Newly crowned U.S. Community Manager, Conor has been working with the community since shortly after PAX East '10, where he drunkenly told an editor he wanted to be "more active, man" over and over. The next day, when reminded of it, he knew there was only one thing to do: throw amazing parties. For the next several years Conor held the Midwest NARPs and helped out the staff at any event he attended. One day Andy Dixon asked him if he'd like to become a member of the staff and the only thing he could do was say "hold on let me masturbate." Then he said "fuck yes!"
Nothing is more important to me than helping you have fun. Let me know about any events you are planning, want to promote, or need advice about.
Follow me on twitter: @Jon_Bloodspray
Facebook: Conor Elsea
This picture, this whole adventure, wouldn't have been possible were it not for the Dtoid community. Thank you.
Back in June I decided to pack all my earthly belongings into my truck and head from Toledo, Ohio across the country to Portland, Oregon. I put out the call to my fellow Dtoiders, letting them know I would be very grateful for a place to lay my head on the way. In pure Dtoid fashion, they delivered in spades. Mr. Gobbldigook (Sam) was on his way from Boston to Seattle, so he jumped in with me and off we went!
First stop we had was lunch just past Chicago with these two gentlemen. That's falsenipple and ChillyBill. We stopped at Gameworks for some food and drinks, and Chillybill gave me an awesome ass TARDIS coffee mug as a house warming gift.
Heading out from there, our next stop was in Iowa, where member PoopfaceMorty offered us his place for the night.
I think he just wanted his brofist badge.
We hung out for a night, he made us a pizza, and we watched some Game of Thrones. It was a nice night.
The next day was fucking brutal. BRUTAL. It was the beginning of this summer's heat wave, and my truck had no air conditioning. However, Sam and I trudged through the heat and made a stop to deliver a brofist badge to ProlificDream.
It was at this point we started referring to ourselves as the Brofist Badge Delivery Service.
We pushed on that day and night into Denver, where we stayed with a friend of mine I used to bartend with(Thanks Connor Brown!). While there, we met up with PappaDukes for lunch. Motherfucker was one of the chillest dudes I've ever met. If I ever make it out to Denver again, this dude is going to be the first one I call.
We also spent a night out with ShadoKatRegn. I don't think we have any pictures of that, but she bought most of our drinks in a dueling piano bar. As I am sure you can guess, it was a great night. She's also one of the people responsible for the great co-op game SCHAR: Blue Shield Alliance so you should go check that out!
From Denver, we made our way to Tempe, AZ to stay with Dtoid writer and community member Dexter345 (or as you may know him on the front page, Darren Nakamura). Again, I can't find any pictures of this, but him and Sam got down on some Spelunky and we got to cool down from the road. His wife had just baked some cookies and they both treated us awesome.
From there we went to Las Vegas with a stop at the Grand Canyon on the way. I have to say, if you've never seen the Grand Canyon, you should at least once in your life. You simply cannot grasp how immense it is unless you see it with your own eyes. It's awe inspiring.
Once in Vegas we found out that the bars never closed and drank enough to make them regret that. We did head to the strip and Fremont Street for a night, but not much happened. Fremont Street is pretty trashy, and on the strip I was offered cocaine at least once every block. Sadly, I hadn't worked that into my travel budget. We were lucky enough to stay with my cousin Dave for a few nights, so Dave, if you read this, thank you so much.
From there we went to L.A. where we stayed with the inexplicably internet famous Gobun.
Who am I kidding? I love the retard.
DanlHaas and Ruckus even drove up from San Diego to meet us there!
We drank a bunch, walked to McDonald's, and partied on the roof until the neighbor yelled at us a bunch. The next morning after breakfast we shoved off for the next destination.
We encountered some trouble on this leg, but it's not much of a story to tell. It did set us behind a day though. We were supposed to stay with Hamza in San Francisco for a night, but the delay threw us off. Still, thanks the offer Hamza!
We made it to Portland in one piece. Sam caught his bus to Seattle in the nick of time. Journey's end.
I know this is late, and I know it's not very detailed. Truth is that I set out on a huge life changing journey, and I did it relatively late in life. In a time when I had no idea what was ahead of me, I knew that I had my Dtoid family to count on. I can never really thank all of you enough for letting us rest, or just sharing a moment with us on the way. If you ever need anything, and you know I mean anything, don't hesitate in the slightest to contact me, and I'll do all I can.
