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4:43 PM on 04.30.2015  

Cblog recap of 04/29/15 and PSEUDO-QALAMARI-ISMS

Last week, in addition to letting Riobux take a day from me, Destructoid went through a massive visual overhaul with the expected hanky-jank bugs and glitches. Stuff like that is expected but what I didn't expect is just how much I'd feel disconnected during the whole process. The cblogs page was pretty much dust in the wind over the weekend, during which I was in the valley with my girlfriend, running more Disney shifts, and prepping for a special thing. I haven't done much Dtoid related in about a week but it feels longer.

Pictured: me returning to the cblogs

It's also weird that I'm pretty much pseudo-staff. Well, my picture is on staff roll but I'm not expected nor entrusted to do anything important that has to do with any bottom line. As I understand my job description, it's just promoting good community content, engaging the community, and not being a dick. Admittedly, I haven't promoted something in a while but I think nobody can blame me for that, at least in the past week. But this past week has been filled with kerfuffles. Plus, my official recap day only has one blog, so this recap could be called the whatsacow show guest starring Strider.

Shade has a tough pill to swallow with a multitude of negative blogs to recap. Enough to fill the negative zone with enough energy to actually I don't know what the negative zone from Marvel actually does but it sounds stupid/awesome. But it just makes me smile that (stealing a blog real quick from Shade) Seymour Duncan, Dtoid's own smiling Joe weirdo, posted something in an attempt to stem the tidal wave of negativity.

I have my own positive story. Oldfags may remember the name Qalamari, former recapper and general old Dtoider from years past. I mean, OOOOLLLLLDDD. I don't remember what day he used to cap. Anyways though, jump back a month and he contacts me on twitter asking me for tips on making a Disney trip since I always make it a point to excuse myself of problem by saying, "Whatever, I was working late at the park. Give me a break. I'll get your money later this week ok?"

But being the actual Disney person that I am that actually works at the park, we're taught to always go the extra mile because that's what Walt would have done. That's why you see WWWD stickers on a car's bumper. So rather than just make any random suggestion like lobster nachos at the Cove Bar, I ask for specific dates of their trip because fuck it all, I'm knocking off a day of admission on your vacation budget. It's the big Qalamari x Strider crossover of generations.

The last time the squid had been to the D was precisely three years ago, before California Adventure's big face lift to give it the strength it needed to pull a Kazuya Mishima on Disney's Heihachi. So of course I had to make my tour include Cars Land while Buena Vista Street is implied since it's a gateway area. We even managed to nab Radiator Springs Racers fastpasses, which surprised even me with 3pm return times. I showed Qalamari and his lovely wife such destinations as Olaf's Snow Fest (don't groan, having a 24/7 snow room is pretty kickass), the Hollywood Tower of Terror, Paradise Pier's Fun Wheel, Corn Dog Castle, and of course Cars Land, ripped right out of Pixar's Cars. I had my usual fill of my favorites that I cannot leave the park without having: Ramone's Pear of Dice soda and a Ghirardelli Painted Lady cup. The former is a delicious blend of Sprite, grape syrup, and pear somethings which makes it an absolutely refreshing drink. The latter is an ice cream scoop with hot fudge, whipped cream, and a Ghirardelli square on top with all instances of chocolate being 72% dark cacao which is always delicious at first and regrettable afterwards.

Qalamari and I went on Screamin' California, Tower of Terror, Mickey's Fun Wheel (swinging gondolas edition), and Radiator Springs Racers. And thanks to the Streepass Plaza upgrades I bought, I saved Qalamari's mii into my VIP room.

The deeds didn't go unrecognized of though. Before the Disney day, we met at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles for an ice breaking dinner. They treated me to dinner as thanks and I ordered the flagship plate, #13. the Carol C. Special: a fried chicken breast and a waffle. Qalamari gave me quite the flattering gift as thanks with a NES cartridge of Strider and a weirdly unique robot that bears an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Destructoid.

So that was my weekend. I had a date with my girlfriend watching videos and playing Tomodachi Life, swimming, then California Adventure with Qalamari with plenty of good food.

Obviously, there was a lot of Monster Hunter stuff in between as I literally find time to play it during work when it slows down. I actually just reached G rank, which is popularly considered when the game REALLY starts. With the cblogs marginally functional maybe I'll actually get around to talking about that.

* - Topsauce by default

A - Cows by default

C - Winner by default

E - Something by default

R - Gamed by default

A - Cultured by default

R - Some other default

F - Failed by default




9:30 AM on 04.30.2015  

Cblogs of 04/28/15 + You’re not going to read this anyway

Hey everyone it’s me, Mr. Plinkett. Oh, I mean, Script.

The community blogs are kind of dead at the moment. And I am feeling kind of dead myself. But not dead dead like the old lady in my baseme- wait what.

What I mean is, pizza is good however you shouldn’t eat it in excess. If you have to eat something eat paper instead – it’s full of nutrients and it’s good for the unnatural balance of your ecological digestion.

This has led me to believe that oak branches are not so good after all to start a small business operation. If you think the cosmos is besides the universe, then you should really ask yourself – “Captain Kirk is climbing a mountain, why is he climbing the mountain?”.

The underside of it all is that lorem ipsum doesn’t explain the macabre bonification of our tetramongonationality origins. Watson Holmes once said that Pikachu is a good stepping door for whisky doofs. It’s easily hard to believe that state of ment is more or less totally right and wrong.

Conclusion: por que você ainda está lendo essa bosta.

Feel inclination to unagree and supergree with me in the torments section.




Okay, this is originally what I had written for the Tuesday recap when the Cblogs were inactive and I wasn’t feeling well. I had ADULT THINGS to do on Wednesday, so I didn’t have the time or will to write something with a lick of sense. But now that the Cblogs are back and Wednesday has passed, I kind of don’t have an excuse anymmmmmoreeee……..

So let me bring a few points of interest:

Many of you don’t visit the forums very often, but I’m sure most of you know who Glowbear is. Veteran community member who recently became Front Page contributor. Look’ er up.

