With the recent news of Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe, now seemed a good a time as any for me to start my new series, "Where Did It All Go Wrong?" I'll attempt to map the decline of franchises, be it commercially, critically, or among its core audience.
In this entry, I'll look at Mortal Kombat, which can only be compared to the GTA games in terms of hype and controversy in the mid-90s. In the same way that Grand Theft Auto is an infamous household name amongst butthurt politicians and paranoid moms, Mortal Kombat was pretty much synonymous with "child ruiner." Any kid who played it would forever entertain dark fantasies of turning into a giant dragon and biting their teacher's torsos off, or knocking the schoolyard bully into a skeleton-filled spike pit. However, as we've learned in the world of video games, controversy and hype go hand in hand.
Mortal Kombat
Mortal Kombat was most certainly a shock to the mainstream audience. Originally developed to compete with Street Fighter II, which was bringing in more quarters than a legion of homeless folks asking for help making a phone call, the developers decided to make a realistic-looking and brutal fighting game. It was a clear attention-grab, to be sure, but it worked. There was an uproar, and if they had a quarter for every mention the game got in the mainstream media, they'd have an arcade success. And they did.
Sub Zero's fatality in this game involved ripping out his enemy's spine, which caused such a controversy that they had to black it out in subsequent versions. Astoundingly, it set a precedent in that all later versions would have this fatality removed-- in spite of many much gorier fatalities staying the same (MK3's Kano rips your WHOLE SKETEON out, for example). This censorship didn't hurt the sales, though. Assloads of arcade machines were all over the country, eating the pocket money of twisted potential babysitter-slayers everywhere. The hype train was built.
Mortal Kombat II
Mortal Kombat II is undeniably the game's true legacy. A game like this could never survive in today's world; so packed full of secrets, it tooks months of exhaustive media coverage just to uncover some of the stuff in these games. These days, the internet would surely spoil every secret within days.
I remember wanting this game more than any in the world for about two years. I had never played it, but I wanted to. Had I tried it, I'm sure I would've cared much less, but the game looked so creepy and dark and bloody, I was completely smitten with it. I bought magazines that would show frame-by-frame versions of the fatalities. Every video game magazine had this as a cover article; I wonder, in retrospect, who paid who. Nowadays, game companies definitely pay to get on covers, but then... hell, if you didn't have "MKII CHEAT KODES" written somewhere on your cover, you would probably tank. I probably spent about $40 on Mortal Kombat II magazines; only a few dollars shy of the game itself. To be fair, my mom would've thrown it out if she had found it.
Regardless, MKII was unbelievably massive-- in hype, sales, and controversy, it was on top of the gaming world. It was a true sequel, too-- in addition to the ridiculous fatalities, they added assloads of new, interesting characters, babalities, friendship moves, and all sorts of other silly stuff.
Mortal Kombat 3/Ultimate MK3
MK3 was the installment that started to see the sales numbers drop. I remember the magazines going into a frenzy again as Midway started a slow leak of information on this game. They were making some curious changes, though, it seemed... the ninjas that made I and II so mysterious were all but gone. Scorpion was replaced by a robot with a ponytail. Even as a stupid pre-teen, I thought this was stupid. Sub Zero now looked like a retired member of a failed nu-metal band. Reptile mysteriously disappeared, but there was a clone stupid robot guy. The game went from creepy but bright and goofy to dark and ugly and kind of boring overnight. I'm pretty sure at this point, the series had already dropped both MK movies, and there would be no more to follow. Plus, other games were disgusting the right wing at this point. Mortal Kombat was old news, and it was only screwing itself by dropping the great shit from the first, like fatalities where arcade machines fell from the heavens, and adding really, really boring stuff like "brutalities" (really hard combos that just made every character explode the same way, yawn) and mercy (giving the opponent a bit of extra health, yawn).
