10 Things you didn't know about me. (11. I procrastinate)

I know I'm a bit behind the initial rush, but I figured it's never too late for another 10 Things blog. Some people had things similar to stuff I was planning on including, so I tried to stay away from that. Here's 10 things about me that might be interesting.


10. I am a U.S. Merchant Marine.

At least for another month. I had a job a few years back on a cruise line, and the vessel was U.S. Flagged, meaning it never left U.S. Waters. Because of that, we had to adhere to Coast Guard rules, meaning all employees had to be certified as Merchant Marines.

9. I was at sea during Hurricane Flossie.

I was working on a ship for the above mentioned cruise line, and Flossie was on course to crush our port. We had to go out to sea and try to get around the worst of it, which we managed, even though the storm turned away from the islands and back out to sea towards us. However, the ship still rocked rather violently. I took a break on the mooring deck, and the 20ft waves were washing over my feet as I smoked cigarettes in the storm.

8. I was once a police officer.

When I was about 22, I realized that all my friends were about to graduate college and that I had done nothing as far as career building. I was also dating a girl that was probably the closest I've ever come to being engaged, and thought I should do something that would be solid for my financial future. We broke up (lololol Bloodspray in a committed relationship) but I made it through the academy, and for just over a year I was a police officer in my hometown.

7. I grew up in a very small town.

Small enough that technically it is a village. It's population has hovered between 1400 and 1500 since the 1950's. I graduated with about 80 people, and my entire school, 7th through 12th grades had just over 600 people. Oh yeah, the town was so small that the school system had to combine with the next small town over just to maintain a school.

6. I can probably drink more than any other Dtoider.

That's not a thing I'm bragging about, or that I'm proud of. It's just a thing. I probably qualify as an alcoholic by some definition. That's really about all I have to say about that.

5. I've sang both the American and Canadian National anthems at a sporting event.

It was at a bout for the Glass City Rollers, the local roller derby team. I can sing pretty well, and doing the national anthem at an event like that was on my bucket list for a long time. I was in the program for the evening and everything.

4. I saw one of my friends hand's explode, and I think some of it hit my face.

I could about write a book on this, but I'll keep it short. Port-o-potty. CO2 cartridge filled with black powder. Short fuse. Loud noise. Hand peeled like a banana. Later they told me if the door of the shit shack hadn't been between me and the explosion a chunk of shrapnel would have gone through my stomach.

3. A bum and I locked eyes while he was masturbating.

I used to date a bartender, and I would play some nights at her bar. On the nights I did I would stay to help her close and lock the place up. One night after locking up at the front door, and was giving her a good night kiss, and happen to look over her shoulder. There, laying on a bench, is a bum looking back at us, hand down his pants, going to town. I made eye contact and kind of froze in a weird state of WTF, and my girlfriend noticed and turned to see what I was looking at. He stopped schlackin' his glacknoid just for a moment, and looked away. About two seconds later he went right back to business. We went home. Yeah.

2. I am diabetic.

I think I was 15 when I was diagnosed. My mother was a nurse and had suspected as much, as I was 5'11” and only weighed 120lbs, was constantly thirsty and had to piss all the time. There's not much else to tell about it. Truth is, it fucking sucks, but I deal with it the best I can.

1. I don't think I can die.

Let me start by saying that this isn't a delusional youth thing. I'm a month shy of 30. I've drank and smoked excessively, used drugs recreationally and at certain darker points in my life, to the point of habitual abuse. I've been in countless car accidents, including two which totaled my vehicles. One where I wrapped my station wagon around a telephone pole, sheering it in two, and one where I ran my Camaro through a stop sign, t-boning a pick-up truck. And that truck was hauling a boat. I walked away from those with a bruised kidney and scraped knees, respectively. I've fallen (or jumped) from heights well over 10 feet, including an ocean bluff and a waterfall. I narrowly escaped decapitation by an old style garage door, only to fall out and bruise my tail bone. I've already the shrapnel to the gut I avoided. There's a saying that a few family friends have: You can't kill an Elsea. It's almost like a really low level mutant healing ability. Hell, one time after a particularly raucous few months I went to the doctor only to be told my health had improved.

So there's 10 things you know about me now that you didn't before you read this. I hope you don't hate me for wasting your time.