Well, something happened that I think should be brought to the attention of the community. She just got kicked from the Destructoid staff. And the whole situation seems a bit underhanded. Read her posts on the forum.

Apparently some of the staff was complaining about her behind her back, criticizing low frequency of posts and lack of quality. Now, whether you agree with those complaints or not, there’s no denying that those same complaints could be applied to many other contributors of this site. How can they complain about quality when we get posts like these, and how can they complain about lack of posts when other contributors (that are still listed in the staff page) haven’t even posted for more than a month? I’ll let you make up your own mind about this.

In more cherry news, Iwata Asks is back, baby! It actually has been back since the release of Majora’s Mask 3D, but I only got notice of it yesterday. They just published an interview with the Xenoblade Chronicles developers, and like most Iwata Asks interviews, it’s worth checking out if you have any curiosity about the development of upcoming Nintendo games.

Talking about Nintendo games, you best prepare your pockets if you’re a fan. Because every new release of theirs now will have plenty of (hopefully great) DLC to sell. Xenoblade and Splatoon have already been contaminated by the DLC virus, and I will be very surprised if Mario Maker and Zelda don’t get in on the action, too. Even Fire Emblem will have two different versions and sell a third storyline DLC. Not to mention new amiibos for these games will definitely be released. So my fellow enthusiasts, sing a sweet lullaby to your wallets, and wish them good night…

This is Script “Why Is The Dollar So Freaking High”, signing off. Bye!

Funnily enough, right after I wrote my nonsense, Jim Sterling uploaded a video of a Brazilian indie game that is just... well, take a look! What's more funny to me is Jim trying to speak Portuguese. "Bagunca". Hihi.

A - This blog is the shit.

A - A new Dragon Ball anime is happening and Kamehameornah is very excited!

P - The Error Machine podcast wants to feast on your questions.

dis is toti he ur new tamaguchi he a frend

toti is hungi gve it fud

toti is VER hungir and ned atention taek caer of frend

oh no toti raed lovecraft HE MAD NWO

toti dieid. u terrble frend.

F - Johnny Burnes presents: Spam number #147!

F - “What gets me going now is developing strategies for pond scum in Cuba”.


I'm not overcompensating for anything. Cblogs be cray cray!




10:29 PM on 04.29.2015  

Cblogs of 4-20 & 4-26-15 + Pixieisms!

Have you heard of the legendary Silent Dabchick? Of course you haven't, for she is the greatest stealth agent and UMA hunter of all time. Hearing about her would mean she screwed up a mission. She's been in many wars and was handpicked by Big Boss himself to handle all the sneaking missions he just didn't feel like doing. 

Her preferred weapons are her hands, though she will use whatever tools are needed to complete the mission, preferably without causing her prey too much harm. She hates killing people, not when she can capture them via Fulton Balloons in hopes of bringing more glory to MSF and Big Boss. 

Only Big Boss and Chico know she exists. She has her own little nest on Mother Base, but no one knows where it is. Sometimes, she's rumored to appear at night pouncing on those that are breaking the Boss' curfew, knocking them out. No one ever sees her, though, for when her hands fall on them it is already too late. All they can remember is a waking up in the medical bay with a concussion or dislocated shoulder.

Even Chico is reluctant to tell of her legend, though, for her cunning ended the species known as the Chupacabara as well as the Sasquatch. No one has seen the Lock Ness Monster because she drowned it. Aliens? She abducted them. 

And dragons? They existed, but now they don't thanks to her. They were too dangerous to exist so she wiped them out and, as Chico and a Feyline named Trenya tell it, she built some really nice armor and weapons out of them. They were a bit too big and gaudy for her liking, though, so she gave them away to the Feyline merchants.

Big Boss sometimes speaks of her, but usually also when he's talking about that time he ate some glowing mushrooms and how they recharged his batteries, at which point many at Mother Base just think he's drunk. No one belives when Chico tells of her because he's just a kid. He was also just looking for the Easter Bunny.

She got to the Easter Bunny, too. Kept both his feet for good luck.

No one knows where Silent Dabchick is now, but let's just say various stealth agents didn't get where they are on their own. Solid Snake, Sam Fisher, Adam Jensen, Batman - she just has this way of lightening their workload and she doesn't need a cardboard box, goverment funding or a family fortune to get the job done. She simply comes and goes with the wind, hitting with the force of a hurricane for only an instant and then she is gone.

Kind of like how the cblogs have been gone for a bit, but they're fixed now, so its time to reca...

* - SeymourDuncan17 tells us how the Shin Megami Tensei franchise compels him to complete RPGs where other RPG franchises do not.

* - Terry 309 writes a very nice retrospective on the Star Ocean series

A - James Internet Ego discusses the problems of gaming PR.

C - Reminder that Retrofaction's art contest is a thing.

S - Niero tells us what is up with the cblogs.

T - Hoff finished three RPGs once.

T - Every generation has some great games, sure, but the AAA industry is not what it used to or should be as a business.

S - Sure.

S - Okay, but what was your point with this?

F - Cut/paste from Facebook.



12:43 PM on 04.26.2015  

Cblog of 4/25/15 - Yes, just the one.

Well, maybe it's because we're in the middle of transition, but yesterday's blog count was very small. I mean, the only one who posted a blog that day was RH666, and I'm surprised that it wasn't about art. This entire week has been a little lacking to be honest, but I completely understand. Right now, the Cblog section feels like your favorite coffee shop being renovated: you would rather just chill out at home than to go out and find a temporary spot to hang in.

Anyway, how do I feel about the site redesign? Well, I'm pretty cool with it. It was frustrating at first, but the kinks are being ironed out, and the design looks sleeker. I have my share of issues though: for some reason, I can't log into my Dtoid account on my mobile, which is disappointing but might not be on their end. I can't "hit" the text fields without "hitting" the Facebook button, and I don't use Facebook to log in so that's a problem. Also, because I don't full-screen my Google Chrome, everything looks cut off, and it's really annoying. I don't know if that's gonna be "fixed" since it's more of a user error, but I'm one sad puppy.

