Since Iíve been MIA for a while I certainly owe you guys some juicy tidbits. The problem is, I donít think I even know 10 things about myself. So I thought real hard, asked some friends, and hereís what I came up with:
I drive a stick
People seem surprised when I say this. Iím not really a car person (cars are kind of like sports to me; Iíll never understand them) but I enjoy playing a ďgameĒ while I drive. That game is changing gears and trying to avoid stalling.
I was on The Price is Right
Okay, well, I wasnít a contestant but I was in the audience! For my 21st birthday I wanted nothing more than to see Bob Barker live before he retired. My birthday is in May and he retired in June, so my boyfriend and I booked tickets to Las Vegas to celebrate, drove 4 hours to LA, and waited in line for another 12 hours before seeing Barker himself. I walked out hungry and exhausted but with a shiny new signed picture of Bob (the very last one they were giving away, Iím pretty sure I pushed a small child to the ground to snatch it). Itís now framed on my wall.
I donít have any piercings, tattoos, or emotional issues
Öthat I know of. But seriously, Iím blessed to be boring.
I didnít start wearing make-up until I was 22
I can only remember a handful of times I wore make-up before then (prom andÖokay maybe thatís it). I started because I figured it was time to grow up and look like everyone else in my mundane cubicle life. Now I work for a company that could care less about looks, but make up is something Iíve come to enjoy Ė kind of like art but on my face.
I was on campus during the Virginia Tech shootings
This is something Iím hesitant to share, mostly because I donít really know how to talk about it. Also because when people find out I graduated from VT in 2008 itís automatically the first thing they ask. And now that Iím writing about this here, you may feel obligated to say something but donít worry about it. Iím a-okay!
Anyway, I was a junior living on campus that year and that day I was running late to my 10am class in the building adjacent to Norris Hall. As I was running outside, I noticed people running at me in the opposite direction. Thatís when I also noticed that A) it was snowing (in April, wtf) and B) there were police officers on all sides of me yelling for me to get back inside my dorm. I ran inside along with another girl, who had just come from that side of campus. We watched as students continued to run, and she told me that she heard gunshots. I immediately went up to my room to warn my close friend and roommate, and a few minutes later we were told by our RA to stay inside our rooms, lock our doors, and close our shades. I remember not being able to reach the outside world (if youíve been in a crisis or environmental disaster before you know what I mean), and also eating stale french fries to sustain me for the next 8 hours. A few days later I visited my friend in the hospital, who (thankfully) got away with only a bullet in her hand. This event is still very surreal to me, and as the years go by I still think itís a bad dream. Speaking of dreamsÖ
I have some intense sleep times
Iím a vivid and lucid dreamer, but Iím also known to sleep walk, run, and punch. I also talk in my sleep, and I donít mean just mumbling. I have had full-on conversations with people that I will never remember. Some things Iíve said include:
ďIím the queen of England!Ē
ďWe have to get ALL the guys!Ē
ďThereís something flying around. Itís a thing. zzzzzzzĒ
ď(points up at ceiling) Iíll have one of everything!Ē (I actually remember being inside an ice cream shop in this dream)
My three favorite things are wine, video games, and Chipotle
I could solely live off of these things for the rest of my life.
I once lived in a haunted house
All right, I know what youíre saying: but Caitlin, I have logic in my brain and ghosts donít exist! Well Iím here to tell you that your brain is wrong. When I was in elementary school my parents rented out this sweet house that included a treehouse and creek in the backyard. Here are things that happened in that house:
I was locked inside of the basement in the middle of the night after turning Christmas lights off when everyone in my family was asleep. My mom had to bust the door down to let me out. Did I mention there were no locks on these doors?
One day while cleaning and listening to music, the radio dial started moving back and forth on its own (and the lights were flickering), so my mom shouted out ďPLEASE LEAVE US ALONEĒ and it immediately stopped.
My closet light was known to turn on in the middle of the night. (I actually thought this was pretty cool as a kid).
My brother slept-walked outside to the creek in the middle of the night, and when my mother found him she shook him awake and asked why he did this he said, ďI was following the voicesĒ(no lie).