I love you Destructoid. You truly are better people here.
So here's the deal: after the Dtoid Midwest NARP this year I'm going to peace the fuck out of Ohio, and head to Portland, Oregon. I'll be leaving Toledo, Ohio on Wednesday, June 27th. I'm hoping to meet some Dtoiders along the way, and also throwing myself at your feet to beg for a place to stay. I'm trying to avoid paying for hotels, and am staying with friends along the way. I could really use a place to crash between Dubuque, Iowa and Colorado Springs, Colorado, another between Colorado Springs and Phoenix, Arizona, and maybe a place between San Francisco and Portland. Here is my current route, with each marker being a place I'm planning to stop. I can't offer much in return except for a great deal of gratitude, good conversation, and whatever fun should happen while I'm around. If your interested in putting me up for a night, or even just meeting for food and a brofist along the way, hit up the forum thread and let me know. Or, if forums aren't your thing because you hate better people, leave a comment below, or email me at jonbloodspray AT gmail DOT com.
If you can help, I appreciate it immensely. If not, thanks for taking the time to read this anyway.
I know I'm a bit behind the initial rush, but I figured it's never too late for another 10 Things blog. Some people had things similar to stuff I was planning on including, so I tried to stay away from that. Here's 10 things about me that might be interesting.
10. I am a U.S. Merchant Marine.
At least for another month. I had a job a few years back on a cruise line, and the vessel was U.S. Flagged, meaning it never left U.S. Waters. Because of that, we had to adhere to Coast Guard rules, meaning all employees had to be certified as Merchant Marines.
9. I was at sea during Hurricane Flossie.
I was working on a ship for the above mentioned cruise line, and Flossie was on course to crush our port. We had to go out to sea and try to get around the worst of it, which we managed, even though the storm turned away from the islands and back out to sea towards us. However, the ship still rocked rather violently. I took a break on the mooring deck, and the 20ft waves were washing over my feet as I smoked cigarettes in the storm.
8. I was once a police officer.
When I was about 22, I realized that all my friends were about to graduate college and that I had done nothing as far as career building. I was also dating a girl that was probably the closest I've ever come to being engaged, and thought I should do something that would be solid for my financial future. We broke up (lololol Bloodspray in a committed relationship) but I made it through the academy, and for just over a year I was a police officer in my hometown.
7. I grew up in a very small town.
Small enough that technically it is a village. It's population has hovered between 1400 and 1500 since the 1950's. I graduated with about 80 people, and my entire school, 7th through 12th grades had just over 600 people. Oh yeah, the town was so small that the school system had to combine with the next small town over just to maintain a school.
6. I can probably drink more than any other Dtoider.
That's not a thing I'm bragging about, or that I'm proud of. It's just a thing. I probably qualify as an alcoholic by some definition. That's really about all I have to say about that.
5. I've sang both the American and Canadian National anthems at a sporting event.
It was at a bout for the Glass City Rollers, the local roller derby team. I can sing pretty well, and doing the national anthem at an event like that was on my bucket list for a long time. I was in the program for the evening and everything.
4. I saw one of my friends hand's explode, and I think some of it hit my face.
I could about write a book on this, but I'll keep it short. Port-o-potty. CO2 cartridge filled with black powder. Short fuse. Loud noise. Hand peeled like a banana. Later they told me if the door of the shit shack hadn't been between me and the explosion a chunk of shrapnel would have gone through my stomach.
3. A bum and I locked eyes while he was masturbating.
I used to date a bartender, and I would play some nights at her bar. On the nights I did I would stay to help her close and lock the place up. One night after locking up at the front door, and was giving her a good night kiss, and happen to look over her shoulder. There, laying on a bench, is a bum looking back at us, hand down his pants, going to town. I made eye contact and kind of froze in a weird state of WTF, and my girlfriend noticed and turned to see what I was looking at. He stopped schlackin' his glacknoid just for a moment, and looked away. About two seconds later he went right back to business. We went home. Yeah.
2. I am diabetic.
I think I was 15 when I was diagnosed. My mother was a nurse and had suspected as much, as I was 5'11” and only weighed 120lbs, was constantly thirsty and had to piss all the time. There's not much else to tell about it. Truth is, it fucking sucks, but I deal with it the best I can.
