all too happy to oblige, but the game itself is so detailed and complex that I've decided it will require three weeks of posts to do justice to it and its expansions. So, after last week's coverage Do You Worship Cthulhu?, I've decided to devote the entire month of May to Lovecraftian games. Without further ado, I give you Arkham Horror.
Arkham Horror is a cooperative board game best played with 3 to 8 players (though you can play it alone, if you so desire). The game takes place in Arkham, Massachusetts, one of the fictional locales from H.P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos stories. Players must work together to defend the town from ancient forces that wish to break through the veil of time and space to achieve their own, unthinkable goals.
Every player takes on the role of an investigator in Arkham, each with their own strengths, weaknesses and special abilities. Some characters are more combat-oriented, while others have mystical talents or other gifts. Investigators have a card that details how much health and sanity they have, equipment they start with and three pairs of coupled traits that can be adjusted at the beginning of each turn in anticipation of their necessity.
The heroes are not the only ones who have variety. Before play begins, an Ancient One is selected at random to threaten the peaceful citizenry of Arkham. This Ancient One represents the primary villain of the game, the enemy which the investigators are working against. All of the Ancient Ones affect gameplay in different ways, with some providing benefits to their cult worshipers or making certain types of skill checks more difficult for Investigators to succeed at. They also, in their way, determine the length of time the game mya last, as some can more easily come through to our world than others.
The board is laid out as a map of Arkham, with locales grouped together in districts. Each district shares a "street" space that locales can be entered from and these streets connect to one another. Locales are taken from both commonplace city features (a bank, police station, etc.) and specific places from within Arkham as it is described in the Cthulhu Mythos tales (such as The Witch House, Arkham Asylum, Miskatonic University). Monsters roam through these streets and impede player progress as they travel from one location to another.
Other features of the board include the Terror Track and the Other Worlds. The Terror Track is a representation of the current level of fear amongst Arkham's citizenry. As the fear level rises, some monsters may become more difficult to defeat and some valuable locations will close their doors forever. Other Worlds are terrifying domains the investigators must traverse in order to stop the Ancient One from accomplishing its goal.
Each turn operates in four main phases: Upkeep, Movement, Encounters and Mythos. During Upkeep, players have the opportunity to make adjustments to their skills. All skills on an Investigator's sheet are paired with another. Raising your character's speed will result in a reduction in their ability to sneak and so forth. Once everyone is satisfied with their stats, the movement phase begins and characters may travel to new locations within Arkham. If their path crosses a space where a monster is located, they must either stop moving to fight or hide from the beast, or they can attempt to sneak past it.
Combat in Arkham Horror follows a few steps. When encountering a monster, the first thing a player must do is check to see if their character suffers mental trauma from being exposed to its presence. Many of the monsters in Lovecraft's fiction (and, thus, Arkham Horror) defy mankind's logical perceptions of reality and merely gazing upon their hideous visage can drive people mad. Provided they can prevent themselves from going insane, they then have an opportunity to attack. Weapons and other items can provide bonuses to die rolls, while monsters give a negative modifier and have a number of successes that must be rolled for them to be defeated. Successfully defeating a monster allows the investigator to claim it as a trophy and trophies can be exchanged in some locations for powerful benefits.
After all players have finished moving, the Encounters phase begins. Every investigator who is in a locale within Arkham draws an encounter card from the deck appropriate to the district they are currently in and must follow the instructions written there. Some encounters allow investigators to acquire new items or powerful allies to assist in their fight while others bring only pain and misery. Certain locations offer the opportunity to purchase items or perform other actions in lieu of having an encounter. Once encounters are resolved for characters in Arkham, every investigator who is currently in one of the Other Worlds then has an encounter of their own, with similar results but drawn from a completely separate deck.
Finally, when all encounters are concluded, the Mythos phase begins. While the effects of cards in the Mythos deck can vary wildly, they most frequently serve to further degrade the barriers holding back the Ancient One by opening dimensional gates into the Other Worlds. Roughly half of the locations on the board have a chance of a gate opening
within them, bringing a monster along for the ride. These gates are the key to keeping Ancient Ones at bay and must be closed for the investigators to be successful. Every gate that opens brings the Ancient One a step closer to victory. In addition, if the number of open gates in Arkham ever crosses a certain point (determined by the number of players in the game), the Ancient One immediately crosses the void and must be faced in a final showdown.
