WOO! TWOFER! JUST LIKE QUANTUM! I *LOVE* DESTRUCTOID, it's the ONLY blog that lets me be SUPER EXCITE ABOUT A GAME! BUT it's full of cunt-punting, tender nerds that get super butthurt when someone says something they don't agree with! I truly love this community, it's got a nice, warm, fuzzy feeling.
But moving on about how AWESOME QUANTUM IS!
Wow, I don't know about you guys, but that trailer looked REALLY AWESOME.
Who else is excited for Quantum huh!?
Check it, weapon(s? I hope so!):
One handed shotgun thing that shoots... plasma shotgun shells! YEAH! FUCK. YEAH! Did you see that? Unlimited ammo and you just SHOOT!
No recoil! Just how it should be! We all know the whole "idea" of recoil is a Liberal myth anyway.
Did you see that OTHER, MYSTERY gun in that trailer? It shoots like a shotgun! But slow! like a shotgun! It shoots plasma too (woah, deja vu)! AMAZING. Did GoW even bother to put realistic plasma handling guns in their game?! NO.
The enemies seems to be using some sort of sub machine gun thing (plasma I hope!) but those are no match for TWO one-handed plasma auto-shotguns! I wonder why the guy doesn't just hold them both at once together. I bet it's because Temco wants it to come out REALLY REALLY fast! Thanks Temco!
Next up, ENEMIES!
Anyone notice how in this world, no one takes cover and when you get shot at you just move and strafe side to side! YEAH! A.I. TO DA MAXX DUUR! I don't see Gears of War with this type of sophistication.
I saw three enemy types (more than enough), the sword arm thing, the rifle nubs (grunts), magic bird and magic flame shooter and two bosses.
The sword arm guys moved side to side when the guy shot at him, but thank God that there's two amazing SHOTGUNS! No samurai thing can avoid shotgun spread, YEAH IT'S SO OVER THE TOP AND CRAZY! Notice how it's more or less a gun war and the grunts just have SWORDS!? YEAH!
HUMAN RACE; FUCK YEAH! Temco REALLY wants the human race to win, that's why we can forgive Japan for that RE5 malarky and those two black guys that got butthurt can put it behind them!
The rifle nubs? They don't take cover, they don't move around too much, or shoot worth a damn, I think the world in this game everyone's like half blind, thank God the hero decided to bring TWO awesome shotguns!!! NO MISS.
BIRDS JUST SIT THERE! Just like real life! Why are we fighting these aliens again?!
The boss was equally as amazing, both in design (because he looked almost just like his grunts, because they're all weak, and inferior. Inferior to HUMANS! YEAH!) and smarts! He can't see around columns and he just shoots his guns in the air (OMG, Japan's own satire of Americans?! >:O!!!) and he wears armor in like.... 40% of his body, OBVIOUS targets anyone!? YEAH. No body armor for aliens, because they're aliens and their dicks are weird.
AND BIG SPIKE GUY! AMAZING! Big monster, as per TEMCO tradition, he just sat there though and shot a few times, he was probably super surprised he's fighting a guy with unlimited ammo and no recoil! YEAH.
Weird dicks? That makes me think of the ATMOSPHERE.
Anyone notice EVERYTHING IS BLACK!? It's evolving from (CRAPPY) Gears of War's BROWN and BLOOM EVERY-FUCKING-WHERE to AMAZING black and grey everywhere! Who said the PS3's lineup sucked? This is even better than Haze's "all factions use the same basic weapon for some reason" feature!
The architecture is awesome too! For such a futuristic race of alien-demon-knight baddies they sure love the gothic "spikes everywhere" and TWISTY AND BLACK PAINT EVERYWHERE design! Man, GROUNDBREAKING! The demons must be jealous of humans' designs and architecture, that's why they want to take over so bad, to take our art! This is awesome, Liberals and Republicans working towards a single goal!
ARMOR.
