If you read Destructoid, you are probably what Nintendo would call "hardcore." If you are "hardcore," Nintendo couldn't give two shits about you. If Nintendo couldn't give two shits about you, they will ruin their games just to taunt you, because little Billy Casual Game Player will buy their game anyway. They don't need you anymore. And they just proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt in today's Smash Bros. Dojo update.


No, Janey, I will not. Whatever that means.

Go read it to get the full effect of how terrible it is, but here is a quick recap.No Online Stat Tracking. No Online Voice Chat. Friend Codes. Admitting the game will lag balls. No way to tell who you are playing against with random opponents. No way to add random opponents to your friends list.

Is that enough? Maybe that doesn't sound so bad to you, but imagine if they ripped all those features out of Halo 3. The game would be an empty husk. Nintendo is not making the game they should be, simply because they can get away with it now. Let's look at these one at a time.

1) No Online Stat Tracking

There is simply no excuse for this. Is it that hard to tally up wins and losses and create a leaderboard? And don't even try to feed me this bullshit about how stats will give people an excuse to disconnect--COUNT DISCONNECTS AS A FUCKING LOSS. Fixed that problem, didn't we?

2) No Online Voice Chat

Oh no! Someone said a swear! It's called a mute option. If you are afraid of little Billy getting T-bagged and called names, just give the option of turning voice chat on or off. Maybe they simply don't have their net code right to have voice chat, and if that is the case, it is an even bigger problem. Fix your joke of an online network Nintendo.

3) Friend Codes

Everyone should hate these to death. If you are in the "it's just like a phone number, what's the big deal" camp, I hate you. Again, Nintendo is throwing the Baby out with the bath water. If someone has a bad name, ban that name. Simple, huh? This problem greatly ties in with number 5 and 6.

4) Admitting The Game Will Lag

Instead of creating any sort of matchmaking system that shows you where the opponents you are playing are located, or a network where the effect of location on latency are minimized, Nintendo just opts to tell you the game will lag, deal with it. Have you ever heard a company admit their game will run slowly? No, so what this problem means is that SSBB is damn near unplayable online with random opponents who may not be near you.

5)No Way To Tell Who You Are Playing Against

Way to feed the rivavlry and competitive spirit. Every single player is anonymous, and combined with stat tracking, finally besting someone who routinely beats you will never occur, since you have no idea who it was. They should change this mode to "Super Smash Brothers Moral Victory." Did I just beat one of the best Samus players in the world, or was that little Billy Casual?

6) No Way To Add Random Opponents To Your Friends List

Social networking with competitive players you enjoyed? No thanks. Again, imagine XBL or PSN if you could only add people you have actually physically met before to your friends list. Probably removes quite a few people, doesn't it? In a game like this, adding people you play should be a routine feature in every game. Nintendo doesn't subscribe to that philosophy though.

Nintendo, you are alienating the people who supported you before you came up with waving your arms around like a mad man and convinced people it was the wave of the future. You say you don't need the hardcore gamer, but why not have both? If you would just take the time to do these things right, you could sell a lot of consoles to the 360 and PS3 owners, who you otherwise don't care about. Why would you turn that down?