Closing gates requires that Investigators follow a sequence of events. The first step is to travel to the location where the open gate exists and pass through it. Once the Investigator arrives in a location with an open gate, the Other World it connects to is revealed and the player moves there. On subsequent turns, the Investigator travels from one end of the world to the other, having encounters, until they re-emerge back in Arkham where they can then attempt to close the gate by making a skill check. If the investigator has gathered enough knowledge of the Mythos (represented by "clue tokens" gathered by visiting locations in Arkham or having encounters) and is successful in closing the gate, they may then place a seal on the location, preventing any gate from opening there again.
Should the investigators fail to stop the Ancient One from coming to Arkham, all is not entirely lost. They are given one last chance for victory in an epic battle against the Ancient One itself. Every battle with an Ancient One works differently. While combat works essentially the same for the players, in terms of making skill checks, the number of successful rolls required to defeat an Ancient One can number in excess of a hundred in some circumstances. Meanwhile, Ancient Ones typically whittle down Investigators slowly, forcing them to discard vital equipment or other collected items. If at any time a character lacks the necessary items (whatever they may be) to defend against an Ancient One's attack, they are devoured and eliminated from play.
Obviously, facing an Ancient One head-on is usually the worst possible scenario, so it's important that everyone work together and coordinate their efforts to prevent this situation from even occurring. The odds of defeating an Ancient One in combat are exceedingly low (though it is possible).
To be frank, as lengthy as this description of play has been, I've really only scratched the surface of the intricacies of Arkham Horror. This is not the sort of game that casual players are likely to enjoy unless they have the assistance of a seasoned tabletop player. The rules aren't all that complex once you become familiar with the turn sequence and mechanics, but to a newcomer they can be daunting at best. As there is also a large quantity of materials required to play the game, between the character sheets, chits and assorted cards, the game can take up a considerable amount of real estate on a table, which can make the game a challenge for some to play and keep organized.
Speaking of packaging and components, Fantasy Flight has really done a top-notch job. Character and Ancient One sheets are printed on heavy cardstock and the many assorted chits for keeping track of sanity, health, monsters and so on are thick, durable cardboard. The artwork is phenomenal and provides a stunning representation of what is probably the most epic horror setting ever written. While the box supplies a plastic tray for keeping cards organized, I find it to be rather insufficient. Instead, I recommend picking up a craft box, such as the ones people use to keep beads or tackle organized, to store all the assorted chits and item cards.
As if the main game wasn't sufficient, there's a wealth of player-generated content available for Arkham Horror. From new scenarios and Investigators to variant rules, the base set alone could be played for years and years. One particularly excellent contribution from the fan community is a program called Strange Eons (named from the classic Lovecraft quote, "that is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die"). This utility eases the creation of new Investigators and Ancient Ones, using basic rules extrapolated from examining how all of the characters in the game are designed. While it will never tell you outright that a character you've created would be invalid for play, it does provide recommendations based on what you've input to help maintain game balance.
Arkham Horror is amazing. I'm honestly having a hard time coming up with any other way to say it. The variety is so strong that no two games should ever play the same way. It's so intense that players will be on the edge of their seats in anticipation of each new Mythos card that could spell their doom in any number of ways. And the challenge is just difficult enough that players could easily lose if they don't plan properly but not insurmountable for a group that does. There's no amount of recommendation that I could give this game that would be sufficient. If you like horror or modern board games, this is the game to be playing.
Next week, I'll be discussing the first major expansion, Dunwich Horror, which adds yet more stellar elements to this already exceptional game.
Death By Cartoon follows my exploits as I attempt to watch and provide analysis on every episode of Captain N. It's a dangerous road, with thoughts of the sweet escape of suicide around every corner. Check back every Thursday for a new episode or check out the archive to see previous editions.
Uber-Short Synopsis: The N Team are challenged by Mother Brain to compete against her minions in the Videolympics on Mt. Icarus, but it's all a ploy to steal the Three Sacred Treasures and their unstoppable power.
As we begin this horrible half-hour of pain, Mother Brain is screaming about not yet having the necessary power to defeat the N team and conquer Videoland. Consulting her magic mirror...
Yeah, you read that right. Mother Brain has an enchanted mirror, just like the evil witch in Snow White. Gee, I wonder if they're desperate enough for ideas to recreate the entire fairy tale? (Answer: Not yet. Not yet.) More importantly, if she's had this amazing piece of equipment at her disposal, why hasn't she used it in this way before? Why, only now, seven fucking years later, is she finally asking the goddamn mirror what to do? You know what? Nevermind. I'm not going to give myself an aneurysm less than two minutes into the episode.
