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Welcome to Commentoid, home of Comments of the Week!

Commentoid is where we take the full range of comments; the ones that make you think, the ones that make you laugh and the ones that make you cry (but also laugh), and compounds them into an entertaining package for the viewing pleasure of you, the Destructoid community.

We do take requests from time to time but be forewarned that messages about insightful commentary, brilliant wit or heartbreaking failure are much more likely to get checked if you send them to the correctly listed officiator for that week.

The combined group of commentive officiators (That lay down the weekly sermon of commentacular commentitude within a relay system of commentatoratiativenessisation!):

5. Sean Daisy the wise!

1. Xero the brave!

2. Knutaf the strong!

3. Xzyliac the courageous!

4. LawofThermalDynamics the daring!

6. Handy the valiant!

Back ups:

VGFreak the backupest of the backups!

We try to go live Wednesday - Friday just to leave some room in everyone's schedules and make sure that there's enough time to post. If a post doesn't go up on Wednesday then don't worry as we're probably not dead.
Following (10)  


Each week there's usually a theme for Commentoid huh?

Well coincidentally there has been some discussion about a cat. A very specific cat. A cat often trapped in a paradox.

Perhaps it is Schrodinger's Cat?

From: Child of Eden: Saving Eden with Kinect...or not


From: My Blog...It Writhes

Because Gen is an intelligent and sensible human being, she took this kind advice just as an intelligent and sensible person ought to. She took it well. (Also, she's a dental student. You know how hard it is to be a dentist?)

From: Brink Dev: 1% of Games Shouldn't Make 99% of the Profit

Sad truth. Also disgusting...but true.

From: Hackers Bring Other OS Back to Playstation

From: Milla Jovovich Tweets About the New Resident Evil Movie


From: Amazon Cloud servers possibly used in PSN hack attack


From: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 trailer official reveal

We can all breath a sigh of relief knowing that Modern Warfare 3 isn't just another unobtainable dream.

Okay, I'm just going to say this. Jim Sterling's review of the new PS Firmware update is filled with funny comments. I would have just linked the entire Comments of the Week to that page if allowed. I have just selected a very few from a very large pool of funny comments.

From: Firmware Update 3.61


Fucking Bias

I believe someone is still bitter to know that we are all sex maniacs.

From: Sony Hackers bring back Other OS

Both interpretations seem acceptable.

From: Ocarina of Time 3D: 3DS improvements detailed

It's all about asking the right people.

From: Witcher 2 edits out sexual favors for Australian release

Because as argued before, sex is important in video games.

From: Atlus Japan's new webpage for upcoming DS RPG

Okay granted. But what about the cuteness? THE CUTENESS??!?!?!?

From: Deus Ex sites hacked, 80,000 registered users at risk

I don't even...Wut?

From: What Sony told publishers about PSN three weeks later

That's a bit much. And I grew up on Halo.

From: inFAMOUS 2 trailer gives you a quick plot refresher

Okay, I'm going to assume that the guy is worried that Jim will give it a bad review. My question is: Why should you care? If you think you're going to enjoy the game then go ahead and enjoy the game. WHY DO YOU NEED A NUMBER'S FUCKING APPROVAL?!?!?!?


From: ?Forums?

Why?: Because


I was away for a little while, but now I'm back. I guess Xero had to step out for a little while or something, and The Bus asked me to do some Commetingoid. I wasn't super busy, so I said, "sure!"

This week's Commentoid is in honor of the esteemed Dr. Feynman, who is my new hero, ever since I finished reading his book. I can't say enough good things about it: humor, wit, adventures, and science! Totally worth reading.

I guess it's also a reference to a song of a similar name by the amazing Jonaathan Coulton.

You see, when you examine it deeply, it's not really so unfair to ask about how magnets work.

I did about a week's worth of the frontpage (here to here) and cblogs (here to here).

