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What an amazing read......Thank you very much for posting such a blog. I honestly can relate on how you feel and the things that somehow made you feel this way, despite being only 16. I wish you the best of luck of you including yourself more with this community, and I hope that you soon will truly feel like you're indeed part of this community without the feeling of being alienated. :)
I was never offered anything as formal as an internship, but at one point I was offered a "fast track" to the front page - being able to directly have some articles put to the front page instead of the blogs (unpaid of course)... but I turned the opportunity down - not because I have no interest in eventually pursuing a job in the video game industry - but mostly because I thought that it would create a disconnect from the actual community.
It seems you've experienced a bit of what I thought might happen. It's unfortunate, but when people start posting to the front page, it does seem that they no longer seem to frequent the c-blogs (either blogging or commenting). I think that there is also a bit of resentment that can arise from within the community (why were they picked and not me!) and some of that resentment is actually quite fair - there are some long term talented writers here that may never have got the offer. For me, it might also entail a change of writing style. When I did my blogging on Sony' s site (the Gamer Advisory Panel) it was a closed community and quite regulated and my blogs were actually much more like "articles". It wasn't until coming to Dtoid that I more fully embraced "blogging" - the ability to use my own personal style and speak from a viewpoint entirely my own without the need to generalize or even support my feelings on a topic with those pesky fact things! :)
As I mentioned to Chad at the time, my own personal interest lie not so much in writing, as they do in community building. While it's possible to do both, I do think that being building a strong community, and retaining a sense of connection to a community requires just as much "listening" as it does "talking" - in other words COMMENTING. Comment on the c-blogs... I bet if you chose a goal of commenting on 2-5 c-blogs a day you would gain a much better sense of community here and reconnect with the audience of Dtoid, rather than the front page staff - who do seem a bit disconnected from Dtoid as a whole (from the perspective of a Dtoid user anyway). Additionally you encourage audience participation on the site (there is still a bit of prestige if a front page staff person comments on one's blog!)
Blogging (writing from a personal perspective) is also an awesome way to stay connected to the community as a whole - blogs like this go a long way in retaining a sense of connection.
TL:DR... welcome back to the c-blogs - we missed you!!!!!!!
It seems you've experienced a bit of what I thought might happen. It's unfortunate, but when people start posting to the front page, it does seem that they no longer seem to frequent the c-blogs (either blogging or commenting). I think that there is also a bit of resentment that can arise from within the community (why were they picked and not me!) and some of that resentment is actually quite fair - there are some long term talented writers here that may never have got the offer. For me, it might also entail a change of writing style. When I did my blogging on Sony' s site (the Gamer Advisory Panel) it was a closed community and quite regulated and my blogs were actually much more like "articles". It wasn't until coming to Dtoid that I more fully embraced "blogging" - the ability to use my own personal style and speak from a viewpoint entirely my own without the need to generalize or even support my feelings on a topic with those pesky fact things! :)
As I mentioned to Chad at the time, my own personal interest lie not so much in writing, as they do in community building. While it's possible to do both, I do think that being building a strong community, and retaining a sense of connection to a community requires just as much "listening" as it does "talking" - in other words COMMENTING. Comment on the c-blogs... I bet if you chose a goal of commenting on 2-5 c-blogs a day you would gain a much better sense of community here and reconnect with the audience of Dtoid, rather than the front page staff - who do seem a bit disconnected from Dtoid as a whole (from the perspective of a Dtoid user anyway). Additionally you encourage audience participation on the site (there is still a bit of prestige if a front page staff person comments on one's blog!)
Blogging (writing from a personal perspective) is also an awesome way to stay connected to the community as a whole - blogs like this go a long way in retaining a sense of connection.
TL:DR... welcome back to the c-blogs - we missed you!!!!!!!
Although we don't interface on a normal basis, I enjoyed reading this and I hope everything in your "outside of Dtoid" life works out! It sounds like you have a loving family and partner, which is awesome. Making family the most important part of your life is easily a good thing, if you have it.