The game had virtually nothing going for it. Without the layer of ridiculousness and hype and all-around fun about it, people started realizing it just wasn't that good of a game or series. They released an update, UMK3, promising another few characters and a bunch more secrets, but who cared? The game wasn't balanced enough to justify a competitive update, and everyone was sick of krappy konsole kill-o-ganzas.
Mortal Kombat: Sub Zero Mythologies
Another nail in the coffin were the attempts to expand the scope of the series. Seeing potential to make a quick buck, Midway started attaching the MK name to anything they could. MKM: Sub Zero was a weird, underwhelming platformer that just further helped equate the series with crap. Later on, they'd do this again with an action adventure game starring Sonya and Jax, and again with a game starring Liu Kang and Kung Lao.
Mortal Kombat 4
The jump to 3D was inevitable, but unfortunate for this franchise. The thing that put it in a category all its own was the art; realistic sprites based on actual human models. While not always pretty, they lent the game its signature look that pushed copies. The clearly over-exhausted creative banks of the character team started to really show, too, as the kombatant pool was diluted with more shitty knockoffs. Would there ever be another Johnny Cage, or Jax? Another Kano or Raiden? No, instead there would be shitty characters you don't care about-- sure, Sonya Blade is in the collective gaming subsonscious, but what about Tanya? Didn't think so. Yeah, there's Raiden, but who the fuck is Shinnok? Midway was desperate to turn around the MK fortune, make it the heavyweight it once was, but an inferior competitive system coupled with tired old tropes and a bevy of newer, more exciting 3D games helped turn Mortal Kombat into a name of the past.
Mortal Kombat 5, 6, 7, 8...
At this point, did anyone give a fuck any more? I most certainly didn't. And that's saying something, how bad I wanted to play MKII growing up. When I finally got a chance to play it, I was already acclimatised to the Stret Fighter system, and it didn't really do anything for me. But if I had the money (or richer, less moral parents), I most certainly would have had the SNES copy. I might have even had MK3. The last one I played was Armageddon, but I definitely didn't buy it or even rent it. The game is still a shadow of its former, gimmick-filled, glorious self.
WHERE DID IT GO WRONG?
You can probably just blame the Internet for Mortal Kombat's demise. With free disemination of information, "kodes" were no longer sacred. The game's gimmicks seemed shallow, and they were-- plenty of people on the internet would tell you that. The exciting, suspenseful, slow magazine leaks of information didn't exist any more.
Note to developers, marketers, and anyone else in the industry: don't cynically market your game to deliver gimmicks instead of gameplay. Eventually it'll catch up to you and nobody will give a fuck again and your company will be in serious danger (Midway, you're a beeotch).
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Hey, this article contains NO reference to GTA IV's actual game, but does mention the insanity endured while buying it. If you are not playing it for a while (Necros, Dexter, Conrad), nothing in here will spoil anything.
This is an entry about a cultural phenomenon that's new to me: the Midnight opening. There's never been a giant, AAA game that I've been interested in enough (and had the time or energy) to buy at midnight, but for some reason, I decided to pick up my copy of GTA IV in the wee hours of the morning. The experience was so unique, that I imagined liveblogging it, and now I am displaying the results of that imagining. WARNING: Since I wasn't being a twat and standing in line with a laptop in hand, this may not be 100% accurate.
Without further ado, THE EXPERIENCE.
-14 days: Reserve a copy of the game. My local game shop, GameBuzz, Doesn't make you "preorder" (ie. pay); you simply show up and say "please reserve me a copy." Another reason I like them.
-4 hours: Get home late from work. Girlfriend's home. Eat tuna pizza, which is actually way more delicious than it sounds. Tell her I'm considering going to the game store at midnight to pick up my game. She rolls her eyes and says I should do it before my carpool tomorrow, which makes sense for a lot of reasons. She tells me she's going to hang out with her friends tonight. Loser.
-3 hours: Girlfriend leaves. I think she's right. I'm not going to go tonight. I sit down and play some Culdcept Saga.
-2.5 hours: I am getting my ass kicked. Fuck this game, I want GTA IV. Imagine playing it.