From: Nintendo confirms new console in quarterly report

This kind of fragmentation of their market should be concerning at some level. Two different latest-gen systems plus two current-gen systems that have nowhere near lived out their welcome?

From: Cospa makes Persona 4 glasses

What a remarkably complete analysis of a pair of gimmicky gaming spectacles. Are you a doctor or something? The stuff you seem to take for granted that glasses-wearing people know is unbeknownst to me, a glasses-wearer for over twenty years.

From: Allow Me To Be Dark, For But A Moment (NVGR)

I am a sucker for kind, understanding words from one human to another, especially on Dtoid. I love to see the truth in such things.

From: Rocket launcher enemas!

I was going to comment, but then I noticed The Sama said pretty much exactly what I would have. Let it be known that there still exist shooters that put everyone on a more or less equal playing field at the start of a match.

From: Assassin's Creed Revelations reveal incoming

Man, I will take the barest excuse to include a picture of Kristen Bell, won't I?

Huh. This is the second time I've done ths. Oh hey, looks like Veronica Mars is on streaming Netflix. Worth checking out!

From: Review: Fate of the World

Nice wake-up call for some people in this comments thread.

From: Here's every fatality from the new Mortal Kombat

Komplex maths and kodes to simulate your kombats.

From: Square Enix trademarks Hitman: Absolution

Are you ready for this? Let's just let the anticipation build for a second.

Okay, that's quite enough.

Why do I love this site? It's probably that feeling you get just before you open a post, where you just can't wait to see if there's a ridiculous, impromptu meme in the comments.

From: A Mario Paint Easter egg kit was a thing once

I can't imagine it originated here, but the "is a thing" / "a thing that happened" stuff always makes me chuckle, so high five to Megastryke.

From: Review: Air Penguin

I won't tarnish these humorous comments with my lame jokes, so instead here is a video of Feynman playing bongos. He was apparently a reasonably competent percussionist in Brazil, where he went to teach for a while.

From: What Video Games Have Done to Us

As a public service announcement, the best way to get comments to the actual Commentoid officiators is to go to the Commentoid blog, look on the sidebar for who is the current one, and PM them. I was lucky to see it this time, Occams!

From: P2 Press Start: A Grateful Man

Help! Crime got taken over by a bot! I love making fun of spam bots. Although, who says he's imitating a bot? This could explain a lot...

From: Xbox Live phishing scammers infest Modern Warfare 2

This portion of Commentoid is known as Bakewell's corner. He has a habit of showing up at least once when it's my turn.


These posts are rife with comments. Sometimes this is just way too easy. I especially prefer to read falsenipple's comment in the voice of a turret from Portal.

From: PSN+ for 30 days? how 'bout suck mah...

I'm just going to leave you with this. It's good that we have people who are trained to deal with these kind of cblog posts in the correct manner.

Creating this image would not have been possible without the use of CSS3 Multi-column support, now also in the first preview build of IE10.

From: Converse x Super Mario Bros. 25th anniversary shoe

I'll let you judge. I'm not much of a Chuck Taylors guy. Then again, I'm not a tap dancing guy either.

From: What Project Cafe means for a hardcore Nintendo fan

I love that it wasn't until my second time visiting this page that I got the joke. It's hard for me to espresso how mocha I love these.

From: Frozenbyte Bundle owners get source code, level editor

I see. Tell me more about this "WUT".

From: Will You Survive The Hipster Apocalypse?

You have lost me. Hopelessly. Being on this site and making such a comment are at such odds in my mind that it's going to implo--

From: What Video Games Have Done to Us

Assignment: make a weird comment on some random blog...? Sounded like a spambot until I didn't find a link at the end.

A brief interlude with Feynman: a puzzle.

From: Dog fighting game Dog Wars pulled from Android Market

You do realize that censorship really wouldn't be a big deal if we were talking about things that everyone agrees are good, right? Someone doesn't seem to understand that censorship only really matters when talking about distasteful, horrendous, heinous, or just plain unpopular things.

