I collect video games, but I'm not just a video game collector; I'm a video game enthusiast. This entails that I love to play video games as well as collect them. You won't find mint-conditioned and unopened, factory-sealed boxes of crap in my home. Instead, you'll find me, sitting in my recliner, playing whatever just shipped in from eBay. However, I don't just collect any old system's games. I collect only TurboGrafx-16 and PC Engine games. Why would I collect games from such an obscure console? For a couple reasons: 1) TurboGrafx/PC Engine games are generally fun, and 2) because I'd like to educate people about this amazing system. I plan on making a series about PC Engine games, and this is my pilot. For my first installment, I thought I'd start with a game that not only has a bit of notoriety, but one I also love: Ai Cho Aniki.



      The Cho Aniki series is notorious for being “gay,” and it's not hard to see why: It's teeming with sinewy, half-naked men, phallic imagery offends the eye on practically every screen, and the word “protein” is used an excessively uncomfortable amount of times. I can't really blame anyone who doesn't like this series just by looking at the cover. But, for those of you who are secure in your masculinity and measure Japanese-gaming greatness on campiness and absurdity, then Ai Cho Aniki may be a game for you!



      Ai Cho Aniki (ACA) is the second game in the Cho Aniki series, both of which were created by Masaya for the PC Engine, the Japanese counterpart to our TurboGrafx-16. ACA's a horizontal “Shoot-Em-Up” (Shmup) that was released on the Super CD format in 1995, which was the final year any licensed PC Engine software was released. It's completely in Japanese, as it didn't get a release elsewhere, and, consequentially, has a bit of a language barrier. This really isn't a problem because it's an action game with most of the in-game speech spoken in English, but, unless you can read Japanese, you'll miss out on the game's plot (which I assume is in the manual) and the text-heavy, picture-less ending.
      As you've probably gathered, I can't speak, nor can I read, a word of Japanese. Therefore, I have no idea what ACA's plot is. However, I've been told Ai Cho Aniki roughly translates to be “I Love Super Big Brother” or “Super Big Brother Love,” (the latter being rather disturbing) and, thanks to the Virtual Console, I know the story to Cho Aniki, ACA's predecessor. Basically, Planet Builder, a planet that holds muscular prowess above all else, is running out of protein and decides to rage war on other planets in order to steal their protein and appease their muscles' needs. Two warriors fight back with the help of Samson and Adon (the two dudes hugging on ACA's cover), and the Universe is saved.


The peasants rejoice! With nipple rings!?

Though that doesn't exactly help me with its sequel's plot, I can at least make it up as I go, which I did. So, here's my made-up plot synopsis of Ai Cho Aniki:
The Evil Builder Dynasty was overthrown and peace returned to the Universe. Everyone was happy and muscley and sweaty and gay again, and the two warriors from the first game got married and went on their honeymoon. All was well, until the evil Woman came during the warriors' absence and started converting the Muscle Men of Steroidia and making them straight with her promises of nightly Raves. Now, it's up to the bulky, perpetually speedo-clad Samson and his gratuitous amounts of protein to stop the Woman, rescue his boyfriend Adon, and win back all the men, restoring them to their former glory!


She's seriously the boss of the game, and she dances like she's in a rave the entire time.

Anyways, the plot really doesn't matter. After all, it's a Shmup, and Shmups aren't really coveted for their narratives. They're known for their fast-paced action and rage-inducing difficulty. So, does ACA deliver? By Shmup standards, not really. It's not even close, actually.
      ACA is definitely a Shmup, but it lacks a few essential things that are associated, if not synonymous, with the genre. First and foremost, there's no rapid fire. You can't hold down the “Fire” button for continuous pwnage, nor can you button mash. Masaya decided to incorporate Street Fighter-esque maneuvers in lieu of conventional button mashing, making for some very awkward controls . Secondly, there are no power-ups. You have the same moveset throughout the game, there are no options, and there aren't different weapons to obtain. It's just Samson, his muscles, and his glitter versus the world! Thirdly, it's slooooooow! The game seems to crawl at times. Not only are the enemies slow, but they hardly seem to fight back. Very few enemies fire at you, and most of them don't seem to acknowledge your existence. It's like they're doing their morning commute, and then, all of a sudden, some naked dude comes up and shoots a glob of protein in their face (you'll understand soon enough). It just feels wrong. Lastly, the game's easy. Due to its slow pace and slower enemies, this game's a cakewalk, especially because of Samson's “spin” move that allows him to pass through solid matter (more on that in a moment). But, although all these non-conventional Shmup aspects make for a very easy game, ACA doesn't come without its frustrations. Unfortunately, it's frustrating for all the wrong reasons.
      As I mentioned earlier, Masaya decided to utilize Street Fighter D-pad and button combinations in order for Samson to do his moves. This conflicts me. On one hand, this creates the most awkward and unwieldy controls to ever grace a Shmup, EVER! But, on the other hand, Samson's moves are some of the greatest attacks in video game history! They are as follows (I've taken the liberty of naming them):

1) Happy Homing Man Glob


Samson releases a glob of protein from the hole on top of his head. The glob homes and slams into the nearest enemy. This sounds useful (not to mention gross), but it's firing rate is intolerably slow, and the glob always hits the nearest enemy, making targeting very difficult.