-2.4 hours: Get confused by the boner I got thinking about Niko Bellic.
-2 hours: On Dtoid IRC, asking about the customs of midnight openings. I have a preorder, can I just roll up at 12:45am or something and skip the lines? No, Vexed Alex (IIRC) tells me. In fact, I should try and be there way early. Fuck that, I figure. No way I am hanging out in line any longer than I need to with a bunch of nerds and their tangy boystink.
-1.5 hours: Check the bus schedules. Nope, bad call. If I am there too long, I'll miss the last bus and never get home. Looks like my only option is to bike. By the way, at this point, the Montreal Canadiens have lost their second straight playoff game to the Philadelphia Flyers. That's what they call "information that becomes relevant later."
-1.4 hours: Look outside. Still raining. Looks cold as hell, too. Consider giving up on my quest. Decide it's too late, I'm committed.
Bike Route
-55 minutes: Okay, I should probably get going. Start looking for something to wear. Obviously need a sweater. And a rainjacket. And a bike helmet.
-52 minutes: Get made fun of for having a bike helmet in IRC.
-49 minutes: Found it! Nice. Time to look like a twat!
-44 minutes: Lock the door and set out on my epic quest. I traded my old girls' bike on Craigslist the other day for new roadbike hotness, so this should be easy as hell!
-40 minutes: This is NOT easy as hell. I am kinda out of shape. However, it's not as bad as it could be. Turns out that's because the entire way is downhill.
-35 minutes: Start getting really nervous about the fact that I'm biking without blinking lights. At 11:25pm. In a city known for rioting when their hocket team loses. On a night where a lot of people out have GTA IV on the mind. Where you run people over on bikes.
-33 minutes: Decide to stick to one-way, unpopulated streets, GOING THE WRONG WAY (this way I can never get hit from behind, and if scary cars are coming I can just pull over).
-31 minutes: I just hit a hill so steep that I had to pull on both brakes AND skid both feet THE WHOLE WAY DOWN. This will suck on the way back.
-28 minutes: It is really, really cold out here. My hands look like comic book hands-- ruddy, red, and shiny. I'm almost positive there's a thin layer of ice on them. Ugh. I just got over a pretty bad cold. Am I screwed?
-23 minutes: Five kilometers later, I'm in the game store's neighborhood. about 11:40pm, can't be too bad OH JESUS THE LINE IS AROUND THE BLOCK.
-21 minutes: Get in line. I'm behind two really Quebecois dudes. One turns to me and yells, "JEE TEE AY FAAAR!" I smile politely and avert my eyes.
-18 minutes: Nerds sure have changed. I remember the good old days, when nerds wore anime shirts and had thick glasses and middle-parted hair and were probably good at math and had a TI-83. Nowadays, they dress in giant, oversized hoodies and smoke weed and look generally threatening. I miss the days where they were just harmless, chubby, lovable dorks. The Xbox Live generation makes me understand why old people are scared of "gamers."
I miss these days
-15 minutes: The Quebecois dudes in front of me, I think, are talking about the old GTA games. You don't know awesome until you hear a French dude yell "AI BET YU HEV BIG COJONES" in a half-Quebec, half-Mexican accent. AWESOME.
-14 minutes: Has only a minute past since I last checked my watch? This is lame. It is raining and freezing and I am stuck outside in this line. What was I THINKING?
-12 minutes: I locked my bike around the corner. I can't see it from here. This is the bike theft capital of North America. I wish this line would move just so I could look at my bike. I also wish it wasn't raining so I could bust out my cell phone and read Destructoid. NNNNERD!!!
-9 minutes: There's an EA Montreal employee talking really loudly behind me. I consider turning around and yeling really sarcastically "HEY MAN, THANKS FOR ARMY OF TWO," then fist pound him. But I'm not a dick so I don't.
