Okay, time to give this a shot. I'm at something of a loss on how to introduce myself. -insert in-all-likelihood painfully cliched babble about the transition from professional lurker to fledgling community member- There. Hmm. That was an easier process than I thought.

I'm sure everyone who for whatever reason clicks on this late night/early morning morass of tangent-ridden nonsensical textual diarrhea will notice that I possess neither avatar, nor interesting, disturbing, titillating or amusing pictures of any kind. All I can offer the masses as of this moment is my extensive gaming pedigree (consisting of a skin complexion that makes albinos and the most compulsively depressive of the nocturnal wanna-be vampire gothic/emo crowd look like swarthy UV tanning bed addicts with melanoma clusters you could play connect the dots with by comparison, myopic vision to the degree that my dreams and aspirations of pursuing my lifelong dream of recreational sniping of Girl Scouts from my roof seem like an utter impossibility, and persistent carpal tunnel to the point of having to rub ground Tylenol into my eye sockets to see any phantom of relief).

I also play a LOT of video games. That might have some degree of relevance at this point. On this particular subject, and since I've seen a huge amount of partisan-based genital waving related to it, I hold no particular loyalty to any one console. If it has something good on it, then I'll play it. And gods willing (makes note to all deities with the boredom to notice such things that their weekly sacrifice of cuddly baptized bunnies slaughtered in the name of my own compulsive desire to possess every game every committed to floppy, CD, DVD, Blu-Ray or some archaic form of storage that I haven't even thought of yet is presently drawing flies under my back step as I type this, so stop slacking off already, damn it), I will have everything. Absolutely EVERYTHING. From the most bleeding-edge software with effects so good I have to scrub under my fingernails with a steel wool pad to remove the gunpowder accumulated from committing series after series of virtual ice cream truck-based drive-by shootings at the local preschool, to the 8-bit adventures of Barbie prostituting herself in exchange for shopping spree money.

Take a moment and think of the worst game you've ever played. You know...the one that you proclaimed was pulled (pulsating and covered in an ectoplasmic afterbirth that would make a swarm of maggots that had spent the last 20 years devouring the tainted excrement from a cow that had been trained to eat rotting human corpses) from the colon of Lucifer himself for the sole purpose of making you question not only your sanity, but the logistics of flaying the flesh from every human hand involved in its creation with a potato peeler while squeezing lemon wedges over the stripped muscle and shrieking with tear-filled eyes "COM'ERE FISHIE, I'VE GOT TO MAKE YOU NICE AND TASTY" and then pressing your ear against their body in the hopes of hearing the sizzle of citric acid dissolving flesh and bone. I want that game too. Just because.

Anyway. I'll bring this to a close, since in all probability I've lost the few people who were charitable enough to read this crap about three mortifying mental images ago. -giggles- I'm looking forward to bringing my unique perspective to the community in general. Thanks to anyone who actually sat through all this.