I love Hamza. In fact, he is one of my favorite people in the world. But what is his obsession with Sharks? I mean, they are not nearly as amazing as Dolphins.
Even though I have tried to convince him of Dolphin superiority, Hamza refuses to accept the truth. Because of his contention, I am forced to list the top ten reasons why Dolphins are better than Sharks.
And, seriously, is there really any competition?
10. Ecco the Dolphin
Ecco the Dolphin for the Genesis is a pretty awesome game. Jaws Unleashed for the original Xbox is one of the worst things ever created.
9. Dolphins love to play
When you swim in the water, Dolphins will playfully push you around and let you grab onto their fins. OMG HA HA HA I AM SWIMMING WITH DOLPHINS! If you are in the water with a Shark it will eat your face off. OMG I AM SWIMMING WITH A SHARK ... *face eating*
8. Dolphins can walk on water
Yeah. Like Jesus.
7. Brad Logan: Dolphin Prince
Amazing.
6. Dolphins wear prosthetics
When Dolphins are hurt, humans make prosthetic fins for them. If I recall, I think Roy Scheider tried to blow up the injured Shark at the end of Jaws, not make him a helpful (and cute) prosthetic.
5. The cheerleader from Heroes fights to save Dolphins
And not just her. A whole horde of attractive people love risking their lives to protect Dolphins from pointless slaughter. When was the last time you heard of anyone (even ugly people) fighting to save a Shark? Oh, that’s right, NEVER!
4. Dolphins are the only animals (besides humans) that have sex for pleasure
This is pretty much the only reason I need to list.
3. Dolphins beat up Sharks
There are numerous stories of Dolphins killing Sharks. Even though they look weak, Dolphins always beat Sharks in a fight. Why? Well, Dolphins are highly intelligent (almost more than humans) and use their noses to stab aggressive, threatening Sharks to death. Did you read that? THEY STAB SHARKS TO DEATH WITH THEIR NOSES. In your face, Sharks!
2. Dolphins save humans all the time
There are too many stories to list here, but Dolphins are known to rescue humans from many perilous situations. Whether it be guiding stranded surfers to safety or protecting shipwreck victims, Dolphins will always be known as the “Oprahs” of the sea. Except if Dolphins opened a school in Africa the children there would not be molested.
1. Sharks are assholes
This is not really a reason why Dolphins are great as much as it is a reason why Sharks aren’t. Think about it: Sharks really are assholes. All they do is scare the shit out of people and then eat them. And if they don’t fully eat them they scar them for life! Assholes!
So they can lose and grow 30,000 teeth in one lifetime. Big deal. Maybe if they stopped eating things like license plates and baby skulls they wouldn’t lose their teeth to begin with. Assholes!
They can’t get cancer? Shoot, I think it’s just because cancer doesn’t like assholes. Dane Cook doesn’t have cancer, does he? Coincidence? I think not.
Sometimes I think that Douglas Adams secretly meant to give Wonko the Sane the name "Chad Concelmo" instead. Anyone who gets the reference will understand.
Chimpanzees and other forms of primates also have sex for pleasure. Matter of fact, any animal with sufficient intelligence does. Which makes me giggle when religious types say sex is just for babies.
Anyway, I don't like dolphins because they gang rape their own cousins and sisters. And humans too. There has been at least one gang rape attempted by dolphins on a human. Look it up.
Dolphins suck. Sharks have honour. Dolphins have rape-aids.
Alright, my vote goes for dolphins, but Nintendolls disturbing comment helped my decision. Thank you for answering the question I never asked, nor wanted to know. I was so disturbed, I couldn't stop reading until he talked about his first "experience". Guess I'm not sleeping this week.
I vote Dolphins... no contest! Being a surfer I am regularly faced with the conflict of: hmmm is that dorsal fin look like? Dolphin or Shark? I think you can guess which one I'm pulling for.
*SPOILER*
The answer is dolphin, preferably with prosthetics attached :)
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Also, dolphins! :)
What I'm playing (11/22/09 - 11/28/09): New Super Mario Bros. Wii God of War Collection Metroid Prime Trilogy LEGO Indiana Jones 2
Be my friend! Wii: 2357-3047-5937-7707 Brawl: 2320-5805-7379
Xbox 360: Optiville PlayStation 3: Optiville
My Top Ten Favorite (updated as I play) ...