-8 minutes: Some clubber-looking dudes are parked beside the line and ask in French, "Whats this line for?" and someone replies "GTA IV." The dudes look freaked out, and ask "uhh... are they open?" Someone shouts "Yeah, at midnight." The dudes say, "Oh, I thought that it opened at 9am and you were all retards." Crowd laughs. Dudes drive away.
MIDNIGHT: People are visibly more excited. GTA IV!
+2 minutes: Spend a bunch of time staring at the back of the line from where I am. This thing got a lot longer since 11:40. It's not moving, though. Like, at all.
+3 minutes: Fuck you, Jack Thompson. Six cop cars got burned downtown the other day and a bunch of Bostonites got their noses broken. Why? Hockey. However, a bunch of GTA IV fans get together and it is starting to look like not everyone will get a copy. What's the worst anyone's doing? Scuffing the pavement with their shoe. Why don't you try to ban sports, you shithead? They let kids watch football and hockey from young ages and people beat the SHIT out of each other for REAL there.
+7 minutes: I think I've moved 4 feet. People are sending their friends to check out the line. Apparently they're letting 2 people in the store at a time. And it is moving like molasses, and there are a lot more people in this line than there probably are copies. Shitty.
+11 minutes: A dude is working his way down the line with a clipboard. Reserved copies?
+15 minutes: Yep, he's checking who has reserved copies. And puling them out of line and allowing them in first. THAT'S why the line's so slow-- only reserveds are getting in first.
+19 minutes: My name's been crossed off the list and I am going in. A bunch of angry, wet nerds burn me to death with eyebeams. It's like the walk of shame, except I am lucky, not shameful. The walk of people-envying-me.
+22 minutes: A few more than 2 people in here. I wait for my turn. Dudes in front of me rue paying $120 for Legendary Halo 3, as it's now $59.99. When they get to the front of the line, there's an older guy working the cash. Maybe 50-55. Dudes say, "Man, 70 bucks after tax. I remember when games were $30." When was that, I think to myself? The end of the PS2 era? Thinking WAY back there, bros. Clerk doesn't seem really impressed.
+24 minutes: I get to the front of the line. "Were those guys talking about remembering when games were $30?" I ask. "Yeah," says the clerk. "Damn," I say. "I remember when they were $90." He actually gets a good chuckle at this. He and I are kindred spirits, from the days before games came on discs and were made for people who liked snowboards.
+26 minutes: Game's in hand. Walk out, same angry eyes hatefuck me, but my bike's still there! Huzzah! I was almost convinced that the game would cost me $67 and a bike.
They look at me like this
+29 minutes: It's all uphill from here. All I gotta do is get home without being mugged and I win! I'm worried because Montreal are now down 2-1 in the series so there are probably some really angry drunk dudes coming out of bars. Consider if it'd be worth beating someone off with GTA IV box. Probably not. Don't wanna break it.
+33 minutes: OH GOD IT'S THAT FUCKING HILL. I made it SO FAR UP. But not all the way. I have to hop-off and bobsled-run it the whole way up. Why did I bike? Why, oh why?
+38 minutes: I'm finally out of downtown and into the Plateau, a neighborhood known for yuppies and artists. I won't get beat up here. My hands might fall off, though. I am soaking. I've definitely got a cold. MAybe I should call in tomorrow.
+39 minutes: Can't call in tomorrow. Said I'd be getting GTA IV. They'll think I'm not actually sick. I'll just go in and act really sick or something.
+45 minutes: HOME! Lock the bike, unlock the house, sit down, take off soaking pants and sweater (somehow soaking despite rainjacket).
+48 minutes: Crack it open, stick it in the tray. Brag on IRC. Promise not to talk about the game; only about the insane experience purchasing it. Play it for about five minutes, and realize that I work tomorrow morning. Go to bed.
CONCLUSION
No real surprises, except for the warping face of gamers from quiet geeks to dickish stoners. I don't think I'll ever do another midnight opening; I am a nerd, and I love nerds on the Internet, but there's something about them (especially loud dudes like Army Of Two... you'd know what I mean if you met him) that just doesn't mesh with me in person. I'll just hit my local game shop the next day around 6pm or something.
