Chainsawface's Profile - Destructoid

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Pokemon Sunday just revealed the silhouettes of the new starters.
I'm actually not too dissapointed. Obviously I can't really tell what they are, but I'm still gonna try!

Probably grass. Those things on the tail are likely leaves. It could be fire, but charmander already kinda did that. No arms are visible, so... a duck? With like, a scarf? I dunno. If it is a duck, it could be water type, but once again..Piplup. And those leaves.

Probabaly a grass bird or dinosaur of some kind, though once again, treeko was a lizard. Gah.

Grass Duck

This is a bit harder. Looks like a pig, a little too much like spoink, though... It kinda looks like winnie the pooh with weird ears. Those ears could potentially be leaves as well, but eh, I dunno.

I'm thinkin fire pigbear.


Looks like an otter, which means water type for sure. I mean look at that tail. Definately water. It also kinda looks like it has a scarf... is this something all the starters will have? Those ears could potentially be horns, which would be sweet, but I've got my money on otter. Though I think that was already kinda done with, who cares. Looks the most like an otter.

Water Otter. ( lol rhyme. )

Doesn't look to shabby, but I'll have to wait and see.

Also, scarves?

It's time to stop crying over Anthony's departure from Dtoid and realize the truth; the New Podtoid is going to be awesome and here's why

Brad is the New Host
I think we all remember when Brad hosted that one episode. Shit was awesome. Not only is Brad incredibly fast ( but not in that way, ladies) but he is also the king of non-sequiter stories. Having games of the week interrupted by a story about this one time Brad chased a pigeon is gonna be awesome. Plus, no more stupid tunes to be hummed by Anthony while he looks for a good listener question.

Samit's Going to Shut Up
The days of Anthony defending Samit are over, and the new era of quick hits will reign; no longer will we have to hear 'let him talk' several times a podcast, and instead Brad will cut Sports Sarkar off when his time is up.

Broseph Leray Is The New Linde.
A good dose of hilarity and sometimes intelligence, Joseph Leray will be replacing Linde in the podcast. However, he adds some much needed awesomeness that Linde never had, and is not quite as cynical. We've had him on before as well, and if I remember correctly, he was in 'Dogsuit' one of the funniest episode's ever. Also, 'Sup Boners' is the greatest catchphrase ever.

Jim is the New Smart Guy
With Anthony gone, Jim is the new boss of intellectual game analysis, and the next guy to be able to talk down to Brad, yet also fear him. However, unlike Anthony, we won't have any awkward pauses, and will instead have hilarious british metaphors.

We'll Get Some New Cast Members
This is a great time to get to know some other Dtoiders who haven't been on podtoid yet. We might even get another girl for Jim to traumatize, which is always fun.

I don't usually write cblogs, but this is something I really felt I needed to say. I first came in contact with Anthony through HAWP; a saw a link to an episode on a website, and it was funny, so I kept watching each new episode; I loved it, and I first came to destructoid looking for more Anthony Burch goodness; I just wanted to see what othe rsort of stuff he did. I didn't care about the site, but I kept reading nevertheless, just to see more about Anthony.

Then came podtoid. It started simple enough; it was something that Anthony was on, so I listened to it. At first I couldn't even tell the difference between Anthony and Aaron, and i knew nobody's name. I listened for Anthony. ( Not gay.) However, I soon ran into a bump; an Anthony-less episode. I had nothing else to listen to, and I began my first real encounters with the rest of the the cast. Months passed, and I was a hardcore podtoid fan. However, right as I was about to delve further into the community which a simple podcast had brought me to, Anthony announced his leave, along with Topher and Aaron.

I was too late. My source for Anthony Burch related goodness was over.

But you know what?

I'm glad it is.

Anthony introduced me to Dtoid, and while at first I only followed it for him, I gradually got to know and love the other quirky members of podtoid, as well as the dtoid community. Comparably, Anthony is actually a lot more boring than people like Jim, Brad, and even many of the forum members. ( Hey Avalon-brofist for gettng Anthony to watch Gurren Lagaan).

