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3:08 AM on 11.01.2008

But I'm a Girl Gamer! - A Response

I just recently read an article written by Raychul Moore over at about the drama that infests the female gamer social circles here in our Industry. It seems, if anything, that Raychul wants to take a stand against those attention-hungry females by.. well, bringing attention to the prospective problems.

What bothers me about this article is the fact that it so firmly juts it's chin out as if the writer is better than all of it. Let's face it, being a female in a heavily male-driven Industry is very difficult as it is and no matter where you are, proving yourself is a necessity in order to survive it. Games journalism is no different and even though we want to think that there's no sexism in our workplaces, there is. I believe even Raychul forgets that her sex sells and has sold many times before, because if it was all about not promoting a bad reputation and being taken seriously.. well, we won't go there. This isn't a smear campaign, just a reality check.

The thing is, bitching and drama is best left on episodes of "The Hills" and superiority complexes are best left on "Sex in the City", not here in our little hallowed halls of the Internet. Some people shouldn't sling mud at the fluffy pink group of girl gamers with faux attitude when they used to belong to the same little eight-bit clique themselves. That's all I'm saying. Just shut it up. Take a look at where you came from, who helped you get there and get some humble pie.

Shockingly enough, you say you don't mean this in regards to all females but you shine a glaring light without giving examples. Do you know girls who are these females you speak of? Did this spawn off some fight that you had with another gamer girl? Is this some angry and bitter post to make you feel better and to get some male feedback? Is this validation?

I don't know, personally I think the subject is tired but I know a lot of female gamers that would take heavy offense to your words. Not because they're who you're speaking of but because it comes from you. What made you the end-all-be-all to female gamers? When did we name you ambassador? Just chill out on all the finger-pointing and haughty crap. It just makes you look bitchy.

And to the men who stand behind the cute girls who have their firm beliefs; stop it. Really. The post bitches about attention whores but she brings attention to it thusly proving that the circle never ends.

So, let's put a stop to it. No more gamer "grrls" and no more bitching about bitching. It's just lame. If you have a complaint, own it and complain without regret!



6:28 PM on 10.27.2008

Mad Catz New Rock Band Line, Impressed?

I don't know if any of you have checked out the new Mad Catz line for Rock Band yet.. but I just received the bulk of it today thanks to Alex Verrey over at MC. Absolutely excited and I can't wait to try them out to review them and get a good feel for the new series. I know, more than ever, Mad Catz is trying to come back and show people that they're more than just third-party. Pretty admirable, but let's see if the quality is in the product and not just the presentation.

Because, from the looks of it so far.. the presentation is awesome. Have any of you guys seen or used any of the new Mad Catz stuff for Rock Band? I first checked it out at my local Gamestop and I had to know more about them. What do you guys think? Could MC make a comeback into the market? Or should these companies just stop trying?


12:01 PM on 10.23.2008


It is entirely possible that I went out of my way to preorder a game from Gamestop JUST so I could get the preorder codes it comes with. Yeah. You know.. the Kratos, Medusa and Minotaur costumes that can be used when you preorder LittleBigPlanet. I feel like a LittleBigFuckingRetard right now, but I don't care. I've been fanboyin' it up with this game since GDC last year and I can't really help it.

I got a chance to be in the Beta and I held on to every last second, even bringing friends in to show them what I had done. I was whacking my controller against the wall when it would start to die on me and I really hated what I had become by the time I realized.. I couldn't get on the beta anymore. I never shut my PS3 off, the poor thing is constantly being played nowadays and if it isn't.. "Flight of the Conchords" is playing on it. So, I had no idea what was going on when I couldn't play because I hadn't reset it to find out. When my friend Sean told me that the beta was over, I nearly screamed.

Then, it was pushed back again and once more, I was shouting. I just want to play it, is that so wrong? I want to build my Sackgirl again with more stuff and I want to go apeshit with my friends, building and playing and having so much fun. Sony, man. They're toying with my EMOTIONS and they know it. So badly are they, that this morning I figured I'd spend sixty-fucking-dollars on a pre-ordered game that I was already getting.. JUST so I could have them. This is sickness. This is madness.

Are any of you as excited as I am? And if so, are you getting the game when it comes out? Hit me up with PSNs and I'll add you. We can do it up right once we're sufficiently calmed down. I warn you though, I can tug bitches around like no other.   read

1:47 PM on 10.16.2008

An Energy Drink That's Not Safe For Work?

I'm warning you right now, this post is going to be laden with words that you know make you blush when you say them, let alone someone else. The word in question?