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This is the third and final release of sonnets based on people on the non-British Destructoid podcasts (I will check out Podcastle one of these days, I swear it! I'm just terrible at remembering to download the archive). I hope you can enjoy these lyrical renditions of my undying love as much as you did the previous too times.
YOU MAKE EVERY DAY LINDE-LIGHTFUL
Oh, Aaron, ye who is so full of jizz,
I thank you for your contributions here.
Your witticisms spew forth like coke fizz,
My heart, it skips two beats when podtoid's near.
I can't believe you made it through art school.
Your tolerance for wankery's so low.
As if you didn't powerbomb some fool
Who talked postmodern bullshit while on blow.
We miss him on the site but it's okay
Because he's now a writer for Shacknews.
I try to read his stuff when I'm away
From dtoid, which is rarely, je m'excuse.
While vitriol is Aaron's strongest suit,
His love for Portal's nothing if not cute.
What's weird is how I'm talking about how bullshit wankery liberal arts students are IN THE FORM OF A ROMANTIC-ERA POEM. That's like saying "fking kidz thz dayz dunno how2 rite roflol". But I digress. Onto the next fourteen lines:
DOT THE TIFFS BUT NEVER CROSS THEM
I found an image file the other day,
Dot-tiff, the file extension that it bore.
I smiled a bit, as I thought of the way
It always seems she really knows the score.
I'm jealous, I am saddened to admit,
Of how she gets to write on gaming's joys.
I'm also quite impressed by all the shit
She seems to put up with the podtoid boys.
And then she wrote that article on chicks
And how they're represented in this scene.
Despite most of the comments made by dicks
She highlighted a trend that's turned obscene.
Soft-spoken, but a font of poignant words,
She's like the El'nor Roosevelt of nerds.
You'll note that the syllable "tiff" is not at the end of any of those lines. I started with it at the end of the second line, but I quickly realized that I could only think of two rhyming words: if, which is difficult to put at the end of any sentence, and stiff, which... well, I didn't want to put stiff. I can't think of a good way to use that word in a poem about a girl.
AN ODE TO MY MOST FAVOURITE EDITOR NAMED AFTER A COUNTRY IN AFRICA (Fuck You, Previews Editor Bob Zimbabwe!)
A dolphin came to me the other day
And asked me "have you met my best friend Chad?"
I cocked my head and shrugged, as if to say,
"I haven't, and that fact, it makes me sad."
The best week ever's every other week,
How can't it be when Chad's so full of joy?
With bright reviews of VC games he'll sneak
Into your heart, this very special boy!
His love of animals stops not at sea;
As evidenced by how he loves his pooch.
And how the puppy bowl fills him with glee,
And how he cries when watching films with Hooch.
You'll fall in love with him with but a glance.
YO, HOW IS THAT FOR MAFUCKIN' ROMANCE?!
And with that, I need to take a break for a little bit because these things are harder to write than you'd think. That and I am emotionally drained. From all of the LOVE I put into them, see. So much love. Like at least twelve buckets.
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The words left on my last ep1c p0st were most inspiring. You like me, you really like me! And, I like wasting my time writing awesome poems. For now, I'll stick to Podtoid/RFGo folks. But in the future, maybe I'll even branch out!
SONNET FOR ONE JIMOTHY STERLING
The only Briton on a non-Brit 'cast
Is known for saying 'cunt' a bunch online.
If grannies heard him talk they'd be aghast
But I think that his points are all divine.
I heard there are some pretty girls abroad
But Wiebe is the apple of his eye.
If ever he should meet that yankee broad
She'll surely get so fucked that she might die.
But dynasties are where he likes to fight.
A warrior from ancient, distant lands
Dispatching filthy peasant-fighter blight
with Xbox sticks enveloped in his hands.
I'd like to take the guy out to a pub
As long as after there's no close hot tub.