My recommendation is to finish school and figure out what you want to do while you're there. I had had tons of friends who did the "tried teaching, hated it" route, so you're not alone there: maybe you can find solace knowing that.
Personally, I had no idea what I wanted to do in college until 2 years in, when I took 5-6 classes a semester and powered away two majors (Philosophy and Political Science). Now I'm in IT (which has nothing to do with Philosophy and Political Science :p ). Despite my lack of applicable majors, having a degree in general can be beneficial no matter what it is. Of course, I've had plenty of friends who didn't finish college and did just fine, so I don't want to seem like a "you have to go to college!" kind of dude.
I also share your pain about not going to E3, as living on the East Coast makes it very hard to venture all the way out there. I was able to go twice previously with another outlet, but it isn't the easiest thing to do if you have another job, so you're also not alone in that regard. There's always next year (for both of us)!
Anyways TL:DR follow your passions and you should be alright. It sounds like you have a lot going for you, and funnily enough I actually knew someone who waited tables at Outback, who eventually became a full-staff writer at Game Informer in Minneapolis. Life is full of surprises!
My recommendation is to finish school and figure out what you want to do while you're there. I had had tons of friends who did the "tried teaching, hated it" route, so you're not alone there: maybe you can find solace knowing that.
Personally, I had no idea what I wanted to do in college until 2 years in, when I took 5-6 classes a semester and powered away two majors (Philosophy and Political Science). Now I'm in IT (which has nothing to do with Philosophy and Political Science :p ). Despite my lack of applicable majors, having a degree in general can be beneficial no matter what it is. Of course, I've had plenty of friends who didn't finish college and did just fine, so I don't want to seem like a "you have to go to college!" kind of dude.
I also share your pain about not going to E3, as living on the East Coast makes it very hard to venture all the way out there. I was able to go twice previously with another outlet, but it isn't the easiest thing to do if you have another job, so you're also not alone in that regard. There's always next year (for both of us)!
Anyways TL:DR follow your passions and you should be alright. It sounds like you have a lot going for you, and funnily enough I actually knew someone who waited tables at Outback, who eventually became a full-staff writer at Game Informer in Minneapolis. Life is full of surprises!
I have 2 degrees and still don't know what the hell to do with my life, I took as a means of breaking my routine but I have no passion for them, largely due in part to the horrible internships I had in both.
Oh yeah.....I didn't really read the whole thing. I just read most of it. Too long. Still and once again, I know how you feel and best of luck to you!
@Elsa - you're totally right about commenting on other's blogs more, and I'lll definitely do that more often. Even on the front page, I lurk a lot more than actually comment, though I do try to make an effort to give some sort of input...of course, that has also been tricky because I don't want to insult fellow journalists so I have to be careful in what I say. When I started being part of Dtoid as a community member, I had an opinion on everything and commented pretty frequently, at least on the front page and featured community blogs. There is a PR thing in place, I guess, with the front page so that now that I write as a previews editor from time to time - I do have to limit my opinions, especially adverse ones. Also, my writing style has had to change, partly because my articles do get edited (which is actually a great thing more often than not since the editors are good at making me sound a lot less long winded than I tend to get when writing...), and partly because I do have to be more professional. As far as "getting the gig" - it was mainly a matter of location and availability, like many internships/jobs. Living here in the city and having easy access to public transport has helped a ton in being able to go all over the city and preview games/interview developers.
@Solar - It's fine to skim when it gets to;dr - just glad you liked the post!
@Chris - Thanks, and yeah - part of the reason I still question whether I want to teach is that both my older brother and father are teachers, so even though I know as part of that family I'm entirely capable of it and I do honestly enjoy it when I've had the chance, I know I shouldn't just settle for that because everyone else is doing it. It's also not even as stable a job as it should be, and incredibly underfunded.
Anyhow, next year nothing will be stopping me from going to E3, since all the big family stuff is happening this year and I can make a serious plan to do it. I just found myself surprised at how much not being there really made me feel like I wasn't being productive enough or challenging myself.
