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Cheeburga's blog

3:34 PM on 10.17.2011


What?   read

7:45 PM on 01.28.2011

Icarus Proudbottom in: The Curse of the Chocolate Fountain

Hey, how's it been going here? Good? Great, you look amazing.

First off, here: Go fucking download that real quick.

Why? Because you probably haven't played it. And if you haven't, you're already losing. If you have, I don't care, go play it some more. Asshole.

This is where I review shit.

Take your cell processing and shove it up your pretentious ass. What we have here is an atmosphere created within a dream, in fact I will go on the record here, any record, and state that no other vidya gaem has ever painted such a believable scenario, ever. Ever.

You are Icarus Proudbottom. Given the ability to soar through the wind at undisclosed speeds through the power of shit. Yep, that's right. Icarus has a case of the "Boom Booms" and cannot stop bumbling through the air. Blasting fecal matter through the skies is no simple task. Endless flocks of bloodthirsty geese and ducks are ready to strip off your clothes, and your skin if you're not careful. Luckily for you, a spirit animal takes note of your situation early on and shifts into a legendary weapon.

Bascially, you have chiptunes, shit, and animal slaughter. Go play it. Just kidding, you don't really have to, it's not that amazing.


Okay, I played like 10 minutes of this game, it's hard.

Fuck you.

I mean, is that a new suit? You look good.

I miss you guys sometimes.   read

1:45 PM on 01.20.2010

It's Official.

When I joined up here back in 2007, Destructoid never really entered my eyes as being a place that I could sit down, and become a part of something bigger than myself in little time. This community, which is full of fantastic people, trolls or not, was very tight-knit although welcoming. And you know, it was heart warming to be a part of it. Within months, this..I don't want to call it a "site" because it's really more than that now, and then. This congregational portal became sort of what you would call an addiction. A place where I could write my heart out, read people's sometimes (but mostly well written) blatantly biased opinions on Video Games and it's industry, but most of all, enjoy myself on the internet with other people without them actually being by my side. It's a silly cliche, and "Second Home" doesn't really make sense since I never used the bathroom here. Well, that's a lie. I guess you could call dumping "shitty" posts into the Community Blogs using the restroom.

Anyways, I digress. The point I'm trying to get to, which is already well known so I don't know why I have to repeat it, is that Destructoid, for a lot of people including myself, was and still is, more than just a place to come read articles. Because really, we all know that that can be done just about anywhere these days.

So before I get to my main point here, a quick thank you to everyone involved for making Destructoid stand out, and above the others. You've earned it.

Now, you might be asking yourself whilst reading "What is 'ol Cheeburga up to? What is this feminine male getting to? Just what, exactly, is. his. point?" To those people I have to say, just wait one moment.

You see, about a week ago a man most of you know as Niero (and others "Big Mama") decided to shoot me an email. I was of course, you know, kind of surprised. I mean, it's Niero, a guy I hardly knew outside of being the proprietor of such a fantastic website. Anyways, I won't post the email here because it contains some secrets of the 'Toid that no one would be happy with me sharing. But, what I can tell you is that this special email, this key to locked doors, is bringing your good friend Cheeburga to the front page of Destructoid.

Yeah, you read that last line right (I hope). Cheeburga, is now, an official part of the Destructoid Staff. Needless to say, I'm excited guys. Super excited. We still have some things to work out, such as an exact starting date, but I cannot wait to bring you all who've known me since I joined, and those who don't, a fresh take on Vidya Gaem writing. Really, I'm pumped, and I hope you all are as friendly* and accepting to me all over again. See you soon, Destructoid.

*(See: Assholes.)^
^(Just kidding.)`
`(Sort of. <3)
Also, cocks.
And my puppy.

12:23 PM on 12.30.2009

Vidya Gaems Related. Somewhat.

Look, I drink.. and I've got a wicked hangover. I noticed every time I stop back in here to read some stuff about flower farts and catch up on everyone's lives that..the site changes. I dig it, those community pictures up there? I'm in like three of them looking like a girl. Totally rad. And it makes me really really really really miss you guys. Almost enough to where I want to blog about it early, and get in trouble for discussing shit that ain't out yet. But Dtoid, I'm happy for ya, and I'mma let you finish, but here is some words about games that you play on game devices.

So here is the deal. Assassins Creed II? Shit's "Okay" That ending though, seriously what's going on? SPOILERS* There are aliens. Give Ubi some applause for trying to put a super cereal storyline in there.

UFC 2009 is game of the year, along with Tony Hawk: Riding, and Guitar Hero 8.