From: Sniper: Ghost Warrior coming to PS3 on June 28

I'm not a video game historian by any stretch of the imagination, but I can remember sniper rifles as far back as the Railgun in Quake 2. That's quite a long time ago. Or are you redundantly saying that all FPS gaming is "modern"?

From: Blizzard: Diablo III is 'in the home stretch'

I love a good "sarc". I dunno, I just made that word up. It's stupid. Anyway, I couldn't decide whether to put this in LOL or WUT. Ultimately, I noticed WUT was looking a bit light, so there we go.

As compensation for not having anything witty or interesting to say here, I know you're dying to hear what Feynman says about the train after the end of the previous video. I wouldn't dream of keeping that from you.

From: PSA: Don't download the new Fallout: New Vegas patch yet!

See, the thing is, trying isn't quite good enough. If you try to fix a game I paid a good $60 for, but fail miserably (as they appear to have done--there are still major, game-breaking glitches today), then that doesn't count for good will. That just makes you look incompetent. I'm also glad you're not a game developer.

From: Super Mario Bros. Wii bath stickers for your shower time

I did a lot of "uhhhhh" while reading this.

From: L.A. Noire lets you skip bits if you keep failing

I don't know why people latched onto this particular comment when almost everything related to this post was equally vehement and zealous.

As an aside, in order to get the fancy miniature effects you see there, I modify the page with a bunch of javascript before screenshotting. It's so clever I felt like telling you about it. Maybe I will share my scripts in a future Commentoid.

That wraps it up for this week. Until next time!


Is your brain a fizzing synaptic mess after excessive chocolate and alcohol overload? Hey, welcome to Easter!

Us British folk have a double-header of holidays - the usual Easter celebrations with Friday and Monday off and the Royal Wedding next weekend meaning...another Friday and Monday off! I guess some of you across the pond may care about this and some do not. The sentiment is pretty similar here (apart from the days off, of course). Still, best of luck to them and all that.

Apparently the wedding is to be streamed live on YouTube. Will it get more hits than Rebecca Black? Only time will tell.

On with the comments!

From Octocock

This comment brought to you by "Aaah, so that's where it started!"

From Marvel vs Capcom Merchandise Program Launched

Well, that's more just Marvel, but still, they would be nice.

From Rumor Explosion: HD Wii 2/Stream/Project Cafe

It would be great but methinks it's a lot to ask.

From Mortal Kombat on the 360 - worth your time?
From the article
Keep your children away from this one. There, I said it, and I mean it. This one should not be sold, or played by, anyone under 18. I'll go into a definitive reason later in the review (and the reason it only received 3 stars), but the disclaimer had to be there. WHen they say M for Mature, they mean it.

Like going to a curry house with a strong dislike of spicy or exotic food, I'm with ChillyBilly on this one. But then, we would start an argument on reviews and whether someone who dislikes a brand of game can fairly review a game in that group. That's a discussion for another time.

From 360 Friday Night Fights: Cave Johnson Edition

"Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: Why is so much of our science dangerous? I say: Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out? Because you are fired."
-Cave Johnson

From The scoop on Backbreaker Vengeance play modes

This comment was actually more complex than a football game. Crikey.

From Ashley Davis is in the Mega Man tribute art book

Tony Ponce: You could actually be Mega Man, and you still won't be Mega Man enough for him.

From New Max Payne screns will put hair on your...head

I believe this phenomenon is called "The Green-Eyed Sonic Paradigm".

From It took me a while to find the "post a blog" button

This is from a 2-day-old blog, which makes you both yesterday's news muhahahaha?

From Rumor Explosion: HD Wii 2/Stream/Project Cafe

At first I thought "good point", but then, what's the alternative? That it doesn't come out on Wii at all?

From Aamazing: Rapture Revealed

I get it! You took the "Amazing" topic for the month and referred to your dick. Fucking Bravo.