2) Super Manly Spin Time


Samson spins around a couple of times with a lustrous flourish! This is how you dodge things in the game because Samson is too damn big to do any evasive maneuvering. If you flip the Turbo switch up for the I button, you can hold I and go through the entire level without being touched. If there are any consequences for doing this, I haven't found any.

3) Lucky Very Man Glitter


Samson thrusts his arm towards his assailant and gives them a sprinkling they'll not soon forget! I estimate the glitter to be at least 1.5 times as powerful as the glob and, in skilled hands, twice as fast. The glitter can be shot above, below, and to the sides and can go through enemies, resulting in hits on multiple targets. This is easily the most practical move in the game. Glitter spamming FTW!

4) Happy Man Sparkle-san


Samson opens up his arms, releasing a short-ranged sparkle attack. This can be shot to the left and right and is Samson's most powerful standard attack. However, it's stupid slow and requires you to be right up on the enemy, which, more often than not, results in you getting hit in return. Not only that, but you'll accidentally do this instead of the glitter move about 50% of the time. Simply put, this move sucks. I'd say don't use it, but you will whether you want to or not.

5) Mighty Death Flex


This is the greatest attack in video game history! Samson flexes his arms, showing off his sculpted pecs and killing everything on the screen. My diagnosis: they die from a combination of jealousy and over exposure to Awesome! In actuality, the move is only as powerful as the glob, but it does hit everything on the screen. And, “Death By Flexing” is something everybody should aspire to get on their Death Certificate.

6) MAN BEAM!


This is the second greatest attack in video game history! Samson unleashes his entire manly load out of the top of his head in one gigantic beam that spans the screen. It can be shot to the left and right and is the most powerful attack in the game. It does have a couple of drawbacks though. Firstly, it has to build up after every shot before it can be shot again. All you have to do is watch the hole on Samson's head. When it's glowing at it's brightest, then the time has come to release. Premature releasing is not an option for a Man's Man like Samson, so you have to wait until it's time. Thankfully, you can do all your other attacks while you're waiting. Secondly, Samson is very vulnerable while firing. Unleashing the Man Beam takes awhile, so make sure there aren't any enemies that can sneak up and get you from behind before you shoot.

Quick Confession: I have no idea how to do this move. My tactic is to circle the D-pad 3 or 4 times, stop my thumb in the direction I want to shoot, and press II. About 75% of the time I'll fire the Man Beam. The other 25%? Happy Man Sparkle-san, of course.

      Those are the controls for ACA, but they're not the only thing that sucks in this game. What can really make this game frustrating is the lack of any continues. Here's a quick screen shot:


The dude in the moon's name is Adam. He becomes a staple in the franchise, and ACA is his debut.

What I want you to notice are the hourglasses at the top of the screen and the little hearts beneath them in the top-left corner. The three hearts represent your life. You have three hits, and then you're “dead.” When you “die,” instead of restarting the level or from a checkpoint, you respawn right then and there with full life. However, you also lose an hourglass. The hourglasses show how much time you have to play the game. You lose one each time you die, and they deplete gradually as time passes. I don't know what the hourglasses represent, so let's say that's how much time's left before the big sale at JC Penny's. Boyfriend abduction or no boyfriend abduction, those speedos only go on sale once a year!
      Anyways, the only way to get more hourglasses is by beating a stage, which awards you 3, or by collecting them from some chick that flies down from the top of the screen every so often. If you run out of hourglasses, it's game over, and there are no continues. It sucks, and it sucks hard. Thankfully, there are only 5 levels in the game, making the blow less painful.
      So, all I've mostly written about thus far are the negative things about this game. You're probably thinking, “I thought he said he loved it?” Though the game may be too easy and have terrible controls, it also has a plethora of redeeming qualities.
      The graphics are pretty great. For a 1995 CD release, the sprites are big, colorful and detailed, many sprites can be seen on-screen at a time, and there's some nice parallax scrolling, especially in the forest level. And all this without a hint of slowdown, which is a must in any Shmup. But, it's the music that I love. It's just outstanding, in both quality and substance. Koji Hayama created the perfect soundtrack to accompany this crazy, abstract, Japanese odyssey. Here's a link to the game's Theme. It accentuates the game's campiness perfectly, as does the rest of the soundtrack.


This is my favorite boss in the game.

      I suppose what really makes this game great is its uniqueness and ridiculousness. There really isn't any other game like it (excluding it's sequels), and I always get a good laugh every time I play it. The enemies are off-the-wall, the attacks are outrageous, and the homo-erotic overtones just add to the humor. I love the atmosphere and mood that the environments and music create, and I love flexing things to death! Despite all it's flaws, ACA is fun, and it's an experience, to say the least.
      But, is it gay? And, if so, does it matter? I suppose it would for some people, but not me. To be honest, I don't think the creators meant for this game to be construed as gay. I view it as a satire on action games. The manlier the men, the manlier the action, right? And what's manlier than body builders? I think the creators were trying to show that too much virility may be a bad thing. In any case, I'm sure Freud would have fun with this game.



Sources for pictures and music:

Hardcore Gaming 101
http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/choaniki/choaniki.htm

NFG Games
http://nfggames.com/games/aichoaniki/