I'm also one lovesick puppy as well. See, I bought Mortal Kombat X. I know, I know, it's kind of stupid considering how much Warner Bros. is trying to suck the money out of our wallets, and we all know it's gonna have a Komplete Edition later down the line, but I just had to get it. Why? Because I was crushing on Mileena so hard I just HAVE to buy it immediately, and I'm not ashamed to say I'm pretty serious.

Mileena has always been THE character of Mortal Kombat that I've felt attracted to, and she's got a damn nice body. Sure, she has lines of shark teeth in her mouth, but I've learned to look past that. I kind of like her sadistic, yet somewhat playful personality ("Let us dance!"), especially in Mortal Kombat X with pre-fight dialogue, and her moveset also isn't bad. She has a Rolling Ball for low attacks that leads into an easy uppercut, a Teleport for when opponents block low, a projectile, and pretty sweet Fatalities: the one when she jumps on your body, mauls it in half, and eats your innards while the character tries to crawl away makes my heart swoon. So, for all intents and purposes, I spent money to look at Mileena. She's got a nice ass in that tight pant tho'.

I also love one of her Brutalities, specifically the one where she leaps on your body, sinks her teeth into your neck, and bites it off. It reminds me of The Walking Dead, which is cool. I hate that I have to unlock it via the Krypt, as I fear going down there, and that I have to perform is IN MATCH instead of at the end. Usually I'm struggling to win, much less trying to perform a specific move under specific conditions. Also, I don't like using her Ravaneous style, as I prefer her with her mask on (because she looks more badass, not ugly). Still, I like Brutalities; they're fun.

I'm also digging Erron Black, but mostly because he's a cowboy and fills the hole in my heart after Justified ended. I also like his Gunslinger style, if only because he wears a cowboy hat. Revolvers are among one of my favorite types of handguns, so seeing that his movesets and animations revolve around them (you see what I did there!?) is a nice treat. I get a kick seeing people flip open the chamber, empty their casings, then flip it back in whilst spinning the wheel. His X-Ray is also pretty awesome in that he has a bullet with the name for every character (and one that says "Me" for mirror matches, which was a nice touch), and I wonder if he'll have one for Jason. Would he also have one for the Predator? And would it say "Predator" because everyone else has a name whereas the Predator is more of a race.

Speaking of guest character, I've been kicking the idea of buying Mortal Kombat 9: Komplete Edition for PS3 mostly because I kind of prefer it over this one. While MKX is pretty damn great on its own, I like the characters in MK9 more, and it has a lot of content. I mean, Story Mode was really entertaining, and even my boy Stryker gets a chapter where he kicks Mileena's ass, which is nice in my opinion because my fears that he would be a jobber (someone who gets beaten in every fight, which is expected for a strictly human character) were relatively unfounded. The main reason though is that I get to play as Freddy Krueger from Nightmare on Elm Street and Kratos from God of War, and I love crossovers so much. I still need to get a copy of Soulcalibur IV on the PS3 so I can have Darth Vader. Darth Fucking Vader!

A - RH666 shares some news about the petition over Steamworks Paid Mod Model, which allows users to charge for their mods, as well as his own concerns over the monetary system.

I'm just happy the only blog I had to recap today wasn't a fail!

- Dreamweaver



5:29 AM on 04.25.2015  

Cblogs of 4/24/15 + Theisms: Help a Brother Out Edition

Most of you know that I was a professional wrestler for a long time. I've mentioned it a few times and you're probably sick of hearing about it. I retired on October 4th, 2013 with the intention of never stepping foot in a wrestling ring again. However, I can't sit here and say that if I received an offer from the WWE that I wouldn't be flying down to the performance center in Tampa as fast as I could.

And here is where I need some of your help. If you didn't know, the WWE is bringing back their reality competition, Tough Enough. It works like most shows of the same ilk: you start off with so many contestants, they show their stuff, and one by one they are eliminated until we have a winner, who then receives a WWE developmental contract. If you've never heard of the show, it may be because there's only been one winner who ever had anything even close to resembling a successful career.

I can still cut a good heel promo.

As you can see from the above video, I submitted a video for the show. I know it's a long shot, but this is my last chance to maybe live my dream. Even though I feel better physically than I've ever felt in my life, 29 years old is up there in years when it comes to professional wrestling, especially when you've already got ten years of wrestling mileage on your body.

So, what do I want from you? I just want you to take 30 seconds to go to my video and share it on social media with a #ToughEnough. The more eyes I can get on it, the better. Everyone who does it, I owe you a soda of your choice.

I'm hoping it works like this.

Now that I've gotten the begging out of the way.

Of course I bought Shovel Knight again! What are you, stupid? While I haven't had a chance to play a lot of it on the PS4 yet, the little that I have is still just as fantastic as I remember it. I played it on the 3DS last year because I was still without a Wii U, so this is my first experience playing on my HDTV. You can complain about the amount of games that use the retro look, but I can't get enough of it. The last 3 games I've played on my PS4 are Hotline Miami 2, Axiom Verge, and Shovel Knight, and I just can't get enough of how those games look and feel.

I think Shovel Knight is the perfect homage to the 8 and 16-bit games that I grew up loving, but updated to be more in tune with modern game standards. Seriously, pick it up. You more than likely have a system that can play that game, so do yourself a favor and buy it.

I also played Mario Kart 8 for the first time. As big of a Mario fan that I am, I've never been huge into his spinoff games. I've never been into Smash Bros., never been a big fan of the sports titles (outside of Mario Golf), not a big Mario Party guy, and I've always dug Mario Kart, even though they've never been the kind of games that I continuously come back to. I play them like I play most games, I play them until I've done everything I want to do, and then I stop playing it.

I played MK8 exclusively with my wife. We're getting a divorce now. I think I've come up with the most accurate assessment of the Mario Kart series:

Mario Kart sucks if you're good at it.

Prove me wrong.

I'm not saying that I'm great, but I'm good enough to be getting first place on each race in the 50 and 100cc races. My wife is also pretty good, always being near the front of the pack, but she's always far enough behind that she gets all the great weapons, and she likes to use them moments before I cross the finish line, causing me to drop to 2nd, 3rd, or sometimes even 4th place.

