Hello Kitty: Roller Rescue
You know, I've actually been wanting to write about this game for some time now. I had bought it as sort of a gag purchase. You see, the local Game Crazy was having one of its midnight releases for the game Darkwatch
(because the manager there was super stoked for it) and I had absolutely no interest in the title. So being the hilarious lad that I am, I had somehow gotten myself to the front of the line, and instead of buying Darkwatch
, I bought the adorable game you see above. Comedy ensued.
I was oddly stoked to try it out when I got home, but I was in no way, shape, form, or position ready enough for what I have come to find out is the worlds greatest piece of software ever to grace the video game industry with its dainty little roller skates.
The intro video (seen here
) really sets the scene with the peaceful inhabitants of earth chillin' out, maxin' and relaxin' all cool just eating cake and shit in the middle of the street. Normal stuff. But unbeknownst to them far off in space, a race of lego blocks forgot to hire an engineer, so their flagship goes haywire and makes a B line for the peaceful home of our friends. Once they get there, they waste absolutely no time finding a new mechanic. They come pooping out of their little spaceship and start beating the nonsense out any townie who is not a skilled foreman using their weapon of choice: empty wine bottles. So the game already has an interesting group of antagonists with a clear and valid motive, all laid out of you from the beginning.
We go forward a little bit, and we see Hello Kitty and Badtz-Maru not having any of this bullshit. They are prepared to kick some blocky, wooden ass. But just as they were having this surge of testosterone fueled feels of justice, HK almost gets her day rocked. If it weren't for her friend... uh... Ker... mit? That's not right... the stupid frog... one second...
*Switches to google*
Oh, it's "Kerokerokeroppi?" How the hell was I supposed to know that!?
Anyway, Keroppi (now a member of Starfleet as a transporter operator) beams Hello Kitty into a room of HIGH SCIENCE, equips her with some decked out skates, a tutu, and wand with a badass heart at the end of it, shows her the desired target, and lets her on her merry way. And you all know what that means... shit just got real.
Cut to the actual gameplay, and it's all about you rolling around, rescuing your friends, and beating the snot out of some block-blokes. Which is silly, because HK has a WAND, you'd think she'd have some kind of magic ability, or at least an AOE to use in the middle of a melee combo. But in all honesty, she doesn't need it, she's just so hardcore that she can smoke fools with a couple flaccid whacks from her fancy stick. As you progress and take down some of the most intense bosses you'll ever meet, you can unlock new threads to sport around town while you're saving your buds.
However, the end all, win all of this game is that when you complete the first play through, you unlock the ability to play as Badtz-Maru (or should I say BAMF-maru... you know what I'm sayin') which takes the game to a level of awesome I didn't even know existed.
Long story short, if you haven't played this game, you need to, because it will become a permanent piece of your collection, and more likely than not, a family heirloom. So do yourself a favor and Amazon.com this shiz right now.
Thanks for reading.