Watch this:



Let's begin by establishing that no one made commercials like Sega did in their 90's marketing campaigns. No one.

The camera swerves in to focus on a Game Gear and a Game Boy, side-by-side. "If you were colour blind and had an IQ less than 12, then you wouldn't care which portable you had... of course, you wouldn't care if you drank from the toilet either." Okay, so they're making fun of the Game Boy's black-and-white screen and monochrome screens in general. But hey, wait a second... there were 118 million Game Boy units in circulation by the end of the portable's life cycle. So in retrospect, Sega's edgy voice-man is stating that 118 million consumers are:

a) colourblind,
b) stupid, and
c) drinking out of toilets like animals

If you're reading this, chances are high that you own a Game Boy. Well, that's great, because Sega thinks you're a damn idiot. Either Sega made a bit of an oversight in regard to what they were really saying with this commercial or their Game Gear marketing team consisted entirely of assholes.

There's this advertising strategy that was big in the later half of the 20th century known as subliminal messaging. It was ineffective rubbish, but we can always assume that players who already owned a Gameboy when the Game Gear was released subsconsciously keyed into the undercurrent of this advertisement. "If you own a Game Boy, you are a stupid ass bitch and like to drink pee." There you have it; the real reason that Sega's portable got rattled (118 million units to 11 million units) by Nintendo.

The commercial continues to construct an intense criticism of the "creamed spinach" colour monochrome screens on Nintendo's handhelds while flaunting the Game Gear's "bright beautiful colour", assaulting the senses with cheesy rock music and someone making odd noises with their mouth. The best is at the end when what appears to be a pile of Kraft Dinner explodes into letters reading "WELCOME TO THE NEXT LEVEL" and a dog screams "SEGA" into your face. Then the ad cuts out, leaving viewers speechless and struggling to piece together what just happened to their eyes and ears.

If only this kind of corporate savagery towards other companies was still possible in today's market. Not to mention it would be awesome if Sega released an updated Game Gear and offended consumers all over again with off-the-hook rock n' roll tracks and vicious insults.