Scott Pilgrim Contest Entry (because the comments aren't posting)

What seven video game bosses would I fight for the one I love? Well I will most certainly tell you.



First of all, this lovely lady here is Alisha: the love of my life. She is wonderful, and awesome and full of just about as much nerd juices as I am. I conversed with her as to what bosses pissed her off the most in the games she’s played and grown up with. The following list is the product of that very entertaining conversation.



The Opposing Pong Paddle (Pong):

It’s the goddamn Pong Paddle, that little f***er was made 40 years ago and is somehow more intelligent than most retarded AI enemies is current gen games. Also, he looked at me funny.



Master Hand (Smash Bros. Series):

She sucks at Smash Brothers, so naturally I’d have to beat the last boss for he (even on easy mode lol). And I don’t want them grubby giant hands touchin’ her body in naughty places and such. That douche waffle.



Vivec (Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion):

This a**hole is like, 2 inches away from godhood, and all he can do is chill in his house hovering around meditating like he’s king of the world. So what’s an adventurer to do? Walk up and chuck a mud crab at his noggin of course! It was probably a bad idea, but Alisha is worth it (and so was the satisfaction of f***ing his day up).



Midboss (Disgaea):

This guy kind deserves everything that’s coming to him. He thinks he’s hot sh**, when in reality he’s weaker than a level 2 Prinny with tourettes. He really isn’t that irritating to fight, but Alisha and I both agreed that it is just fun as hell to watch Midboss fail. And just for sh**s, you may notice that he IS actually the mid-boss of this list! OMGWTFLOL.



Mother Brain (Metroid):

Alisha kind of looks like Samus… a lot. I must admit that it is a HUGE turn on (tmi? F*** you). So naturally, Mother Brain and her posse of Space Pirates would be after her, so I might as well beat them to the punch and murder them all, slowly, and with slurpees.



Death Gaze (FFVI):

You know what? F*** THIS GUY! The main challenge isn’t even fighting him, is chasing his pussy a** down on the world map finding the ONE F***ING PIXEL that he’s hiding in. And for those of you Pokemon lovers, there ain’t no pokedex to track this fa**ot down, its literally 10 hours of wandering bullsh**. And even if you do catch him, you bring his health down a bit and then he F***ING RUNS OFF AGAIN! Ugh, between you and me, I don’t know if she’d be worth THAT much trouble (of course I jest baby :D).



Time Devourer (Chrono Cross):

Last but definitely not least, the main boss from Alisha’s favorite game of all time. This guy has no motive except to just f*** everything up. Literally, feeds off of the planet he’s on, and then giving its inhabitants a false sense of evolutionary superiority, and then rises to explode EVERYTHING. And when that plan failed, he decided to mess with time itself, and no one wants that, so he must be dealt with.

Also, he gives you the ultimate ending, so he’s gotta be the last one on the list.

So that’s the seven evil bosses that I would fight for my sweet, amazing, and very sexy girlfriend, without hesitation(I love you dinosaurs, babe <3). Thanks for reading everyone.

-Capm Trevo