Destructoid's Features Editor. Chad loves the Super Nintendo, pinball, Pixar, and dolphins. His dream is to one day be taken to the undersea kingdom of the dolphins and made their new king. Since that may not happen right away, he bides his time writing features for Destructoid and managing all of the original content that is posted to the site.
He absolutely adores Destructoid and the incredible community that goes along with it. The site has truly changed his life for the better.
If you are reading this, you will be spared when the dolphins take over the world. I give you my word.
What I'm playing: Darksiders II New Super Mario Bros. 2
Be my friend! Wii: 2357-3047-5937-7707 Xbox 360: Optiville PlayStation 3: Optiville 3DS: 1375-7200-0771
My Top Ten Favorite (updated as I play) ...
... Role-Playing Games: 1. Final Fantasy VI 2. Mother 3 3. Chrono Trigger 4. Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King 5. Final Fantasy IV 6. EarthBound 7. Lost Odyssey 8. Kingdom Hearts 9. Paper Mario 10. Final Fantasy IX
... Adventure Games: 1. Day of the Tentacle 2. Full Throttle 3. Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis 4. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box 5. Sam & Max Hit the Road 6. King�s Quest III: To Heir is Human 7. Grim Fandango 8. King�s Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow 9. The Secret of Monkey Island 10. Professor Layton and the Curious Village
... 2D Action/Adventure Games: 1. Super Metroid 2. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past 3. Cave Story 4. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night 5. The Legend of Zelda: Link�s Awakening 6. Fez 7. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass 8. StarTropics 9. Shadow Complex 10. Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime
... 3D Action/Adventure Games: 1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 2. Shadow of the Colossus 3. Beyond Good & Evil 4. God of War II 5. God of War 6. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 7. Metroid Prime 8. Okami 9. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots 10. Ico
... Survival Horror Games: 1. Resident Evil 4 2. Dead Space 3. Resident Evil 2 4. Dead Space 2 5. Resident Evil 6. Dino Crisis 2 7. Resident Evil 5 8. Alan Wake 9. Silent Hill 10. Dino Crisis
... Open World Games: 1. Red Dead Redemption 2. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas 3. Bully 4. Grand Theft Auto IV 5. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City 6. inFamous 2 7. inFamous 8. L.A. Noire 9. Prototype 10. Crackdown
... 2D Action Games: 1. Contra III: The Alien Wars 2. Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos 3. Gunstar Heroes 4. ActRaiser 5. Contra 4 6. Ninja Gaiden 7. Gunstar Super Heroes 8. Viewtiful Joe 2 9. Snake Rattle 'n' Roll 10. Viewtiful Joe
... 3D Action Games: 1. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves 2. Uncharted 3: Drake�s Deception 3. Gears of War 2 4. Bayonetta 5. Sin and Punishment: Star Successor 6. Ninja Gaiden II 7. Gears of War 3 8. Vanquish 9. Gears of War 10. No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle
... Strategy Games: 1. Valkyria Chronicles 2. StarCraft 3. Fire Emblem 4. Pikmin 2 5. Advance Wars 6. StarCraft II 7. Advance Wars: Dual Strike 8. Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones 9. Pikmin 10. Plants vs. Zombies
... Sports Games: 1. Punch-Out!! 2. Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!! 3. Wii Sports Resort 4. Wii Sports 5. Super Punch-Out!! 6. Mario Golf 7. Mario Tennis 8. Pilotwings 64 9. Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour 10. International Superstar Soccer 64
... First-Person Shooters: 1. Half-Life 2 2. Portal 2 3. Portal 4. BioShock 5. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 6. Singularity 7. Deus Ex: Human Revolution 8. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 9. Resistance 2 10. Call of Duty: Black Ops
... Racing Games: 1. Uniracers 2. Mario Kart DS 3. Diddy Kong Racing 4. F-Zero 5. Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 6. Mario Kart 64 7. Wave Race 64 8. F-Zero GX 9. Excitebike 64 10. Mario Kart: Double Dash!!
... 2D Platformers: 1. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island 2. Super Mario Bros. 3 3. Super Mario World 4. Super Meat Boy 5. Rayman Origins 6. Donkey Kong Country Returns 7. Mega Man 2 8. New Super Mario Bros. Wii 9. Mega Man 9 10. LittleBigPlanet 2
... 3D Platformers: 1. Super Mario Galaxy 2 2. Super Mario Galaxy 3. Banjo Kazooie 4. Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando 5. Super Mario 3D Land 6. Super Mario 64 7. Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time 8. Jak 3 9. Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy 10. Jak II
... Fighting Games: 1. Super Smash Bros. Melee 2. Mortal Kombat 3. Super Smash Bros. Brawl 4. Street Fighter IV 5. Super Smash Bros.