Demons Souls is too much neckbeard for me.

What else came out recently? Well, I'm sure it's an 11/10 for sure.

So what have I been up to? I mean, I know someone's curious. I've been indulging in a thing called love. (just listen to the rhythm of the heart, there's a chance we can make it now.) You see, I met a girl game- FEMALE VIDYA PLAYER. And you know, that shits awesome, and it's all great, and don't be too surprised if you see Cheeburga inviting you to the wedding. (Seriously, you're all invited.) Been playing a lot of Final Fantasy 7 with her, we're actually trying to do runs of the series starting with 7, and I just left Cosmo Canyon, does Red XIII come running back to my ass, or what? Anyone else find that lover yet? I want to know, really. It's interesting. i'm a huge faggot.

That's about it for now, I miss you guys. and girls. and animals. and animal lovers. <3

Here's a picture.

There's me bossing the only way I know how. The only problem with this picture is...there's no fistpumpan.

Here's us.

Hot damn. I talked so much about you guys, that she actually went out to get me a MAGIC. CHEEBURGA. (like, magic 8 ball.) from Icanhazcheeseburger. Awesome.


Video Games.   read

2:15 PM on 08.02.2009

Actually, I'm fine with my weight, Destructoid.



So what does this mean? That gamers are Xbox Huge fat asses that need to get RIPPED? It really saddens me
see my favorite gaming website plastered with advertisments telling me to lose weight, fueling the stereotype
we're all useless chubby funsters.

Dtoid, I'm piss.

In fact, here, I made some more suitable ads for your readers. I think this would deliver a much stronger, and

[size=6]Actually, I apologize. I understand that the website costs huge amounts of money to continuously
upgrade and accommodate the users and that your choice in picking advertisements is nothing personal at all.
Any additional revenue to the site to keep it up and running is accepted in whatever manner it is delivered. In
fact, I think those weight loss ads are perfect, and I'll probably go visit one of the sites right now. Heres to
thirty more years, Dtoid.[/size]

Your bbcode ain't workin'. Not my problem.   read

11:53 AM on 08.01.2009

New Banner, New Beginnings!

Alright, with that last blog aside, I want to thank you all for being so welcoming and just as awesome as you were
before I left. You really are the best community out there in the internets. Hopefully I'll be able to start posting more
now and talking to all you cool-cats like in the old days.

Just for old times sake..

Good to be back, Dtoid!

Keep being awesome.   read

5:30 PM on 07.31.2009

Hi guys, I'm new here.

What's this site about? Vidya games? I especially like the part where the fat British guy makes videos. They make
me laugh cause his voice is silly! So, do you guys/2girls like playing video games? me too!

Hope you all welcome me to the Detoids11!!


10:36 PM on 01.03.2009

I hugged everyone.

And my hair got in my way.

And my balls were squished by my girlpants.   read

5:04 PM on 09.11.2008

Diablo 3 Art Comparison. Video!

Hey mengs and womengs, it's your androgynous friend Cheeburga here with a blog!

Maybe you've been keeping up with Diablo 3, maybe you haven't. It was only one of the best selling Pc titles evar, and is still played today. But with great power, comes great bitching when a new entry in the series is revealed that doesn't stick to the usual formula of GRIMDARK in the fanboys eyes. There have been many photoshoops done to the screenshots to accomodate those whiners, and in my personal opinion, some look a tad better than the originals. But, recently, someone has gone the extra mile, they made a video!

Dedication at its finest.
Go here to see it!

Also, here, this is the mengs website.
Make sure to download that 10 second clip, it's impressive to say the least.   read

9:34 PM on 08.21.2008

The Sexy Warhammer Online Cinematic.


Wow, that is all I can say. Am I the only one super excited for this?

Look out Warcraft.   read

2:32 PM on 08.20.2008

Metal Gear Sh!t 4

my game is ass backwards.

You mother fuckers. I'm so glad I'm not the one who threw down 60 dollars or I'd be very upset. How long did it take to develop this game? Years? Well thank you Kojima, thank you for the fucking effort. What I get is a movie with a plot ripped out of the wachowski brothers asshole's that occasionally tells me to take a fucking step forward. Okay, I'm being harsh, I know, but before you ask, YES I PLAYED THE WHOLE THING. There is not something I'm "missing" I got the fucking point. Kojimas crack influenced idea of an "evolution in video game story telling" is just saying "Hey, I fucking ran out of gameplay ideas. Here's some shit you don't care about for 10 hours." No, I'm serious. If I would have skipped every cutscene, which regrettably I did not, the total amount of time actually playing would have accumulated to about Four Fucking Hours. I defecate you not.