There, I said it. Now that the formalities are out of the way.. can you believe they actually made an energy drink called "Pussy"?! I was floored by the very design, it's smooth white and swooped design, the black, pink and white colors that definitely aroused interest. Oh, did I mention that on the website.. there is an Oscar Wilde quote? Yes, here is what it says:

"There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that's not being talked about." - Oscar Wilde

Can you fucking believe that? They put "Pussy" and Oscar Fucking Wilde in the same damn arena. That's like putting Chris Crocker in a Monster Truck Rally. You just don't do that.

Anyways, the good people at.. well, "Pussy", decided to send me some of their beverage, so I might peruse it's flavors. Injected into this can were all sorts of vitamins, minerals and overall natural energy supplements that did indeed.. hype me up. It tasted quite good, surprisingly for something named "Pussy" and as I walked around my house with my "Pussy" in my hand.. I realized just where my life was headed. Terrible vagina jokes. Forever. Be that as it may though, it did give me a bit of a clear head and energy that I needed to bork through the sludge on World of Warcraft and two hours later.. I wasn't passed out while everyone screamed at me to "keep up". This time, I was wide awake and it was all thanks to the "Pussy" I had earlier.

Problem is, even telling your friends about it made me feel.. dirty. Ridiculous even. When they ask if they can get you anything while they're out and you hold up your girly white and pink can and proclaim.. "No thanks! I got me some Pussy!".. and you're not kidding, it kinda stings your soul.

Until every can of sweet, sweet "Pussy" energy drink was gone.. I endured it. Happily until it was but a memory. My friends though, my male ones, sigh with discontent knowing that the namesake for that precious Energy drink doesn't taste nearly as sweet and fizzy.

Look into it, guys (and girls) and get yourself some. Try it out. You'd be surprised at just how much "Pussy" can keep you up at night.


4:53 PM on 10.14.2008

Researching Into "Resistance"

As I'm sure many of you know, "Resistance 2" is coming out soon and I was one of those people that hadn't played the first one at launch. In fact, I hadn't played it for longer than two seconds at random kiosks. Just never seemed like my kind of game.. but then I was at E3 this year and I was accosted by a developer whom wanted me to know everything about the sequel.

I even said to him, "Well, this should be interesting because I didn't play the first title.".. to which he gasped. He asked my gaming genre experience and then told me he'd make sure I got the first game before the sequel came out. I spoke with the PR guy last week and he got me a copy, telling me that the PSP game "Resistance: Retribution" was going to be revolutionary in it's compatibility with the PS3. I was interested, I admit and so I immediately got excited when the first title showed up at my door. I put in and got comfortable..

..and then I realized that with a controller? I can't be fucking stopped. All my deaths were from wandering into my own traps or from getting blown up by gunfire that spurred detonations near me. Other than that, I was un-fucking-stoppable! The game moved pretty seamless for me and I started to worry. Was this game too simple? I was playing on the normal difficulty, but I was doing TOO well. I then realized that this was like other FPS games for me in that way. I'm really good at defeating the AI, but if I was in a deathmatch with someone - I was toast! For some reason, feeling like another person is hunting me makes me panic and I hide behind things and throw grenades. Terrifying.

So, I beat the game. Already. Had it for one day and just ravaged it. Easy AI and everything, I went a bit nuts. My largest complaint was that I wasn't.. involved enough with the main character. I felt like I was just directing some random guy through battle and nothing seemed to worry or emotionally check me if he died. If anything, I hope they give a bit more insight into the characters and catalysts in the next titles.. because I want more to go off of than "Oh, this Nathan guy is kick ass. Here is why!" and maybe Sony can give me that.

Completely off-topic -- what music do you guys listen to when you do online death matches or play campaigns online with people? I know you can't all just listen to the in-game music, so what do you choose to listen to? That's always interested. Posts your top three favorite songs to blast Chimera/Horde/Flood/Nazis/etc. to. :D   read

4:09 AM on 10.12.2008

Silent Hill: Mama, I'm Coming Home

As an avid fan of the survival horror genre, I want to go ahead and make it known that if there are zombies in a videogame.. I've played it. If there is some evil cult taking over the minds and bodies of villagers? I played the fuck out of it. If psychopathic serial killers are running rampant through the streets, seeking out an innocent young girl named Alyssa? Yeah, been there. Done the shit out of it.

With this said, Silent Hill should not surprise me. The first one was good, the second was yawn-worthy, the third might as well have not happened and the fourth.. quite honestly, was a masterpiece. I hold the fourth installment of the Silent Hill series to be a benchmark as into where the bar is and how it needs to be raised to go further. The music, the emotion, the depth in which they brought you into Henry's life.. it was just beautiful. Scary as fuck, but still had a soul and I liked that.

I was the first person whom was hesitant to be excited over another game in the series because another game meant that it was possible to fuck it up. My beautiful memories of "The Room" would be tainted and while my friends came into the hotel room after the Konami press event.. I just stared as they told me how pretty it was. How scary it looked. I didn't want to believe it because, quite honestly, I didn't want to be let down.