@Kyousuke - I've known a lot of people in the position of having degrees and still figuring it out, the service industry tends to have a lot of really intelligent folks who just aren't sure what they want to do as a full blown career. I knew a guy who had a doctorate or two and had been working as a restaurant server for years because that particular restaurant made a great deal more money and gave him more flexibility than the career path he had gone down in college. I also know people who have careers and are still trying to figure out if they're content with what they do or if they want to change it all up within a few years.
And yeah, internships can be a mixed bag. I love being a Destructoid intern/editor because it allows me access to games and developers that's like having a front row seat to the industry and its new developments. But it also requires being a lot more careful in what I say and sometimes going to events where I feel socially isolated simply because I don't really have direct and close personal access to the game devs and instead am surrounded by journos and PR people in little clusters of small talk. I generally tend to head to the open bars in those situations, since alcohol does help as a social lubricant a bit, in moderation. But I'm not big on those small talk smoozefests, because I never feel like I get a fair representation of the game(s) I've been sent to cover. One on one with the devs is always much more preferable, talking directly to a given game developer gives me so much more insight into the creation of a given game.
@Solar - It's fine to skim when it gets to;dr - just glad you liked the post!
@Chris - Thanks, and yeah - part of the reason I still question whether I want to teach is that both my older brother and father are teachers, so even though I know as part of that family I'm entirely capable of it and I do honestly enjoy it when I've had the chance, I know I shouldn't just settle for that because everyone else is doing it. It's also not even as stable a job as it should be, and incredibly underfunded.
Anyhow, next year nothing will be stopping me from going to E3, since all the big family stuff is happening this year and I can make a serious plan to do it. I just found myself surprised at how much not being there really made me feel like I wasn't being productive enough or challenging myself.
@Kyousuke - I've known a lot of people in the position of having degrees and still figuring it out, the service industry tends to have a lot of really intelligent folks who just aren't sure what they want to do as a full blown career. I knew a guy who had a doctorate or two and had been working as a restaurant server for years because that particular restaurant made a great deal more money and gave him more flexibility than the career path he had gone down in college. I also know people who have careers and are still trying to figure out if they're content with what they do or if they want to change it all up within a few years.
And yeah, internships can be a mixed bag. I love being a Destructoid intern/editor because it allows me access to games and developers that's like having a front row seat to the industry and its new developments. But it also requires being a lot more careful in what I say and sometimes going to events where I feel socially isolated simply because I don't really have direct and close personal access to the game devs and instead am surrounded by journos and PR people in little clusters of small talk. I generally tend to head to the open bars in those situations, since alcohol does help as a social lubricant a bit, in moderation. But I'm not big on those small talk smoozefests, because I never feel like I get a fair representation of the game(s) I've been sent to cover. One on one with the devs is always much more preferable, talking directly to a given game developer gives me so much more insight into the creation of a given game.
I never even considered the restrictions on commenting, but you're quite right that being an intern must impose at least a social restriction in not forcibly presenting an opposing view..... don't know if I could do that! LOL!
Still, in the c-blogs you can dissent away! Maybe in reconnecting more with other aspects of the community, you'll even find more to write about. :)
On the education thing... my own experience is that most people tend to fall into a job. An education can be helpful, but certainly not necessary and it's better to do something you love to do - and something that leaves you the time to spend with your partner and family. In the end you are such an incredibly smart person to be putting those people first on your priority list!
Still, in the c-blogs you can dissent away! Maybe in reconnecting more with other aspects of the community, you'll even find more to write about. :)
On the education thing... my own experience is that most people tend to fall into a job. An education can be helpful, but certainly not necessary and it's better to do something you love to do - and something that leaves you the time to spend with your partner and family. In the end you are such an incredibly smart person to be putting those people first on your priority list!
Also, you must remember that some people carry alot of heavy weight round the community, people who's blogs get a lot of comments, and their opinions carry some serious weight round here. I mean, Elsa's blog on e-sports created an interweb frenzy!
If all these people, people like Elsa, bbain, Occams, Blindfire, VenusInFurs, LawOfThermalDynamics and many many others (seriously those were just the first names which came to mind) were taken away from the community, it would be left without some very integral and vocal voices.
