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Comments of the Week: I have returned edition - Destructoid




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Welcome to Commentoid, home of Comments of the Week!

Commentoid is where we take the full range of comments; the ones that make you think, the ones that make you laugh and the ones that make you cry (but also laugh), and compounds them into an entertaining package for the viewing pleasure of you, the Destructoid community.

We do take requests from time to time but be forewarned that messages about insightful commentary, brilliant wit or heartbreaking failure are much more likely to get checked if you send them to the correctly listed officiator for that week.

The combined group of commentive officiators (That lay down the weekly sermon of commentacular commentitude within a relay system of commentatoratiativenessisation!):


5. Sean Daisy the wise!


1. Xero the brave!


2. Knutaf the strong!


3. Xzyliac the courageous!


4. LawofThermalDynamics the daring!


6. Handy the valiant!

Back ups:


VGFreak the backupest of the backups!



We try to go live Wednesday - Friday just to leave some room in everyone's schedules and make sure that there's enough time to post. If a post doesn't go up on Wednesday then don't worry as we're probably not dead.
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Yoho Dtoid! A lotís happened since Iíve been doing real world stuff and not coming by here as much. It feels... smaller than before. And did we get rid of the trolls? This place seems pretty relatively troll free compared with before. Maybe people are getting less stupid (or maybe Jimís just not writing as much) but itís an improvement. Because I was so happy to be back Commentoiding I decided to make up for no one covering last week as well. And then I remembered what happened these last two weeks.I remembered E3. All 13 Ė in headline format Ė tabs of it.

Oh Dear God. And so it begins.



From: http://www.destructoid.com/nintendo-server-hacked-no-casualties-202902.phtml



You know at the beginning of this mess I supported the hacker side of the dispute as it seemed like the way that lead to most freedom of what you could do with your console but then Sony got hacked, credit card information was stolen and every bit of moral high ground that way had was promptly shat upon.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-microsoft-conference-stream-and-liveblog-202897.phtml



Just to note: I donít hate Kinect or think that most people do and I expect everyone to go back to just not giving two shits by the end of next week but Iíll be damned if Microsoft expects us to keep on letting that thing suck up precious E3 stage time till it dies. It wasnít cool when Wii Music did it and itís not cool now.
From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-fable-the-journey-is-a-kinect-rail-shooter-202961.phtml



Pfft no one is that-




I stand corrected. My faith in humanity has just halved; and to think I didnít consider it possible to divide by zero.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-pikmin-3-is-officially-coming-to-wii-u-203253.phtml



I think everyone whoís ever played a Pikmin game will agree with this sentiment.




From: http://www.destructoid.com/uncredited-l-a-noire-devs-speak-out-202757.phtml



Part of me was attempted to put this is truth in an attempt to be meta. The other parts beat the crap out of that part for using the word meta.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-power-a-announces-crazy-batarang-controllers-202760.phtml



Robin: Holy arthritis Batman! What the heck are those things!
Batman: The only evil that I canít defeat with stupidity and cash Robin... Stupid cashgrabs. Fear not for the day of this vile villainís victory has yet to come.
Robin: Really Batman!
Batman: Yeah these things will fucking tank in sales. Now come on letís get some hookers and blow.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-insomniac-to-unveil-multiplatform-game-on-monday-202848.phtml



You see I understand why people think like this as itís basic maths really. When a developer releases on 2 consoles then they have to therefore halve the amount of fun you have with the game. Itís just how video game programing works. Thereís also a machine that runs on play-doh and magic dolphins involved but I think Iíve said too much.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-halo-4-start-of-a-new-trilogy-coming-holiday-2012-202944.phtml



Before I used to feel bad when I missed a troll and saw great material like this go to waste but now I like to fill in the blanks of what they actually said. Right now Iím imaging a very poosh sounding gentleman writing about how Halo ďcannot satisfy his intellectual need for depth that only a PS3 could attain. Or tits.Ē

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-nintendo-s-project-cafe-is-right-behind-these-doors--202885.phtml



This man is truly a master of the modern metaphor. I smell Nobel prize of literature candidate in the making.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-the-force-is-strong-with-kinect-stars-wars-details-202899.phtml



The only redeeming quality of Kinect is that it as shown everyone how not to do motion controls. Itís the virtual boy of motion controllers.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-rumor-nintendo-keeps-it-simple-for-wii-successor-name-202903.phtml



I rewatched Batman Begins a while back and I still canít get the words ďIím BatmanĒ out of my head. Seriously why do gritty Batman interpretations always end up being so laughable.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-dtoid-discusses-the-microsoft-press-conference-202971.phtml



THE SARCASM READINGS ARE OFF THE CHARTS!

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-how-will-sony-handle-the-psn-issue-tonight--203008.phtml



Handy, bro, never change.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-fable-the-journey-it-s-not-on-rails--203409.phtml



Mr. Dixon I want you to know it was 11PM when I was that message and I wanted to stop looking for additions till I read the inbox Ė Yes we still do read those on occasions I now have proof! Ė and I saw that you thought you had made a real good funny. I sighed, looked at my monitor and proclaimed that if that comment didnít floor me that I was going to bed and posting this blog Saturday.
...
You got lucky.



From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-the-rubbish-ms-will-announce-for-xbox-360-202831.phtml



Oh Jim. You always bring out the worst in people.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-what-i-want-for-the-ngp-or-ps-vita-revisited-202867.phtml



Iím actually disappointed that people tell themselves things like this. Tinfoil hat edition was two weeks ago bub.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-first-impressions-of-prototype-2-201733.phtml



RAGE! DELICIOUSRRRRAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!Ē!Ē1!!!!¨

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-minecraft-announced-for-xbox-360-with-kinect-support-202963.phtml



You will all never know how badly I wanted to Truth this comment because of how freaking sick I am of Minecraft.

From: http://www.destructoid.com/e3-hands-on-with-the-legend-of-zelda-skyward-sword-203195.phtml



Dear Taerdin

I understand that the Zelda series isnít your cup of tea but I would request Ė if I may be so bold Ė that you simply quit your bitching in every thread I come across to do with the topic.

Youíre entitled to your opinion but thereís no such thing as a right to spam.

Yours shutthefuckupingly
Xero

And now is a special time in Comments of the Week as I believe a particular user has shown himself to be more of an utter twat than thought humanly possible. I present to you all the remains of The Legendary Biohazard. Such a troll was a perfect example of why fanboys are lower than cockroaches and portmanteaus should be banned (honestly I havenít heard/read someone seriously use the term Xbots since 2009).

So Biohazard when you inevitably arise from your troll grave like a sickly, aged, zombie afterbirth to plague us once again I would like to award you with Commentoidís very first:



Are trolls really just hairy, badly modelled, versions of Mr. Destructoid? We will never know...

Perhaps you will be honoured with the gesture for long enough to realise how stupid youíve been recently and become a helpful and treasured member of the Destructoid community.

But whatís more likely is that youíd come back, call us all Sony hating retards/gays/whatever is the most popular derogatory statement among preteens, then get banned and fuck off again.

Because youíre 12

Thatís it for today guys. I planned on doing both weeks in one blog but I think Iíll do the next part some other time (if none of the other guys volunteer that is)


Xero



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