Tonight, I played the first quarter of 'Silent Hill: Homecoming' and I have to say.. I was pretty fucking scared. I wouldn't even say it's a visual experience that has caught me this go around so far, but the audio. I don't know what they did differently, but the game sounds fucking TERRIFYING. There were times where even the sound of him shuffling his feet was making me shout at the screen.. "Shut the FUCK up!? Why in the hell did you wear TAP shoes to a goddamn ghost town!?". When an enemy bounces up on the screen, it's not a surprise because the aural intensity has you so ready for it that you're nearly jumping to shoot something or whack it with a pipe. I was going out of my skin from the sound alone.. and that's definitely new to me.

As far as gameplay goes, I'm noticing they didn't really reinvent the wheel with it but they did seem to borrow the "PRESS A! PRESS A! NO, THIS AIN'T NO CUTSCENE!" aspect of Resident Evil 4. At times, the hero is tapping buttons furiously to get away from enemies, to get doors open or to just thwart a general fear - I wondered about this part. The action can seem kind of clunky in some areas, but the over the shoulder gun-firing was a nice aspect that also seemed borrowed from RE:4. I could go on for days, but it appears that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

At this point, I don't even care that Silent Hill borrowed from another fantastic achievement in gaming.. because that's what SHOULD happen. Take some good and solid hints from the good titles and give your own flavor to it, you know? I'm only a quarter of a way through it and I have a feeling Homecoming might just be worth sticking around for. However, I've been surprised before by the first half of a game, only to see it fall into shit (Rule of Rose, Siren, Condemned.) and I'll eat my words if I'm not further impressed.

Here's to hoping the sound of some disgusting vagina-toothed monster doesn't haunt my dreams tonight. Yes, vagina-toothed. Lots of vagina doors and monsters in this game, totally weird.

Night!   read

7:25 PM on 10.11.2008

Cheat Code Yard Gnome FTW?

First off "Cheat Code Yard Gnome" sounds like a band. Just does. Sounds like one of those trendy bands that you hear playing the lute to some weird surfer tone. I don't like the idea of it, because I live around tons of that crap. But still, nobody steal that name. Copyrighting that shit.

I sat down this morning in front of my laptop, sleepily watching my seven year old play The Sims 2 for PS2. Now, this game has been out for ages but she's never wanted to play it before. When I mentioned it was like virtual dolls.. she got into it fast. Turning it on, I noticed she built houses that homeless people would've snubbed, the walls were wonky and purple psychedelic rugs were littering the yard. It wasn't pretty. Then, my child became increasingly concerned with her sim's lack of a toilet. I stepped in and tried to bring some order to the chaos until my child asked..

"Can I have babies?", she asked.

My fingers stopped moving on the controller and I didn't even answer, I just responded calmly and diplomatically.

"No, because EA didn't let the PS2 version have a pregnancy feature. However, if they had.. you would've had to get married and be together for four whole years before you could have a child. Then, when you did.. you'd have to adopt it.", I lied. I didn't want her to think she could "woo-hoo" with just any old Joe Six-Pack (Did you like my reference?) and so I just lied my ass off. She sighed and told me she truly wanted to make babies on here and then she could emulate myself and her father.

"Oh, don't worry.", I reassured her. "You can still fight with people, argue, make faces at them and generally be rude as hell. So, if you think about it.. it's just LIKE Daddy and I.".

She seemed cool with that prospect and then set to fixing her chaotic shamble of a front yard, which was slowly resembling a house. Then she stopped and held out the controller with a big groan.

"I ran out of money. Now what?", she sighed. I looked at her and with all the simplicity I could muster, I answered. "Get a job." This answer did not please her and then she waggled the controller at the laptop I was in front of. "Can't you just put in a code or something?", she asked.

"That would be cheating. Think I can put in a code when I don't want to work?", I asked before I started googling cheat codes. There, plain as day.. was a cheat code for a yard gnome. Well, they said it was but it looked nothing like one. I watched her futz around trying to find a job for another fifteen minutes and then gave in, giving her all the money her little grubby palms could desire.

Hours later, I find my child has added many colorful pieces to her home. A hot-tub shaped like a heart, a heart rug and pink fucking flamingos all over the goddamn place. I asked her why she did that, she said it reminded her of the zoo. I just stared.. for a long time.. and then walked away. I wish I knew what on in that head of her's, I really do.

Pink fucking flamingos.   read

2:23 PM on 10.10.2008

Rock Band 2 Killed My Dreams

First off, thanks to everyone for the welcoming comments. I promise, I'm not nearly as hostile and "tough girl" as I might come off. I'm a big old mushy giggle-kitten at times too. Oh, did I mention I have footy pajamas? Nobody tough and "grr" could ever get away with rubber duckie footy pajamas.

