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Here are some things -



Today is my Birthday! I've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. Having my birthday during the E3 craze has been a lot of fun, a good excuse to hang out with my bro and play Heckle and Jekel as we watch the conferences. My family was crazy great to me this year and I got a brand new fancy keyboard to replace my 15 year old dusty relic (finally, a working delete key!), the absolutely insane looking Risk: Legacy board game, and a straight razor I can use to commit suicide after I get pounded into oblivion at the end of a 4 hour game of Risk. It all dovetails together very nicely.

Me and Kass got together with my bro and his GF to celebrate. We spilled some drinks, played Cards Against Humanity, and the delightfully broken pre-alpha build of Gang Beasts. Presumably Gang Beasts is a kind of Smash Bros like fighting game, but really it just seemed to be a drunken baby simulator where you flop around until your brother awkwardly tosses you in front of a subway train.

We ended up playing Samurai Gunn for more than an hour. I can't recommend that game enough, it's what arcades should have been doing back in 1987.


Microsoft didn't catch on fire! -



Microsoft did a good job this year. As the rest of the internet has been quick to point out, they didn't waste any time on silly shit like TV and video chat. They focused on what gamers wants – white dudes killing stuff.

I'm being a smug prick, but I have to say, I actually really like the look of the new Call of Duty. Probably because it looks like a prequel to Titanfall. You've got funny looking future-tech, jump-jets, big honking mechs, and a gun ripped straight out of that William Shattner classic, Tek-Wars. Maybe this will finally be the CoD I join in on? Although I think I said the same thing about Advance Wars and never followed through. Hrumph.

Fable is obnoxious. Take your fart jokes, shitty character design, and overblown promises elsewhere. That steaming pile of Molyneux crash landed on the conference and killed the momentum dead. Pairing it up with Project Spark was probably not the best idea (but it did give me a good opportunity to grab a cup of coffee). Also, Conker? Really? Okay.

They showed some other interesting stuff. Inside looks neat and reminds me of Out of this World. Evolve looks like something I'll play (and never get as into as I think I will). And the indie game selection is banging.

CUPHEAD. That is all.



The emotion of soccer -



Wut?

Battlefield Hardline -


- Because launching games from a web browser is always a fantastic and hassle-free experience. Thanks EA, if nothing else you're consistent.

I got into the beta of Hardline (which was a legitimately cool surprise and a neat stunt to pull), and after much fussing about and dealing with broken websites, menus, and launch browsers, I finally played a few rounds and I'm sorry to say it seems pretty bland.

Nobody was more excited by the idea of reliving Heat in the BF world than me, but in execution it leaves a lot to be desired. Everything seemed slow and awkward in a way that's hard to describe. I'd use the word sticky if that makes sense to you. You press a button, wait a jarring half second, and then something happens. Maybe playing a shit-ton of Titanfall over the last few months has ruined me on more traditional shooters, but it felt very stilted and clumsy. The cops and robbers aesthetic doesn't come across, it feels just like playing as soldiers who happen to be fighting in a downtown area (which is either brilliant commentary on the rapid militarization of police departments in North America and lax gun control regulation that lets criminals get their hands on assault weapons, or just shoddy game design).

The common criticism of Hardline so far is that it seems like a mod to BF4 more than a real game. I'd like to have some kind of interesting angle or nuanced opinion on the topic, but I have to agree. Not sure why this isn't just a map-pack/game-mode for BF4, other than BF4 being a toxic name I'm sure they can't wait to get clear of.

Goddamnit, now I have to buy a PS4 -



Bloodborn. BLOODBORN.

I could not be more excited. The king has returned, Hidetaka Miyazaki has a new vision to share with us and if it lives up to the standards he's set with Demon Souls and the original Dark Souls, we're in for something special. Dark Souls 2 is a fine game and I'm enjoying it (still haven't beat it actually, keep re-making new characters with different builds and finding new ways to approach the first few areas) but it does seem to be missing a certain je ne sa quois I've come to expect from the series. It's mysteries seemed more arbitrary and less intriguing, the challenges less creative and more overwhelming, the world sprawls out from the centre instead of building on top of itself and is less interesting in the process.

I don't know if those issues are due to the nature of sequels (it would be almost impossible to capture lighting in a bottle three times in a row), or if the lack of Miyazaki's guiding hand really meant that much. Regardless, I am excited to see him working on something new and more than willing to give whatever he does a chance.

The only downside is that now I've got to buy a PS4. I haven't made the next-gen jump yet, but I just sort of assumed I'd be getting an Xbone eventually since I'm already in the whole XBL eco-system and generally really enjoyed the 360. Now though? Well that's a tougher question now. Do I toss in with the Sony brand JUST for Bloodborn? Do I get a second job and buy both?  Uggghh.

WHAT!? I'VE GOTTA BUY A WII U TOO!? -



Jesus, way to go Nintendo! Everyone knows how bad the Wii U is suffering, but Nintendo really made a case for it this year (well, at least they made a case for buying one in 2015).

The new Zelda looks spectacular, truly beautiful. Smash Bros continues to fly out of control into this wonderful, silly, THING that is has become. Yoshi Yarn is too damn lovely to be snarky towards and  claymation Kirby stole my heart. Hyrule Warriors looks reaalllll fucking dumb in the way that I love real fucking dumb things, and you might as well toss those goofy ass amiibos in there too – I would probably pick up a few of them because I am that kind of sucker who goes in for goofy things. Sorry everyone.

CAPTAIN TOAD: TREASURE TRACKER. Oh my lord, thank you for this.



So yeah, all of a sudden I kind of want a Wii U.

This is what they mean when they say software sells systems. At the end of the day, it's less about the number of rusticles you can terra-flop on a 42k screen per second, it's about how much joy you can manufacture.

If the Vita can become a turn around success story due to smart software choices and decent cross-play options, you can bet Nintendo can still turn around the Wii U. Wouldn't that be a fantastic story?


A - Some quick E3 Day zero reactions from gigantor21.

A - More E3 reactions! All95 seems fairly impressed all around.

A - Nintendo took us to Baller-town this year. For a company that has been characterized as out of touch and slowly bleeding out, they showed a ton of swagger.



N - Evolve is coming soon I guess?

R - Murdered Soul Suspect seems ok! Now he's got me wishing they made a Supernatural game with similar mechanics though.



C - Dry muttering over a YouTube video. This is the dark and grim future we've made for ourselves.





OMG, ATTENTION EVERYBODY: MIYAMOTO IS PLAYING A GAME WHERE HE'S STEERING A GIANT TIN ROBOT THROUGH A CITY. THIS COULD NOT MAKE ME HAPPIER.

-Wrenchfarm

FPotD
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