... Puzzle Games: 1. Tetris Attack 2. Planet Puzzle League 3. Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords 4. Meteos 5. Puzzle Quest 2 6. Tetrisphere 7. Tetris DS
... Rhythm Games: 1. Elite Beat Agents 2. Parappa the Rapper 3. Rock Band 2 4. Rock Band 5. Guitar Hero 6. Um Jammer Lammy 7. Guitar Hero II 8. Karaoke Revolution - Volume 2 9. Karaoke Revolution Party 10. Karaoke Revolution
... Shooters: 1. Ikaruga 2. Star Fox 64 3. PixelJunk Shooter 4. Gradius III 5. Air Zonk 6. PixelJunk Shooter 7. Galaga Legions 8. Space Invaders Extreme 9. R-Type III: The Third Lightning 10. Omega Five
... Party/Multiplayer Games: 1. Mario Party 2. Mario Party 2 3. Scene It? 4. Mario Party 6 5. Mario Party 7 6. UNO 7. Mario Party 3 8. Pac-Man Vs. 9. Mario Party 5 10. Mario Party 4
... Collections: 1. God of War Collection 2. Metroid Prime Trilogy 3. God of War: Origins Collection 4. The ICO & Shadow of the Colossus Collection 5. Final Fantasy Anthology 6. Final Fantasy Origins 7. Final Fantasy Collection 8. Sonic Mega Collection
... Beat 'em Ups: 1. Castle Crashers 2. River City Ransom 3. MadWorld
... LEGO: 1. LEGO Harry Potter: Years 1-4 2. LEGO Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures 3. LEGO Batman 2: DC Super Heroes 4. LEGO Harry Potter: Years 5-7 5. LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean 6. LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga 7. LEGO Batman 8. LEGO Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues 9. LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars
... NES Games: 1. Super Mario Bros. 3 2. Mega Man 2 3. Mike Tyson�s Punch-Out!! 4. StarTropics 5. Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos 6. Castlevania III: Dracula�s Curse 7. The Legend of Zelda 8. River City Ransom 9. Ninja Gaiden 10. Snake Rattle �n� Roll
... Super NES Games: 1. Super Metroid 2. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past 3. Final Fantasy VI 4. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island 5. Contra III: The Alien Wars 6. Chrono Trigger 7. Final Fantasy IV 8. EarthBound 9. Super Mario World 10. Uniracers
... Genesis Games: 1. Gunstar Heroes 2. Earthworm Jim 3. Sonic the Hedgehog 4. Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master 5. Shining Force 6. Beyond Oasis
... Nintendo 64 Games: 1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 2. Paper Mario 3. Banjo-Kazooie 4. Super Mario 64 5. The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask 6. Goldeneye 007 7. Star Fox 64 8. Conker's Bad Fur Day 9. Banjo-Tooie 10. Diddy Kong Racing
... PlayStation Games: 1. Final Fantasy IX 2. Metal Gear Solid 3. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night 4. Final Fantasy VII 5. Resident Evil 2 6. Final Fantasy VIII 7. Spyro the Dragon 8. Parappa the Rapper 9. Dino Crisis 2 10. Ape Escape
... GameCube Games: 1. Resident Evil 4 2. Beyond Good & Evil 3. Pikmin 2 4. Metroid Prime 5. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time 6. Pikmin 7. Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door 8. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker 9. Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance 10. Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
... PlayStation 2 Games: 1. Shadow of the Colossus 2. God of War II 3. God of War 4. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 5. Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King 6. Kingdom Hearts 7. Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando 8. Ico 9. Final Fantasy XII 10. Okami
... Xbox Games: 1. Halo 2. Ninja Gaiden
... Wii Games: 1. Super Mario Galaxy 2 2. Super Mario Galaxy 3. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess 4. Donkey Kong Country Returns 5. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption 6. New Super Mario Bros. Wii 7. Kirby's Epic Yarn 8. Punch-Out!! 9. Wii Sports Resort 10. Super Smash Bros. Brawl
... PlayStation 3 Games: 1. Valkyria Chronicles 2. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves 3. Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception 4. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots 5. LittleBigPlanet 2 6. Demon's Souls 7. LittleBigPlanet 8. God of War III 9. Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time 10. Final Fantasy XIII
... Xbox 360 Games: 1. Half-Life 2 2. Portal 2 3. Portal 4. Lost Odyssey 5. BioShock 6. Red Dead Redemption 7. Rayman Origins 8. Enslaved: Odyssey to the West 9. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 10. Batman: Arkham City
... PC Games: 1. Day of the Tentacle 2. Full Throttle 3. StarCraft 4. Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis 5. StarCraft II 6. Sam & Max Hit the Road 7. King�s Quest III: To Heir is Human 8. Grim Fandango 9. King�s Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow 10. The Secret of Monkey Island