The armor just sticks to the human guy! It must be because they need to customize, because he's BAD ASS. All that customization probably takes a lot of time, that's why the human race can only send like two people at a time! But we're so bad ass it's TOTALLY OK.
Last but not least: HOT BITCH.
There was a hot bitch in a metal bikini thing. She had blue hair I think and probably huge knockers! Wait.... Did the hero just do some combo move with her?! OMG CO-OP (eat that GoW!) and COMBO MOVES (eat that PoP)! It's ok because in the future no armor is needed for hot bitches in war, they're hot bitches after all. ANIME NERD DEMOGRAPHIC GET!
I bet she's magic! And that this is all Chopin's dream or some shit!
CONCLUSION.
Who else is completely floored by the presentation it's getting!? I'm so glad I own a PS3! YEAH!
I'm all good for clones but this one is just so well done I don't see HOW PS3 owners would be ashamed!
Sony exclusives department: You're forgiven for Lair, Heavenly Sword's length, Haze and PAIN!
PS3 Slim, the sleeker and better running little brother of the PS3 Phat annouced, check.
Price drop to make it more affordable therefore we gain some more market share, check.
Cheap fucking jerkwads still whining about not getting their cake and eating it too, check.
Seriously, I've been reading some of the comments for the PS3 Slim on both Kotaku and Destructoid and there's some really fucking dumb people there.
Disclaimer: Before I go on I'll just put on my flamesuit and offer up these little quips of my life before fanboys on whatever retard side assumes shit:
- I own a 60GB PS3, with hardware BC. Along with just about every current and last gen system (including a DC).
- Shut up.
"But what about BC!? I WANT BC! BC! BC! BC!"
Listen fuckface, who the fuck still plays last-gen games anymore? Sure I'll fire up my copy of Mad Maestro or the rare PS2 game I find at EB Games up, but I'll do it on my PS2. The one still sitting on top of my older TV.
The thing I'm trying to say is, if you're cheap enough to still be holding onto the PS2 games for dear life then the PS3 (or ANY NEXT GEN SYSTEM) is not for you, you should be buried alive. There's tons of good games out there for the PS3 (for every other platform as well as a matter of fact) and if those games don't interest you then I think you should sit down and re-evaluate your life as a gamer.
And what's so hard to just plug in your PS2 somewhere else? Or just ditch it and enjoy the games on the current console? That's what baffles me.
From member Subenu:
'"Note: This product is not compatible with PlayStation®2 games."
Reason why I won't buy a PS3 after all..."
Really? This is the attitude Sony has to face? No wonder sales are down, people are still busy playing Xenosaga or Suikoden 3 for the millionth damn time for some reason and completely ignoring the strong line-up the PS3 has.
I guarantee you this person doesn't own a next-gen system because if ONE THING will completely lose your sale, then all consoles are not worthy.
"Bu-bu-but no Linux!"
Really? Linux? Who cares? Now personally I know... zero people that installed Linux on their PS3. Some people tried it out but ended up realizing it's NOT AS FUCKING HAXXOR AS YOU THOUGHT IT'D BE. SNES roms? NES roms? Do you really feel THAT fucking hardcore playing games from 20 years ago on a 46-inch TV? Are there thin indie girls that you're trying to impress? Are you some hipster douchebag with a porkpie hat?
No?
You don't need Linux.
"No card slots!"
This is news to you? You moron do you even use the card slots? Pro Stick DUO (or whatever) is some proprietary garbage, SD is found in TVs, computers, Wiis even so showing your cheap ass on a vacation to the park down the block to your bored relatives shouldn't be a problem.
What the fuck is CF?
Anyway, it's an almost useless card slot, want to carry around some save files? Use a USB! They're FREE if you know where to look you dumbfuck!
"SONY! I'm waiting for a $199 price drop!"
This guy was actually serious. And some people are STILL yelling at Sony (sorry guys, they can't hear you through all the internet) to drop the price EVEN FURTHER.
I guess what I'm trying to say in a nutshell is: fuck you. If you're bitching and whining and moaning about the new PS3 and you can see no good in it. Well fuck you. You "DUN WAN" it? Sony "DUN WAN" you either (nor do the other guys).