1. I don't think I can die.
Let me start by saying that this isn't a delusional youth thing. I'm a month shy of 30. I've drank and smoked excessively, used drugs recreationally and at certain darker points in my life, to the point of habitual abuse. I've been in countless car accidents, including two which totaled my vehicles. One where I wrapped my station wagon around a telephone pole, sheering it in two, and one where I ran my Camaro through a stop sign, t-boning a pick-up truck. And that truck was hauling a boat. I walked away from those with a bruised kidney and scraped knees, respectively. I've fallen (or jumped) from heights well over 10 feet, including an ocean bluff and a waterfall. I narrowly escaped decapitation by an old style garage door, only to fall out and bruise my tail bone. I've already the shrapnel to the gut I avoided. There's a saying that a few family friends have: You can't kill an Elsea. It's almost like a really low level mutant healing ability. Hell, one time after a particularly raucous few months I went to the doctor only to be told my health had improved.
So there's 10 things you know about me now that you didn't before you read this. I hope you don't hate me for wasting your time.
Hello there! I wanted to take a moment to introduce myself (again) to avoid any future incidents of “who the fuck is...” and let you guys know what I'm all about.
I'm Conor, also Jon Bloodspray, and Mr. Andy Dixon recently brought me on to help him with the community. I'll be doing the regional group organizational stuff that Tactix used to do, helping keep the C-Blogs free from spammers and maybe front-paging choice blogs, and any other chores Andy puts on me.
Want to know a little about me? Too bad, I'm going to tell you anyway. I've been reading Destructoid since 2006, signed up in 2007, and started getting active in 2009. Since then, I've met with the crew at PAX East '10 & '11, MAGFest 9 and X, and held fewparties of my own as the regional head of Destructoid Midwest. My Dtoid home is the Forums, and if you've ever heard the BETTER PEOPLE phrase, well then, you're welcome.
One of the things I and many others have always loved about Destructoid is the community. Almost all of my friends are members of this site, and I love meeting new people every day. I consider it a privilege to finally have a position that will let me help aid and improve this great thing we have going. I'll be doing my best to learn and do whatever I can to help continue Destructoid's reputation of being the best damn gaming site on the internet. I hope I can meet any expectations you guys may have of the work I do, whatever it may be.
So if you ever want to ask me anything or just say hello, feel free to. I'll make up an answer that doesn't sound entirely unlike the truth, and most certainly say hello back.
Oh, and did I mention I'll be at PAX East this year? I'll be at PAX East this year.
If I'm sober, I'll look like this:
I am the one that is not Jonathan Holmes
And if I am drunk I will most likely look like this:
In a different suit, probably, but hopefully clothed.
I will more than likely be sporting a mohawk from the Ubisoft event booth thing, because my hair is getting long and because fuck it why not.
So if you see me there, say hi! I'd love to meet you, and offer you a piggy back ride. For science.
I'm coming for you, Ali D.
Because my forum family knows what a badge whore I am.
Seriously, this is the last time I post this image.
Well it's about that time that people are getting prepared for MAGFest X! I'm preparing for some midwesterners to roll into my house, and we are heading out early in the morning.
So here's the tentative Destructoid schedule for this year's festivites, as approved by our Shark Overlord. The times listed are the starting times of those events, so plan on being around 10-20 minutes ahead of time if you plan on meeting up before hand.
1pm Opening ceremony
7pm Stage One concerts
11:30 am HAWP Panel
7pm Stage One concerts
4:30pm Destructoid Live!
7pm Stage One concerts
3pm Closing ceremony
This is obviously just a list of suggestions as imposing any kind of schedule on MAGFest is somewhat against the spirit of the whole thing. However, if you're a Dtoider new to the MAGFest experience or just want a place to meet every day and see what's up these might help.
Also, the Google Group has been discussing a Suiterday, and possibly karaoke, so if either of those things interest you make sure you keep an ear to the ground for details. Of course, there will be plenty of room parties, so staying in isn't a bad option either.
In less than a week people will be showing up at my house as part of the Great Midwest MAGFest Caravan of '12. With MAGFest drawing so near it seemed like it's about time I made an agenda. I thought I'd share it, so any first timers can get an idea of what they're in for. Or, if you've previously attended you might just want to compare experiences. Here's my list of to do's (and don'ts) for MAGFest X.