... Role-Playing Games: 1. Final Fantasy VI 2. Mother 3 3. Chrono Trigger 4. EarthBound 5. Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King 6. Final Fantasy IV 7. Lost Odyssey 8. Kingdom Hearts 9. Paper Mario 10. Final Fantasy XII
... Adventure Games: 1. Day of the Tentacle 2. Full Throttle 3. Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis 4. Sam & Max Hit the Road 5. Grim Fandango 6. The Secret of Monkey Island 7. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney 8. Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge 9. Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney 10. Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure
... Action/Adventure Games: 1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past 2. Super Metroid 3. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 4. Resident Evil 4 5. Shadow of the Colossus 6. Beyond Good & Evil 7. God of War 8. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves 9. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 10. God of War II
... Action Games: 1. Contra III: The Alien Wars 2. Gears of War 2 3. Gears of War 4. Contra 4 5. Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos 6. Ratchet: Deadlocked 7. Blast Corps 8. Gunstar Heroes 9. Ninja Gaiden 10. Viewtiful Joe 2
... Strategy Games: 1. Valkyria Chronicles 2. Fire Emblem 3. Pikmin 2 4. Advance Wars: Dual Strike 5. Advance Wars 6. Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones 7. Pikmin 8. Advance Wars: Black Hole Rising 9. Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn 10. Little Kings Story
... Sports Games: 1. Punch-Out!! 2. Mike Tysons Punch-Out!! 3. Wii Sports Resort 4. Wii Sports 5. Super Punch-Out!! 6. Mario Golf 7. Mario Tennis 8. Pilotwings 64 9. Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour 10. International Superstar Soccer 64
... First-Person Shooters: 1. Half-Life 2 2. Bioshock 3. Goldeneye 4. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 5. Resistance 2 6. Left 4 Dead 7. Perfect Dark 8. Killer 7 9. Resistance: Dawn of Man 10. Call of Duty: World at War
... Racing Games: 1. Mario Kart DS 2. Diddy Kong Racing 3. Mario Kart 64 4. Mario Kart Wii 5. Mario Kart: Double Dash!! 6. F-Zero GX 7. F-Zero X 8. F-Zero 9. Wave Race 64 10. Excitebike 64
... Platformers: 1. Super Mario Galaxy 2. Super Mario World 2: Yoshis Island 3. Super Mario Bros. 3 4. Mega Man 2 5. LittleBigPlanet 6. Super Mario World 7. Banjo Kazooie 8. Super Mario 64 9. Mega Man 9 10. Splosion Man
... Puzzle/Variety Games: 1. Portal 2. World of Goo 3. Tetris Attack 4. Shatter 5. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box 6. Braid 7. Wario Ware: Twisted! 8. Katamari Damacy 9. Pac-Man: Championship Edition 10. Professor Layton and the Curious Village
... Rhythm Games: 1. Elite Beat Agents 2. Parappa the Rapper 3. Rock Band 2 4. Rock Band 5. Guitar Hero 6. Karaoke Revolution Presents American Idol 7. Karaoke Revolution - Volume 2 8. Guitar Hero II 9. Karaoke Revolution Party 10. Karaoke Revolution
... Shooters: 1. Ikaruga 2. Star Fox 64 3. Gradius III 4. Air Zonk 5. Space Invaders Extreme 6. Galaga Legions 7. R-Type III: The Third Lightning 8. Omega Five 9. Sin & Punishment 10. R-Type
... Party/Multiplayer Games: 1. Mario Party 2. Mario Party 2 3. Mario Party 6 4. Mario Party 7 5. UNO 6. Mario Party 3 7. Mario Party 5 8. Mario Party 4 9. Wario Ware, Inc: Mega Party Game$ 10. Pac-Man Vs.
... NES Games: 1. Super Mario Bros. 3 2. Mega Man 2 3. Mike Tysons Punch-Out!! 4. StarTropics 5. Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos 6. Castlevania III: Draculas Curse 7. The Legend of Zelda 8. River City Ransom 9. Ninja Gaiden 10. Zodas Revenge: StarTropics II
... Super NES Games: 1. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past 2. Super Metroid 3. Final Fantasy VI 4. Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island 5. Chrono Trigger 6. EarthBound 7. Final Fantasy IV 8. Contra III: The Alien Wars 9. Super Mario World 10. Tetris Attack
... Nintendo 64 Games: 1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 2. Paper Mario 3. Banjo-Kazooie 4. Super Mario 64 5. The Legend of Zelda: Majora�s Mask 6. Goldeneye 007 7. Conker's Bad Fur Day 8. Star Fox 64 9. Banjo-Tooie 10. Diddy Kong Racing
... PlayStation Games: 1. Final Fantasy IX 2. Final Fantasy VII 3. Metal Gear Solid 4. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night 5. Final Fantasy VIII 6. Resident Evil 2 7. Spyro the Dragon 8. Parappa the Rapper 9. Dino Crisis 2 10. Ape Escape
... GameCube Games: 1. Resident Evil 4 2. Beyond Good & Evil 3. Pikmin 2 4. Metroid Prime 5. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time 6. Pikmin 7. Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door 8. The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker 9. Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance 10. Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
... PlayStation 2 Games: 1. Shadow of the Colossus 2. God of War 3. Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater 4. God of War II 5. Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King 6. Kingdom Hearts 7. Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando 8. Ico 9. Final Fantasy XII 10. Okami