Disclaimer: all dollar amounts are CND and without tax.
We all know about the new price drop for the Elite, now an ever more outstanding package at the same (relatively and in the short-run) low price.
$299, now (for Canadians) it's $279 for a Wii (yeah I know ain't that a bitch?) so for most parents, $20 more and they get a huge package that their 12-18 demographic suburban male wanted, also they'll think it's an Xmas sale, and think they're being savvy consumers by taking advantage of this deal. Natch. But they don't know better.
Sure with Nintendo you can wave your arms around and pretend to exercise (shut the fuck up all of you right now you nobs), stretch and think you're going to melt pounds or whatever. With the publishers not making what they should be (let's face it, user base:sales ratio, the really good stuff like Madworld and NMH didn't do as well as it should have) what happens when/if they jump ship? This is all speculation of course and we know Capcom only did Monster Hunter of Wii because of its huge user base so again; all speculation on my part, shut your traps.
And with Sony... well with Sony's system (according to parents), it "has the blue ray" and it's matches their in-home non-IKEA decor (I work in an "upper crust" mall game store) because we all know IKEA is for the immigrants and the middle class. But like most parents they don't read into it, wi-fi adapter included? Nope. Rechargeable controllers with USB? Nope. No two-disc bullshit because of the blu-ray? Nope. Hell; free online. Nope. They know NOTHING. It also doesn't matter when you spout graphics because (again) to parents; "it don't look that different to me" and let's face it it doesn't and sometimes it looks worse. But at $399, still too much than what the parents want to spend on a gaming console, however a $80 Affliction t-shirt from a douchebag store called Long Island, is perfectly fine (man, people with money are fucking dumb) but that's a separate issue.
Plus Sony not really advertising (or properly for that matter, see: Resistance 2, any PSP commercial ever made, Riiiiiiiiidge Raceeeeeer, Killzone 2, etc) isn't getting people's attention. Sadly the non-gamers don't read Destructoid (hell that would boost revenue with all the ads they'd be clicking to find out their IQ huh?) but they answer to the lowest common denominator. Microsoft does advertising to the masses very well: Gears of War's "Mad World", their GoW2 launch, Halo 3's tear-jerking "veteran" ads and their adrenaline pumping commercials really get you riled up. Gets people excited for that shit. See the people they have to sell isn't us, the gamers, it's the people NOT gaming they need to order to go to the store, pick something with Microsoft on it, take off your pants and fucking just enjoying the ride to fantasy-island while you pay $99 for a wifi adapter and sending in your RROD junk heap to some Canadian sub-contractor to get replaced.
Wii does advertising well, WiiFit, Wii Bicycle-PedalCatastrophy, shit; the whole notion of WE promises good gamily values and fun (and delivers). Advertising at the North America's biggest hotspots with the highest foot traffic, putting their best faces on and showing everyone who just glances as they walk by how much fun it can be to play a Wii. Simplistic ads coupled with Nintendo's staple and "loved by everyone" franchises, really when own a property that is more recognizable than that damnable mouse, you have (as everyone likes to say) a license to print CASH and this generation they've taken over the world by storm and we've all taken our share of the Wii kool-aid. Some more than others.
Sony now is trying to do everything at once, announcing shit way too early in the game (in turn letting the hype cool off and releasing it to a lukewarm audience, unlike what Microsoft and Nintendo do), online music video service, Home, etc? Who needs ANY of that shit? Sure it's free, but when shit's free, it's still shit. And they're bringing it out all at once, not perfecting it, not making it FUN, not bringing out what the lowest denominator actually wants. Microsoft is doing GREAT at that, Netflix (something people will actually use and pay for), party chat (amazing), NXE, games on demand, avatars they're bringing it out one by one, working on everything but focusing on a few select thing. And the best part? It's in the user's face ALL THE FUCKING TIME. all casual users will see and love. We, the more hardcore, grizzled, jaded gamers, might hate a few things on that list but Microsoft's not doing it for us, hell no. They're doing it for the dollar, they're a business after all and we can't fault them for that. You know if the avatars in Home didn't look like a gallery of "Darwin's missing links" then maybe people would enjoy it more, maybe. No.
