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Why I Destructoid - Destructoid


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10:29 PM on 12.12.2012

{ I wrote this back in September in anticipation of the new Destructoid site going live(something I wasn't very happy about) so that I too could join the illustrious ranks of Dtoid C-bloggers before everything changed forever. Self doubt kept me from sharing it as the new era was reigned in. I'm sharing it now simply because I'm fed up with not being more involved with this community. Special thanks/shout out to PhilK3nS3bb3n and Glowbear. They don't know it, but their words inspired me to hold on to this rather than just trash it. }

I've been thinking about this place a lot lately, and its lead me to question just what my motivations are for being here. Just what is so great about this place? Life is dreadfully short, so why spend our ever dwindling life span doing something so inane and irrelevant? Why does this nonexistent space feel like a true home? Why do I Destructoid? There are many reasons. I wish to share them all with you but in the end everything boils down to one simple answer, a singularity of reason…

Love, I got mad love for this place, so much I got heartburn, and that’s why I'm here today to share with you a little part of my self. Frank Lucas used to say "the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room". Now knowing I subscribe to such a philosophy, you may be able to guess just why I’ve been so hesitant about diving head first into the slightly yellow-tinted public pool that is the C-blogs. Introductions seem to be the proper way to kick things off around here and I’ve let that deter me for far too long. It sounds like a stupid reason to hold back from C-blogging but doing an intro can be damn tricky for an introvert. I tend to keep my hand covered and I don’t reveal my plans until they have already come to fruition. Discussing myself has always been a challenge. I can't identify my existence as a singular entity or static character so I have no labels or moniker to give you. Summing up a constant flux of humanity with just a few words is simply unjust. I don’t want to do this… but some of the pieces you fools drop here are downright phenomenal and I just don’t feel right sitting back, gobbling down your delicious c-blogs without giving a little something back.

This feels like pulling teeth and quite honestly I blame you. You have forced my hand. I just care too damn much about this place to let ya slide on by without telling y’all why I'm in the romantic loves with you. So kindly sit your cute little bum down and let me explain just how I got here, and why I stayed.

Life is painful.

We don’t choose to be here nor do we get a choice of where we start. We do however get to choose who we are. Most importantly, we choose to stay. In some parts you wouldn’t get a name until after your first year of birth. Why? Well because you aren’t suspected of surviving within the first year of life. I was lucky enough to be born with a name. Lucky enough to be born into the working poor, rather than the starving poor. For that I am thankful but this luck of the draw does not bring a sense of content. We work so we can keep what we take. We work for tomorrow but what worth can that work truly hold when it is pledged to a system that is not self-sufficient? A machine that can only function by extinguishing that of which can never be replenished. Can you truly be happy at the end of the day while knowing every action and facet of your cushioned life attributes to the suffering and death of others?

Those were the kinds of questions I used to ask myself. I was a miserable self-punishing soul back then that thought thinking globally would give me a nice slice of humble pie. I considered the suffering of my brothers and sisters to be my very own, to the point that it almost killed me. Seeing the general dynamic was a virtue but there is only so much bad, so much hurt that you can carry on your own two shoulders before they finally break.

Yes, the world is a mighty sick place but sickness can be cured. Getting involved with your community can be a great/awful experience, but fighting the illness at local level was not good enough for me. I needed a substantial difference not just in my local environment but in the hearts of my fellow humanity at large. The audacity in actuality, I couldn’t take it. The sheer negligence you see being spat at one another, fueled by greed and powered by the papers. We accept it as fact and let it pale into reality. Nobody wants to talk about I and I, instead they just shout back “eye for an eye”. Nothing gets done. Petty politics get spun till vapor, meanwhile the ticks are getting fat like tapeworms. I needed to blackout. Not with a bottle but with my world views. I got into videogame news because it was the only thing that could distract/cheer me up with little to no effort after dealing with my own life and the real world that encompassed it

Needless to say, geeking out over an upcoming game felt a hell of a lot better than thinking about how a good friend like Enrique ends up in a situation where he’s only got one arm with no legs and has to depend on his moms to change his diaper till the end of his days. Horrible things happen without accord. Truth can be the cruelest bitch when existence is random. Everybody eventually finds a distraction or excuse to ignore the blazing inferno beside them, so that they can sit pretty by the brink of destruction, and I had found mine.

-Me with my first Videogame. Except it was a SNES, and it wasn't mine... also not Will Smith

Like most my infatuation with the medium was sparked from a very young age. Despite my life long appreciation for videogames, the industry it’s self was never something I concerned myself with. That is until I realized just how useful it was for keeping my mind occupied so that it could not sink to darker depths in times of quiet.

