After my first failed attempt at my 15 seconds of internet fame didn't work out with my monthly musing, I went
back and thought about this topic. I thought long and hard. Then it hit me. Mario was a destructive little
plumber. And Super Mario Bros was my first experience in virtual destruction.



When you think about it, Mario wasn't a happy go lucky guy frolicking about without a care in the world. No.
In fact, he was pissed.



A friggin big ass Koopa took his girl. I mean, wtf is a Koopa anyway? Shit, that alone would piss ME off. So
what does Mario do? He decides to take the fight to this Bowser guy and leave nothing alive in his path. The
Irate Italian is so dedicated to take his girl back and kick the living snot out of Bowser he even takes fungal
and botanical "enhancements" to upgrade his mayhem. He breaks bricks with his head and scorches minions
with his flower power. Yeah they had to tone it down to flower power because he was already too
awesome. Jack Bauer has nothing on this cat. Running around causing a shitstorm through land and sea,
damn that's like a blockbuster movie in the making (oh wait..scratch that).



As a child, being able to guide someone with such rage was just mind boggling. How can you harness this
power? Thankfully, the controls were smooth and guiding Mario through his wave of face stomping, shell
crushing mayhem was a delight. The game play was simple like his mission, but satisfying. Rip shit up in
World X, slide down a manly pole, rest at some chocolate covered White Castle, and repeat. Sure it sounds
like it'd be a bore, but it wasn't just about beating everyone into a pulp. No it was also about jumping vast
distances and carefully timing certain traps of death for our vengeful hero. Now don't get me wrong,
Bowser was a sly one; laying out all those traps and making it as difficult as he could for Mario. But it didn't
matter, Mario could not and would not be stopped.


Mario was out for blood. Oh and yes, there will be blood. Just...pixelated and really hard to see since well,
it's not actually there. Whatever, he still kicked some ass. One can dream can't they?