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7:52 PM on 12.10.2013

I quit gaming today. Here's why.

Games are great. However, having a 'hobby' that consumes your life, wrecks your room, kills any social skills, ruins any functionality as a human, and all of the above isn't. So I cut gaming out of my life. I love all of you but I don't have anything to offer you at this moment. Will I get back in to gaming? Probably in a few years. However, for now, I need to put academics and my other NEW hobby, coding at the front. 

I'm sorry I have to leave this site because I was just not enjoying myself anymore. There are MANY other reasons but I don't want to go in detail. I just have to let it go. Hopefully one day I'll code games. But as 1 door closes another opens, right? Again, thanks for all the good memories and some bad ones *coughs*DMCdantehate*coughs*, Destructoid.

You can follow my tumblr (i hate tumblr but it's pretty much my website) for more info and stuff. 

Adios, Dtoid.

3:05 PM on 12.08.2013

Top 10 iOS games that don't suck

[font=Verdana]I've had my iPad with Retina display for little over a year, and I learned a few things.
1. Apple sucks.
2. J@ilbreak it no matter what, it's worth it
3. MOST games on it are utter garbage.
However, this blog isn't going to talk about the thousands and thousands of Angry Birds or Temple Run clones. This blog is going to talk about GOOD iOS games. My top 10.

10. Rail Rush[/font]
Now, this is the only guilty pleasure game on this list. I swear. Rail Rush is heavily built off of Temple Run. However, it comes off feeling less forced on the social elements and more on the adventure elements and the feeling of going REALLY fast on a minecart. I'm not quite sure why I like it so much, but it comes off making me feel much better than playing Temple Run 7 - iAP edition.

9. Year Walk[/font]
Year Walk is an amazing, yet chilling experience that utilizes touch controls that don't feel forced and is a challenging yet unbelievably fun Point n' Click adventure game. Definitely one of my favorites.

8. Mirror's Edge[/font]
This fun yet simple game is a perfect 2.5D Mirror's Edge experience. Controls are tight, its music is good, it looks... like Mirror's Edge, and it is the definitive mobile Mirror's Edge experience. Seeing as you can get it for cheap now, I recommend picking it up.

7. Dead Space[/font]
Yet another EA title, this wonderful game is based off of one of my favorite series-that-declined-in-quality-quite-quickly, Dead Space! A lengthy campaign, stunning graphics that look good even today, and customisable, well-suited controls makes this a must for anyone with an iOS device.

6. Rayman Jungle Run[/font]
How could I NOT leave this title off - this is the king of endless runners, it takes the great, hand drawn looks of Rayman Origins and one-button control to make a flawless, challenging masterpiece. THIS is how you make good platformers on iOS.

5. Beat Sneak Bandit[/font]
This game takes stealth and rhythm to a new level and creates a crazy, stylized game that definitely earns a spot on your home screen.
4. Ridiculous Fishing[/font]
This game is addicting. Catching fish, then shooting those fish you catch out of the sky is pure Vlambeer fun. It's good that Vlambeer continued to work on this game after it was cloned, their work paid off to make a truly unique and special game.
3. Deus Ex The Fall[/font]
Most fans of Deus Ex HATE this game, but I love it because even though it's on iOS by Squeenix (AVOID all their other iOS games, especially All The Bravest) it still manages to bring a great, console-quality Deus Ex game to mobile devices. Its iAP (yes, it does have a store) is largely nonintrusive and it has all the basic Deus Ex features on iOS devices.
2. Spiral Episode 1[/font]
Spiral Episode 1 is a cross between Jak and Daxter and Metal Gear Solid, along with taking immersive 3-D combat along with it. The game looks amazing, making full use of an open world and large environments. It is an episodic game but one of the most underrated games on iOS, which is a crying shame. This is my (second) favorite mobile game of all time.
1. Lili[/font]
When I got my iPad this was the first game I bought. It's about a girl with hipster glasses and hot pants collecting flowers and defeating creepy enemies with masks on an open-world island. It is wonderful and charming, almost Nintendo-esque charm, to the point where it even references Mario and Zelda. It's my favorite iOS game, but even more, it's one of my favorite HANDHELD games of all time. It's a fun experience through and through.