What first linked or rooted me towards Destructoid I do not know sadly. I found myself in this blessed meta-nation three years ago. Initially I was not too enamored by the site. Watching the latest trailers was my primary concern of consumption at the time, so the abysmal springboard videos were... less than desirable. The site name its self was rather puzzling to me. Granted it was not nearly retarded a name as "Giant Bomb" but it did make me question its relevance. I even had the gull to scoff at Mr. Destructoid himself! "Pfft!" I thought, "looks like a generic robot that would be illustrated riding a dinosaur in neon coloring and plastered across some scene chick's breasts". Yep, my standards were pretty shallow back then and because of that I foolishly relegated Destructoid to the end of the line as far as my go-to gaming sites went.

Despite my casual dismissal of the big green robot it was only a matter of time before I came across the white elephant in the room, Jim Sterling. I’m not exactly sure what my first comment was but I do know I made it because of Jim. It was probably somewhere along the lines of  “You are fat and wrong”  and I am now indebted to the man for pushing me to make that first leap into Destructoid membership

So there I was, unknowingly a Dtoider. My assertions of Destructoid were still woefully inept but the seeds of love-cancer were planted in my heart. One day out of nowhere a wild Outer Heaven appeared. Looking back now, I think the chat may have been integral to my path as a Dtoider. At the time I didn’t think much of commenting since I mostly assumed that the threads were just another cesspit of up/down thumbing twelve year olds a-la Gametrailers. The chat was my only output of communication with the community at the time and I’m glad I chose to speak with the folks there because it eventually led me to discover just how awesome this community is. I know very few people in my day to day life that don’t hate video games let alone share my passion for them. Being able to converse with individuals that had that same passion for games as I did for the first time was an incredibly delightful novelty.

-Without words, this is how Dtoid makes me feels.

After the Zwuh Dynasty fell I moved away from the chat and into the threads. The Destructoid comments are a mighty interesting place. Aside from the awesome clowns that reside there, we are the only major games blog that has the ability to embed images which always leads to delightful community hijinks. The format is clean and smartly structured unlike most of the other gaming sites that have one comment and then 49 replies zig-zaging back and forth. Avatars are prominently placed and sized making it always easy to spot friendlies/trolls or just stalk the current flavor of the month. The absence of time stamps adds a nice layer of ambiguity to it all. Many have voiced their distaste and/or vital need for an edit/delete button and those people can kindly fuck off. I for one, like the fact that what you say here sticks. Ever been called out for doing something dumb? I have, feels good, learning experience dawg. There aint no “take backs” in the real world so why should we have them here? It makes people think before they speak. Now how could that be a bad thing?

Another aspect of Destructoid’s comment system that most see as a drawback but I just happen to love, is the lack of a reply function. Why? Well it’s pretty simple. It adds a sense of respect and genuine interest between the two parties of discourse. The friend or foe that you are having a back and forth with doesn’t just lazily see that you’ve given them a rebuttal on their profile page. They actually have to go back to the thread and hunt your ass down! Sure it might suck if you’re the lazy type, but it gives a common sense of courtesy between the two since effort is required, even if the exchange its self is rather awful. If you can relate with my odd infatuation for the comment system here then I got a world of respect for ya. If not? Well I guess I understand your needs but I can’t help but feel that you are part of the problem.

Name the first thing that comes to mind when you hear “DESTRUCTOID”. Whats that? Jonathan Holmes’ anus you say? Well that’s a mighty good answer but for me the first thing that comes to mind is entertainment. This place has become less of a news center for me and more of a comedy central.

Now let’s just get the big-fat-gay-gorilla-orgy out of the closet first, and talk about Podtoid. Now this isn’t an ode to the Burch years or the origins before it. I know you Summa fans are probably upset(Seriously though, the old eps are still worth listening to if you weren't around for em the first time like me, even if it’s just for history’s sake, or Brads pecks). This is about neo-Podtoid!

Podtoid actually has the honor of popping my podcast cherry. I never understood the point of listening to the voices of random people I don’t know banter on about nothing but that all changed very quickly. At the time of Podtoid’s resurrection I was still pretty firm in my hatred of Jim and the only thoughts I had on Holmes were “EWW! That black guy has freckles!” after watching Sundays with Sagat. Obviously I was just tuning in for Max and Tara of The Destructoid Show, because sexy. My oh my though, Jim & Jon, those saucy little minks won me over very quickly with their words. Without a physical representation or written persona to draw contrived conclusions from you tend take the talking points of a disembodied voice much more to heart. Despite the two being drastically different from each other and myself, I learned that the three of us actually share similar beliefs and values. That much could be said for Destructoid as a whole though. All of us being vastly varied and yet still retaining a common virtue.

