Castle & Star Ocean 2's Complicated Relationship

Star Ocean: The Second Story is one of those games I have a love/hate relationship with. It’s like being in a romantic relationship with an idiot that gives you great sex, and it took me nearly a decade to actually realize how much of a ditz Star Ocean 2 really was. Why, the realization hit me while I was playing it a few days ago, actually.

When I fired up the ol’ PSX and popped the game in, all I could think of was how much fun I was going to have. I remembered spending hours upon hours grinding for levels, Skill Points, and Proficiency for my Killer Moves. Star Ocean 2’s combat system is extensive, and does a great job at keeping you entertained throughout the many battles you’ll have. Not to mention the “Skills” feature, which is unnecessary, but fun to tinker with. This is tri-Ace’s specialty, after all. However, once I started getting into the story its stupidity started coming at me en masse.

I’m playing as the Earthling Claude, just arriving on an alien planet called Expel (through some means that is never really explained) in time to save Rena – the co-protagonist – from a monster. After slaying the creature, Claude and Rena begin talking. I don’t think you read me. I said that Claude, the Earthling, and Rena, the Expelian start having a comprehensive conversation. How? Fuck how. It’s never explained. Does Claude possess some sort of translator? If so it’s never mentioned, and the gamer is left wondering. It bothered me, but I decided to ignore it. Adult Castle wasn’t going to ruin Teen Castle’s memories, god damn it.

I soon learned that the nonexistent language barrier wasn’t the only hole though. There’s a crap load more where that came from, and the game’s writer and director don’t seem to fucking care. Another example, Energy Nede is a 700 Million year old civilization that uses endangered animals to travel by sea and air. This civilization had ruled the galaxy once upon a time, and they don’t have airships or boats or submarines? What the hell?

The dialogue is horrendous. I mean, even by Shonen standards it’s bad. Aside from typical cornballery, the characters have this terrible habit of echoing whatever an NPC tells them while the NPC is trying to explain something, ruining the pace of the scene and making you wish you could enter the game and summon the Knights of the Round. Don’t get me started on when the characters try to get philosophical. It’s fucking laughable.

Not to mention the characters just aren’t worth caring for. Their actions and the things they say are fucking absurd most of the time. New characters join your party with unclear or nonexistent motiviations. One character abandoned his wife and business to join Claude and Rena simply because he wanted to have an adventure. How did his wife take it? Pretty fucking well. She was upset, sure, but she knew that he wouldn’t just abandon her out of the blue unless he was “serious” (I shit you not). That, and he porked her before he left.

Private Actions are there to flesh out the characters a bit; however, they don’t do much for characterization except make you hate the characters more. And, as I’ve mentioned before, the dialogue is horrible, and that’s all Private Actions are. Every time the option for a Private Action appears, it feels like the “Does this make me look fat?” question that will bring me pain no matter what kind of answer I provide.

The plot gets weaker as the game carries on. I won’t spoil, but this game has a habit of causing the characters intense pain and suffering, only to cop out at the last minute. It’s fucking irritating.

Still... I have spent 22 hours on that game. Yes, 22 fucking hours, because the “sex” is sooo good. I had told my cousin that I “probably hate Star Ocean 2,” and he replied, “Dude, you hated it way back then. You had like 80-plus hours invested, and you were complaining the entire time.” And he was fucking right. 15-year-old Castle was in an abusive relationship with Star Ocean 2, but the sex was awesome, so he pocketed all the pain the game had caused him in the recesses of his mind.

*Sniff* Fuck Star Ocean: The Second Story. While I’m at it, fuck Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, too (that’s a whole ‘nother blog, man).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go back to grinding in the Minhe Cavern so Claude and his party can finally reach level 90.