Welcome to Commentoid, home of Comments of the Week!
Commentoid is where we take the full range of comments; the ones that make you think, the ones that make you laugh and the ones that make you cry (but also laugh), and compounds them into an entertaining package for the viewing pleasure of you, the Destructoid community.
We do take requests from time to time but be forewarned that messages about insightful commentary, brilliant wit or heartbreaking failure are much more likely to get checked if you send them to the correctly listed officiator for that week.
The combined group of commentive officiators (That lay down the weekly sermon of commentacular commentitude within a relay system of commentatoratiativenessisation!):
We try to go live Wednesday - Friday just to leave some room in everyone's schedules and make sure that there's enough time to post. If a post doesn't go up on Wednesday then don't worry as we're probably not dead.
A thousand welcomes! Those of you who crave punctuality might identify that this entry of Commentoid is a little late. This was deliberate! This very date marks one year from the day I pulled Dale North's Comments of The Week blog out from the ashes, gave it rigorous CPR and let it fly like a magnificent bird from my sweaty, shivering palms.
Before I give a history lesson, let's have a category lesson:
Thus, The Avengers...I mean, The Commentoid Crew, were born!
Commentoid got up on you like it was no big deal on 30th July, and has gone from strength to strength with its motley crew of ne'er-do-well curators since. Long may it continue!
As it is a special edition, I will be hand-picking comments not just from this week, but from the whole of last year, no doubt poaching from the COTW and Commentoid archives like a sneaky chimp at a banana factory! Yes Sir E. Robert!
I question the merits of censorship at the best of time, but outcry from the cover art alone is a step too far. I could incite controversy using just cover art from some of the most benign games on the market! Observe:
Oh, YOU DON'T KNOW JACK do you? This sick warped abomination that laughingly insists on calling itself entertainment is a degrading first person snuff game! Haven't you heard?
Your bald quarry, hastily kidnapped and drugged from back alleys and motel rooms in the dead of night, are lined up against a wall in a damp, dimly lit abandoned warehouse, shivering with fright.
You can hear their pitiful cries for recognition, and their insistence on relevancy in society; the family they have raised, the friends they have encountered, or you can just shoot them in the head or use them for your genital pleasure (or both, why pick?). Their screams are your symphony! "Yum yum yum!" you gibber as you salivate, "More mournful tears and gristly gags of agony, please! Thank you!"
These lives are cosmologically trivial, mere puppets to your sordid whims. The truth is YOU DON'T KNOW JACK, NOR DO YOU EVER NEED TO! YOU CAN DISGUST ME BEYOND MEASURE! FILL YOUR FETID HUSK OF A SOUL! EAT UP! EAT UP! EAT UP YOU MORAL SAVAGES! INDULGE THAT EVIL! YOU MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE INSIDE OUT!
Hopefully, the family-friendly Wii has more wholesome fare:
A game in which you cook your own mother? BAN THIS SICK FILTH
(PS for those of you who are unaware, You Don't Know Jack is a cheeky off-the-wall trivia game, and Cooking Mama is a perfectly harmless cookery simulator. After all, there is a maxim about covers and judgement, isn't there?)
This comment is so astute, that it was like RichardBlaine reanimated Oscar Wilde and Winston Churchill, force fed them the last 20 years of the history of 3D videogames, and got them to co-write his comment.
> Go WEST
Life is peaceful there. In the open air. Where the skies are blue. This is what we're gonna do.
From Nintendogs blamed for vicious dog attack From the article... Megan Walker turned on her DS to play Nintendogs, and when the virtual dog barked, her friend's bull-mastiff responded to the sound by attacking her.
That's a bit like the time I played Portal, and my dog didn't get any cake.
I felt compelled to point this out: Jim gets flack, but he's often controversial, so a certain amount of this is expected. There are, however, a large swathe of comments from folk such as the above where you really don't know whether they're trying to insult him, or come on to him. The commentary is so explicit and sexual that they've clearly given Jim's genitals unnaturally prolonged consideration, and a lot of comments just come off as more lustful rather than derogatory.
Strong opinions? Check.
Aggresive disregard for punctuation and grammar? Check.
Casual homophobia? Check.
Welcome to "wut". You'll like it here.
HUGE thanks to everyone who has supported Commentoid and Comments of the Week over the past year. We wouldn't keep doing it if you weren't still here. A massive thanks also to GoldenGamerXero, Knutaf, LawOfThermalDynamics and Handy for their continued vigilance, and garethxxgod, Monodi and VGFreak1225 for the assistance they have provided over the year. As usual please IM our Commentoid group or the officiator personally if you have any choices for the next Commentoid.