Please remember to eat your greens (and reds) and PM Commentoid if there are any comments you would like included in next week's roundup!


I couldn't really think of anything relevant for a header image, so here's a reminder that Portal 2 comes out in less than a week.

Hey guys. Freak here again, filling in for knutaf. I know this week's post isn't quite on schedule, but writing these things take a lot more time than I expected. Lot of respect for those who do this regularly, I have a hard enough time as a backup.

We got a new interface for the cblogs now, huh? I predict big things happening in Dtoid soon. Maybe we can see Podtoid 2.0 resurface? Hint hint?
Seriously, it's been too long since Podtoid ended. I want to see a new one rise!

Now I'm not going to lie, was kinda hard to find this week's comments. Seemed like not a whole lot happened in the comment sections; its one of the reasons why I was kinda late getting these up. However, if anyone can find better comments from this week, feel free to rub it in my face. I'll admit it, I haven't quite gotten used to the job, and I will accept my lack of experience showing.

But enough of that. Here's what I DID find.

Debatoid: Are scores necessary in video game reviews?

I picked this one for a few reasons, but the primary one being that DF brings up some good points about us and reviews. We keep saying that we are tolerant of other reviewers' differing opinions, yet I still know of people who I normally respect will get angry at other people just because they didn't like a game you did. I'm guilty of this as well, and I've tried to stop this as of late. I can't stop anyone, but I would like to remind people that there's a difference between having a counter-argument, and a slam on the person in question. Just consider what it is you're saying before you say it. But you probably don't need me to tell you that. Also, there's a difference between not taking a reviewer seriously, and taking his opinion with a grain of salt.

But in all honesty, the whole blog was filled with great opinionated comments. Debatoid is truly a great idea, and I hope it flourishes.

Let Portal 2 sell you some quality footwear

Now, I'm not normally one to complain about ads on a free blog, but an ad that is over a minute long is a bit much. Fortunately, the Interdimensional Master Shark Demon is currently working on the case. So I guess things will be running smoothly again soon.

How to donate to the Jonathan Holmes burglary fund

This is why I stay at Destructoid. No one can match the kind of Community we have. Oh, and Holmes? If you read this, know that I'd gladly send you my regards in currency form, but alas, I am jobless. So all I can send is my hope that you're able to get everything straightened out to the best of your ability, and that they catch the jackholes who burgled you.

"SuckerPunching" the 360?! *Confirmed*

mrandydixon: Master of Wit and Aroused Male Sexual Organs

Anonymouse - A Re-Introduction

I second the notion. Seriously, that was the most amazing comment I've seen this week. I'd give it a seal of approval if I had one.

Gears of War 3 multiplayer beta starts up April 18

That post doesn't have enough F-bombs in it. I also didn't read a whole lot in the post about people being disappointed with Bulletstorm or buying it solely for the purpose of playing the beta, but whatevs.

ESRB: L.A. Noire has blood spurts, pubic hair, racism

What's that? POLITICS AND CONSPIRACY THEORIES IN MY GAMING BLOG??? Wait, it's just Mattrodroid. Carry on.

Review: SOCOM 4: U.S. Navy SEALs

See my previous statements about reviewers. The game doesn't even come out until Tuesday, so I'm really finding it hard to take half of these Jim-blasting comments seriously.

I said before that I thought this was a weak week, and I expect plenty of criticism this time around, which I will try and take. The other guys are probably much better than I am at this.

But I've said enough. I'm out (Freak out?)!

Photo Photo Photo

Natalie Portman in When Carrots Ruled the Earth (due out in Spring 2012)

Greetings, true lovers of the comment! As you may or may not know I have been keeping myself mighty busy with Debatoid, which is doing pretty well. If it wasn't working out though, did I have any backup plans?

Yes Sir, yes indeed I did.

I review the latest in videogame hardware in peripherals; after they have been dipped in maple syrup. Was planning on making it a big hit with the Canadian audience.