Until now.

SOOOOO.. Rock Band 2. Let me give you a little segue into the situation that started my Rock Band career. First off, my band is called "Totes Goulet" which is an homage to Robert Goulet (I hope you all saw Will Ferrell's skit on SNL as Robert Goulet.) and my favorite shortened word for "Totally". Anyways, my friends and I got really excited when EA sent me the Special Edition for Rock Band last year and we must have spent nine months killing it daily. We trashed the guitars, the drum set is dented and we went through two microphones. There was no stopping Totes Goulet and we didn't stop playing until all of us could breeze through Expert.

Alas.. when we were at E3, my friends and I were the first at the booth to play the new setup. Amy sat down at the drums and the lovely man from Harmonix let us know that we were the first people to play the new instruments that were not developers. We got tingly, we opened up with a blazing rendition of "Still Alive" and then played until other journalists came over to snap the controllers from our sweaty palms. We were on fucking FIRE, people. To us, E3 was like a stop in our nationwide tour of destruction..

And then we saw the setlist.

Now, I gave Rock Band 2 a solid chance when I saw the eclectic varieties of music they had chosen for this go around. I really, really wanted to get in there and wreck shop but I realized I didn't know HALF the damn songs. Sure, I knew the classics and some of the new ones were there.. but then I kept catching the songs that were vague. How the hell did Dinosaur Fucking Jr. get on the setlist? What were they thinking when they put RATT with my beloved Rock Band? I was just mortified.

Still, I plugged on. You haven't seen hilarity until you see me screaming to "Testify" by Rage Against the Machine at three in the morning in a garage. Oh, did I mention that? Yes, I set up a big Rock Band setup in my garage. Rugs, LCD monitor, chairs and an upcoming microphone stand. In my garage, I rocked the hell out to music I didn't even know and I think it might be soul crushing. Now I know what it's like to be a twenty-year old band that has their music written for you. No soul, no life in it.. just plugging away through your tour and praying for the next bottle of Jack Daniels on your tour bus. Every night I ended my set, I felt defeated.

The first Rock Band was like an explosion of joy all over my face, you know? Every time I played a song, even if I didn't know it, I wanted to learn it. I would buy the tracks off iTunes and learn them, I'd play fanatically -- but Rock Band 2 isn't giving me that. I almost feel dread when I flip my garage lights on now. Why is that? Where did the love go that created the ever popular "Totes Goulet"?

Man, I need something to believe in.   read

12:21 PM on 10.10.2008

Slide Over, Kids. I Needs Me Some Room!

I'm not about to start my introduction with a bunch of hyperbole.. but you know what makes me happy about Destructoid? You know what really pleases me? Really, REALLY gets me all excited in the pants region? The fact I can post everything that I just said in these last three sentences here and nothing gets censored. I've written for many places in the past, I've ran my own blog and still the politics followed me. I was the foul-mouthed heathen that everyone had to tame and man, did that shit get old.

Let me start out by saying that I'm not your typical female around these parts. We've had the vicious stereotypes out there that make us one of two things; we're either gamer "grrls" and all of us wish we had dicks where our precious flowers are.. OR we're "females who casually play fucking BEJEWELED and call those videogames.". This, my friends, is what I have to work with.

I am neither. You won't catch me popping caps in heads because I'm imagining they're macho frat-boys with their all-night keggers. Furthermore, I don't "puzzle game" and call it a fucking day. No. Sure, I like some mindless entertainment that's been railed through the system for the casual gamer.. but it's not my bread and butter. No, sir. Not this chick.

What you do have in me is a mouthpiece for men and women alike. The kind of person you can sit down with and pick their brains for what you think happened to the survival horror genre. To ask where the downfall of the console war went and you know what? I won't bullshit you. I'm the same female that's told game designers and developers to their faces what they could've done better in their last title and yet, I've remained friends with every single one of them. Yes, I'm abrasive but I say this shit as my truth and I expect people to do the same with me.

Most of all, I'm passionate about my Industry and that is the Video Game Industry at large. I've become a big advocate for anti-piracy in the gaming world and fight hard to educate people on it where I can. I love the forefathers of our precious hobby, the ones that came to the front of the lines and started the market for our dreams and goals. I admire the creativity of Miyamoto and Kojima and find them to be geniuses in the field. Art couldn't get anymore interactive than what we see before us when we boot up our systems.. and I love everything about it.

So, there you go. This is me. Candice. I'm a fucking brat and I doubt anybody will appreciate that, but it's honest. Most people might say I'm too intense to get, but that's an intensity that spans both areas. Good. Bad. Indifferent. Hate with a fury, love with a fire.

Can't wait to talk to some of you and thanks for giving me another sounding board here at Destructoid!

Candice   read

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