Ms. Pac-Man is one of my favorite games of all time. I like Señor Pac-Man well enough, but his wife is just too irresistable for me to stay away. Any time I see a Ms. Pac-Man machine that bitch is getting some quarters shoved into her slot. Last year at MAGfest I had a goal of setting the high score on their cabinet.
This was not the high score run, unless we're talking about the amount of scotch in my system.
I managed to sober up a bit on Sunday, shortly before the place closed down, and set the high score on my first quarter. I hope to repeat that shit year.
Not get arrested/thrown out.
I simply look too fabulous to be removed.
Sometimes things that seem like a good idea really aren't. Like elevator parties. Trust me on this one, the MAGFest and hotel staff donot look kindly on those. I was in the process of getting thrown out last year when by some miracle Dtoider dyganth managed to talk the staffer out of it. There was another incident involving Jon St. John, a broken lamp, and a funny smell from the bathroom that caused Mr. MAGFest himself to come up to the room in lieu of security. I'd rather not push my luck again this year.
Drink a fuck load of booze.
This about covers Thursday night.
Look, I drink. Probably way too much. Lately, however, I've been trying to cut back so my liver doesn't fail on me before I turn 40. At MAGFest though, all bets are off. There most likely will be very few moments in which I will be seen without an alcoholic beverage in my hand.
Coffee in my coffee cup? Nah, that's scotch.
Between room parties and boozing discretely on the hotel floor the flow of alcohol into my system will be as reliable and consistent as a hospital saline drip. I handle my booze pretty well, but it you don't (or don't know) you may want to pay careful attention to my next point...
Don't black out.
Yeah. That. On one night last year I lost about 2 hours. When I say lost, I mean that they are fucking gone. The last anyone saw me I was in the arcade sitting at a shmup cabinet, and then I just dissappeared. A couple hours later I showed up back at the room and passed out. No one knows where I had been, and I never remembered. This year I'd like to avoid that. I can get pretty ridiculous when I'm really drunk, and who knows what the fuck kind of trouble I could get myself into.
Listen to more music.
There is music everywhere at MAGFest. Yes, you have concerts and the JamSpace, but music flows all along the hallways and rooms. Last year the only scheduled concert I attended was The Protomen, but I heard plenty of music over the weekend. We played a little but in the room even, with just a guitar, violin, and set of bongos and it was super fun. My highlight though, is walking through the halls to see a duet playing ”Phantom Train” from Final Fantasy VI on a piano and violin. This year I want to see a lot more acts, with DJ Cutman and Earthbound Papas topping my list.
Hang out with Dtoiders.
Ok, this is the last time I post this picture, I promise. Probably. Maybe.
If you've been to MAGFest or either PAX or any Dtoid gathering, you know exactly what I'm talking about already. These are the times where our community comes out of our little corner of the internet and shines with the blinding light of pure awesome. The majority of my friends are now Dtoiders that I've met at these events. There will be reunions and new friendships founded, and all of them will be SW33T. This is really the best part of any gaming event. I can't wait to meet new people, see old friends, and drink entirely too much with everybody.
The arcade is fucking huge. Seriously, you can't really grasp it's enormity until you've seen it. It has just about every game you could want and then some. On top of that, a lot of people bring games with them so the rooms can easily become emulator dens, Street Fighter tournaments, or speed run competitions. Last year I found that I really enjoyed shmups and spent hours playing them. I'd love to broaden my gaming horizons even further this year, and there's no place better to achieve that than MAGFest. There's also X-MEN, Dance Dance Revolution, Rock Band, and a great deal of other stuff to do with your friends. I can't wait to get lost in that labyrinth of sprites, polygons, and pixels once again.
Wear a suit.
I very rarely get to dress up, but the times I do are most often Dtoid related. This year will be no different. Saturday I'm suiting up for Suiterday, regardless of whether or not anyone joins me. I clean up nice dammit, and will take any opportunity to do so. Join me, and let's pretend we're classy for a night.
So that's my list for MAGFest. I think it's pretty good, but do you think there's anything I missed? If you have suggestions for anything I may have missed let me know in the comments, or share your own agendas for the weekend.