Did you know that Shakespeare only wrote 160 or so sonnets during his life? I'm only like 156 away. About to be 155.
COLETTE, WHOSE NAME IS ALREADY IAMBIC (especially if you say "ben-NET")
Colette's a ray of sunshine in my week
Without her, Retroforce would barely Go!.
A connoisseur of toy-based vinyl chic
She also got me reading at Tomo'.
But that's not what she champions on mic;
Nintendo games make her into their slave.
Our childhoods, shockingly, were quite alike;
We treasured the few games that we were gave.
And now, we are quite similar as well;
Fixated with Atlus as we are.
When Colette recommended Trusty Bell
I bought it, and I'm liking it so far.
She's my most favourite gamer to the south
Who's got a NES controller in her mouth.
By the way, that south comment is saying a lot, as I live in Canada, so pretty much EVERYONE's south of me. Strong praise! Although I apologize for making "NES" one syllable. I do seem to remember youze guys hating that. WHATEVER, if I have only 140 syllables to talk about how awesome an RF Go! cast member is, no way I'm wasting more than one explaining what kind of controller they chew on!
ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, TOPHER CANTLER BETTER
Polarity is what I think of when
The thought of Topher dances through my mind.
I love this Ikaruga champion
And how he braves the XBLA grind.
If not for him, would I have bought those games
Whose quality is much below the norm?
His guidance seperates the cool from lame
My MS Points he shelters from the storm.
Although he's taciturn, he's full of love
For gaming, and it's obvious from how
He talks of games where death falls from above.
Indeed, shmups are the reason he's so tao.
I would brave the thunder, rain and hail
If Topher went and started a YARD SALE.
I think three of these bad boys is enough for today. I think I'll drop three more tomorrow (thus completing my set of all the 'cast hosts).
And my rejecto-shirt idea:
Attached photos:
 
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Somebody on RetroForce GO! challenged the listeners to construct a sonnet about N'Gai Croal. It was most likely a joke, but as a young man with too much time on his hands and too few chances to write utterly silly things in iambic pentameter, I ROSE TO THE CHALLENGE. Below is my opus, The Sonnet of N'Gai Croal.
THE SONNET OF N'GAI CROAL
I wish I read the words of journalists,
Who made sense like the Croal of Newsweek fame.
Beyond the scope of mere enthusiasts.
His words are sage on topics of the game.
From dreadlock'd top to bespectacl'd face
He proves to us that pros can look cool too.
His honesty exudes like heaven's grace,
I hope he also praises "World of Goo."
Totilo is his rival but his friend,
The two go toe to toe on topics neat.
With neither giving in until the end,
They shatter fanboy sheep with but a "bleat."
The literature that his keyboard makes
Enlightens us and quashes lies of cakes.
However, when you start thinking in iambic pentameter, it's hard ot get out of that mindset. I'm secretly really, really gay for iambic pentameter, and once I start writing in it, it's hard to stop. So, since I was still listening to RFGo!, I figured, why not write more silly sonnets?
Oh, and don't forget-- one of the cool things about Shakespearean sonnets is how the syllables work sometimes. The reason I put unnecessary apostrophes in some words is to ensure you read it properly; "humbler" might be read as three syllables, but "humbl'r" is two. Food for thought. Or something.
THE SONNET OF DYSON
The host of R.F.-Go is quite the man.
A voice of wisdom among zealous rubes.
His silky chords have made me quite a fan,
And taught me that some pizza comes in tubes.
The Saint of Goodwill harks to humbl'r days
When two dimensions were all that we had.
His 'stalgic yarns show retro games he plays
Are awesome; nay, they're positiv'ly RAD.
Sometimes he shows up hungover as hell,
But quality never diminishes.
Professional when migrain'd out as well,
I hang on every retro word he says.
Without him in my life, there'd be a hole.
I'd like to buy the man a pizza roll.
Continuing on, I decided to do a little something about the good Reverend. Thankfully, it's easy to write sonnets with religious overtones.
