I don't have Photoshop on this computer, so the images are staying ridiculously large and blurry. Fuck it.

After thorough deliberation, the "Games As Art" Fancy Pants Award and free copy of Braid for the PC goes to...GamesAreArt (appropriate name)! Also, TheCleaningGuy and wanderingpixel! That's right, I'm going multiball on that ass, and three people are getting free games. I got a raise this week at work and I'm feeling extra generous, so here we go:




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GamesAreArt's entry

GamesAreArt won bonus points for the irony of his user name appearing in my contest, but also because of the extremely self-aware GameFAQs ode to Pong that I enjoyed. This sealed the deal:

"Flunchy’s final thought
This game accurately models mankind’s propensity to destroy itself. By showing humanity a mirror in which it’s ghastly reflection can be shone back at it, we are both horrified and attracted at the same time.

Or it could just be a case of “Hit ball for high score” – either way..."
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TheCleaningGuy's entry

7,980 words that made me want to avoid playing Shadow of the Colossus (or talking to someone who has played it). Well done, sir. As a former literature major who wrote his thesis on the history and cultural relevance of Japanese manga, I can relate to this writer's obsession.
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wanderingpixel's entry

This guy's not even halfway through his first sentence and he's making references to Wine Spectator magazine. Love it. Then he delves into a bit of pixel theory:

"Even if you argue that the pixel exists before it becomes a game, that pixel is still blank. I has not color, no shape and no purpose other than being a non-functioning bit."

He also wraps up his piece on a very Jim Sterling-esque note: "Certainly, games can be considered art on many levels and for many reasons."

See? Reasons, and many of them. That proves it once and for all, GAMES = ART. Start preparing your finest cheeses and filling your brandy snifters, folks! "Snifter" is a weird word, isn't it?
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Congrats to you guys, I'll be sending those copies of Braid to you in like...5 minutes. And thanks to all of you who participated, commented, and fapped - 'cuz EVERYONE'S a winner with Destructoid!™

I leave you with these parting gifts for the holidays:









AHHHHHHHHHHHWHY ARE THOSE LAST TWO IN THEREAHHHHHHH!!!!

After seeing DaedHead8's recent contest, I was inspired to give back to my Destructoid brethren. So if he wouldn't mind, I'm borrowing his idea and spreading some community love in time for the holidays. In other words, I'm giving away one FREE COPY OF BRAID FOR THE PC to you fools. Well, to one of you, at least.

How do you win your very own copy of this beloved indie darling and favorite of scarf-wearers everywhere? Find me the most ridiculously overblown, absurd argument for "games as art" that is available on the internet and share it here.


(I dunno, man. I shit you not, I searched for "Fancy Pants" and this is what came up. Don't blame me, folks. Blame Google.)

Check out GameFAQs for a justification of Chex Quest's place in the pantheon of artistic expression. Read a random message board and uncover a long-winded love letter to Bubsy. Unearth the crazed ramblings of a devoted Karnov fan. Make something up.

Your task is to showcase the ridiculous nature of the "games as art" debate and make me laugh, and the best man or woman will win.

Deadline: 11:59pm EST, 12/24/09. Whenever I wake up Christmas morning/afternoon, I'll gift the game to the winner of my choosing through Steam.

Note: You must leave your Steam ID somewhere in the comment section below, or you're disqualified. If you don't use Steam, then fuck off. Kidding. But seriously, Steam users only.

(Full Disclosure: Braid is on sale at Steam for $2.49. Cash rules everything around me, C.R.E.A.M. Get the money. Dollar, dollar bill, ya'll.)

This is all in good fun, and remember kids: ART


Happy holidays!

Well, I figured I'd join in the fun and add to the headaches for today's Cblog recapper. Happy third anniversary, Niero and crew! I've had a hell of a lot of fun here since I joined the site (maybe a year ago? I don't remember). My days at work have been relatively boredom-free, and many late nights have since been spent kicking ass and bullshitting with some awesome people over Xbox Live.

This was all made possible through Destructoid, so thanks for busting your ass for each and every one of us. We appreciate it.


Represent.

A special shout-out goes to RetroforceGO! for making my commute to work enjoyable each week. You guys are...wait for it...AMAZING!! Keep on being all awesome, all the time.

Now it's party time!







Rock over London, Rock on Chicago. Polaroid - See What Develops.

To quote Jack Black in Anchorman, after punting a dog off a highway overpass, "That's how I roll."

I'm sure a good percentage of people who purchased the original Rock Band instruments have experienced some sort of failure at one point or another. A cottage industry has even popped up, with after-market parts and services being designed specifically to address problems with the Rock Band instruments. My particular problems were isolated to the drum pedal, which has a tendency to buckle under pressure from hardcore drumming.