There are my 10 top iOS games. Pretty much all other iOS games are crap
(though I was tempted to add an Infinity Blade game or Parashoot Stan (by the guy who made Conker's Bad Fur Day) to the list but they're honorable mentions so be wise when purchasing on iOS. And remember - when it comes down to game quality between 3DS/Vita or iOS/Android - get a 3DS/Vita. Most touch controls suck.
[/font]   read

1:39 PM on 11.25.2013

10 things wrong about the Wii U (and 10 ways Nintendo can fix them)

Well. Well well well well well. WELL. Time to write my first C-Blog. Now, this is the story all about how Nintendo's home console life got flip-turned upside down. Now - I wanna take a minute, and sit right there. I'll show you how they became successful and then unsuccessful in around 7 years. Short version - Nintendo launched Wii in 2006, was successful for a few years, popularity declined, then they launched Wii U, was successful for a while, then declined rapidly. Wii U isn't looking so hot right now. And that's where we stand today. 

Also, MS paint skills?

Now, before I start I want to say that I love Nintendo - my first game console was a GBA. I have been playing Animal Crossing since the Gamecube iteration, got into Chibi Robo, and played Brawl, Twilight Princess, Mario Galaxy 1 + 2 for Wii among countless other shovelware titles - got my 3DS, DSi and Wii U at launch day and played the crap out of Layton, Pokemon, Mario, Zelda, Metroid, and all the other Nintendo goodness on those platforms... I love Nintendo. I live NintendoBut the situation with the Wii U saddens me.
10. Name
'Wii' and 'Wii U' are similar enough to confuse the average adult.

Wii and Wii U only have 1 letter to diffrentiate themselves from one another. And the Basic set looks REALLY similar to the original Wii, causing even more confusion to the average Hank Hill, trying to buy 'the new nintendo' to find out that it doesn't work on their old Wii. This is a big problem, something that drove down sales of the console.

How Nintendo can fix it - Make it clear that Wii and Wii U are seperate - especially with the Wii Mini releasing in North America. 

9. Crashing

The Wii U makes the worst noise when it crashes. It sounds like a hairdryer when it gets stuck on something. Here's a vid.

They mostly ironed this noise out via the system updates (more on that later)
However, crashes still do happen. I had to pull the power plug a few days ago while playing Super Mario 3-D World (great game, BTW) because it crashed while I was sitting on the TOILET. It was, quite literally, a pain in the ass.

How Nintendo can fix it - Firmware Firmware Firmware. Even if the updates take long it needs them because unlike PC, consoles don't have Expansion Paks. Well, except for the N64 - but that was before firmware updates even existed.

8. Miiverse

Miiverse is a social network which isn't quite sure what its target demographic is.
The overwhelming masses of little kids on Miiverse is sad. I've seen posts containing 'this game' and 'fnf85hjfj' or crudely drawn marios or scribbles. It doesn't look good for Nintendo fans trying to prove that 'Nintendo caters to hardcore gamers' or the company's self-image. 

The moderation for anyone else is strict - while this might be a good idea it is very easy to get posts pulled from Miiverse for something as simple as 'contains spoiler content'. It's a sad state of affairs for Nintendo's little update-machine which I have supported since launch. 

How Nintendo can fix it - Lighten up on the Miiverse banning. Of course, don't allow porn on there but the occasional dick drawing or fuck doesn't hurt anyone. Make the bans less severe. Enlighten children with grammar tips or make 'How To Make A Good Miiverse Post' a mandatory reading before creating a Nintendo Network ID.

7. Advertising

I've watched TV and been to countless movies, listened to all kinds of radio stations, and traveled to Los Angeles in the past year that Wii U has been available.
Guess how many Wii U ads I've seen? 1. And that was at a movie theater a year ago.
Nintendo has great games on the Wii U that they've amassed over the past year.
NSMB+NSLU, Super Mario 3-D World, Wind Waker HD, Pikmin 3, The Wonderful 101, Nintendo Land, Wii Fit U, Wii Party U, Game and Wario, DKC Tropical Freeze, X, Yarn Yoshi, SSB Wii U, SMTxFire Emblem, Lego City Undercover, and that's just first-party games.  But literally no advertising ANYWHERE.

How Nintendo can fix it - Go the extra mile and advertise these great games through any avenues available - even more in-store kiosks would be
6. 3DS Focus

Nintendo has focused most of their third and first-party efforts on the Nintendo 3DS. It's not that the 3DS has problems - the 3DS IS the problem for the Wii U. The 3DS-centric advertising and mindset at Nintendo has made the Wii U less of a priority than the 3DS. 
Number of Wii-U first-party games this year - 11
Number of 3DS first-party games this year - 17 
You can't argue with statistics. 2013 has been the year of the 3DS, by far.