In no way, shape, or form do I condone domestic violence. But I really, really considered hitting her. I'm convinced that Mario Kart has led to divorces the world over.

Recap time!

* - Riobux's blog about the validity of short games caused me to spend an hour reading about the Anglo-Zanzibar War.

* - Mike Tyson's Punch Out may have had some racial stereotypes, but that was the 80s, and 80s racism doesn't count.

P - I guarantee my podcast is the only one that covered the 3DS eShop game, DOOORS, this week.

A - An AMA from GoofierBrute. You can ask things. ANY THINGS!

F - Some Mario Kart 8 in the EU FNF this week.

F - What's this? Mario Kart 8 also appears in the Nintendoid FNF? I like the unity here.

T - Want to know how to not die in Killing Floor 2? Taterchimp has your hookup.

R - Wutangclam found Westerado: Double Barreled to be a delightful western romp.

 Hey, don't forget to go out and be an awesome person today!




9:03 AM on 04.24.2015  

Cblogs Recaps of 04/23/15 + Shadeisms

I feel like it's been forever since I titled one of my Recaps "Shadeisms". For the past I don't know how many weeks I've almost always managed to put out a coherent theme, but I don't have anything in particular today. I would talk indepth about the new Mario Kart 8 DLC, but I haven't spent enough time with it yet to give you my thoughts.

So instead, here are a bunch of other things that have kept me busy this week.

- I got a new laptop for my birthday. Well, some money for it, anyway. Technically I've had it since last week (my birthday is on April 12th), but you'll recall that I had more important things to talk about last week. So far, it's been doing really good work. My old laptop was pushing 4 years old already, so it was close to falling apart and softly cried to itself when I asked it to run any recent game. My new one runs laps around it, love it.

- Speaking of last week, it won't surprise anyone to learn that that whole episode is still occupying my mind. My feelings towards it vary by the hour and range anywhere from "See, nobody likes me and I'll be forever alone" to "I did good and I clearly had a shot, so I'll find myself someone amazing before I know it" and anything in between. That's very 'me', I suppose.

- I've been putting my new beast of a laptop to good use by playing Remember Me, Batman: Arkham Origins and Trine 3 Early Access. Both Remember Me and Batman are alright at best. I think they have received some undue hate right after release, but they're still nothing to write home about. I enjoyed my time with them though, and that's all that matters. 

- Yep, I said Trine 3 Early Access. It went live on Tuesday and I bought it right away. Right now it only includes the first two levels, which was enough to get me hooked. The fact that you can move in 3D now opens up some neat gameplay and puzzle ideas, so I can't wait to see what they do with that. Besides that, Trine 3 is more gorgeous than ever already, and Ari Pulkkinen once again provides some wonderful music. 

- Today at work the guys of the computer club demoed an Oculus Rift, and I got to have a try! They an Oculus Rift version 2 with them, and ran a rollercoaster demo. Now, I've never had a chance before to try one. But man, that thing feels weird. You know you're standing still, you know nothing is actually happening, and yet your brain keeps telling you that you're moving every which way. You literally feel it in your body, and it becomes hard to keep your balance which the coaster starts going. It was a really cool experience, and if nothing else I got me to look forward to where this technology is going to take us in 10 years or so.  

- Xenoblade Chronicles X Direct later today! HYYYYYYYPE.

- We had a great Nintendoid FNF session of Smash Bros. last week. I say that because I won a lot. Seriously though, it was good fun seeing everyone play around with Mewtwo. We've got a different game scheduled today, but we're going to have to get back to Smash soon.

- Speaking of Mewtwo, the more I play as him, the better he feels. I think he even has potential as a secondary for me. Luigi will always be my number one for reasons that several of you have already witnessed, but I've gotten Mewtwo to work on around Zero Suit Samus and Ganondorf levels. That's pretty decent, if I say so myself. Plus, I smoked Strider in our one on one Mewtwo vs. Mewtwo matches. SMOKED. Don't even try to deny it man, you know it's true. 

- Finally, just a little bit of Mario Kart 8 DLC. I downloaded it yesterday right away, and it seems incredibly solid so far. The courses are varied, gorgeous and fun, so exactly what you'd want from MK8. Baby Park is glorious chaos, the big tree course reminds me of the Nopon village in Xenoblade, Big Blue is amazing in every way, and I could go on for almost every new track. The only one I dislike so far is Cheese Land. It's not that interesting, and the holes all over the place are disorienting. Not great.

And then, of course, there's the new 200cc mode. For which I only have one response:

* - Here is a new series by Cannibal Steven, in which he takes you through a select game via pictures. Love the idea, can't wait to see more!

P - Ask Dustin Thomas questions for the super duper non-special 50th episode of Error Machine!

A - Here are some game concepts that Kratos282 wants to see implemented sometime. It is a sad day for gaming when I can't come up with an FPS set before World War II. 

A - whatsacow explains why modern shooters just can't capture the same feeling as the FPSes of old.

A - James Internet Ego looks at paid mods from an economocial and even philosophical perspective.

A - Fighting games are never the most serious of the bunch, but Otaku Uchu lists some REALLY wacky ones for us.

F - PS FNF and it's hosted by Nanashi now. Protip: don't ask.

T - In his quest to make Skyrim more immersive, James Internet Ego eventually made it gorgeous.

T - PSISomething played the shit out of Inazuma's Eleven in order to make the perfect team. Silly PSI, any team that includes someone named Ian Flappable is already the perfect team!

S - I almost forgot that we had a "Swag" tag, but it's too good not to use for SeymourDuncan's collection.

F - This is a blog that is not a blog about the Harvest Moon game that is not a Harvest Moon game.

F - I appreciate your plight (believe me), but this isn't the way to go about it.

- One day we'll get a new F-zero. One day.