THE SONNET OF REVEREND ANTHONY
His words profane, he's anything but pure,
Unlike his clever moniker implies.
But even without frankincense and myrrh
His love of games brings tears to faithful eyes.
His rants evoke some hellish inner fire,
Apocalyptic sermons full of zeal.
Perhaps he is just preaching to the choir
But I think they all expose problems real.
But indie games will light up Tony's heart
Those titles will bring Triple-As to shame.
His everlasting love of gaming's art
Inspires us to make our own damn'd game.
I wait on bated breath for when he speaks;
The man's like David Koresh to us geeks.
See, the problem is, now I've written one about Rev and one about Dyson. I feel like I have to write one for everyone on the 'casts; Topher, Chad, Colette, Jim "J-Stay" Sterling, Tiff, Linde... but why stop there? I'd have to do the other staff I like like Samit, Ron, CTZ, Qais, Niero... but, then, why stop at staff? I've got an entire friends-list worth of people that are worth fourteen lines of undying lyrical love.
Maybe I'll have to make this a segment... Or just write one every week for Podtoid as they were mentioning on RFGo!. WHAT SAY YOU?
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I finally did that exchange with the dude since I just came home to Ottawa for the weekend and met up with dude. Good times. He even through some stuff in for good measure.
Pics since it did happen:
My new SNES console. By the way, did I mention this all cost $30?
Here's one of the other games I got, Mega Man 7. I think the only Mega Man games I've ever beaten are like... III on the Game Boy... and X4 on the PS1. So I will finally play some of the best ones now.
Some NES games I got. Alas, I haven't got a NES. Still... Bases Loaded, Zelda II, SMB2... not a bad haul.
He also threw in some N64 games. I don't have an N64. He just wanted to get rid of all of his old gaming stuff, I think.
And the good shit... Mega Man 7, Mega Man X, Link to the Past, Stunt Race FX (OMG THIS GAME IS SO UNEMULATABLE, MY DAY IS MADE), Adventures of Dr. Franken (whatever), NHLPA Hockey '93, is that all of them? I can't tell from the thumbnail. And I forget.
ANYWAY, so now I have two SNESes. What I am wondering is if anyone out there has an extra NES and would like to trade! I now have NES games, and have never had an NES. I think I would like one very much! I can even send an extra controller since I have like 6 now. I only need one paddle from you! This probably won't pan out, but we'll see anyway.
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Now, I don't follow wrestling. I'm sure some of you do, so I'm sorry I'm calling this pleasure guilty. But, for me, I only watched the WWE for about six months of my life-- when we got a second TV in the house. I was about fourteen years old, and finally I could watch any TV I wanted. My dad wasn't there to tell me to change the channel! So, naturally, I started watching the one thing I wasn't ever allowed to watch: wrestling. After a few months, I decided that the only reason I was watching it was because I wasn't allowed-- I barely even paid attention to it when it was on, instead focusing on my Game Boy.
However, during that six month span, I rented WWF Warzone-- and there began one of my biggest shames.
Back in those early PlayStation days, there weren't many games that offered a good level of player customization. Whenever there was a game that allowed me to create my character, I'd love it even more (which is still true today). These games brought that t a whole new level, however-- you could pick everything from your hat color to your boot size to the amount of hair on your stomach. It was awesome. Gross and awesome. A sequel was released, too, called Attitude, and it brought the level of awesome up even further. Since I wasn't watching wrestling anymore, I just made my own dudes and made thme battle each other. After a while, however, I was getting sick of Attitude's Mortal Kombat-esque combo system. However, the WWE weren't don't with me yet.
The Smackdown series was the next one to come out, and they drastically changed everything, and made it more like a "real" wrestling match. Gone were the arcane up-down-up-circle special attack commands, replaced by a grapple button and a strike button. They made the game's cameras more ridiculous, as well, with sweeping angles when you were landing your big move. This game was truly becoming a spectacle-- and I was still enthralled, despite all my best intentions. I remember asking myself, even as a kid, "why do I keep making create-a-dudes hit each other in these games?" In fact, at one point, I remember putting down Final Fantasy Tactics for almost a month because the second Smackdown title was released (I think it had some name like "Shut Your Mouth.")
