First of all: itís my Recaps anniversary today! One year ago almost to the day, I wrote my first Recaps for all of you. 52 weeks later, and I still enjoy the hell out of reading all your stuff, topsaucing the very best (like no one ever was), fapping to the regulars and encouraging newcomers to jump into our Dtoid pool party. And what great newcomers we had this year! We had one who finds happiness in his mental health, one whose German heart is filled with drugs, a pixelated pixie and the last in a line of oddly colored felines. Not to mention many more. We love having ya, and a belated merry Christmas to everyone.
Second: Iím going to talk about archers for a while again. If you know me, which hopefully after a full year of Shadeisms you do, youíll be aware that I fucking love bows and archers. Especially the rogueish lone wolf type can do no wrong with me. It would be a safe bet to assume that this started with the depiction of Legolas in Lord of the Rings, but to be honest I seem to recall archers being awesome even before I ever saw those movies. In that case though, you can bet your ass that he helped. So, how is this relevant?
Well, I went to see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug last week! And guess what they did? They included two Elf archers, neither of whom were in the book, and they had them be badass orc slayers for about 80% of their screentime. Both Legolas, who is back because even though he wasnít mentioned in the book itís a safe bet that he was indeed present at the time, and Tauriel, a completely original character introduced mostly for some much needed girl power in a work that has literally no females in it, have very little relevance to the plot beyond ďhere are some orcs, we need them deadĒ. Sure there is a semblance of a love triangle going on, but that ultimately takes up very little time. Most of what they do still consists of getting out their bows and shooting some orcs right between the eyes, and it is fucking awesome. I went to this movie with high expectations of Smaug and Beorn, and while the former exceed my expectations by fucking miles (the latter less so), it may have been Team Orcslayer that surprised me the most.
Both of them take no shit from anyone, and their killcount is beyond compare. Nor does Tauriel suffer from being the only girl in the cast; in fact sheís quite on par even with Legolas, who already exhibits skill not seen since the whole ďtook out an Oliphaunt soloĒ scene in Return of the King. (Fun fact: ďOliphauntĒ is very close in writing and pronunciation to ďolifantĒ, which is Dutch for elephant). We get all the good stuff. Lightning-fast bow drawing, shooting a guy mid-jump or mid-bodysurf, stabbing an orc in the head with an arrow and then immediately shooting said arrow at another one, and I suppose theyíre also good at using swords if for whatever incomprehensible reason bows arenít the best option at any given point.
Long story short; these two reminded me once again why archers are so damn cool, if they didnít just outright double my already huge obsession.
And then, right after I got back from the movie, this happened;
Itís me and Iím a badass archer! Iím even wielding Linkís Skyward Sword bow!
ITíS ME AND IíM AAAAAAAHHHHH-