I send a load of consoles and games to the legendary rock musician Meat Loaf, along with my email address and instructions on the kind of reviews I'd like to read, and hopefully he responds with some good reviews.

I review games, with the added twist of taking a shot every time I died. My first games were going to be Demon's Souls and Super Meat Boy, so I might hold off on that one for a while.

Don' knaow if ya cud get yer mince pies round this lil' cracker guv'nor, but the ol' Jackie Chan was to do the ol' blummy Bananarama in proper ol' cockney mush! Right ol' pudding that'd be I tells ya! Knees up Mother Brown!

Videogame stories in rhyme (or verse)

Thus, did I once chance upon
A preview of that Duke Nukem;
My eyes did scour, and thus did find,
He slapped a dainty femme's behind.

No doubt, you may have heard decree,
The Press (in their indignity)
Did rule the game as one to vex,
The equality rule of sex.

Seriously; the Poetrytoid one might be a keeper. Look out for that one.

We look at videogames and see how everything reminds you of a dick with a kink in it.

For instance, play a bit of Tetris a while...

Ah, looken sie now! Das purple shape ist ein dick mit a kink in it. No qvestion.

From Jokes aside...

From the article
Dude. I had the weirdest dream in a long time. It was even better than that time when I dreamt that Microsoft threw a console comparison party and Christian Slater was rapping at a nightclub. In this dream, our editors were answering phones, receiving faxes, and drawing our posts all day as if we were living back when Game Counselors roamed the land -- a time before the Internet would drive them to extinction.

I hear you, man, but for me it was going to be an international call, so I chose to in order to keep money in mah wallets. Doesn't mean I don't regret it...

From Max Payne 3 isn't dead, here are two new screens

Once the game is released, one of these comments will remain! We'll have to wait and see as to which.

From Interviewing the Interviewer: A silly chat with LawofThermalDynamics

Despite the fact that LawofThermalDynamics is one of my Commentoid bros, I defy anyone to contest Occams' true words.

From Comments of the week: Now subsidized under new parent corporation

No, don't worry, we're not going anywhere! Unless Stevil has some evil plan in 5 months time dun dun dunn?

From Technical Difficulties: A true opponent stands before me

Occams illustrates the hidden danger of buying preowned.


You are all invited to the raptor evangelist disco. If you are under 6.

From Retailer buys 3DS units from one store to sell preowned in another store
From the article:
UK retailer GAME has admitted that it got staff members to buy 3DS units from another store in order to re-sell them as pre-owned items at its own outlets.

While small, independently run stores sometimes re-sell cheap supermarket products, it's not often you'll get a major videogame retailer pulling a stunt like this, especially on such a freshly released product. Tesco was offering a launch deal where the system costs £175 when bought with a £34.90 3DS game, which GAME took advantage of. Up to £1049.50 was spent per trip to Tesco, amounting to five bundles' worth.

From the article
Nintendo has addressed the situation, confidently stating that it "won't significantly influence" the 3DS' chart performance.

Though you could argue it adds a new, dimension, to it?

From Review: WWE All Stars, Tony Schiavone Edition

Hmm, so the wrestlers would have to have their picnic in the park...what would that look like?

From Live Show: We're playing Dishwasher 2 early on Hangover

Seriously; Max isn't gonna like you for saying that, Corduroy!

From Revisiting the first Half Life: Why it is my favourite PC game of all time

tldr but all their avatars looked cool so I pit it in mah blawg dawg.

From Nintendo dislikes small indie studios but also loves em

IV Backstab MC wrote to Epic complaining about the language in Bulletstorm... he said it wasn't sweary enough.

That was it. There weren't any other wut comments! Seriously man, I looked really really hard!
Oh, ok, I did find one:

From Gorge on these lovely Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim shots!

Not only did I have to re-read this comment three times to understand it, but the guy's finger on the screenshot doesn't look like Stretch Armstrong's arm at all! In fact, it looks like a dick with a kink in it. Isn't that right Dr Freud?