The magic mirror gives her the answer she needs (in a rhyme probably written by the producer's kid): The Three Sacred Treasures on Mt. Icarus. I'm a bit torn on this revelation. On the one hand, it completely obliterates any sort of subterfuge on the part of the writers, there's no chance of a twist. On the other, if they didn't tell us her plot, we'd probably be confused as to what was going on. Either way, she has Dr. Wily make a call to the Palace of Power.
Looking in on what the N Team are up to, Kevin is running on the girders which comprise the standard Donkey Kong board. Kong has Lana locked up in the cage and The Cap'N is shooting barrels, climbing ladders and leaping over fireballs to get to her. When he reaches the top, DK tumbles off but then so does he. Somehow he failed, but it's really not clear at all how. The whole thing is a simulation anyway, which dissolves away.
Just then, Mother Brain appears on a giant video screen behind them. Uncharacteristically polite and apologetic, she suggests that they make the peace. Instead of this constant fighting, thy should settle their war with a competition, holding a Videolympics on Mt. Icarus. If Mother Brain loses, she and her cronies stay on Metroid permanently. If they win, she becomes the new princess of Videoland.
Lana's not buying it and suspects there's some deception at play here. Kevin points out that they only way they'll find out is if they go along with it (which is goddamn retarded, if you ask me). The whole team seems rearing to go and pretty much just steamroll her into agreeing. The games are on and begin tomorrow. "With a little workout," Kevin says, "we'll be unbeatable." Right. Everyone trains for the Olympics in an afternoon.
In the courtyard, they begin their training. Kevin has everyone jumping rope. Lana's showing some stomach and wearing some very short shorts but there's a noticeable lack of jiggle when she jumps, which removes any pleasure I'm going to get from watching this episode. Simon seems more than capable at this task. Using his whip, he begins an intricate series which results in the whip (which, I may remind you, is alive; *sigh*) going pretty much out of control and tying him up. Next, Megaman and Kevin have this touching heart to heart:
I couldn't resist. Obviously, the pint-sized robot is talking about the shot put, which Kevin demonstrates for him. On Megaman's try, the iron ball flies far off into the distance, tearing through the target Kid Icarus is practicing archery on.
And then everything pretty much falls apart. Kid Icarus shoots Belmont in the ass, Belmont shoots Icarus into the target, Icarus flies towards Belmont and misses, hitting Megaman instead. It's complicated for something that only takes about fifteen seconds.
Meanwhile, the bad guys are training in the most awesome place ever: Punch-Out. From the outside, it looks like a second-rate boxing club. Inside, however, it looks like a third-rate one. Eggplant Wizard is jumping rope using a french fry (I'm gonna have to start counting vegetable gags too), Dracula is working the punching bag and Hippo's lifting weights.
Actually, I really like the image of Dr. Wily in a sweat suit acting as a trainer. There's something oddly appropriate about it all. Hippo, all set up to lift, is actually lifting the entire room up instead of standard weights.
Right about then, Mother Brain appears to them and chides them for training. She expected them to figure out ways to cheat at the games, figuring that a victory in the Videolympics would help her image once she's conquered Videoland with the Sacred Treasures. After all, who doesn't have a soft spot for a tyrannical despot who has overthrown the rightful ruler of your once peaceful kingdom when they demonstrate good team management skills?
Now knowing the true purpose of their workout, Hippo and Eggplant get into the swing of things. This lasts all of ten seconds before they wind up fighting with each other, eventually winding up in a ring. Eggplant turns King Hippo into an assortment of vegetables (Squash, Beet, Artichoke; I'm sure you can figure out the jokes from there) before being squished into pulp.
In the courtyard of the Palace of Power, The N Team aren't faring much better. The three morons, Belmont, Icarus and Megaman, are fighting over who gets to be on the cereal box when they win. Lana puts her foot down (I just love a dominant female) and Kevin gets them all working out, MONTAGE STYLE! The sequence ends with an homage (rip-off) of the legendary city hall scene from Rocky. I wish I were watching Rocky. Hell, I'd watch Rocky V right now, and like it by comparison.
The next day, on Mt. Icarus, the two teams engage in a little pep talk. Kevin encourages The N Team to watch for suspicious behavior. Meanwhile, Mother Brain is telling her team that she's arranged for the various events to take place near the locations of the Three Sacred Treasures.
