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BrittanyG avatar 1:19 PM on 06.06.2012  (server time)
Agni's Philosophy, Cries of the Fanboy, and the Final Fantasy VII Remake

By now, many of you have seen Square-Enix's "Agni's Philosophy -- FINAL FANTASY REALTIME TECH DEMO" If not, view it here before you read any further.


Now examine this exchange:

After viewing this, I posted my own opinionated reflection on the video and speculated a little on Square-Enix's plans. Someone who can only be identified as the typical "Final Fantasy VII Fanboy," AKA Snowflake Pillow (wtf?), AKA The Douche, decided it would be necessary to make a completely sarcastic comment about Square-Enix's failure to produce a Final Fantasy VII remake after all the hoopla THAT tech demo caused. If by some chance you've been living under a rock for the last six years and you still haven't seen it, check it out here:


Like I state in my comment, the producer of Final Fantasy XIII, Yoshinori Kitase, stated:

"It took 3-4 years to make Final Fantasy XIII with this quality level, making Final Fantasy VII like Final Fantasy XIII would take 10 times the time and money therefore it is a difficult project to start immediately. However, we always keep the many requests in mind.

There you have it. I could've been a complete asshole and cited that shit in my comment, but being an asshole over YouTube isn't exactly my thing. I'm not here to piss creepy fanboys off, but I AM here to offer an analytically frustrating view on the relationship between Square and the fanboys they created.

Truth is, we would all welcome a Final Fantasy VII remake, but realistically, fanboys are so damn unappreciative, that I'm not sure it would go over as well as we all think it would. TRUST ME when I say that from 1997 to now, people have studied and MASTERED this game. You are crazy and delusional if you don't think fanboys will start riots if even a single Turtles' Paradise poster is out of place.

That brings me to my next point: the minigames. Either you loved them, hated them, or they didn't add or take away anything from your experience with the game. What about their fates?

Exhibit A:

That dreadful marching minigame you encounter during Rufus' parade. Now how is THAT gonna translate over for a remake. Surely something as irrelevant and tedious as this can afford to be cut out of the remake right?.....Wrong? Okay....

Exhibit B:

Post-death snowboarding? Yeahhhh that's a little iffy. This is one of the major minigames associated with Final Fantasy VII, but the pacing of the original was a little wacked. Honestly, if the remake is to be highly realistic, how can you justify happily snowboarding down a freaking mountain after Aerith just got fucking impaled with a six foot Masamune? (Seriously, this can't be a spoiler by now.)

Exhibit C:

Not a minigame, but still a very good point. Obviously Aerith's voice actor isn't gonna say "This guy are sick." But technicalities aside, mistranslations were part of the fun of playing the original game. Off course the mistranslations would be fixed in the remake, and that should make all of us a little sad.

Exhibit D:

If you're still bawling your eyes out over this, this section probably isn't for you. Just skip ahead my over sensitive darlings.

Aerith. Poor Aerith. Square has gotten considerably more bold with their portrayals of graphic violence over the years, but as far as I know, no Final Fantasy title has yet to be given the M rated seal. Besides that one little ending scene in Crisis Core and the majority of Type-0 I hear, I haven't observed anything from Square pertaining to Final Fantasy that would be considered gory by any definition of the word. Clearly, someone getting impaled through the gut is gonna yield some gory results. So if you still sob at the sight of Aerith's bloodless death, maybe a complete realistic remake wouldn't be for you. Don't get me wrong, of course there are ways to get around this, like using different camera angles for example. BUT I highly doubt Final Fantasy VII fanboy purists would accept that.

Honestly, I could write all day on this subject. But Iet me make this clear: I have no opinion on this whatsoever. Make a remake, don't make a remake, it doesn't really make a difference to me. And that's coming from a hardcore Final Fantasy fan. I just want the world to consider the possibility that being careful what you wish for can save a lot of heartache and disappointment in the end.

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