- ShadeOfLight
May you always find water and shade



11:58 AM on 04.23.2015  

Cblogs of 04/22/15 + Salesman Pitch

Good afternoon! I'm Riobux! You may know me from silly comments I smirk at on news postings, pretentious articles where I do things like analyse review scores (which that time led to my boss messaging me asking why I was opening up over 100 review pages on his website) and I do articles over at Gamers Honest Truth (not-a-plug not-a-plug not-a-plug not-a-plug).

However, introductions aren't why we're here, is it? StriderHoang is gone for the week and in his place, like a hurried salesman with 30 seconds before the cops come, I wish to propose an idea to you. However, first a story.


Better wet up, this may get a little dry

In 1896, way back when Zanzibar was ruled by sultans (think royalty), there was an agreement that after a sultan dies they must get permission from the UK for a particular sultan to rise to power. However, after the death of Sultan Hamad, Khalid bin Bargash declared himself sultan without the UK's permission. This left the British Empire a bit peeved and they sent an ultimatum that Bargash was to stand-down by 9am on the 27th of August. The ultimatum passed and thus the Anglo-Zanzibar War was declared.

Any guesses how long it last? A year maybe?

The most commonly attributed time it took is 38 minutes for the palace to get stormed, the flag shot down and a ceasefire to be declared.

Which brings me to my modest proposal. There have been rumblings about how campaigns are getting a lot shorter than they really should be. I wish not to enter that type of discussion, as its mumbled complexity is just ill-fitted for this type of venue. However if Treyarch, the developers of the pre-modern day Call Of Duty games (even Black Ops 2 which, while partially futuristic, was also based in the 80s), are going to respond to this accusation correctly then they should embrace the idea.

I present: Call Of Duty: Zanizbar.

You play in real time as an English (or Scottish, would lead to some delightful commentary about the sinking of HHS Glasgow) soldier from beginning to end of the Anglo-Zanzibar war. A whole thrilling 38 minute campaign filled with gripping events as explosions go off around your ears. Perhaps as well, if Treyarch wills it, maybe an exploding Big Ben or maybe a consolation in the sky that night in the shape of a building can lead to an old man (i.e. your character) to describe it to future Sydney Opera House architect Jorn Utzon as an epilogue.

This war also presents the perfect pre-order bonus as well. You get to play a 10 to 15 minute mission as the only UK soldier to be wounded. Needless to say, with a pre-order bonus like that there will be controversy, but people will begrudgingly get it anyway as it is assured to be an amazing bonus that will disappoint none.

If you are as sold as I am on such an idea, then feel free to spread this news far and wide. Let it be known this is the game people REALLY want. Especially with the uniforms at the time.


God damn they're dashing...

...Anyway! On with the recap!


*- OrochiLeona has written a beautiful love-letter to everyone's favourite fighting games' characters. Yes, every single one of them.


P- PStoids wants questions, and you're gonna give 'em, sheeee?

S- “Ooh, What's Over There?!” Episode 3 has crashed through your window despite living on the 20th floor in a block of flats, with a look into the environment and exploration of Dishonoured.

A- Questions have been raised by KingSigy about what is even the point of current-gen if games are still going to be released on last-gen, with a particular nudge towards PS4. Makes me want to whisper, with devilish grin, “Bloodbooorrrnnneee”.

A- The bell was struck and the bony finger of Band Of Bloggers tempted Gamemaniac3434 into revisiting the world of Dark Souls for his thoughts on the subject.



A morale victory.


I – Who the fuck is Vikki Blake? Brand new writer to the Destructoid UK team, and here to tell you the top ten facts about herself.

C- Sonic429 loves Destructoid in a way that may be illegal to love someone in at least 20 countries. Here is his reflection on the depth of his love.


V- Chris Carter is toying with the idea of supplementing his work load with more work in the form of a five-minute-per-game video series. I'm starting to suspect Iron Man by Black Sabbath is based on a futuristic form of Chris who is driven insane by his own work-load; seriously, he pumps out articles and reviews constantly.

T- There was a forgotten day in 2014 that slid between the cracks of time and attention and JPF720 invites you to learn of Ranko Tsukigime's Longest Day.

T- taterchimp describes how Dark Souls 2 compares to Dark Souls for him, which boils down to spicy chicken wings and New Coke comparisons. I just figure it's like curry (with all the different wondrous types) vs Peri Peri (which just tastes of burning to me).

R- The Order: 1886 gets taken out to a golf driving range and thwacked into by an apathatic tenaciousdave.



I love a bit of culture.


C- whatsacow gives satire a punt, and goes on the nose so hard I got a nose bleed. Ouch. C'mon, subtly.

V- They don't have flea-markets in my neck of the woods, but damn TheDustinThomas picked up some really sweet deals at one. $1 for GTA: Vice? Nice!



- Riobux




10:33 AM on 04.23.2015  

Cblogs of 04/21/15 + Change of habits

And here I thought I would have no blogs to recap this Tuesday. But you guys don’t rest on your laurels. Borked site or not, we still got some good blogs. And whenever there are community blogs, there is recappin’ to be done!

For some time now I have been thinking of changing my gaming habits. I want to buy less games and play each of them more thoroughly. I’m tired of finishing a game and then immediately going to the next. I feel the need to master some of them, to really explore its depths. In this day and age we have too many games available to us, too many games vying for our attention. What this means is that we usually don’t give them the attention they deserve.

Of course, this doesn’t mean I will stop buying games completely and spent the rest of my days trying to finish my backlog. What this means is that I will be even more frugal when it comes to purchasing games, and that I will try to play fewer games at a time. I even considered selling most of my consoles since no human needs to have so many places to play videogames, but I’m pretty sure I would regret it. It’s good to have variety.

Like all habits, it’s not something that is easy to change. This is something I have slowly been trying to do. I have stopped buying bundles all together, and I think twice before buying a game I really want if I’m currently engrossed in other games at the moment. I’ve taken a lighter stance in regards to my backlog, and now I don’t feel quite as guilty to play mostly Super Smash Bros. during the week and neglect some of my other games.

