To quote Jack Black in Anchorman, after punting a dog off a highway overpass, "That's how I roll."

I'm sure a good percentage of people who purchased the original Rock Band instruments have experienced some sort of failure at one point or another. A cottage industry has even popped up, with after-market parts and services being designed specifically to address problems with the Rock Band instruments. My particular problems were isolated to the drum pedal, which has a tendency to buckle under pressure from hardcore drumming.

After snapping my Rock Band pedal for the second time, my friends and I bypassed all of that and created something far more extraordinary. Spawned by the masterful use of adhesive tape and drunken ingenuity, and submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I present to you the Rock Band Drum Pedal: TI-83 Edition.


Damn you, Blackened

When my first pedal split in two pieces, I went through the standard steps outlined on EA's website for returning defective RB instruments. The process was fairly painless, but it was just a hassle to wait a few weeks for the replacement to arrive. Well, it arrived, but it was broken again within a month, and I was not about to go through all that bullshit again (especially since my friends are all too lazy to do it themselves).

After the initial shock wore off and I refused to return another broken pedal, we decided to improvise, Macgyver style. We crudely examined the pedal, straining to find its inner workings like apes surrounding a monolith, and realized that everything was fine except for the flat part where your foot goes (that's the technical term for it). The best course of action seemed to be attaching something flat and sturdy to bridge the gap between the broken pieces. Simple enough, right?

Our first attempt was pretty pitiful: we just wrapped a shitload of twine around both an old TI-83 calculator and the pedal and prayed for the best. It would last for a whole song if we were lucky, and would then unravel into a useless mess. We then stumbled onto some kickass adhesive tape, which got the job done, and the rest is history. For those who are curious, I have no idea what kind of tape that is. And yes, I actually Googled "types of adhesive tape." Thrilling results ensued.


Yeah, kinda gross, huh?

I figured I would also include an extreme close-up of this masterpiece, which is holding strong after a few months of wear and tear. Yeah, check out that grimy ass tape, with dirt crusted into every fold and crevice.

You can practically smell the cheap beer emanating from this thing. Natty Light FTL.