5. Audience

The Wii U was originally pitched to be a console that would cater to the hardcore, and the casual. The Wii U lacks that 'message', falling in-between in the most uncomfortable spot - the Wii U has no message.  They'll bring out ZombiU, or Bayonetta 2, or TW101,  Call of Duty. Batman Arkham City + Origins, and Mass Effect 3 - then come out with NSMBU, NSLU, Super Mario 3-D World, and Wind Waker, to name a few. It's a console which, not unlike Miiverse, can't decide what target demographic it wants to have.
Only a balance of Hardcore and Casual games, like on the PS4 or (shudders) Xbox One, will give the Wii U more appeal.

4. Loading Times

The Wii U is good, but it is s l o w... Very, very, very slow. Even after the April 2013 Update there are still serious loading issues. It still takes around 10 to even 20 seconds to load content on the Wii U - at least add a progress bar, or something to show how much has loaded. 

How Nintendo can fix it - Add a progress bar / FIRMWARE FIRMWARE FIRMWARE. Overclock it, push it to its limits for all I care - it wasn't designed around being fast, that's for sure.

3. Lack of Support

This is a huge issue with 3rd parties and even 1st parties. 

Ninja Theory
4a Games
Ubisoft (ported Legends to other consoles)
Activision (doesn't have much faith in Wii U)
and more either failed or dropped, or un-exclusive-ized Wii U

What Nintendo can do to fix it - Pull a Sony and get a bunch of developers on their side, therefore making Wii U look more attractive in the eyes of consumers. While Iwata has stated that Nintendo doesn't look to imitate in that way, Nintendo may have to resort to simple copy + paste if they want consumers to care.

2. Hardware

The Wii U has impressive guts. Better than the PS3, and 360 combined. However, the next-gen consoles (Xbox One and PS4) have 9x-10x that power so the Wii U visually pales in comparison. Though this may not be an issue for me (Super Mario 3D World looks amazing, god dammit), the average joe does care about shiny graphics in the games they play. That makes me a minority. And the Wii U doesn't want to cater to minorities, does it?

How Nintendo can fix it - like many other solutions on this page, most of them involve... you guessed it - firmware. Push it, push it. To the limit, limit. 

1. Consumers don't know the difference (Name)


Retailers don't know the difference between Wii and Wii U. Consumers, even people who own a Wii or DS/3DS don't know the difference between Wii and Wii U. THIS.
This is the reason why the Wii U isn't selling. I've heard people say the Wii U is an add-on to the Wii, it's a mess.

How Nintendo can fix it - Too late to change the name. 
They need to do the other 9 steps to make the Wii U sell. 

Overall, I have faith in the Wii U. But it has issues - big issues that Nintendo needs to work out. Their time is running out - the PS4 and the Xbox One were released this month to good reviews and even better sales. Nintendo needs to turn this ship around, because as much as I love Nintendo, the Wii U might crash and sink like the Titanic. I honestly don't want that to happen. Nintendo - do it for me - do it for your FANS.   read

1:28 PM on 11.23.2013

Why I joined Destructoid

Let's start back in the fall of 2010. I had just graduated elementary school and I decided to 'reinvent' myself with a new hobby. I had played some video games as a child, not many but enough to make me interested in pursuing it. Over the next year I got into reading more and more about games up until June 2011. At the time I was using Facebook a lot so I noticed a fan petition for 'Mega Man Legends 3'. 

I was a big fan of 3D platformers, and I always wanted to get into a Mega Man game, so this saddened me. I actively participated in the group until the fall. However, I noticed a gaming blog that they linked to - a place called 'Kotaku'. Interested, well, as interested as a 12-year old boy could be, I joined it and started to actively read it from July 2011-Fall 2012 then I decided to actively post about a year later.

 However, they posted more and more clickbait, rumor, and politically-biased articles, and especially as of Spring 2013 I began to seriously regret wasting my time there. So, I branched out to Joystiq - and, you guessed it, my beloved Dtoid. Soon thereafter I vowed to never waste my time or clicks on anything Kotaku made and I began a new account on Dtoid as 'Robert Smith'. 

Then I became HUGE a few weeks ago, and updated my username to Coil_Whine. That's where I stand today - having a backlog of too many games and playing games actively all the time. I do other stuff, too - BUT I am overall in a safer, less creepy environment than Kotaku. And remember 
*psst, follow me on twitter @Coil_Whine or *   read

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