Today, let’s continue the Recaps tradition of talking about that most wonderful of newly revealed consoles, the Xbox One.
So, my response then. Ahum.
I just laughed through the entire thing. I couldn’t help it. I should probably be more disheartened and upset that one of the major powers that keep gaming going had so many terrible ideas for a console, but I’m not. I just thought it was hilarious. I’m looking back on my comment history right now, and it doesn’t look like a made a single serious comment the entire day. There were just way too many things to make fun of. Hell, the comment sections on most of Tuesday’s articles have been amazingly fun.
I mean, come on! The thing is called the One for fucks sake, you couldn’t think of a more ill-informed name if you tried. A presentation for a game console where TV and sports take center stage and the system’s most notable feature is “it’s also a voice-controlled remote”. The inclusion of a dog being the major selling point for the new Call of Duty. The direct quote calling backwards compatibility “backwards”. Presenting the fact that Xbox One can run games immediately after you insert the disc as a futuristic feature. The creepy 1984-like quality of a Kinect that is always watching you and just waits for you to turn it on. By the way, did you know that Microsoft filed a patent for a system that lets the Kinect monitor how many people are in the room, so that it can cut off access to your movies and games if more people are present than the license allows? Yeah, better with Kinect indeed. And finally off course there is the fact that the entire damn thing is so amazingly America-centric that they couldn’t confirm they’ll even release it in Japan. ‘Murica bitches, the rest of the world be damned!
It was all a big joke to me. It is so amazingly over-the-top cartoonishly evil that it’s impossible to take seriously. It’s like they read my digital property blog (pardon the plug) from a while back and did everything in their power to try and prove me wrong. Ultimately, to me it just looks like they’re aimlessly and ineffectually flailing against the future. If they keep this up I guarantee you right now that they’ll have consumer rights organizations breathing in their neck, especially in Europe. Just wait until the Germans and the Scandinavians get wind of this. They don’t take kindly to this shit. It's going to be hilarious.
I have to admit, Microsoft was never going to win me over. I’m just not in the Xbox audience: I don’t own a 360, nor do I feel the need to get one. My passion lies with Nintendo and the indies, which basically means WiiU/3DS and Steam. Unless Microsoft had announced that it bought out Nintendo and Valve, it never had a chance for me. But while I can fully admit that we have been facing a drought in games on the WiiU, I will stand by my claim that it’s a great little system with lots of potential. The system itself is good, even if the games aren’t there to show it. Compare that to the One, and it’s amazing to me how fundamentally flawed the system itself can be. As a result, for me the announcement went way beyond “indifference”, straight past “well, that’s kind of stupid” and “I’m going to cry for a bit” into pure unadultered hilarity.
In short, it was like watching a brilliant parody of everything wrong with Microsoft performed in live action.
Wrenchfarm had mixed feelings, Strider cared more about Animal Crossing and Injustice, and I just laughed. Not a good score so far, guys. To be fair, Microsoft, look at it this way. At least you managed to amuse one person with the One, and that’s gotta count for something.
But that’s enough laughing for today. It’s time for the caps, so let’s get serious!
A - A pretty decent first blog here. Midgeamoo thinks video game content shouldn't be treated as a business, but more like an art.
A - Levelseeker is going to try to be productive this summer. Best of luck to ya!
A - One little piggie not happy with Xbox One. Bionix fears his ownership rights.
A - Two little piggies not happy with Xbox One. The focus on TV, and issues with used games and pricing bugs robotnist.
A - Three little piggies not happy with Xbox One. TV, Sports and Call of Duty.
A - Four little piggies not happy with Xbox One. Nightv worries for the industry when despite the One's stumbling out the door, Nintendo's stocks are down.
A - Five little piggies not happy with Xbox One. Nor with the PS4 or the WiiU, for that matter.
A - Six little piggies not happy with Xbox One. The name, EA and DRM.
A - And the seventh little piggie liked it fine. Luchador just likes tech, and thinks Microsoft has got us right where they want us.
M - Amxwolf shares more music, this time a surprisingly good song from Mario Party 3.
L - A rewrite of "Every day is exactly the same" as applied to video games.
V - Couch Crabs tackle Mister Bones. No, I'm not going to explain that, it's way funnier out of context.
C - PopetheRev lists some things he is looking forward to, to balance out...well, you know what.
C - Well, if you don't have a lot of time on your hands, finishing a full RPG can be tough.
...What? So I have a bunch of gifs of pretty girls laughing. What do you have on your computer?
May you always find water and shade