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An Energy Drink That's Not Safe For Work?
CandiceHatesYou | 1:47 PM on 10.16.2008 16 comments


I'm warning you right now, this post is going to be laden with words that you know make you blush when you say them, let alone someone else. The word in question?

"Pussy".

There, I said it. Now that the formalities are out of the way.. can you believe they actually made an energy drink called "Pussy"?! I was floored by the very design, it's smooth white and swooped design, the black, pink and white colors that definitely aroused interest. Oh, did I mention that on the website.. there is an Oscar Wilde quote? Yes, here is what it says:

"There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that's not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde

Can you fucking believe that? They put "Pussy" and Oscar Fucking Wilde in the same damn arena. That's like putting Chris Crocker in a Monster Truck Rally. You just don't do that.

Anyways, the good people at.. well, "Pussy", decided to send me some of their beverage, so I might peruse it's flavors. Injected into this can were all sorts of vitamins, minerals and overall natural energy supplements that did indeed.. hype me up. It tasted quite good, surprisingly for something named "Pussy" and as I walked around my house with my "Pussy" in my hand.. I realized just where my life was headed. Terrible vagina jokes. Forever. Be that as it may though, it did give me a bit of a clear head and energy that I needed to bork through the sludge on World of Warcraft and two hours later.. I wasn't passed out while everyone screamed at me to "keep up". This time, I was wide awake and it was all thanks to the "Pussy" I had earlier.

Problem is, even telling your friends about it made me feel.. dirty. Ridiculous even. When they ask if they can get you anything while they're out and you hold up your girly white and pink can and proclaim.. "No thanks! I got me some Pussy!".. and you're not kidding, it kinda stings your soul.

Until every can of sweet, sweet "Pussy" energy drink was gone.. I endured it. Happily until it was but a memory. My friends though, my male ones, sigh with discontent knowing that the namesake for that precious Energy drink doesn't taste nearly as sweet and fizzy.

Look into it, guys (and girls) and get yourself some. Try it out. You'd be surprised at just how much "Pussy" can keep you up at night.

http://www.pussydrinks.com



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16 comments | showing # 1 to 16

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MrSadistic's Destructoid Blog
omg the sexual innuendo will not stop! -cries-

Anyway, I'm pretty sure "Pussy" and Gamer Grub don't go great with each other.
TheDreadHawk's Destructoid Blog
You've gotta be a real pussy to drink that. GIVE ME A MILLION CANS!
shipero's Destructoid Blog
I've been on the look out for some Pussy for a while now but I can't seem to find any in my area.

You see what I did? I used one of those "double entendres" that I hear are all the rage these days.
brainderailment's Destructoid Blog
Is there a big patch of fur right above the drink hole? I hate that!
FuriousGeorge's Destructoid Blog
does the tab look like a clitoris?

does it mix well with bawls?

anyway.... you are what you eat.... you pussy
CandiceHatesYou's Destructoid Blog
LMAO! You saw that Gamer Grub too!? Can you believe the names? "Strategy Chocolate", "Action Pizza", "Sports PB&J". It's hilarious. I have to know what they're like. Just have to. I bet it makes you all clogged up so you're furiously gaming because you just can't fucking shit.

And yes, I'm a pussy and I'm in ownership of one. It's fantastic!
EternalDeathSlayer's Destructoid Blog
NVGR warning?
AngelsDontBurn's Destructoid Blog
I thought this would be about Poosi. Not PUSSY.

That's pretty bad.
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
Thank god, you don't know how long I've been looking for an energy drink that has added milk thistle.
Primo's Destructoid Blog
milk thistle.
CandiceHatesYou's Destructoid Blog
Thing is, Eternal -- when they sent it to me, they said it was a drink for "video-gamers". I even got a sheet of reasons it was a good idea for "gamers". So, it's seems to me that it was considered "VGR" to them. Figured it was to you too.

Don't be a putz.
SilverDragon1979's Destructoid Blog
I really want to eat some ... I mean drink some pussy. Yeah see that just doesn't sound right.

<Insert sexual joke here>
Sharpless's Destructoid Blog
I hate the whole energy food/drink market. It's all a load of often-overpriced crap that no one really needs, and that probably isn't even all that good for the human body, in the end. It's all made for the jock and frat-jackass consumers who buy too much shit they don't need.

Also, I really want to know how old you are, just to see if the first claim in your profile is true.
CandiceHatesYou's Destructoid Blog
I'm actually 27. Haha. I meant that more as a joke though!
Sharpless's Destructoid Blog
Oh... well, you're right. I'm 25. :)
Mxyzptlk's Destructoid Blog
HA! I'm older than both of you!


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 about me

I'm older than you.
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I have NO ISSUE with shooting you in the FACE.

There, I've sufficiently used the robot language.

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