I actually enjoyed the other installments of this series, I really did, for the most part, but holy shit did they drop the proverbial "ball" on this one. The game tries to trick you early on into thinking this is "tactical espionage" but it's bullshit. It's like a used car salesman saying "Hey, take this car and you'l get 8 vaginas, and a cup of coffee whenever the fuck you want." Then you drive it thinking you're johnny cool-cat and boom, a spring pokes you in the dick and it's then that suddenly you realize "Oh that salesman, that card, he pulled a fast one on me!" You see, in the early parts in the game, Kojima Productions tries to be innovative by having a non linear path, but usually this "innovation" falls into two options. "Take the way with enemies." or "Take the other way thats safe" Well shit, it seems I've reached a fucking conundrum!

You know that saying "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."? Well, I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. The other two hours of MGS4 is played completely different from anything else in the series. I swear I thought I was playing a third person version of Call of Duty 4. Here, I'll try to play it out what was going on at Kojima Productions half way through development.

Dev: "Well, what's next?"
Kojima: "Shoot the fuck out of everything."

A tad unrealistic maybe, but I'm sure I was close.   read

1:24 PM on 07.23.2008

The World Ends With You.

Hey guys, it's been a while since I've had an actual blog post up and I got done with The World Ends With You a few days ago, so I thought I'd write up some impressions. Unfortunately, I'm not completely dead yet so I apologize for that. Enough bullshitting though. For those interested, enjoy your read.

Yes I realize I'm a little late on this, but give me a break. If you're feeling a little dried up from the overabundance of casual brain tests, and Pokemon collecting on your DS then you might want to try out The World Ends With You. The World Ends With You (Or TWEWY) is a very hip and stylish action RPG from the minds of Square Enix and Co-Developer Jupiter. (Holy shit they did Golden Sun)

Like many Square Enix titles, the story revolves around a teen with a heart full of angst, a mind diagnosed with amnesia, and too much hair gel. The story takes place in Shibuya, Japan which I didn't learn was real until a few days ago. Neku awakens in the middle of Shibuya with a pin that grants him the ability to see peoples thoughts. It turns out that Neku is playing The Reapers Game, a game that is privileged to the dead who have received Player Pins. Soon after awakening Neku meets another player named Shiki, a girl with a skirt that defies the laws of gravity and hip bones like spartan spears. As it turns out, the Reapers Game isn't friendly. The premise is to survive the week by completing a mission sent to your phone each day by the Game Master. (I'm not making this shit up.)

The way TWEWY is played is very unique, you and your partner are controlled on separate screens, but your health and the enemies you see are one in the same. The top half is controlled by using the d-pad, where your partner is stationed. Pressing left or right depending on which side the enemies are on will start a combo that branches off into three separate paths. There is a special technique that you and your partner will initiate for matching up cards or symbols (depending on your partner) but just tapping in one direction will score you the move eventually.

On the bottom, you control Neku using the stylus. This is where it gets to be frantic, yet fun. Depending on what pins you have equipped, you will have to do an array of different stylus motions to execute the psychs (moves). It can get hectic trying to remember the motions for the pins you have equipped, and trying to do the different combo branches to get that special move. Like I said, the enemies and your health bar are one in the same. Attacks you do on one screen damage the enemies on the other and attacks you receive on one character effects your health as a whole.

It's a very intuitive and fresh use of the dual screen functionality that the DS has and really puts your focus on using your abilities and team work to get through the challenges. One thing that really stood out for me is a character named Sho. This psychopathic boss has a tendency to build huge pieces of "Art" (which are just piles of trash and rubble) What he does on his free time is not the thing that makes him stand out from other generic characters though. What does is the fact that he is a mathmatician. Yes, a boss that kicks y our ass while shouting "sin, cosin, tangent." It was a truly great feeling to see such a unique character in this game.

There is a surprising amount of content in the game. If you have OCD and absolutley have to have every pin and clothing item in Shibuya, you have your work cut out for you. Many times you will feel like the end of the game is near only to be thrown back into your seat for another session. This is not a bad thing by any means, the game play is fun, the dialogue is witty and although the story gets a bit convoluted, you still are attached to the characters you're playing.

The World Ends With You brings a breathe of fresh air to the DS and you owe it to yourself to at least try the game if you're looking for something new. You might be like me and turn the volume off as soon as you hear the first lyric to an up beat J-pop song, but don't let one issue (which is totally to each his own situation.) change your mind about TWEWY as a whole.

For those of you who played the game, what are your opinions?   read

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