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So here are some things -

1. You need to read this "Let's Break" of FFIII for the SNES (FFVI for the cool kids).


I spent the better part of last night reading this INCREDIBLE article about glitches in FFIII. I absolutely adored FFIII as a child and spent a great deal of time investigating the various playground rumours about it's hidden secrets. Some turned out to be true (Invisible+doom was cruise control for cool, and the rarely used Berserk spell made the Tower bonus-boss a piece of cake), most turned out to be false (thanks for wasting my time grinding over 1000 dinosaurs in the dino forest). NONE of them were anywhere near this cool.

Getting the airship at the start of the game? Sequence breaking entire quest chains? Playing as Terra (sort of) during the opera scene? RESURECTING GENERAL LEO WITHOUT A GAME GENIE? Madness, utter madness.

I love glitches and sequence breaks, and the shenanigans listed in this article series are some of the best I've ever seen. A must read.

2. The Saltiest warriors ever.



This thread over at the Mortal Kombat 9 fansite Test Your Might combines the best and the worst aspects of the fighting game community.

After years of simmering animosity and months of twitter sniping, one of the biggest names in the MK9 scene, a player named REO, called out two time EVO winner Perfect Legend to a personal grudge match. The idea is to settle once and for all who is the best MK9 player. Money, pride, and status are on the line, and the politics and drama of a public challenge is fascinating to watch. Seriously, I've haven't cared about MK9 like this since it was released.

On one hand, this kind of direct "put your money where your mouth is" competition is one of the things I like most about fighting games. In most games, when someone is belligerent in a forum or on twitter, there is little you can do about it. You can't exactly hope to meet up with the one specific guy in a game of BF3, and even if you do, if you win, he'll just blame it on his team, the map, your team exploiting, and yadda yadda. In fighting games, the community is so small, and the competition so direct, that you can always challenge someone to back up their claims. I've always been a little disappointed that very few people actually do this, and even fewer accept such a challenge. Despite all the tough guy posturing in the FGC, the egos involved are delicate little things.



On the other hand, holy shit is this a tempest in a tea-cup! People who take fighting games DEADLY seriously are already a niche breed. FGs occupy a very small foothold in the overall industry, and the majority of sales for fighting games come from casual players who pick up a title as a novelty and don't stick around (you can look at the precipitously falling sales numbers of SFIV and MvC3's various incarnations as proof of this). In this tiny little sub-set of humanity, the number of people who take MK9, of all games, extremely seriously are almost in the realm of statistical error. This is a deep, DEEP cut. While SSFIV enjoyed around 2000 eager entrants at EVO 2013, the MK9 pools only managed to bring in 250 odd players interested in becoming the worlds best Kombatant. Comparatively, games maligned as "casual fighters" like Persona 4 Arena and Injustice managed to bring in more players (around 400 and 600 respectively).

So we have two "big" names in a VERY small community calling each other out over a game that most members of the FGC snicker at. Talk about sound and fury signifying nothing. From the perspective of a fighting game enthusiast, everything about this situation seems HYPE AS HELL. But when I step back and try to view it from the lens of a regular adult, it seems unbelievable juvenile.

I guess that's kinda my perspective on the FGC in a nutshell.

3. Speaking of fighting games, my girlfriend BODIED me in Darkstalkers.



So the 360 we've been using at my girlfriend's place has been flat broken for over a year. It locks up, chugs occasionally, and worst of all, refuses to accept or play new disks. Curiously, it never had a problem with the You Don't Know Jack disk, so it pretty much became a YDKJ machine, which suited us fine.

In November I let my Gold subscription lapse, and my (marginally) working 360 has been collecting dust ever since (it sounds like a jet engine has a problem with overheating that only seems to crop up while playing GTA V), so I figured why not take it over to the GF's and play some games we never have together? Fun right?

Co-op Spelunky was "fun". If your definition of fun includes your girlfriend throwing a rock at you that knocks you into a pit of spikes. Or accidentally shooting your love like some knock-off William S. Burroughs. Or just plain forgetting the controls and dropping a bomb that blows up both players and the puppy we were trying to rescue. Fun, fun, fun.

Condemmed made me feel like getting a tetanus shot. Not sure if we'll get back to that one, seems a little bland. But I remember other Dtoiders singing its praises (the late great Awesome Ex Machina did a FEW blogs about it if memory serves), so maybe we'll give it another shot.

Me being a fighting game fan, and she being a horror nerd, I figured we might want to check out Darkstalkers HD, a game I bought on release, and to my shame, only played for about 15 minutes. BIG MISTAKE. Turns out I have no idea how to play Darkstalkers and Kass intuitively understood everything she needed to know to win.

LITTLE. BOOTS.

Anarkaris, the giant mummy dude you might recognize from MvC2, has possibly the best sweep and crouching pokes I've ever seen in a fighter. He can sit at half screen and Dhalshim like extend his foot, taking a slight detour underground, and just constantly stuff every attack you bring to him. Get close, and he'll just push you away with his little booties light kick until you're back into glorious sweep range. It was mesmerizing. I'm sure it's beatable. I'm sure the wine didn't help. But you know, I just assumed that Q-Bee could FLY over his legs. Nope.

Darkstalkers is weird.


Q-bee pic because Q-Bee

* - Any blog that features the Godlike classic, BASE WARS, is probably gonna get topsauced by me.

* - My eyes glaze over whenever someone starts debating what is and isn't a "real gamer", but then Johnathan Holmes elbowed dropped the comment section with a mother fucking truth bomb and everything was sunshine and Bing Crosby songs in my world.

* - Can never get enough Spelunky love!

* - 1000x this. We need a proper Metroid revival, Nintendo needs money, LET'S MAKE IT HAPPEN.

A - Hoffmann is looking for contributors to his games-are-art project. Have any favourite characters you'd like to write about?

A - Goddamn, Smash Brothers was so fresh.

A - An interesting look at the concept development behind Drakengard 3.

A - http://www.destrucMark thinks Link Between Worlds is a better game than Skyword Sword, and it's not just because he is an old man.toid.com/blogs/Mark+Smee/lbw-sw-269321.phtml

A - An interesting blog about games taking themselves too seriously, or more accurately, trying to have their cake and eat it too (GTA is a gripping crime drama where you can produce a minigun from your pant's pocket).

R - I giggle anytime I see a review with a blank-out-of-ten score for "sound". It's such a throwback to the days of print mags like EGM!



F - One of the worst serious blogs I've read in a long time. Juvenile snipes, massive generalizations, terrible writing, ugh. Usually I reserve FAIL for obvious spam, troll posts, and ads. Um, congrats on being the rare exception?


-Wrenchfarm

FPotD
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