I hate things that people commonly love such as ketchup, coffee, and babies
These are just not my things. Other things I hate include nuts in brownies, marinara sauce, and Garden State.
Wow, it's been a full year since I began posting on the cblogs...time flies. I know everyone's heard it a billion times from me and everyone else, but I truly am grateful for this community. Thank you for being you.
Anyway, 2012 is almost here so Iíd like to touch on some gaming themes that have been in the back of my mind all year.
#1: Gaming as a variable, not a constant
Growing up, it's always been one way for me: I played video games constantly and slotted out time for the other things in my life like homework, friends, and playing outside (whatever that means). In other words, gaming was my constant and the other things in my life were variables to fit my mold. Literally, if a friend called me up to see a movie on a Saturday night but I was already playing NWN with internet friends, I would decline. Every time. Sure, it put strains on my friendships and I became somewhat of a caveman in my basement, but there was no way I was giving up my gaming time. I guess in some sense people would call that being anti-social, but in my mind gaming was a priority and internet friends counted as real people.
However, my gaming habits started to have a shift in college. I had barely scraped by in my honors/AP classes in high school and missed honors society by .01 of my GPA, so I made a commitment to myself to push harder in college. I know it sounds extremely corny, but it worked: I had higher marks than anyone I knew from high school, and I was top 5 in my major's graduating class. But my constant changed - I was no longer prioritizing gaming, and it was instead used as a reward to get myself to do the work. At least then, I still had the time (although less of it), and for a holiday or a long weekend I could again place gaming as my priority.
Unfortunately though, as most of you are aware, once you become an "adult" with a real job it becomes near impossible to place priorities at all. This was officially the death of gaming as my constant - and the beginnings of it becoming a variable in my life. With a full workday, social obligations, and other projects there just wasn't time for much else. And now with my added commute, gaming has officially become a "to-do" in my mind - something that I constantly need to remind myself to get to when I have free time. It's a strange shift, and I know I'm getting old because I look back to college and high school and think of them as my golden gaming years - something I won't ever have again.
#2: Gaming and the new (female) Generation
I honestly hate placing people in Generation [insert letter here] categories. Every person is different, and while the majority do tend to have similar qualities it by no means indicates that we're all the same type of person. Apparently my generation is known for being computer and technology savvy, but I can honestly count more friends that still use aol.com addresses and IE than those who keep up to date with technology. That being said, I do think there is a trend in regards to gaming with this latest generation - something I only started to realize once I moved closer to my teenage cousin.
Jess has an interesting outlook on games. I've seen her play Mario Kart (on the DS and Wii), blast through old PS2 games like Sly Cooper, play through a few of the Lego series on 360, and she's definitely obsessed with Dance Central. She's played all of these with her other female friends. But she adamantly rejects the fact that she plays video games. And not just around her guy friends - but around everyone. Jess has kicked my ass multiple times in Mario Kart, but the second I begin to talk about her Kart skills in front of her friends she shushes me. I'm also realizing that none of her friends, whom she plays all of these games with, ever talk about it around their other friends - specifically male ones. It's like some big secret that they don't want people to know about. They feel like there's some kind of stigma attached to the gamer label, and they want to distance themselves from it as much as possible.
It's a well known fact that gaming is reaching even more people nowadays. It's no longer some secret society, a hobby for the weird or anti-social as it was once pictured. But I feel the majority of people, including young gamers, are still treating it as such. Obviously, observing one girl and her friends isn't definitive proof, but it's a theme that keeps cropping up this year - and I'm curious to see what happens in 5-10 years when these kids grow up. Will they continue to be gamers, will it continue to be a secret, and if not will it just be a silly past time?
#3: Modern FPS can be fun!
I used to love old-school FPS - they had interesting themes (TimeSplitters, Goldeneye, Perfect Dark, Banjo-Kazooie multiplayer, etc) but most of all they were a blast to play through - especially with other people. Maybe it was the fact that the mechanics and graphics were so simple, or maybe it was nostalgic youth speaking, but I was always under the impression that these older games were a lot more fun than the modern, more manly and war-themed FPS. So as more and more FPS started to come out, I slowly inched away from the genre as a whole. I held an outlook that these games were too complicated and completely uninteresting and left it at that.