... Game Boy/Game Boy Color Games: 1. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening 2. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons 3. The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages 4. Metroid II: Return of Samus 5. Final Fantasy Adventure 6. Final Fantasy Legend 7. Golf 8. Tennis
... Game Boy Advance Games: 1. Mother 3 2. Fire Emblem 3. Wario Ware: Twisted! 4. Advance Wars 5. Drill Dozer 6. Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones 7. Metroid Fusion 8. Advance Wars: Black Hole Rising 9. The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap 10. Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga
... Nintendo DS Games: 1. Mario & Luigi: Bowser�s Inside Story 2. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass 3. Elite Beat Agents 4. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box 5. Advance Wars: Dual Strike 6. Professor Layton and the Curious Village 7. Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime 8. Contra 4 9. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney 10. Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective
... PSP Games: 1. God of War: Ghost of Sparta 2. God of War: Chains of Olympus
... Nintendo 3DS Games: 1. Super Mario 3D Land 2. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3. Resident Evil Revelations 4. Mario Kart 7 5. Pilotwings Resort
... WiiWare Games: 1. Cave Story 2. World of Goo 3. Mega Man 9 4. Fluidity 5. Mega Man 10 6. Final Fantasy IV: The After Years
I still can’t remember how I let slip that I have an unhealthy obsession with dolphins. Was it in one of my earlier posts? Did I have a little too much liquid sunshine at one of the Destructoid get-togethers? Honestly, I have no idea. What I do know is that I have embraced the truth and made my love for these aquatic princes of the sea known in numerous stories and comments.
But where did this love come from? I think there is only a handful of people that know why I really love these majestic beasts as much as I do.
Well, now the truth must be told. I knew an explanation would come eventually, but the time finally feels right. I blame the emotions of the holidays.
Before reading you just have to promise me one thing:
You will not laugh in my face. :)
Now, with that being said, let the epic tale begin ...
*opening weathered old book*
Once upon a time there was a young lad by the name of Chad. He was a pleasant tyke with golden locks and eyes as blue as the sea.
When he was around the age of four his parents decided to take him to the beach for some frolicking and merriment. After many misadventures in the sand, Chad decided to walk towards the raging ocean, the waves crashing dramatically at his feet. As Chad’s bright blue eyes adjusted to the harsh, reflected sunlight, he spotted a large amount of splashing disrupting the perfect horizon. Being the brave youth he was, Chad moved closer to the water to check out what the commotion was all about.
To his surprise, a beautiful pod of dolphins were playing out in the vast sea. Like a perfectly choreographed ballet, the dolphins were dancing in and out of the cold water as if exerting no effort at all. The jumping, spinning, and diving were performed in perfect unison, creating a rare moment of beauty on the shores of the crowded beach. Chad immediately became transfixed by the glorious dance and moved even closer to the cascading waves.
With no warning, as if sent from the Gods themselves, a huge wave crashed down upon Chad and thrust his body into the sea. Being so young (and not wearing his Care Bear water wings), Chad could not fight the raging currents and was turned upside-down in the water over and over again. Praying for a moment to breathe, Chad had visions of the short life he had lived: rainbows, butterflies, and puppies circled through his mind. His sapphire eyes closed as the water began filling his small lungs.
Suddenly, Chad felt the suffocating water around him no more. He had been thrust on his back on the hot sand, coughing up water and the bits of seaweed that had invaded his mouth. Upon opening his eyes, Chad saw the familiar face of his mother and father staring down at him, a small group of people surrounding them from both sides.
As Chad stood up his eyes immediately fell back on the sea: the same sea that almost claimed his too short life. The dolphins were gone. They were nowhere in sight.
Chad’s father immediately picked up his boy and hugged him profusely. “I am so sorry, Chad, I am so sorry,” his father exclaimed. “You were only out of our sight for a minute.”
