Online gaming is a fantastic thing. It allows strangers to hop on their gaming machine of choice and start wreaking havoc down upon those who dare cross the digital representations of themselves. Sometimes friends and bonds, stronger than even those created by physical interaction could ever unearth, emerge in a glorious explosion of robotic parts and decaying flesh.

But if you're as in to the old school as me, then you just can't get enough of that good ol' split screen action. You and three of your buddies cramming yourselves on to a converted futon in a room with a mini fridge crammed full of Mt. Dew sitting anxiously in the corner. Whipping out the classics, like Goldeneye, Smash Bros, and Mario Kart; along with the new gooduns: Halo 3, Left 4 Dead, and Dokapon kingdom. Experiences like that are what gaming is all about.

But what happens when you're all having a good time playing a few rounds of Boom Blox when one of your friends starts bitching for no reason.

So what do you do? You want everyone to be happy, so you switch out the game. Let's try... Castle Crashers!

10 minutes in:
"What the fuck, I can't even fucking make contact with my arrows, this game is dumb... ah! oh... oh, look at that, that weird ass polar bear just punched me in the goddamned face and now I'm dead, someone revive me... No, wait, nvm, I'm dropping out."

And just like that, the mood is ruined and we try to figure it out so everyone is happy. But alas, the cycle does not end.

This cycle, my Dtoid friends, is why I suck at games.

I have picky friends that all hate different games for different reasons, and mainly because I am the only one with a decent enough job to even own these game systems and games, so they are completely unfamiliar with it all. The kicker is that they all do enjoy video games, they just don't all agree on what game to play.

Now, I'm not saying that my friends are all noobs, or that I'm a pro, because that is not the case at all. I am actually quite very busy and don't have any where close to enough time to play games as much as I'd like. In fact, despite my time constraints, I don't even enjoy solo gaming nearly as much as I enjoy multiplayer. So since about 75% of my time playing is with friends, I'm never on a particular genre long enough to get good at it.

Basically what I'm saying is that when it comes time for me to actually want to play it solo and hop on to the online communities to try my skills out there, my face thusly gets used as a mopping tool for the digitally mapped floor. My destroyed self-esteem then disallows me to continue online, so i crack open the DSi and play some Professor Layton's to at least prove to myself that though my thumbs may not be worthy, my brain is still here and working.

This is why I suck at games, and thank you for reading.

- Capm Trevo