There is a point in gaming where you need something more to be satisfied. Where the same old, same old doesn’t really cut it for you anymore. That’s kind of where I see me right now. I want a deeper purpose for playing games, I want a more meaningful experience. Yesterday I spent almost an hour trying to do a glitch in Donkey Kong 64 and when I finally did, I felt a sense of satisfaction that few other games have given me recently. That says something about my gaming life at the moment.

This blog was originally going to be about change of habits in other aspects of my life too, but it ended up being all about gaming. Do share in the comments if you can relate (or not) to my feelings, and let’s hope the site will be back to normal until next week. Au revoir!

* - James Internet Ego has never been much of a music fan, but things started to change when games like Mass Effect gave context to its tunes.

* - William Peacock believes that when our robot overlords take over, games will be harder, better, faster and stronger.

* - Voltech thinks Bayonetta – both as a character and as a game – is more brilliant than we give it credit for.

I think Bayonetta, like other Kamiya characters like Dante and Viewtiful Joe, is fun, charming but does not exactly have a lot of depth to her. Not that she needs to, people love the character all the same.

A - JTRipton writes a basic guide to editing your captured PS4 footage on a PC.

I believe I can fly

Apparently change of habit is an Elvis Presley movie or something

T - Tenaciousdave believes Titan Souls is a lot like Shadow of the Colossus.

T - Nana-chan thinks about some games that should have been his cup of tea, but that didn’t quite hook him. He also asked the community for their ‘should-of’ games, check the comments section.

Reminder that if you want the D you just have to talk to me


F - There ain’t no rest for the wicked.

F - Not content with turning Destructoid to Polygon, Niero now spams the Cblogs with nonsense. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!






7:41 PM on 04.21.2015  

Cblogs of 4-19-15 + Laegrinna-isms!

It seems my laptop ate my initial draft for this recap. The site reformat had already put my plans to recap on hold, too.

Oh well, The gist of the original post was that I got Hotline Miami, Steamworld Dig, Stealth Inc., Retro City Rampage DX, Metal Gear Solid: VR Missions and The Impossible Game for my Vita off the PSN Flash Sale. I also tried out the Toukiden: Kiwami and Oreshika: Tainted Bloodlines demos and didn't like either of them enough to buy them, then I read the Dtoid Deception IV review, watched like 20 seconds of a GT review of it and decided that was the game I really wanted. 

I also got some nice, cozy noise-cancelling Phillips headphones from a discount outlet. I was sick of earbuds falling out of my ears when I go out for my walks. These headphones are so large and bulbous that you wouldn't be surprised to see a Jet Set Radio character wearing them, but I also can wear them comfortably during a nap.

Deception IV and Hotline Miami ended up being the games from that haul that I'll focus on for now. I kind of see them both as puzzle games in which you're tasked with finding the best or most creative ways of killing everyone you come across. One encourages you to construct Rube Goldberg-style death traps and the other prefers bats, crowbars, swords, knives and all manner of guns to wipe everyone out.

And I do appreciate both games are very steep on consequences. It's only fair that if you're setting up all these eleborate death traps in Deception IV that you're just as much capable of being harmed by them and you certainly can be as much by those as your enemies. Laegrinna is rather passive for a demon, though, only letting her traps do the work. I'm also rather amazed she has not made Laura's Gaming Butts list because I think most of her design was such that you were intended to stare at that.

Let's just say she doesn't have to bend over for there to be a full moon.

My favorite combo so far is catapuling people into electric chairs, then they're launched off them, made to land on a banana peel, falling into a rake that smacks them in the face and then a boulder falls on them. And then, if they survive all that and manage to stand, I launch a buzzsaw into their back which pushes them into another electric chair!

In Hotline Miami, I'm less about using guns and more about melee weapons and fists. Also doors. I wear a horse mask that lets me kill with doors. Guns are often noisy and get the attention of enemies, so I only use them when I have to. 

Anyway, talking about those two makes me want to get back to them, so I'm gonna get on with the recapping.

* - Nihil shares ten things about himself

* - Just another round of this week's comments.

* - Quoth the SigfriedLion, "Screw those fat crows!"

A - Forgotten Bastion seems to like all the aspects that go into exploration and cartography, except for the actual map-making part. Drawing out a map for a game does add character to the experience, though. It's just something you have to get used to.

R - Kooram reviews Westerado.

R - ManyAlpacas reviews Trigger Saint.

No fails! Good thing, too - Laegrinna wanted to play with the humans.




1:51 PM on 04.19.2015  

Cblogs of 4/18/15 - I can't believe that happened.

Justified has its series finale last week, and damn am I going to miss this show. However, some minor nitpicks aside, I don't think I could've asked for a better way for it to end. Spoilers for the series as a whole below!

What a finale, huh? After the penultimate episode where Boyd survives his encounter with Zachariah, Ava gets taken by corrupt policemen to bring to the corrupt business man Avery, and Raylan gets hauled in for going rogue, this was one of the longest weeks I've had to wait. However, when everything finally came into a head within the first half of the finale, it was so worth it. Boyd may have killed Avery faster than I would've liked, but the resulting headshot through the eye was pleasantly satisfying. My favorite part is when Raylan comes in after the shootout and tempts Boyd to draw on him so Raylan would have a reason to shoot him. He even kicks Boyd a gun when Boyd tells him that his is empty (so badass). However, after Boyd loses his spirits after finding out why Ava turned on him (she thought he would've done it first), Boyd chooses not to pull, and Raylan chooses to arrest him rather than shoot him anyway.

Over the series, we see Raylan putting his enemies in situations where they're "forced" to pull so Raylan can shoot them. In one instance, he practically sets up a "hit" so if the criminal doesn't submit himself for arrest, Raylan will walk away and let the hitmen open fire. Boyd is Raylan's most hated enemy, so to actually let him live was a fitting way to show how Raylan has changed. He does get into a shootout with Avery's bodyguard Boon, and that was an awesome moment: the setting was nice, and it happened as quick as you'd imagine a duel to happen. With all the subtle hints that Raylan was going to die over the season, topped with the song "You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive" (a bit much in my opinion, but omnious), it was cool to see Raylan survive, especially because Boon tried to aim for the head instead of center mass like Raylan did.