Ja, dat is unqveschunably a dick mit a kink in it.

Please remember to tip your waiter and PM Commentoid if there are any comments you would like included in next week's roundup!


I was going to start this week by telling people my process of how I do Commentoid, but to celebrate the possibly hostile takeover by the new CEO of C-Blog Enterprises, Andrew Kauz, I think I'll go with a corporate office theme this week.

From: Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Crytek Considering DRM

I don't use Steam, but I'm going to assume it solves lots and lots of problems.

From: Look at this Ridiculously Large Custom Made 3DS AR Card

A personal wish of mine, but Pokemon Snap is in my top 3 of favorite Pokemon games. (Below Pokemon Red and Gold).

From: EA Sports Helping the Earth, Ditches Printed Manuals

Now what will I have to read on the toilet?!?!?

From: Duke Nukem Forever Multiplayer: Spank Women on the Ass

I like how a multiplayer option that involves slapping butt brings out such wonderful thoughts. Videogames, the gateway to critical analysis!

From: Mobile Dev: Angry Birds is the New Super Mario Bros

In Angry Birds, you slingshot some birds at pigs. Nobel Peace Prize?

From: An Audioblog About How I Read C-Blogs

Hi. I believe you should listen to the above comment. I don't like promoting our members or myself, but seriously, read the above words for they are True Truth (Copyright Commentoid 2011).

From: Zynga: Xbox Live is 'Too Small' for Farmville

(Harvest Moon; Fuck Yeah)


"Yo Bro! What'd you get at the GSTOP!!??!" "COD!!!" "AWWWW YEEAAAAH"

From: Review: Nintendo 3DS


From: Cave Johnson Sells Us On Portal 2's Panels

Did you read that and hear Jonah J's voice? Because I sure as hell did.

From: CNN Gets Gamer Who Grew Up on Halo to Review the 3DS

The natural thought process of anyone who saw the video.

Probably what actually happened over at CNN HQ. Here at Commentoid Corp. We promise that we will never betray our customers over hookers and blow.

Duke Nukem Forever Delayed

But where?

From: From Dust Still Looks Too Good to be True

The inner reflection of the ego. But the real question is..."Can it run Crysis?"

From the pits of evil comes beauty...and vice versa. The world is a complex swirl of existentialism.

From: Possible First Glimpse at Hitman 5

Hitman 5: If I Did It

From: State of the Cblogs Address from the New Big Boss

Today we welcome new CEO of C-Blog Enterprises. May his reign be as strong as his justice is swift.

From: No Silent Hill Mutiplayer, says Downpour producer

I was about to dismiss the multiplayer until this comment. Now I can't stop imagining the fun.

From: This

The website about toys did not post this post.

From: Levine: PS Move in BioShock would 'cheat' gamers

Truth, Lol, belongs on Commentoid.

From: Nintendo 3DS raw materials cost $101, says firm

Is this sarcasm because I can't tell. If it is, sorry for putting this in the Wut section. If it isn't, then you sir, do not know how capitalism works.

From: Review: Nintendo 3DS

This is everything that's wrong with review scores right here. "No Score?", as if we're supposed to enjoy something on a sliding scale of 1-10?

From: Corgi in a Yoshi outfit! Corgi in a Yoshi outfit!

You've obviously not paid any attention to Destructoid. Also cocks.

From: Review: Crysis 2

I have a feeling that whatever games I list as FPS with good stories, he'll dismiss them as being "Not really FPS". If you shoot something in First Person, it is an FPS.

From: When Trolls Become Journalists


Something Funny but irrelevant

From: State of the Cblogs Address from the New Big Boss

Right, so this happened:

The funny thing is that I can't change my username. I tried.

Fear the mighty reach of Destructoid and Hamza. Seriously, though, I laughed hard.

(Can I have my username back?)