Nevertheless, my sense of familiarity was over. Anthony is leaving, and it kind of scared me. I didn't know if I wanted to stay on Dtoid. But that was stupid. Of course I do. You guys are the coolest, most funny, awesome, people I know. Add that to video games, on of my passions, and boom.

So, despite Anthony's leaving, I'm glad. Now that he's gone, I'm going to try to take an active role in the community that was brought to me, and hopefully the podtoid changes will let me get to like some new Dtoid members. Dtoid is small enough to be personal, an big enough to be, well, big. No other sort of group of community is like it; I have friends and people to talk to, but never have I been in a group like this that I really like; Clubs and sports were never my thing, nor were most other internet communities.

I welcome the new Nicholson era of podtoid, and am a bit nervous about the changes, but have come to love the people here so much that I still feel at home.

Thanks, Anthony.

Everyone is good at something, and when playing a game with someone, you have to prepare for them; learn what they’re good at, and learn to overcome it. Practice enough, and nobody will be able to stand in your way.

Except for me.

Luck can hardly be considered an aspect of gameplay; yes, certain puzzle games might require that little bit of luck to get that right piece, but that’s not what I’m good at, oh no. I have the magical ability to infuriate the enemy with my absurd luck in multiplayer versus mode, no matter what genre of game.

I’d like to think I’m pretty decent at certain games; however, I can safely say that my luck has always managed to kick in at the crucial moment; although I have yet to boast any amazing quad-headshot or amazing knife throw, I do have a two lucky moments in particular that can paint a picture of what sort of magical forces my enemy has to deal with.

1. Bomb Boxing
This one took place in a game of Super Smash Bros Melee; me and my friend were in a stalemate on Corneria, both positioned at opposite sides of the field, starting each other down. My friend begins punching the air in front of him; either to taunt me or perhaps just out of boredom. All of a sudden, a bomb-om spawns directly above his head, and one of his wild punches hits the bomb, detonating it and ending his final life. Real life yelling and punching ensued.

2. Bowler Hat Sniper
This one took place in a game of 007: Nightfire with the same unfortunate friend. As before, we were perched at opposite bases, no AI characters to stop us. As a handicap for my friend, I was allowed to play as Oddjob, whose hat is an instant kill; however, its short range meant little to my friend whose expertise lied in sniping; my sniping was garbage. However, that didn’t stop me from tossing my hat across the field, and instantly killing him. With no scope. Across the distance of the entire arena. Three times. Real life yelling and tackling ensued.

These are some of the more remarkable effects of my incredible luck, although it usually manifests itself in more simplistic ways; blue shells at absurd times, multiple random grenade kills, and just about anything randomly generated by the game changes in my favor. (This makes me unbeatable at games like Mario Party and Warioware. Um, yay?)

Of course, with great power and great responsibility; ragequitting and excessive profanity is often the result I get; I have been deeply hurt by multiple accusations of cheapness in the past. Things like:
“ Grenades? CHEAP! Cut that shit out.”
“ Stop spamming long range attacks, you cheap bastard! ( Modern warfare 2) “
“ What the FUCK man? How dare you use the controller to manipulate your character’s actions? CHEEEEAAPPP.”

I’m a tortured soul.

In any case, I can still usually get my ass handed to me in most games, despite any advantage my luck may have won me; nevertheless, the winning of a game will never be as sweet as the ability to drive anyone I play with to the brink of insanity. Talent is overrated.

I've never really been a huge fan of third person shooters. They can be challenging and sophisticated, but overall I never really get any sense of action from them like I do from first person shooters. Looking back, really the only third person shooter that did that was the low selling Gotcha Force for the Nintendo Gamecube, and here's why:

This is a cowboy riding on a blue plane. What more could you possibly want?

1.It's simple.

Gotcha force manages to make room for so much action by shrinking down everything into one tiny package. All you need to shoot is B and X. Your guns reload automatically, and you automatically go into melee mode when you get close enough to an opponent. Because of this, you can focus on running around the stage like a badass instead of hiding behind a wall and shooting at enemies when you get a chance. Movement is pretty much all you need to focus on in Gotcha Force, and it gets to be a lot more interesting because of it.

That tank doesn't stand a chance.