During the debacle, Ava steals Raylan's car and drives away. I understand her reasoning (she was going to go to jail with no hopes of negotiation, and she was set to die by the inmates), but I was pretty frustrated with her character, and this didn't help. However, the police doesn't find her, and even though Raylan feels like the case is incomplete with Ava running free, he gets enough closure that he can leave Harlan county behind.

Afterward a short series of goodbyes, the episode moves four years later, and we see Raylan living in Miami to be with his daughter. While Raylan doesn't get with Winona, it only bothers me a little... but still bothers me, because I'm one of those people who ships characters. Interestingly enough, Raylan gets a report about a woman who looks like Ava, and goes to investigate. Turns out, the woman IS Ava, and although she has become a better person, Raylan still wants to take her in since she's a fugitive. Ava seems okay to go, but first wants to show something that hopes Raylan keeps a secret from Boyd: as you guessed, she has a son. After seeing that she cares for him even though it's Boyd's bastard, Raylan decides not to turn her in, and also helps ease her worries that Boyd might one day come back to her.

Raylan visits Boyd in jail (after a very entertaining Church sermon, which Boyd has become a preacher of), and tells him that Ava is dead. Boyd is obviously distaught, but he seems to accept this. In a touching moment though, Boyd asks why Raylan came to tell him in person when he could've just called, and in a way, it references Raylan's decision to not kill Boyd back then. Boyd tells him that it was "because we dug coal together", and Raylan confirms it. Throughout the series, coal miners are shown to be brothers, and it was nice to see that referenced once more.

Overall, I truly enjoy this show, and I am more than satisfied with the ending.

I don't know if this story is true or not, but I do know that this is quite possibly one of the best news story I have ever read. Honestly, I read this like a dozen times, and imagined it plenty more, and it only happened last week. The story is that a mom allowed her daughter to throw a party where she provides the weed and alcohol. That's cool in itself, but not what I'm interested in. No, she let her daughter and her guests get naked and play Twister, and the mom even join in on the fun. She even bangs one of the boys in the bathroom, and after being unsatisfied, goes out into the living room to double penetrate herself with dildos. The guests decides to move their party to the hot tub, and afterwards the mom goes to sleep on her bed... only to wake up while being raped by her daughter's boyfriend, whom the daughter doesn't sleep with because she was afraid of not being able to handle his 10-inch penis.

It sounds so far-fetched, but so amazing at the same time. The story also includes a tidbit where the mom would not only take porn pictures of herself with her boyfriend, but would also show them at the party, even to her 16 year old daughter. I am honestly very jealous. I know the idea of seeing your mom in these situations would be a turn-off to most people, but I can't help but wish something this fucked up would happen to me. Well, maybe not if it was my mom (it's not the idea that it's my mom that's a turn off, but rather my mom's not hot... but this woman doesn't look too bad), but if I was a guest at this party, it'd be the perfect opportunity to lose my virginity.

At least try to act surprised.

I am so sick of looking at computer screens. I've had to stare at one to do everything lately and my eyes are really, really tired. It doesn't help that my room is hot, so the fan is constantly blowing in my direction, drying my eyes out. I do not look forward to my school work either: we had to do a 7000 word minimum portfolio for my Creative Writing class, and it turns out that, as far along as I am, I'm only at 4500. The portfolio is due less than 10 days, and I got about 2500 more words to write, and in addition to my lack of creativity lately, I am not looking forward to the final push. Honestly, I wouldn't mind failing because if I could take the class again, I would. It's fun, though it is a bit of a double edged sword when I see how good everyone is at writing, and I'm already struggling with "depression" as it is. My life situation is getting even worse despite some interesting opportunities that opened up to me, but that's another time.

I'm so close to beating Bloodborne, though I'm opting to skip some of the optional areas. I want to do it all, believe me, but the hassle it takes to do it all just dosn't feel worth it. For example, one area is littered with enemies that can suck Insight away from you (think Humanity in Dark Souls) that I don't want to go there to fight the two optional, albeit lore important bosses. The other area is full of these enemies that can kill you just because you're looking at them. I'm confident that I did at least 80% of the non-Chalice Dungeon part of the game though, which is a nice chunk. And since I'll probably make a backup save in order to get all three endings, maybe one day I'll go back, grind my ass off, and head back to the hard areas and see if they're more managable.

S - Titannel has been sick lately, but he still has the strength to game! Find out what he's been up to with another edition of "Scenes From A Leather Recliner!"

C - Resident music maker Alphadeus has 10 Things and 10 Comparisons to share about himself, and if you want to know more, is also doubling the blog as a "Ask Me Anything"!

T - ScreamAid wants to talk about Super Smash Flash 2, which is essentially a fan made Super Smash Brothers featuring non-Nintendo characters such as Goku or Bomberman.

M - Maggit is in a band, and he stops by to share with us an official stop motion music video! Click here to check it out, and read through some of the difficult nature that comes with making stop motion animation.

F - RadicalAjax Entertainment has the radical idea to end the Fast and Furious franchise after seeing that latest movie is good enough to conclude the series.

? - Jed Whitaker gives the Cblog an exclusive sneak peek (you should feel special) at the new Dtoid Weekly Wrapup YouTube series he's got cooking up with Jess Brohard!

- Dreamweaver



4:35 PM on 04.18.2015  

Cblogs of 4/17/15 + Theisms: Super Secret Edition

The world lost their collective minds on Thursday when the new Star Wars trailer was released. I didn't watch it, and I'm not going to either. I don't care about Star Wars because I'm not a nerd.


But most of you know that I work at a GameStop, and as I was working on Thursday night, I was told that we had a shipment coming in the following morning that was super secret and we weren't allowed to open until 2pm on Friday. We all knew it had to be Star Wars related. My coworkers speculated it was a new Battlefront, to which I thought "Hasn't that already been announced? That's not much of a secret."