Recently though I've had a shift which began when I started playing MAG with Elsa and the other 'toiders. At first I thought that it was out of my league - so many customization options, so many guns and tasks, and not to mention 255 other people. But they walked me through it and after a few plays I felt I could actually make a contribution - I could fix up tanks, take control of a turret, heal others, or just run around like an idiot shooting people. That's when it clicked - modern FPS isn't about complication or manly-ness - it's about being a team player, about contributing your skills for the greater good (which happens to be winning some kind of war, but whatever).
Unfortunately though, I moved away and had to leave my PS3 behind - but with losses come great gains, and my gain happened to be at work. Just recently, I found a group of people that play COD periodically in the break room. Instead of shutting out the game and walking away like I probably would have earlier in the year, I approached them and asked to play. For the past few weeks I've slowly been gaining confidence and skill in FPS, and I've not only won games but I've also had loads of fun doing it. I'm glad I've gotten into modern FPS, and although I still miss my old FPS I'm very excited about the improvements made to the genre as a whole.
So that's it for me - what are your themes from 2011?
Boston is a breathtaking city. The history, the vibrancy - I'm in awe every day when I depart from my train and look up toward the skyscrapers. The city isn't clustered, creating perfect spacial planes where people flow between buildings like tiny rivers. There's a life of its own hidden in the Charles river, the side streets, the suburbs. There are unique stores, amazing food, and eccentrics - none of which I've experienced. I ferry myself across three modes of transportation to get here and yet I feel as if I'm instantly transported, every day, in my office. For me, there is no story - I purely exist in this plane.
The City of Angels calls out to me in a similar way. Despite the glamour of the 1940's, I'm finding myself struggling to etch myself into the city. The pieces are all there - the people, the cars, even the music. The architecture is at its peak - I see people drift between the structures, all chattering the same 5 phrases. Everything sits in its place, beautifully carved from an era that is no longer with us. But in this city I'm standing alone.
I discover landmarks, but for many of them they're just that - a mark of land, a pretty picture to stare at for a few seconds before it disappears. Just like my ride over the Charles, I am a spectator and nothing more. There is no need for unwarranted exploration, and when I have the opportunity it fades quickly as if I wasn't meant to be there in the first place.
In fact, my life as a 1940's detective is so linear that I can rarely visit places that were open to me before - as if I've transcended into another lifetime with each case. Even the phones are governed within the story - when I have to make a call it often has to be with a certain phone. I'm never uncertain about where to go because with a press of a button the game can ferry me there in seconds. The hand-holding is draining, and uninspiring.
The only venture is held within interrogations, and even then responses run dry. I'm almost a non-entity, a robot that spits out three functions, two of them almost interchangeable. My only fear of death comes in combat, but it's rarely a close-call experience. I watch myself as I shoot criminals down and before I know it, it's over.
Maybe the city knows I have no reason to venture - just like my life in Boston, why would I travel across the street to make a business call when I have a phone sitting in front of me? Why would I run 3 miles to a storefront that I have no need to enter? Why would a detective travel back to the scene of a crime knowing that the body has long been cleared away?
Maybe we're meant to exist within the tale of a city - weaving ourselves into its story rather than the other way around.
Or maybe it's time to cross the river and explore what lies beyond.
I hate to be PC sometimes - I really do. It makes me look like the stickler, the grouch, the person who's blowing something silly out of proportion. Really I feel none of these things, yet at times I encompass them all.
I have nothing against Jonathan or his new series - I think he's cute, quirky, and definitely deserving. But I just can't help but feel something crawl out of me when I watch this show - not the PC, but a familiar girl. One who couldn't quite fit in here or there and ended up in limbo.
And it's that feeling that I want to talk about here, not an agenda, not a manifesto, or an attack - just a feeling tied together with a thread of thoughts.
When I watched these videos for the first time, I mulled it over a bit. Why wasn't I laughing? The subject matter seems funny - a guy walking up to a (supposedly) random girl and asking questions that the industry and gamers as a collective never fail to blow out of proportion. But for some reason a pang hits inside me - something isn't happy, something doesn't feel right.