Those four PS1 games were pretty much as far as my filthy addiction went. Once I got a PS2, I started focussing on other games, too filled with shame and fear of being caught to actually play another meathead combat simulator. I did rent Smackdown vs. Raw 2007 last year and played it for a bit, but realized that I should probably stop when I caught myself lying about what I was playing to my friends, or hurriedly replacing the game with something less stupid when my girlfriend got home.
Maybe, one day, I'll go back to the ol' wrassler genre, but like pirated games, hair gel or crack cocaine, I just can't look at myself in the mirror when I'm within its clutches.
Attached photos:
 
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So my ladypal, who plays my 360 a whole bunch because I rubbed off on her (she's further in Lost Odyssey than me now, I think, and is a Katamari fiend) got a Wii as a gift. The first two games she bought were based on reviews she read and stuff her friends told her:
No More Heroes and Zack & Wiki.
Also, since she hates games with fail states (aka games where you can die, it scares her), she said "Can you just play No More Heroes and I will watch?"
I can't make this shit up. She is totally awesome.
anyway, some people wanted "pics or it didn't happen" on the stuff I bought... sadly, all I ahve are the pics the dude took himself, which don't include most of the games. Anyway, here are the two photos he has to represent this awesome haul:
Should I also buy "Sky Shark?" I have never heard of it, but I may get a NES some day and good games are good. I already have SMW and SMK, but I could buy those two I guess (5 apiece). I think that 64 cart is Majora's Mask, but it's $10 and I don't intend on getting a 64 at any time in the near future.
This is one of the Mega Mans, with the SNES, that I am getting for $20. Also included is Mega Man X, Stunt Race FX, and that other crap I mentioned last time.
Here are the SNES games I already own:
That's Chrono Trigger ($20 at Babbages in 1998), SM World (came with the used SNES my parents got me in 1996), F-Zero (I borrowed this from a dude named Larsen and never returned it-- oops), Final Fantasy III (this dude I know stole it, and lent it to me, and then pulled some insane high school drama where he pretended to kill himself to get back at me sfor something petty-- never spoke to him again, he isn't into gaming anymore, and I have FFIII), Secret of Mana (sorry again, Larsen) SM Kart (parents), and All-Stars (again, parents).
What's weird is realizing how many games I had over the years that just kinda disappeared. I used to have Clayfighter, NHL 94, NHL 96, what happened to these games? Aero the Acrobat, too. There were a few more I forget. I don't think I would've ever traded them in, because the prices you get from those places never seem worth it, but... yeah, I dunno, they disappeared. Maybe I lent some to Larsen and/or drama-dude and never got them back.
Anyway, Wii + cheap-ass SNES games can only mean one thing:
THIS IS A RAMEN PARTY WEEKEND!
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So a guy I know in my old home town is becoming a bum and selling off all of his stuff. He has some old video game stuff, and he is going to sell it to me. Check this:
Zelda II for (NES)
Link To The Past for (SNES)
Mega Man 7 (SNES)
Mega Man X (SNES)
Stuntrace FX (SNES)
Mario Paint (SNES but no mouse)
NHLPA 93 (SNES)
Mario Bros 2 (NES)
Freedomforce (NES)
An SNES with a first-party controller (don't really need it but it's part of the bundle, maybe it'd be good to have a backup lying around)
I am getting all of this next weekend. For THIRTY DOLLARS. CANADIAN. That's like 29 of your American dollars.
Are any of these games particularly pricy on their own? I don't intend to sell any (I like having SNES games) but I wanna know how totally wicked this deal is.
Plus tomorrow is official-unofficial yard sale day in Montreal. I am planning to get up early and walk a LOT.
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