Welcome to Commentoid, home of Comments of the Week!
Commentoid is where we take the full range of comments; the ones that make you think, the ones that make you laugh and the ones that make you cry (but also laugh), and compounds them into an entertaining package for the viewing pleasure of you, the Destructoid community.
We do take requests from time to time but be forewarned that messages about insightful commentary, brilliant wit or heartbreaking failure are much more likely to get checked if you send them to the correctly listed officiator for that week.
The combined group of commentive officiators (That lay down the weekly sermon of commentacular commentitude within a relay system of commentatoratiativenessisation!):
We try to go live Wednesday - Friday just to leave some room in everyone's schedules and make sure that there's enough time to post. If a post doesn't go up on Wednesday then don't worry as we're probably not dead.
As I walk the streets, waving at passers-by and bronzing my taut, defined chin in the shimmering midday sun, I am regularly approached by fans of Comments of the Week, kicking me in the shins and leering at me with taunts of;
"Hey, CaptainBus, thinking you're so good! You haven't even told us how you even make one of your so-called hilarious Comments of the Week articles. What are you going to do about it, you in-bred dumpbin jerkoff assbutt cumbubble?"
to which, after a moment of quiet introspection, I typically reply with;
"I have attempted to sexually gratify myself with photos of all of your loved ones, and found their features so distasteful that, even at my most dizzying peaks of arousal, I have refused to continue jackhammering my love baton, and have instead turned to crosswords and gin."
Today, however, I shall make an exception. Behold!
Please peruse and ponder my précis of the process, posed in picture and prose, point-per-point:
and now, I hope that my canapé has left one salivating for the main course:
Just pick between Final Fantasy Versus XIII and Final Fantasy XIII-2, Andy. It's not so hard!
Oh, and remember to choose from either the XBox 360 or PS3 versions, as one may be borked, or one may have better features than the other, or may have been produced better, or you may prefer the controller or online service.
Oh, and don't forget to choose from the Standard, Special, Legacy, Championship, and Deep Fried Editions.
Oh, and don't forget that, depending on the retailer, a preorder could mean you get an in game or real beanie hat with "XIII" written on.
Oh, and don't forget that you could wait and get it Preowned, but this could affect the DLC, you could have to pay for it, or it may make no difference!
Oh, and don't forget the pack editions that come out 6 months later: The GOTY pack (all the DLC, plus shiny cards and a Lightning's Favourite Recipes book), or the FF XIII + Vs + 2 Triple Pack, or the inevitable FF I - XIII-2 Go Buy A Truck To Carry It All In Pack!
Man, don't forget the leatherette case containing the soundtrack to the trailers and exclusive artwork from the trailers, plus the graphic novel "Premonitions of the Trailer Odyssey", which shows never-before seen insight on the path to the trailers!
I mean, I'll only ever use those added items once, if at all, but they're in a sweet leatherette case.
What did Davydock do? He drank paint kids. Don't drink paint.
That's your lot for this week. Don't forget to message Commentoid if you have any nominees for top comments that week, and look out for next week's Commentoid. Until then, be good, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.