Why? Because you probably haven't played it. And if you haven't, you're already losing. If you have, I don't care, go play it some more. Asshole.
This is where I review shit.
Take your cell processing and shove it up your pretentious ass. What we have here is an atmosphere created within a dream, in fact I will go on the record here, any record, and state that no other vidya gaem has ever painted such a believable scenario, ever. Ever.
You are Icarus Proudbottom. Given the ability to soar through the wind at undisclosed speeds through the power of shit. Yep, that's right. Icarus has a case of the "Boom Booms" and cannot stop bumbling through the air. Blasting fecal matter through the skies is no simple task. Endless flocks of bloodthirsty geese and ducks are ready to strip off your clothes, and your skin if you're not careful. Luckily for you, a spirit animal takes note of your situation early on and shifts into a legendary weapon.
Bascially, you have chiptunes, shit, and animal slaughter. Go play it. Just kidding, you don't really have to, it's not that amazing.
Okay, I played like 10 minutes of this game, it's hard.
When I joined up here back in 2007, Destructoid never really entered my eyes as being a place that I could sit down, and become a part of something bigger than myself in little time. This community, which is full of fantastic people, trolls or not, was very tight-knit although welcoming. And you know, it was heart warming to be a part of it. Within months, this..I don't want to call it a "site" because it's really more than that now, and then. This congregational portal became sort of what you would call an addiction. A place where I could write my heart out, read people's sometimes (but mostly well written) blatantly biased opinions on Video Games and it's industry, but most of all, enjoy myself on the internet with other people without them actually being by my side. It's a silly cliche, and "Second Home" doesn't really make sense since I never used the bathroom here. Well, that's a lie. I guess you could call dumping "shitty" posts into the Community Blogs using the restroom.
Anyways, I digress. The point I'm trying to get to, which is already well known so I don't know why I have to repeat it, is that Destructoid, for a lot of people including myself, was and still is, more than just a place to come read articles. Because really, we all know that that can be done just about anywhere these days.
So before I get to my main point here, a quick thank you to everyone involved for making Destructoid stand out, and above the others. You've earned it.
Now, you might be asking yourself whilst reading "What is 'ol Cheeburga up to? What is this feminine male getting to? Just what, exactly, is. his. point?" To those people I have to say, just wait one moment.
You see, about a week ago a man most of you know as Niero (and others "Big Mama") decided to shoot me an email. I was of course, you know, kind of surprised. I mean, it's Niero, a guy I hardly knew outside of being the proprietor of such a fantastic website. Anyways, I won't post the email here because it contains some secrets of the 'Toid that no one would be happy with me sharing. But, what I can tell you is that this special email, this key to locked doors, is bringing your good friend Cheeburga to the front page of Destructoid.
Yeah, you read that last line right (I hope). Cheeburga, is now, an official part of the Destructoid Staff. Needless to say, I'm excited guys. Super excited. We still have some things to work out, such as an exact starting date, but I cannot wait to bring you all who've known me since I joined, and those who don't, a fresh take on Vidya Gaem writing. Really, I'm pumped, and I hope you all are as friendly* and accepting to me all over again. See you soon, Destructoid.
`(Sort of. <3)
And my puppy.
HOW IS EVERYBODY?
Look, I drink.. and I've got a wicked hangover. I noticed every time I stop back in here to read some stuff about flower farts and catch up on everyone's lives that..the site changes. I dig it, those community pictures up there? I'm in like three of them looking like a girl. Totally rad. And it makes me really really really really miss you guys. Almost enough to where I want to blog about it early, and get in trouble for discussing shit that ain't out yet. But Dtoid, I'm happy for ya, and I'mma let you finish, but here is some words about games that you play on game devices.
So here is the deal. Assassins Creed II? Shit's "Okay" That ending though, seriously what's going on? SPOILERS* There are aliens. Give Ubi some applause for trying to put a super cereal storyline in there.
UFC 2009 is game of the year, along with Tony Hawk: Riding, and Guitar Hero 8.
Demons Souls is too much neckbeard for me.
What else came out recently? Well, I'm sure it's an 11/10 for sure.
So what have I been up to? I mean, I know someone's curious. I've been indulging in a thing called love. (just listen to the rhythm of the heart, there's a chance we can make it now.) You see, I met a girl game- FEMALE VIDYA PLAYER. And you know, that shits awesome, and it's all great, and don't be too surprised if you see Cheeburga inviting you to the wedding. (Seriously, you're all invited.) Been playing a lot of Final Fantasy 7 with her, we're actually trying to do runs of the series starting with 7, and I just left Cosmo Canyon, does Red XIII come running back to my ass, or what? Anyone else find that lover yet? I want to know, really. It's interesting. i'm a huge faggot.
That's about it for now, I miss you guys. and girls. and animals. and animal lovers. <3
Here's a picture.
There's me bossing the only way I know how. The only problem with this picture is...there's no fistpumpan.
Hot damn. I talked so much about you guys, that she actually went out to get me a MAGIC. CHEEBURGA. (like, magic 8 ball.) from Icanhazcheeseburger. Awesome.
So what does this mean? That gamers are Xbox Huge fat asses that need to get RIPPED? It really saddens me
see my favorite gaming website plastered with advertisments telling me to lose weight, fueling the stereotype
we're all useless chubby funsters.
Dtoid, I'm piss.
In fact, here, I made some more suitable ads for your readers. I think this would deliver a much stronger, and
[size=6]Actually, I apologize. I understand that the website costs huge amounts of money to continuously
upgrade and accommodate the users and that your choice in picking advertisements is nothing personal at all.
Any additional revenue to the site to keep it up and running is accepted in whatever manner it is delivered. In
fact, I think those weight loss ads are perfect, and I'll probably go visit one of the sites right now. Heres to
thirty more years, Dtoid.[/size]
Alright, with that last blog aside, I want to thank you all for being so welcoming and just as awesome as you were
before I left. You really are the best community out there in the internets. Hopefully I'll be able to start posting more
now and talking to all you cool-cats like in the old days.