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CarlCastello's blog

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CarlCastello avatar 2:10 PM on 11.01.2008  (server time)
STFU And Just Grow Beard(s)

“You can't win if you don't try; so fucking try, you bastards.”
– unstoppablejuggernaut

By now we've all heard of unstoppablejuggernaut's misfortunes and the inevitable cancellation of the potentially epic BEARD-OFF. I—we, the Destructoid community—send our sympathy out to him, but I propose we do a little more than that. I propose we hold the competition anew, in his honur.

Under the new identity of STFU And Just Grow Beard(s), we shall rise, like a f*cking phoenix, we shall rise out of the ashes. All of unstoppablejuggernaut's original, official, competition rules will remain esentially intact. Some rules will be altered slightly and no prizes will be given out–this is for bragging rights. Rules will follow after the FAQ.

I know going through the process of signing up all over again doesn't sound appealing, but think of the beards we can accomplish together.

Q: “STFU And Just Grow Beard(s)”?
A: While it is entirely within the rules to grow multiple beards, neither I nor Destructoid, take responsibility for injuries that may occur.

Q: What qualifies as an eligible entry?
A: Almost anything counts, except just a mustache. You can grow a super sweet goatee, or an entire beard but if you only grow a 'stache then you're out.

Q: How do I sign up?
A: Simply send me a private message and you will be added to the list of eligible entrants.

Q: Why does the front page of Dtoid have to be in the picture?
A: This is to confirm the date and that you are, in fact, starting clean like everyone else.

Q: Does my ass-beard count? Just curious...
A: If you think you can take a picture of your ass, post it and avoid the banhammer, then by all means. But if you think you can get away with just an ass 'stache, you're wrong.

Q: What if I can't grow a full/epic beard?
A: That's ok, this competition is open to any type of beard, patchy or not. Anything goes beard-wise and you never know, the community may even pick you.

Q: What if all I have to take a picture of myself with is a crappy cellphone camera?
A: That's ok! As long as we can clearly see that you're clean shaven, with the Dtoid timestamp in the background.

1. Sign up before the end of the day Friday, November 7 and you're in.

2. Be clean shaved on November 7. Everyone starts clean to qualify.

3. Once you have shaved up all nice and spiffy proceed to and take a picture of yourself with the front page of Destructoid.

4. You must post your freshly shaved mug in the official competition thread** by the start date.

5. You can shave your neck if you need to for work. This competition is about sweetness, not fullness or size.


7. The community will decide who wins. I (CarlCastello***) have no control over this. Unless there is a tie, then I will consult unstoppablejuggernaut.

8. You must have your winning entry completed and posted in the finalists thread no later than midnight on the December 15.

9. All beards will be collected following the December 15 deadline and those that qualify will be posted on December 17 so that the community may cast votes and decide the winner.


11. The winner is based solely on amount of votes cast by the community.

12. The winners will be announced on December 19; emails will be sent out notifying them of how badass they are. The finalists will be posted to show the community who won.

13. If you have any questions, send me a private message. If I can't handle the question, I will consult unstoppablejuggernaut.

* The rules are subject to change upon input from unstoppablejuggernaut or valuable community input.
** Thread will be started upon approval from the community. I will not spam this competition unless it's wanted.
*** I will not be involved in the competition as I am already participating in a similar event that started November 1st.

Last updated: 04/10/08

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