Then it's the same story for DLC and other content, recently Microsoft said that "instant play" on its Netflix service is only available on the 360. That's what they said about the Fallout 3 DLC, GTA4 DLC, etc. But again, they don't need to convince us jaded gamers, just the guys and gals who walk into Best Buy or GameStop and make that split decision: PS3/360? And since we live in the NOW-NOW-NOW age the single thing that'll pop in their head is: "something or other is exclusive, 360 it is". It'll be available on PS3, but it's not. Not yet. It most probably will be. But no. But the casuals don't know that. Yeah MGS1 is on PSN but who the fuck cares? Not the 300lbs lardo with a porkpie hat buying the 360 for "teh haloz" and to watch Lost seasons without embarrassing himself at the local Blockbuster.
Sony needs to charge for shit. Plain and simple, I don't think I've read one positive sales or numbers story for anything Sony related since the PS3's launch. Both rivals do it like a Apple does hipster-elitist-chic: very well.
Microsoft charges $59 for a 13 month's worth of the privilege of playing online, they charge a few bucks more for the moon money you're buying, they don't include a battery pack, everything is proprietary (thus expensive), barebone machine and bam. Money. Nintendo does it well too, online is free, but they've released Mario for the millionth damn time on VC and it sold tons. Accessories? You name it; Wiimote, Nunchuk, Classic Controller, wifi stick for the grandmas, Wii Zapper, Wii (Vitality?) Sensor, ROB (whoops), Balance Board. Shit they've also curbed the rampant piracy with Wii Sports Resort, you'll NEED the WM+, or else you can't play. Sure for future games like Red Steel 2 they'll already have it, but Nintendo themselves recuperated some of that lost sale with the initial WM+. They couldn't care less about lost sales for other companies but THEY made the money so it's gravy. Nintendo's also making a mint on the hardware sales too (360 too I believe but to a lesser extent) that also counts, PS3s have recently started to turn a TINY profit on the system (correct me if I'm wrong folks) and that's THREE years into its lifeline.
You know what Sony's accessory wall is? Exactly 8 items: Sony Remote, DS3 controller, PS3 Memory Card Reader, PS3 Headset, Wireless Keypad, HDMI cable, DO cable and extra USB cable. It's six-fucking-feet long. Rivals? Two whole fucking walls. Nintendo and all that third party shit, and 360 with all the bundles it gets, shit the 360's controller section alone has more items than all of Sony's, all designed to make it look like the world is yours when you face that green goliath. Holy fuck... I think the Guitar Hero/Rock Band section has more shit than the PS3's.
See this is what's killing Sony, sure it's cheaper in the long run, it's universal (2.5 inch HDD, usb and bluetooth? SOLD) for the most part and it's a very reliable system. But only for the person doing research. And let me tell you, that word is relative, for most of my customers "research" is whatever their granola yuppy offspring yelled at them in the morning and they hastily wrote down on a napkin. Sony needs to sell THEM, not us. We've been sold to our respective systems already, no one needs to convince me to buy NMH or GoW2 or K2. I already know it. But THEY don't, THEY must be told. They were the veritable KING of the hill last gen, and I think that got to their heads.
A price drop alone isn't going to solve the PS3's problems immediately. The price drop (while I think the $399 price point is justified my brothers and sisters here might think otherwise for their own reasons) along with the system's advantages MUST be advertised and forced down the throat of every single motherfucker who wants to get a system this Xmas season. Without proper advertising nothing will get done, again WE'RE all convinced, some are just waiting for a price drop. But the masses aren't. THAT'S the new market, we're passe (damn what's the accent button?), we're old news. They don't need us they HAVE us.
They need THEM.