2. It incorporates melee extremely well.

I almost don't even want to call Gotcha Force a third person shooter, because it uses melee so well, it's more of a third person attacker. Of course, that doesn't quite roll of the tongue as well. Gotcha force automatically switches you to melee when you are in range of an opponent, and there are no annoying combos to do that weigh down fighting games. Just run up and mash B; it's as simple as it should be in a shooting oriented game. Get close, and and attack without having to change what you've been doing up until then. The auto targeting makes it extremely easy to shoot your way up to your target, and then knock em back with a well timed punch. That's the second part; the over the top attacks in Gotcha Force knock you back immense distances, so that a close range oriented character can't abuse someone once they get close in. They can dish out damage, but they don't effectively get an instant kill.

That is one glowy fist.

3.It has awesome aerial combat.

Gotcha Force is one of the few third person shooters, probably the only one, that uses aerial combat. I don't mean some level where you're on a helicopter or something, but standard air combat incorporated into the gameplay. Every character can either double, triple, or even quadruple jump, or has a jetpack with a certain amount of fuel in it. These types of jumping limit but don't restrict air movement to such a point that players end up either fighting or shooting on the run whilst in the air. However, because of the targeting system, this doesn't make combat any harder, and actually makes it a lot more interesting. Attacks knock players in or out of the air, and you move much faster and more accurate while essentially running in midair, probably the coolest method of movement ever. Overall, to be able to survive a battle in Gotcha Force, you need to be airborne as much as possible, and because of it, Gotcha Force is a lot more intense and fun than any other third person shooter I've played.

Had a seizure yet?

4. Multiplayer.

One of Gotcha Force's largest flaws was that overall, the game was pretty easy. Battles in story mode can almost always be won in one try, and there isn't a hard mode or anything. Luckily, there is multiplayer. Being able to essentially create small armies with the robots won in story mode and have them fight eachother is just incredibly satisfying, and a lot more challenging than fighting against the computer.

I'd probably choose the robot. Just sayin.

5. Tons of characters.

Gotcha Force takes a different approach to variety, and it works. You don't run around collecting different weapons and switching between them; rather, you run around collecting robots and switching between them. Every robot has 2-4 different weapons( not including melee attacks), as well as different health, damage, speed, and jumping ability. Rather than having to work with he weapons the game gives you, you can create a team of robots that suits your specific style of play, with tons of different types of 'borgs' whether it be a slow and sturdy tank, and quick and agile ninja, a close range oriented samurai, etc.

Oh, and its extremely japanese.

If you ever see this game, as rare as it is, I implore you to buy it.
Photo Photo Photo

Games often make it blatantly clear whether you're playing the good guy or the bad guy; if you're the good guy, you run around fighting bad guys. If you're evil, you run around fighting good guys.

It just doesn't work this way.

Very few games actually manage to convince me that I'm actually being an evil person, and rather convince me that I'm playing a good character with reskinned enemies and a different story. This is exactly where games go wrong; by actually telling the player what to do, they completely violate the core rule of evil; it doesn't play by the rules.

Let me simplify it for you; being evil should never be a choice presented by the game, it should be a decision made on the players own time. There should never be a physical option in a game of choosing between a good campaign and an evil campaign; evil is undefined. It has to be decided by the player.

Oblivion utilizes this concept quite well; you are never asked whether you'd like to play an evil character or not, it is simply something you decide to do based on game mechanics. You have the option of killing anyone and taking anything, and what you do with that is up to you. Additionally, upon doing so, you receive the consequences that come with it. That is the second important idea; evil only exists by breaking rules, which only exist because of the consequences that enforce them.

Take Bioshock as an example of what not to do. In Bioshock, you can either kill or save the little sisters, choosing to be good or evil. Are there any consequences other than a little cutscene for being evil? No. And by presenting this as an option with no consequences, the game has basically told you that you are following the rules, and thus, no sense of playing an evil character is felt.

Does this mean games should never suggest being evil, then?
Of course not. However, they can still make you feel evil while keeping it as a main part of the game. Take GTA. You can kill people and steal cars, and doing so is a large part of the game. However, you could also not, and not have the cops on your tail all the time like they would be if you had killed someone or stolen a car.

In conclusion, stop asking me what side I want to fight on, and just hand me the damn gun.