So Friday morning rolls around and I'm back at work, listening in on a conference call. Our DM emphatically tells us that we are, under no circumstances, to even open the super secret boxes until 2pm. Even after a conference call that was all about "Hey guys, we don't know what the big secret it but it more than likely has something to do with Star Wars, so go ahead and make a Star Wars display in the stores," they still told us not to open these boxes. I started to wonder if there was some other huge secret.

2pm finally comes and...it's just Star Wars Battlefront. Yay? Actually, I'm more excited for Battlefront than I am the movie, because I've always like the Battlefront games, and I wouldn't mind playing another one.

But you know what movie I am pumped for? Terminator Genisys. Full disclosure, Terminator 2 is my all-time favorite movie, and I'm firmly of the belief that the series can do no wrong. I even enjoyed Terminator 3 and Salvation, though I consider T2 to be the official end of the canon.

Personally, I think Terminator Genisys is the dumbest name they possibly could have chosen, I HATE when words are purposefully misspelled, even if it's supposed to be a pun. But I saw that new trailer, and I must say that I'm on board. I will pay to go see that movie in theatres. Even if it sucks, it's still Terminator. DUNDUN--DUN--DUNDUN.

I finished Axiom Verge, and my GOTY 2015 is that game's title to lose. It stands firmly above everything else I've played, but then again, Phantom Pain and Yoshi's Woolly World are yet to come, along with several other Triple A games.

I finished with 94% map completion and about 75% of the items found. I would like to go back and find everything, but with Shovel Knight releasing on the PS4 this week, as well as some other goodies I picked up recently (which you can find in the next Flea Market Game Finds video), it may have to wait a while.

Now let's move on to the Topsauce!

M - Riobux contribution to the Cblogs this week is a Bloodborne Band of Bloggers bonanza. Alliteration is cool.

A - 10 Things and an AMA from that giant-donged Mr. Andy Dixon.

F - Boomers, Smokers, and Witches on the EU Friday Night Fights.

F - Fields, Blood, and Deserts on the PS Friday Night Fights.


$ - Want a physical copy of DMC4: Special Edition? Flanx has your hookup.

R - Viva la Boku No Pico and other weird things that Chist talks about.

$ - Yo, Divinity and a bunch of other solid titles are on sale on GoG, you can thank AvtrSpirit for letting you in on the secret.

P - Jamie Dickerson uses a lot of Star Wars words that I don't understand to analyze the recent Battlefront reveal trailer.

T - The Dark Mod makes a bad game (Thief) way better, and SuphaGamuh thinks you should give it a shot.

M - ScreamAid supplies us with some delightful Yoshi's Story tunes.

Don't feel bad about the no Topsauce Friday, because there aren't any fails either. The world has a fun way of evening itself out.

Stay excellent.




10:38 AM on 04.17.2015  

Cblogs of 04/16/15 + ...She said "maybe"...

Are you ready for some more Real Life talk from your favorite Thursday Recapper? Well I hope so, because I've got things to tell. Things I'm still not sure how to feel about, to be honest.

I'm sure you all remember the Shadeisms I posted three weeks ago. I talked about how I know this girl who is so far out of my league that I may as well be standing at the entrance of Victory Road without a Pokémon that knows Strength. But I also talked about how despite her being totally dateable, she showed up in my list of matches on a dating site. So not only is she single after all, she's looking for a good time and randomly turned up at the one site I also happen to be on.
Finally, I talked about how I couldn't possibly let an opportunity like this slide. I had to ask her out now, or I would never forgive myself.

As promised, last Monday I took that shot.

I didn't exactly get a yes. I didn't exactly get a no either. I got a "maybe".

That...was the one thing I didn't plan for.
I mean, Avtrspirit said last time that "After it all goes down, we will be here waiting to celebrate, or commiserate, with you.", but I'm not sure which one applies.

But first thing's first, how did it go down?
Well. The approach I took was pretty simple; we already had a meet-up planned for reasons related to our shared project, so that was the opportunity I grasped. Before we started work I told her about the freak coincidence that led me to find her on the site. I told her the same thing I said here, that we shouldn't let something like this slide, and then I asked whether she'd like to go out with me and give it a shot.

She seemed more interested than I expected her to be. I fully expected her to give me the standard spiel I've heard already so many times. The "You're a great guy and I'm sure there are tons of girls out there who'd love to date you, but I just don't think of you that way" one. But she didn't say that. Instead she said that it sounded like fun, but she had already started dating this other guy by now. She found him online too, and they kinda like eachother, although since it's still in the early stages she's not sure yet whether it will actually work out.
I guess that's what I get for waiting two weeks, although from the sound of it this guy was already in the picture before I ever found her on my site. Besides, contacting her right after I found her would've been a one-way ticket to Creepy Stalker Town. Waiting was probably still the right thing to do.

The good news is that she did take my number when I offered it, and she said that if it doesn't work out with this guy, she'll call me. So yeah, that's a solid "maybe" right there.

I'm not entirely sure how to feel about all this. On the one hand, I'm proud of myself for having asked her. That was far harder to do than you realize, for a whole lot of reasons. I'm also psyched to find out that I have a shot with her. That was completely unexpected to me; I was braced for the spiel, especially since I don't meet her listed 'criteria'. It turns out that if a girl gets to know me, I hold up pretty well.
On the other hand, I'm still stuck without a date even when the stars align in my favor. Whether or not she'll ever call remains to be seen, and in the mean time she's stuck with some guy who's very likely not nearly at good as Smash Bros. as I am so honestly what's the point? 

Ultimately, "maybe" is the best/worst/okay/maybe.

* - Do you want to know what it's like to be Don Mattrick? Maybe? Well, SpielerDad's investigative Jurnalizms shows us exactly how much a man known for being a crappy CEO earns.

* - Maybe it's not all bad, being an Arab gamer?

P - A maybe flawless Error Machine Podcast about Mortal Kombat X!

T - SeymourDuncan discovered the GTAV video editor. Maybe he has a couple of homemade vids for you, and wants to know what you can do.

C - Santo Pastor hates most Twitch offerings, and maybe wants to do better himself.

- ...maybe.

- ShadeOfLight
May you always find water and shade



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