Podtoid wasn’t all about philosophy though, far from it. There is something explicitly charming about a fat British cunt lusting after a racially ambiguous social worker who just wants to relax after a hard days work. I’ll never understand exactly why I enjoy guzzling down such drivel but god damn it if it’s not high-octane comedy gold I don’t care what it is. Podtoid clowns on any prime time television show out there today and it doesn’t even take the summer and winter off. It is the main culprit of my love affair with this place and I can’t imagine what Destructoid would be like if it had ceased to exist. To me it’s the end-all/be-all of Destrucotid, the nucleus if you will.

Destructoid has built quite a history for its self in just six short years. This place is sprinkled with little nuggets of joy from yesteryears to yesterday. One of them being Retroforce Go! As a Dtoider of three years I almost suffered the tragic fate of never discovering this “AMAZING!!!” podcast. Many of you being my seniors, some might just be scoffing at me for having such a rudimentary understanding of this place’s history but RTFG is always worth mentioning in hopes that another like me will discover it. This show ALMOST rivals neo-podtoid. Its a shame I won’t ever get the chance to show my gratitude to the cast for being so awesome. The last episode is kind of depressing because they talk like they are only going on a break, but hell maybe one day we will get a Retroforce reunion episode. That would be…

To declare Destructoid as simply just an entertainment hub would be a gross misrepresentation.  It goes far beyond that.

The folks here look out for one another. I have witnessed how you wonderful fuckers never fail to band together and lift each other up when falling on hard times. Love may not bloom on the battlefield, but it certainly does here. Friendships are forged because of this place, and while I can’t say I’ve had the pleasure of doing so myself. I can certainly say that you have all had a positive effect on me. I feel a sense of kindredship among us all.

You ever wish Destructoid was a real place in which we all lived? It would be the greatest form of civilization humanity has ever witnessed. The hallways would be gold plated and span for miles. Everywhere the eye could wander would be met with Podtoid posters and various works of art(most just being giant statues of a nude Aaron Linde). We could meet each other tomorrow in the courtyard and drink from the fountains that spew Hennessy and grape Kool-aid. Holmes and Sterling would obviously serve as the Queen and King of this great nation while an omnipotent Niero smiles down on us all from above the clouds where angelic figures resembling Chad, Topher, and Colette soar freely. I can even see the massive army of Corgis assembled outside the kingdoms gates being led by the valiant Boner Knight Dixion, protecting us from harm. SIGH… what a wonderful world it would be.

A Dtoider comes in many shades and shapes but I can’t help but feel we are all very similar in some unspoken way. Now you might be thinking “HERDYDURR VIDJAGAEMS” but it’s got nothing to do with that. There is just a general attitude about this site, about Mr. Destructoid himself that resonates in us all. I really can’t sum it up with words or put my finger on it. It’s like we all unknowingly signed an invisible contract of badassery to each other

I’ve managed to get this far and yet I am at a loss of words…

-Keep staring. The words will come...

You lift me up. I was a very unhappy person before I came here and you guys have been putting a goofy ass smile on my face ever since. It’s easy to forget that behind the avatars and dick jokes we are actually real people, with real life problems. Some might say that every action and facet of this place is meaningless and of no consequence. I might have agreed three years ago but today I know better.

This year has been one of true anguish for me. My Grandfather, who was like a father to me, was murdered in April. Three months later a sense of normalcy managed to arise only to be suddenly shattered by a phone call late at night telling me my Uncle, and last solid tie to my Grandfather, had passed away in his sleep at the age of fifty two. Surely enough, just three months after that, I was faced the difficult decision of putting down my canine companion of what was almost eighteen years. I thought that I could at least expect three more months without another tragedy. One month later I get a phone call from a hospital in the middle of bumfuck-nowhere, Oklahoma telling me that my Dad(the jackass who dipped out when I was just three years old) suffered three massive strokes and doesn’t know what year it is, leaving me responsible to make sure he gets the proper care and services before they just dump him in some random shelter. I may hold no love for the man but knowing his mental capacity has been reduced to that of a child breaks my fucking heart. No one deserves that.

I’m not telling you this because Its tearing me apart inside and I want your sympathy, far from it. Receiving such condolence’s does nothing for me. If anything I find them insulting to my family’s honor, so please, don’t. I’m telling you this because I want you to know just how positive of an influence YOU make in this world. Because of Destructoid, because of you the reader, I can go from the pain to the happy just like that. For just a moment in the day my misery is washed away and I can be like the person I used to be, back when trouble wasn't constantly knocking on my door. That's why I Destructoid.

Just like Phil said, you guys are extended family as far as I’m concerned. So accept me for who I am and may I be absence heard, presence felt. There’s just one last thing left to do, and that’s propose. I got a question for you all and I'm dying to know the answer...


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