After snapping my Rock Band pedal for the second time, my friends and I bypassed all of that and created something far more extraordinary. Spawned by the masterful use of adhesive tape and drunken ingenuity, and submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I present to you the Rock Band Drum Pedal: TI-83 Edition.


Damn you, Blackened

When my first pedal split in two pieces, I went through the standard steps outlined on EA's website for returning defective RB instruments. The process was fairly painless, but it was just a hassle to wait a few weeks for the replacement to arrive. Well, it arrived, but it was broken again within a month, and I was not about to go through all that bullshit again (especially since my friends are all too lazy to do it themselves).

After the initial shock wore off and I refused to return another broken pedal, we decided to improvise, Macgyver style. We crudely examined the pedal, straining to find its inner workings like apes surrounding a monolith, and realized that everything was fine except for the flat part where your foot goes (that's the technical term for it). The best course of action seemed to be attaching something flat and sturdy to bridge the gap between the broken pieces. Simple enough, right?

Our first attempt was pretty pitiful: we just wrapped a shitload of twine around both an old TI-83 calculator and the pedal and prayed for the best. It would last for a whole song if we were lucky, and would then unravel into a useless mess. We then stumbled onto some kickass adhesive tape, which got the job done, and the rest is history. For those who are curious, I have no idea what kind of tape that is. And yes, I actually Googled "types of adhesive tape." Thrilling results ensued.


Yeah, kinda gross, huh?

I figured I would also include an extreme close-up of this masterpiece, which is holding strong after a few months of wear and tear. Yeah, check out that grimy ass tape, with dirt crusted into every fold and crevice.

You can practically smell the cheap beer emanating from this thing. Natty Light FTL.

You know the Raging Raven boss from Metal Gear Solid 4? Yeah, that's real now.



Yves Rossy, a 49-year-old former military pilot, became the first person to cross the English Channel using a single jet-propelled wing. With a large wing mounted to his back and four kerosene-burning turbines, Rossy used his head and back (no rudder or tail fin) to steer the contraption during the 22-mile flight from Calais to Dover before parachuting to safety. Here is the man in action:



The flight was filmed for the National Geographic Channel and was also covered by the BBC. Video of the flight can be seen on the BBC's website.

Stock up on your rations and cigarettes, people. This could turn ugly.

After coming home from a hard day at work refreshing Dtoid all day, I was greeted by the RRoD. Nah, it's cool; I didn't want to play Soulcalibur IV or Castle Crashers or Dead Rising or Oblivion or Gears of War for the next 2-4 weeks anyway. You guys hang on to it for me.

My nerd rage took over for a few minutes as I uttered the sacred incantation of "FUCK!" to the heavens, and I then took the necessary steps to have it repaired. I didn't want to dwell on the negatives too much, and with 2-4 weeks of emptiness ahead of me, I figured I'd take a look at some of the positives that could come out of this horrible, horrible experience.

1. I can celebrate the Dreamcast's birthday


Now that my primary console is out of commission, I can take the time to properly celebrate the awesomeness that was the Dreamcast. I only played a handful of games for this system, but I played them to death. Marvel vs Capcom 2 will be the first thing I play, followed by Street Fighter III and possibly Jet Grind Radio and Power Stone. I may have to dust off the copy of Skies of Arcadia that I never got around to trying, as well. Any other suggestions?

2. I can obsess even more over RetroforceGO!


Since I'll be playing games with relatively annoying soundtracks (see: MvC2), I'll have even more time to geek out over the Retroforce team. Seriously, in the off chance that one of you reads this worthless blog, listening to your podcast is the only thing that makes my commute to work bearable. Thank you, guys; you rule.

3. I'm a statistic


I can take solace in the fact that I'm one more number to add to the percentage of Xbox 360 failures, and one more withered pile of plastic to toss onto the heap. Because of this, I'll indirectly be part of an inevitable flame war on GameFAQs between rabid fanboys, so let me take a moment and offer a preemptive retort of "NO U SUX!1! FUCK $ONY!"

4. Kitties


Now that I'm not playing as many games, I'll have more time to spend with Star and Zelda, pictured above. Say it with me now: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Alright, that was shameless, but you can't go wrong with kitty pictures, can you?

That's it, that's all I've got. Forget trying to exercise more and get in better shape, or stimulating myself intellectually and becoming a better person. I'm getting the Xbox back in 2-4 weeks, fuck all that. Please console me with all of the Red Ring sympathy cards and "Come over to the dark side of PS3" messages your kind little hearts can muster.