... Wii Games: 1. Super Mario Galaxy 2. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess 3. Metroid Prime 3: Corruption 4. Punch-Out!! 5. Wii Sports Resort 6. Super Smash Bros. Brawl 7. Boom Blox 8. Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure 9. Super Paper Mario 10. Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn
... PlayStation 3 Games: 1. Valkyria Chronicles 2. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves 3. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots 4. LittleBigPlanet 5. Ratchet & Clank Future: A Crack in Time 6. Resistance 2 7. Uncharted: Drakes Fortune 8. Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction 9. Resistance: Fall of Man 10. Killzone 2
... Xbox 360 Games: 1. Half-Life 2 2. Portal 3. Lost Odyssey 4. Bioshock 5. Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare 6. Batman: Arkham Asylum 7. Gears of War 2 8. Dead Space 9. Street Fighter IV 10. Prince of Persia
... PC Games: 1. Day of the Tentacle 2. Full Throttle 3. Sam & Max Hit the Road 4. Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis 5. Grim Fandango 6. The Secret of Monkey Island 7. Roller Coaster Tycoon 2 8. Monkey Island 2: LeChuck's Revenge 9. Kings Quest VI: Heir Today, Gone Tomorrow 10. Kings Quest III: To Heir is Human
... Game Boy Advance Games: 1. Mother 3 2. Fire Emblem 3. Wario Ware: Twisted! 4. Advance Wars 5. Drill Dozer 6. Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones 7. Advance Wars: Black Hole Rising 8. The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap 9. Metroid Fusion 10. Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga
... Nintendo DS Games: 1. Mario & Luigi: Bowsers Inside Story 2. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass 3. Elite Beat Agents 4. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box 5. Advance Wars: Dual Strike 6. Professor Layton and the Curious Village 7. Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime 8. Contra 4 9. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney 10. Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
... Xbox Live Arcade Games: 1. Shadow Complex 2. Braid 3. 'Splosion Man 4. Castle Crashers 5. Pac-Man: Championship Edition 6. N+ 7. Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 8. Ikaruga 9. Sam & Max Save the World 10. Wallace & Gromit's Grand Adventures
Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press living the dream since March 16, 2006
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Sorry Hamza, I'm with dolphindick on this one
Even though dolphins tried to eat my girlfriends face... I still love them.
Dolphins +1
@Blufire
so it seems according to that webpage of the guys who screws dolphins... I mean, the internet is allways right.
@brecksher,
That picture wins. HA HA! :)
Whatever Hayden Panettiere likes, I like.
Sometimes I think that Douglas Adams secretly meant to give Wonko the Sane the name "Chad Concelmo" instead. Anyone who gets the reference will understand.
chad wins for the Dane Cook diss
Thanks Chad, I accept your condolences.
Also, that shirt is B.A.N.A.N.A.S.!
I'm trying to determine who gets second place cause Guitar Atomiks dionosaur rocked my socks off.
If I can't decide, I'm gonna figure out my own countdown.
Chimpanzees and other forms of primates also have sex for pleasure. Matter of fact, any animal with sufficient intelligence does. Which makes me giggle when religious types say sex is just for babies.
Anyway, I don't like dolphins because they gang rape their own cousins and sisters. And humans too. There has been at least one gang rape attempted by dolphins on a human. Look it up.
Dolphins suck. Sharks have honour. Dolphins have rape-aids.
Alright, my vote goes for dolphins, but Nintendolls disturbing comment helped my decision. Thank you for answering the question I never asked, nor wanted to know. I was so disturbed, I couldn't stop reading until he talked about his first "experience". Guess I'm not sleeping this week.
bonobos are second only to us and dolphins when sex is concerned. or is that third?
anyway, heroes cheerleader chick hotness for the dolphwin.
Haven't you all seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?? Dolphins can sing to!
My vote is with chad
I have to kind of lean towards Chad on this one.
DOLPHINS WON'T EAT ME ALIVE :DDD what a great argument! XD;;;
seriously that's the most amazing shirt you have on there.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
I love having sex for pleasure.
I vote Dolphins... no contest! Being a surfer I am regularly faced with the conflict of: hmmm is that dorsal fin look like? Dolphin or Shark? I think you can guess which one I'm pulling for.
*SPOILER*
The answer is dolphin, preferably with prosthetics attached :)
Chad, you need a few more
11. There are PINK dolphins! How cool is that?
12. The American army trained dolphins to disarm mines and as soon as it came to the real deal they ran away. That's so smart!
13. Sharks have to keep moving or they'll die because water isn't going through their gills, the dummies.
14. Hammerhead sharks are complete tools.
I'm trying very hard not laugh like an idiot here at work.
lol at the end picture with you all happy and shit
Sorry Hamza, But #10 on this list swayed me. It really is all about the games.