Is it the fact that the woman is probably an actor or friend, told to play stupid and flit her eyelids in fake naivety? Is it the title of the series: "Talking to Women about Videogames"? Or is it that there are plenty of women out there who understand video games, that have had to go through this stereotype countless times, only to end up at square one?
I really can't answer that. Like I said, all I have is a feeling - and without being able to describe it, I don't think it's fair for me to point fingers. I don't want to besmirch anything Jonathan's worked hard to create. In fact, I'd love for this series to flourish.
Now here's where the thoughts come in. I'm trying to think of things that maybe would make more sense, that would make me (or perhaps other women) feel less of this pang. Maybe if Jonathan interviewed actual strangers on the street, maybe if he chose candidates that were unlikely to be gamers from a glance (old people, cats, and yes - even pretty women), maybe if it were more authentic instead of fabricating a stereotype it would make sense in my gut.
I'm not going to lie - Stereotypes are funny sometimes. To see it occur naturally can be even funnier. And who knows, maybe Jonathan can find an old lady that schools him on 360 add-ons or a cat that truly enjoys sleeping on a PS3 controller. Or maybe a real girl, one who's completely unaware of a handheld after the Game Boy.
I've been planning a "real" blog post for a while now but seeing as moving, vacationing, job change, moving again, and vacationing again has gotten in the wayÖI figured I'd just make a regular update since I haven't really posted anything in a while.
I've felt more out of touch these past couple of months than any other time in my life - and not just with the community, but with gaming in general. Right now I'm stuck in a time when LA Noire is waiting to launch, the Dead Island box art is all censored and effed up, and I'm striving to get through Deus Ex not only because of Nostalcast but also for my own personal glory before Human Revolution arrives. All of that has come and gone, and I'm still stuck here trying to sort everything out. I feel slightly ashamed as a gamer that LA Noire is still in its wrapper, I'm struggling to hold onto my Assassin skills in MNC, and I've only played about an hour and a half of Trenched (and most of that has been in my sleep - ask Trev).
Unfortunately, I'm not this adorable when I sleep
I had hoped that moving to Boston would grant me more time to spend writing, gaming, and overall participating in online shenanigans. I figured without friends around me it'd be like high school again - going home, spending hours on end gaming and chatting online, small doses of occasional necessities. Boy was I wrong. Not only do I have an insane commute (I take three modes of transportation to get to work, four if you count walking to the train station), but the hours at my new job are a bit crazy at the moment, and I find that by the time I get home I have just enough time to make dinner and then get enough sleep to wake up in time for my train in the morning.
So needless to say, I've been completely out of the loop. So far out of the loop that even the recap team can't save me. I need a recap of the caps that were capped in a fappity fashion, to say the least. Apparently I missed approximately 50 million shitstorms, some of them revolving around female topics that I would have loved to debate, but by this point it's that whole dead horse thing. I've also missed my beloved FNF - something that's apparently dying lately. Imma try to put some CPR in that biatch when I get the chance, because I couldn't stand to lose one of the best parts of my week.
I'd also hate to lose AlphaDeus. I wasn't here last week, but I'm going back in time and giving you a big hug. We love you!
Anyway, that's where I've been and I hope to be around a lot more now that I'm (kind of) settled into my new life. Now that I'm in Boston, my goal is to attend a PAX for the first time and actually meet some of you in person. So make sure you poke and prod me when the time comes to buy tickets! :]
Yes, this is how I open things and yes, I still have all my fingers.
Rift? Oh yeahhhh, I won a collector's edition of Rift! EFFING SWEET!
Itís so heavy that I leaned it against my chin to keep it from falling out of my hands! I guess this is why it made a loud THUNK noise when the mail carrier decided to toss it up the stairs, that bastard.
This collection comes with some pretty cool stuff! Iím totes using this mouse pad at work, where no one has any idea what a video game even is.
Alas, while I did not open a rift into anyoneís heart as promised to win this entry, I am very grateful to have won. Thank you Dtoid, you truly are the happiest place on Earth (at least in my mind Ė I used to work at Epcot so I may be biased).
P.S. - wish me luck tomorrow, I have an on-site interview with Google and may or may not be joining the New England Dtoid group in the near future! ;]
P.P.S. Ė I promise a real blog is coming soon! I have it (mostly) written up and everything, for realsies!