Chad’s mother joined in the embrace. “Chad, we love you. Don’t worry. You’re fine. Everything is going to be fine.”
But Chad wasn’t in a panic. In fact, he had already forgotten about almost drowning in the sea. He was just strangely obsessed with why the dolphins had disappeared at the exact moment he had been pulled into the water. Did they want to play? Did the dolphins hypnotize him and send the waves to claim his body? Even better: were they the ones that saved him?
Days and weeks later Chad presented this question to his family, determined to have them tell him the truth of what occurred.
“No, Chad, we already told you a million times. Your father pulled you out of the water. And, honestly, you were only in there a second.”
“No, Chad, the dolphins did not come to save you. You were just traumatized by the event.”
“Chad, we both love you ... but do you really think the dolphins wanted you to be their new king? Honestly, your imagination will get the best of you someday.”
Chad heard these comments over and over again, finally one day accepting that maybe it was his father (and not the dolphins) that rescued him from certain death.
Decades passed and Chad formed a strange love of the water, joining the swim team year after year and always taking as many trips to the beach as possible.
One day Chad decided to go to San Diego to visit a mythical and magical place called Sea World.
As Chad walked into this park of dreams he immediately noticed a large sign with a picture of a dolphin. “Dolphins?” Chad quietly thought to himself as he studied the sign more. Under the picture of the dolphin was an arrow pointing right towards a large blue tank.
Immediately, Chad raced to the tank to see a huge watery paradise surrounded by lush jungle foliage and seashell-shaped rocks. In the water, dancing and frolicking just like Chad had remembered on that fateful day, was a small pod of dolphins. Chad’s eyes lit up. He quickly looked around the glorious tank and realized that visitors could actually approach the end of the tank and put their hand in the same water that was home to the amazing creatures.
Without even thinking twice, Chad rushed to the edge of the tank, having to push himself through a giant pack of young children to accomplish this. Having never seen a dolphin up close his entire life, Chad began splashing in the water, hoping that one would swim up to greet him.
“That won’t work without a fish,” a little boy with glasses said to Chad as he continued to splash. “Me and all my friends have been trying to get one to come over for, like, 100 years. You need to buy a fish or something.”
Chad ignored the little boy and continued to splash, the know-it-all rolling his eyes in response to being shunned.
Suddenly, a dolphin slid gracefully out of the water, right under Chad’s hand. The little boy with the glasses jumped back, as did the entire group of children, startled by the surprise visitor. Chad couldn’t believe his eyes as the dolphin actually hopped up on its belly, the two meeting almost face to face. Although it sounded ridiculous, Chad thought to himself, “Does she remember me?”
With an audience of many awed children, Chad reached up and pet the dolphin on its smooth and slippery head. He even swore to himself he saw the dolphin smiling in response to his gentle, shivering touch.
And then, having no control over anything at that moment, Chad burst into tears. And not of the small, trickling variety. Giant streams of drops were erupting from Chad’s eyes, the emotions of the moment completely taking over his body and soul. Years and years of silently loving and obsessing over dolphins had come to a head.
But before he even had a chance to wipe away his shame with the sleeve of his polo shirt, the dolphin descended back under the water, leaving Chad standing all alone, his arm still outstretched. The enormous smile on his face slowly melted away as he realized there was a giant group of people staring at him. Beneath the hushed mocking and obvious pointing twenty seven year old Chad felt extremely embarrassed by his emotional outburst. But, honestly, he didn’t care. The experience was genuine and he wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world.
As Chad walked away from the tank he looked back and nodded his head at his new dolphin friend. “I will return to see you another day, my faithful girl. I shall return another day.”
To this day, Chad has still not yet returned to see the dolphins, but that may soon change. Just recently, he received a message from a friend saying he could actually swim with the dolphins at Sea World for a small fee. Given what happened when Chad just got to pet one, swimming around with them may result in Chad’s untimely death from joy explosion, but he knows in his heart this is something he needs to do ... very, very soon.
While it may only be a myth, some longshoremen have told tales of strange whispers coming from below the harsh currents of the ocean. And although they can’t make out exactly what is being said, the words “Chad” and “come home” have been mentioned.
*slowly closing dust-covered book*
So, there you have it: the reason I am obsessed with dolphins. Now the next time you see me mention a dolphin you will know that I was saved from death by one when I was little and then able to call the exact same one to me years later using only the power of pure love. Simple as that. :)
What can I say? After such a humiliating experience, I have a soft spot for the little guys.