Thanks for reading! I just had to let off some steam because the internet truly is serious business. Serious.
Phew done my rant, I really want to see Sony at least succeed this generation, since I love it, it's the only system other than my PC attached to my HDTV, everything else (DC, 360, Wii, GC, etc) is plugged into the tube on the other side of my room. And yes, it sucks seeing Sony making dumbass decisions (PSPGo $279?). Call if brand loyalty I guess, but PC and PS3/2/1 have a special place in my heart.
Wow did you actually read all this? Well here's another two dogs fucking, and some bitch not letting those other bitches scissor!
This game has so much potential, a survival horror without the monsters and all the gore. How many other games have had this?
Well two come up (both by Agetec I believe) Disaster Report and one more I can't seem to remember, both average games but that's it! No other game to convey the horrors of actual human nature (not that either aforementioned games did it well, it was just drink-water-and-give-water).
The trailer to I Am Alive did that, three guys chasing the protagonist around city ruins, ready to kill a friend (they already seem to know him, seeing as they're all wearing business-type shirts and dress pants and whatnot and they knew his name) for a big bottle of water. And the desperate guy just throws it on the ground, sacrificing sustenance over life and watching as his three former friends turned animals rage for the bottle and their combined weight cracks their support and they fall to their deaths.
Or maybe a game like this isn't meant to actually be made, like Disaster Report it might just end up with simple mechanics and lackluster gameplay. Maybe what the gaming world actually wants is just another Silent Hill <s>or Resident Evil</s> style of survival horror where there's exciting things like monsters and seven layers of undertones.
But what a game like I Am Alive needs is more work put into it than the average game needs, we'll never know the full story behind Ubisoft's decision to give it to an in-house studio, it could be that the original devs didn't have an enough exciting mechanic or something to make the game FUN. We'll never know, until then, I'll wait for the bits of news that trickle through.
So Bethesda's finally offering up DLC on PS3, well they're preparing for an "update" which means fucking ass nothing.
You know what's awesome though? This "update" could just be "updating" us on the release date of the DLC on the PSN. It's like the Ontario (Canada) court system; You get arrested October 28th, you get a ticket telling you to go to court much much later on (read: a few months later) and you go just to "update" yourself on the actual court date, which could be a few months more of waiting. Now on that second date you've been "updated" on, if things don't go your way, you have to either do the whole process again or come back another day if they didn't get to you.
It's a whole fucking dog and pony show.
Now with the DLC, Bethesda's seen plenty of sales on the 360 for their DLC packs, but the PS3 owners were left in the dust. Now we get no date but a promise that we'll get the DLC at some point, some time, this summer.
Guess what assholes? The GOTY edition is coming out around October right? So all the content will be on there (up to Mothership Zeta it's been told?) right? If the first DLC comes out next week, let's say 16th and they plan on actually pulling out DLC every "four to six weeks" we wouldn't get Mothership Zeta until January 16th 2010! and that's only if they keep to the minimum time frame of having them four weeks apart.
So if the GOTY edition comes out in October, PS3 owners will be left in the dust with probably one DLC pack included in the GOTY game while 360 gets everything? What does it mean? Will content up to Mothership Zeta be on the disc, meaning that the PSN schedule is delayed or something? Is it so hard to hit "upload" after finishing the PS3 code? What's the story morning glory? Is the update next (this) week to tell us how you guys are douchers and chavs and you might just show some mercy at the PS3 serfs? Are you actually thinking you can get out of this clusterfuck without losing any customers?
I really want some fucking answers. Usually I don't rant and rave and nerd rage roid out like this, Hell even Valve's "yeah L4D2 is coming out" made me go "/shrug, it's an awesome game, here's my wallet". Next Bethesda related game? Buying used. And I played the DLC on my buddy's computer, I think he downloaded them.
Anything to make you guys lose that one sale that ultimately doesn't matter. So Godamned pissed.
Destructoid is an independently-run publication forged by our love of video games and the gaming community's need of accountable enthusiast press living the dream since March 16, 2006
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