It's all very easy to say these people deserve front page, but truth be told, the balance between FrontPage writers and C-Blog writers is one which must be carefully maintained. Also, c-bloggers may have other commitments which applying interns can shuffle round. C-bloggers may not have that freedom.
Regarding your social-ness thingymajig, I have the same thing. I cannot seem to function in large social groups, and my mouth remains more clamped than a car parked outside of the crazy chinese man's resteraunt.
I actually mentioned something regarding how I felt disconnected with the frontpage writers, and hoped that maybe there could be more intergration between frontpagers and c-bloggers.
As for ending this comment...I ummm....uhhh...Don't trust the fish?
If all these people, people like Elsa, bbain, Occams, Blindfire, VenusInFurs, LawOfThermalDynamics and many many others (seriously those were just the first names which came to mind) were taken away from the community, it would be left without some very integral and vocal voices.
It's all very easy to say these people deserve front page, but truth be told, the balance between FrontPage writers and C-Blog writers is one which must be carefully maintained. Also, c-bloggers may have other commitments which applying interns can shuffle round. C-bloggers may not have that freedom.
Regarding your social-ness thingymajig, I have the same thing. I cannot seem to function in large social groups, and my mouth remains more clamped than a car parked outside of the crazy chinese man's resteraunt.
I actually mentioned something regarding how I felt disconnected with the frontpage writers, and hoped that maybe there could be more intergration between frontpagers and c-bloggers.
As for ending this comment...I ummm....uhhh...Don't trust the fish?
Yeah, like Elsa said, commenting every now and then really goes a long way in helping to connect with other Dtoiders, especially in the Cblogs. I feel pretty close to a lot of people here, even though I haven't actually met any of them in real life (although that is going to change at PAX Prime this year!) It seems much easier to connect with other community members through the Cblogs rather than the front page, but there are some front page commenters who do a good job of connecting with other members (mainly people that seem to post many comments each day).
I hope you can find that sense of kinship here that you're looking for. If you keep writing and interacting, I'm sure you'll find it soon enough. There are always people here that are interested in what you have to say :)
I hope you can find that sense of kinship here that you're looking for. If you keep writing and interacting, I'm sure you'll find it soon enough. There are always people here that are interested in what you have to say :)
It took me two years in school to realize that I wanted to enroll another year in a pretty different area, and now I'm more motivated than ever, I hope you figure out how to keep your internship , sense of community and family intact. I feel like commenting goes a long way as just a simple , wow , great blog-comment goes a a long way to motivate people :) Hope to see more of you in this awesome community , just don't stress it or something , you're always welcome here!
Hey buddy, just so you know, I appreciate your work both here and on the front page. As someone who is also outside the "core" Dtoid group (and is also a relatively new staff member), I totally understand; they can be a tough nut to crack! But let's not get discouraged :)
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!
@Mr Andy - Oh, I honestly have nothing against anyone on Dtoid's main staff nor do I feel particularly "ostracized" by them, I just want that to be clear. It really is mostly just how much I struggle with what I can commit to Destructoid and how that tends to put me in a place where I feel like I'm neither here or there, though everything about games and the community is important to me, I'm a video game news junkie and tend to collect way more games from just about every system than I have time to actually play through (don't ask me about Deus Ex or Arkham City for example, I feel bad that I haven't finished either)
But then, the intern thing does put you in a weird limbo state between the core front page staff and the community, especially since I know at times I need to be somewhat more professional but at other times, I like being sarcastic and troll-y, so it's tough to walk that fine line.
(Mr.) Andy, I see you everywhere on e-mail's and on front page/community stuff, so I consider you a pretty visible and important member of the site, for what it's worth. :)
But then, the intern thing does put you in a weird limbo state between the core front page staff and the community, especially since I know at times I need to be somewhat more professional but at other times, I like being sarcastic and troll-y, so it's tough to walk that fine line.
(Mr.) Andy, I see you everywhere on e-mail's and on front page/community stuff, so I consider you a pretty visible and important member of the site, for what it's worth. :)
